"Hmm, " Tsunade-sama murmured, tapping her ballpoint pen against the clipboard she was studying. She frowned as if in deep thought, then declared suddenly, "I'm discharging you!"

"I'm sorry?" Kakashi gaped underneath his mask. What a random way to announce an important decision like that!

"Well, I want you to come in regularly for the next week, of course. If all goes well, I'll put you back on the mission roster after that," the Hokage told him. Suddenly, though, her face darkened like a pleasant summer day that was interrupted by a thunderstorm, and Kakashi was the unsuspecting picnicker, who ended up being struck by lightning.

"And another thing: you'll be at the chuunin exam finals. You will be there. Understood?" She leaned closer, eyes narrowed. Instinctively, Kakashi pressed back into the mattress, maybe he could just sink into it and vanish.

"I will," he answered. If his voice trembled a little, surely he could blame it on just being a little overwhelmed and still weak from his massive chakra loss– it certainly had nothing to do with fear.

"Good," Tsunade glared at him. "And if something should happen to you again, don't think I'm above dragging your unconscious body into the stadium and tying you to your seat."

He really didn't think she was.

The last thing they did for him at the hospital was remove the bandage over his left eye. It hadn't covered an injury; there were no stitches to remove or anything like that, so it had only been a technicality.

Still, the Hokage did it herself.

Finally, Kakashi went home, carrying his battered copies of Icha Icha under his arm.

He only returned to his apartment to drop off the books and get a hitae-ate to cover the scarred eye, though. There was someone he had to visit, now that he was out of the hospital.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I was too desperate, too reckless. I know you wouldn't have approved of this, but… I didn't know what to do."

Naturally, there was no answer.

Kakashi averted his eye. Here, the sounds of the village seemed distant and strange. He felt alone, removed from everything, except his past.

A breeze rustled through the trees.

Kakashi tilted his head up and stared into the picture-perfect blue sky. Above him, clouds, which looked like fluffy children's crayon drawings, hung seemingly motionless.

He sighed. There were things he had to face head-on, things he couldn't repress anymore.

In one fluid motion, Kakashi went down on his knee and pressed his right hand to that column of names – the ones that were precious to him. With his left hand, he pulled up his headband.

"Look," Kakashi whispered.

He hadn't expected it to be hard exactly, but he hadn't thought it would be this easy. Whatever had happened between him and Gai had shattered the lock on that particular door, or so it seemed, because all he had to do now was give it a little mental prod.

The sensation was like hot liquid oozing through his optic nerve. Just short of being painful, it was unpleasant, but not unbearable. He could feel it drain his chakra, though not in an unstoppable rush like before. He could control it. Vaguely.

The hand that had been tracing the writing on the stone tenderly before, now had to be used to support himself.

"Look," Kakashi repeated. His fingers found purchase in the shallow carvings on the cenotaph's smooth surface. He shook his head and blinked, staunching the chakra-flow, before tugging the headband back into its usual place.

"Thank you, Obito." Rin, Sensei.

I wouldn't be here without you.

He didn't stay long after that. But he also knew that he couldn't just return home. Not before he had spoken to someone else first. Kakashi hesitated at the thought. He felt like procrastinating. He could always go home, he thought, spend the afternoon with one of his Icha Icha novels and avoid thinking about... anything really.

But especially him.

The whole thing was weird and exasperating, much like the person in question. He did owe Gai an apology, however. So he had no choice.

Kakashi was done talking to the dead for that day; now he had to face the living.

It seemed disproportionally harder.

Gai's apartment complex was in the centre of the village; before entering, Kakashi spent a good minute just staring up at his friend's windows on the top floor, first trying to determine whether he was home or not, then trying to determine whether the smoke coming out of the open kitchen window meant that there was a fire or that Gai was cooking.

If he was lucky, it was only a fire.

Kakashi managed the last set of stairs with only minimum panting, which filled him with no small amount of pride. Considering how much time he'd spent lying in bed recently, and the fact that he had just severely violated his doctor's orders, he had reason to be.

It was so very like Gai to live on the top floor of a building that didn't have an elevator. Normally Kakashi wouldn't have bothered with the stairs at all, but would simply have climbed the building from the outside, using chakra.

In his current state that hadn't been an option, though.

Kakashi leaned against the doorframe. The distinct spicy smell of curry was wafting through the whole building, and, as he had known even back on the street, the source was behind Gai's door. Comparatively – when it came to Gai's cooking – today's was one of the tamest odors Kakashi had ever smelled coming from his friend's kitchen.

It wasn't that Gai couldn't cook, it was that he couldn't follow a recipe. He always came up with ideas to improve them, and his ideas were always completely insane.

After all, this was the man who had added mouthwash to his miso soup, claiming that this made it a Wholesome and Healthy Meal, which not only tasted great, but also guaranteed fresh breath for the rest of the day.

Some people said that Gai's cooking was the only thing that was deadlier than his taijutsu; they certainly had a point.

Kakashi wiped a drop of sweat from his temple. The heat was sweltering up here. Being on the top floor, Gai's apartment was hot in the summer and cold in winter, not that Gai minded. Kakashi was in full uniform, however, and it wasn't exactly pleasant. His mask seemed glued to his face. And were sweat-dampened fabric didn't stick to his skin, beads of sweat formed.

Gai probably thought air-conditioning was unmanly, or he used this hellish heat to advertise the "lightness" of his horrible spandex suit.

And Kakashi had been standing in front of Gai's door for at least five minutes now. He'd either have to knock within the next seconds or leave before anyone saw him lurking around like some stalker.

Why did this seem so hard all of a sudden?

Annoyed with himself, Kakashi briskly lifted his hand and knocked in three short raps. Then he shoved his hands into his pockets and slouched, trying to look as casual as possible.

The effort was completely wasted, however, for, as the door was almost torn from its hinges and Gai appeared, shouting, "Ah, you're early, my cute — Huh?", he was confronted not only with the usual sight of Gai – which was already a small shock for unprepared people – but with half-naked Gai – which was on a completely different level, even for someone with as much Gai-related experience as Kakashi.

"Uh," was what came out of Kakashi's mouth instead of the "yo" he'd wanted to say. He was dumbstruck; also, there was suddenly a suspicious tickling sensation in his nose. Well, he was wearing his mask, so any strange and inexplicable nosebleeds would be covered.

And why would he be having nosebleeds anyway?

Well, Gai's naked torso was striking. There was no doubt about that. Not to mention that it glistened with sweat.

Muscles.

Covered in sparkly sweat.

I really need to look away.

Now.

It wasn't easy though. Gai was wearing his usual green spandex suit, but – probably because of the heat – he wore it unzipped down to his navel and had tied the sleeves around his waist as well to keep the upper half from flopping about uselessly. He wasn't wearing anything else. No vest, no belt, no sandals.

Gai's naked upper body was a sight to behold. No one could deny that. He reminded Kakashi of the anatomy lessons at the academy; every muscle was developed to perfection. If Gai taught there, he wouldn't have to bother with the plastic model or drawings in books. He could just take off his shirt and show them all on his body. And despite the ridiculous amounts of food he put away, there wasn't one gram of fat on him.

A small scar over his collarbone caught Kakashi's eye. He remembered putting it there. It had been during a sparring session with weapons more than a decade ago when his kunai had glanced off of Gai's nunchaku awkwardly and caught the other boy there.

The wound hadn't been deep and Gai'd been too proud to stop sparring and go to the hospital with "a little scratch like that", but in the end it had become infected and had landed him in the hospital for a few days.

Apparently, that incident had taught them nothing.

Kakashi tore his gaze away; it wasn't like this was the first time he had seen Gai's body. There really was no reason for this to affect him like it did.

In the meantime, Gai seemed to have recovered from his shock. "Kakashi, I wasn't expecting you. Please, come in," he said, and when Kakashi didn't react, grabbed his arm and pulled him over the threshold.

Kakashi felt a little dazed. Inside, he removed his sandals as if on autopilot and let Gai usher him into the kitchen, where it was even hotter and the smell of curry was downright overwhelming.

"Sit down, rival!" Gai practically forced him into a chair, turned back to the bubbling pot on the stove and began to stir enthusiastically. He looked over his shoulder at Kakashi, studying him thoughtfully for a second. "There's green tea in the fridge, should I pour you a cup?" When Kakashi declined politely, he frowned and asked, "Aren't you hot? Feel free to take your vest off at least!"

Kakashi obeyed −mostly because it really was suffocating, but also because he wasn't keen on fighting with Gai about something so trivial −and hung it over the back of his chair. He took in the massive pot on the stove and ventured, "Isn't that a bit much even for you Gai?"

Gai positively beamed. "It's not just for me! My cute students are coming to dinner. We're celebrating their effortless victories at the preliminaries!" His face fell. "Sadly, due to my mission, we didn't have time to do this right after the fights."

He brightened again. "Would you like to try a bowl?" He gave a thumbs-up and said, in a manner disturbingly reminiscent of advertisements, "It's super spicy and super healthy! It's the perfect food for the Springtime of Life!" His teeth gleamed audibly.

Kakashi sniffed. Normally, he wouldn't dream of eating anything Gai had cooked, but something was off here. "It doesn't smell like your usual curry…" That particular smell could melt nose hair.

"That's because it isn't." Gai shook his head in regret and proceeded to stir a little less enthusiastically. "My beloved students have challenged me to cook a curry according to this recipe." He thrust a piece of paper towards Kakashi, who glanced at it and smiled. So Gai's brats had found a way around their teacher's abysmal cooking. Maybe there was still hope for them.

"I'll take you up on that offer," he said to his own surprise. He didn't even like curry, but somehow, he was in the mood for it now.

Glowing with pride, Gai made up a bowl for him, placed it before Kakashi and turned back around immediately afterwards. Because he didn't want to see Kakashi's face. Didn't want to break that unspoken rule between them.

Kakashi pulled down his mask, feeling his stomach twist at the sight of Gai's back. Of course, Gai'd seen his face before, but only in battle and only ever accidentally. And he would avert his eyes within a second, wordlessly and without being asked.

Kakashi ate. The first spoonful burned his tongue.

"And, how is it?" Gai asked eagerly without turning.

"I don't like it," Kakashi said.

"Gyaah! So cold! How heartless!" Gai cried, slumping forward, struck by grief. He didn't turn around.

"Gai." Kakashi set his spoon down shakily. It clattered against the bowl. He couldn't put a name to what he was feeling.

"I know!" Gai shot up, coming back to life. He shook his fist threateningly towards the wall, he was still facing. "I challenge you! To a cooking contest! HAH, and then we'll see—"

"Gai." There was a tremor in Kakashi's voice, something close to despair. He tried to swallow it, but it stuck in his throat. "Turn around."

Gai stiffened. He dropped his fist. A muscle in his back twitched. There was a scar there, cutting diagonally across his broad shoulders. Kakashi knew that he had not been there when Gai had got that injury. Because he wouldn't have let that happen. They watched each other's backs.

He turned slowly, hesitantly. He hung his head; his gaze was fixed on the floor. "Kakashi, what's wrong?" he asked.

"Look at me," Kakashi commanded, ignoring his question.

Gai looked up; his eyes widened only a tiny fraction. Then his gaze flickered to the left, then down, then right. He specialized in avoiding Kakashi's eyes after all…

Kakashi sighed. He got up. The scrape of his chair against the floor sounded unnaturally loud. Gai glanced at him, then glanced away again. He didn't seem to know what to make of the situation.

"There's something I wanted to say to you," Kakashi began, but had to interrupt himself, when he picked up a certain odor. "Your curry's burning."

"Ah!" Gai whipped around and turned off the heat. Then he turned back to Kakashi, who smiled a little. Gai didn't seem to know what to make of that either.

"What I wanted to say was, I'm sorry and thank you." He hated how casual that sounded. Like he didn't really mean it. What kind of man was he that he couldn't say those words and sound like he meant them?

"There's no need to—"

"Yes, there is," Kakashi insisted. He knew what Gai was trying to say. No need to apologize, no need to thank, because everything they did for each other was a given. But what Gai had done for him was more than that. And what he'd almost done to Gai…

"I owe you an explanation."

Gai leaned back against the stove. He folded his arms over his chest defiantly. He didn't like this, Kakashi realized. Gai believed in the things he'd told himself ever since he was a little kid. He'd made up all these rules for himself and for their rivalry, and he hated breaking them. And now he sensed that Kakashi was about to break them.

He wasn't wrong.

"I risked your life. I almost killed you—"

"That's not—"

"No. Gai. I could have done it." Finally, there it was. The statement filled the room, like a bubble expanding endlessly; Kakashi felt it press down on him, holding him in place against his will.

Gai's mouth closed with an audible click of teeth; this time his eyes really widened. Kakashi only held his gaze because he owed Gai that much, but he wanted to look away. He wanted it more than anything.

Kakashi had certainly been ready to do it. The way he had fought that day… Almost effortlessly, he had turned into the emotionless weapon a shinobi was supposed to be. He had been on a self-imposed mission and he'd been willing to sacrifice everything for that.

Even his best friend, especially his best friend.

How ironic that all of it had been in order to make Obito's eye evolve, when Obito would have hated him for doing something like that.

"Why?" Gai asked, he seemed to be incapable of forcing out more than that one word. The last time Kakashi had seen him look this sad had been after Lee's fight against Gaara.

Kakashi swallowed thickly. Without his mask he felt naked and vulnerable.

"I lasted about three seconds against Itachi. If you hadn't come when you did, I'd probably be dead now… and I knew I needed it if I ever wanted to stand a chance, so I trained and trained, but nothing happened, so I… I don't know." It was a cowardly way to finish the sentence, so he tried again.

"It's my fault, I failed him. When I talked to Sasuke, if I'd been more honest, if I hadn't tried to mask my feelings, if I'd told him the whole story —" Kakashi broke off, embarrassed. It was stupid to talk like that, to whine. There was no point now, and, as a jounin, as Sasuke's teacher, he had to be ready for what was about to come, instead of regretting past mistakes.

"They'll come for Naruto again. They're not going to get him… as for Sasuke… if it comes to that. It has to be me. He was my student. And I owe it to Naruto and Sakura. I have to be the one. I have to be ready." And he was, maybe that was the truly terrifying part, that Kakashi knew he would be able to do what was necessary.

"Kakashi…" Gai's voice was shaky; he reached Kakashi in two long strides.

Had he wanted to, he could have evaded like he always did, but this time Kakashi didn't. When Gai's arms closed around him, he stood a little stiffly – arms hanging at his sides– and endured.

Gai's body radiated a heat that was nothing like the summer afternoon heat which had tormented Kakashi all day. It was pulsating and alive. Where Gai's body pressed against him (and it was almost everywhere), Kakashi felt his body respond to Gai's body heat, the hardness of his muscles, the smoothness of his skin. He was helpless against the onslaught.

Gai's arms were wrapped around him tightly, pressing the two of them together chest to chest and, due to their almost identical height, cheek to cheek. It was appallingly intimate, even more so, since Kakashi still wasn't wearing his mask. Gai's cheek was moist with tears, tears for Kakashi, maybe tears for Sasuke, too.

It was mortifying, and it was exactly what Kakashi needed. But it was too much; it had gone on too long. He lifted his arms; he'd form the seals behind Gai's back and vanish in a cloud of smoke and tomorrow, things would go back to normal. They'd never talk about this again.

Kakashi brought his hands into position and hesitated. The warmth that radiated off Gai's back pulled him in. For just a moment, he gave in. He let his hands come to rest on Gai's skin, returning the hug. It felt like he had been given something he had been missing all his life.

Automatically, Kakashi relaxed against Gai, laid his chin on his shoulder, his hold on the other man tightening at the same time. The rhythmically ebbing and swelling sound of his blood rushing through his body filled his ears, drowning out everything else.

Kakashi closed his eye. One of his hands slipped lower on Gai's sweat-slickened back.

Something went through Gai, he shifted the tiniest bit under Kakashi's unexpected touch. Only when his cheek rubbed against Kakashi's like a caress, was it that Kakashi realized Gai was slowly trying to pull away.

Startled, he pulled back as well, turning at the same time to get a look at Gai's expression. It was a mistake, of course. His lips brushed Gai's cheek in something like a kiss. Gai gasped and froze. Too close, Kakashi couldn't wouldn't pull away. His lips brushed the corner of Gai's mouth, then moved further still until they reached Gai's lips, which weren't especially soft. They were moist and they tasted salty.

And yet, the fleeting touch sent tendrils of liquid heat reaching down his body.

However, no matter how much he wanted to, Kakashi knew he couldn't stay like that forever. As he felt Gai push him away oh-so-gently, it slowly dawned on him what he'd just done.

All of a sudden, there was an insistent knock on the door.

Kakashi let go of Gai and formed the seals without ever opening his eye. He vanished in a puff of smoke, just as he heard someone call Gai's name.