Time to bleed all over my keyboard again~ :D Enjoy!
Time seemed to flow much too fast and much too slow all at once. In the next few days, Grimmjow and his new acquaintance, the albino named Shirosaki, spoke nearly constantly. Even when words weren't exchanged, the two kept each other company. Isshin saw what was happening. He recognized the good Shiro was doing for Grimmjow and vise versa. The albino opened up a bit more, some of his manic temper and anger cooling off just a bit. His mind seemed more stable, his mood less volatile and unpredictable. Grimmjow, the young man he had and always would see as his second son, also began picking himself back up. The pieces were small and the journey would be long, but the blue haired man seemed more and more willing to try. The two were helping each other in their own ways. They didn't see it, probably didn't even care, but Isshin could see it and it brought hope to his heart and lifted just a touch of his sorrow; Grimmjow and Shirosaki were slowly beginning to mend. The wounds were raw, tender, the scars easily torn open and quick to bleed, but they were beginning to heal.
So the elder Kurosaki spoke to the bluenette's doctor and in turn, the nurses were told as well. A few rules were bent but they were mostly harmless and even though it went against hospital policies, the two were allowed to wonder between their respective rooms so long as they didn't disturb anyone. After the first couple times, Grimmjow no longer had to sneak into the room across from his, but rather was allowed to visit the man he had met as he wished.
The nurses happily accommodated them, preforming their routine checks in either room and both doctors, accustomed to taking care of less than stable patients in their line of duty, payed close attention to the way their psychological states slowly began leveling out. Everyone wanted the pair to grow, heal and learn to live with themselves in the aftermath of the tragedy they had faced.
One evening, just after the nurses had made their rounds and administered medication to the patients still needing it, Grimmjow sat in one of two spare chairs that had been dragged into the room across the hall from his own. In the chair beside him, the albino he had befriended fell quiet as his medication began taking affect.
Still recovering from his grievous wounds, Shirosaki was still administered painkillers on top of the antibiotics to help speed his healing and fight infection. Dr. Kurosaki seemed pleased with his recovery so far and most of the bandages had been removed, letting his wounds breath and also allowing the albino to get used to seeing them. The scars from where vicious flames had fed on his pale flesh would fade eventually, but they would never be invisible. He would have to learn to live with them.
Nearly two weeks after his brush with death, Grimmjow no longer needed the medication he had been given originally and it was only a matter of time until he was able to leave. The stitching that tracked the underside of his wrists and forearms was scheduled to be removed with the next morning. From there, his doctor would determine if he was healthy and fit to leave the hospital.
Grimmjow let a slight, barely there smirk tilt one corner of his lips as he looked over at the albino seated beside him. The pale man sat slumped in his chair, his elbow on the armrest and his head resting on his fist. The bluenette snorted a laugh. "Shiro."
"Eh?" The albino furrowed his brows before prying his strange eyes open and attempting to sit up straighter.
"Go to bed." Grimmjow told him, standing from his chair and stretching.
The albino hid a stifled yawn behind his hand, resolutely keeping his eyes away from the angry, red tracks marring his otherwise colorless arms. "Nah. I'm good."
The bluenette snorted another laugh, raising a blue brow as he looked down at the smaller man. "I'm not carrying your ass to bed when those pills finish knocking you out."
"Tch. Some friend ya are." The pale man mumbled as he carefully levered himself from his chair and crossed the small room to his bed.
"Yeah yeah. Whatever." Grimmjow waited until the smaller man had managed to climb into his hospital bed and get mostly comfortable before he crossed the room to the door. "Night, Shiro."
"G'night." The albino mumbled back, out before his head even hit the pillow.
Grimmjow quietly closed the door behind himself and glanced down the hall. Sitting in his room night after night was driving him insane so he hesitated where he stood in front of Shiro's room, looking across to the door of his own. Tugging at his hospital issued shirt, he mentally shrugged and turned down the hall. The corridors were deserted and most of the rooms were quiet as night descended. His footsteps echoed quietly off the tile flooring, the sound lonely and dim.
The bluenette found himself seated on the wide ledge of a window that overlooked the front of the hospital. The lawn was green, the landscaping beautiful but that wasn't what held his attention. Out beyond the drive, across the street and in the distance; the lights from the city shone under the stars. He couldn't actually see the house he and Ichigo had bought, nor even the small neighborhood it stood in, but he imagined he could.
Stepping through the door would be difficult. Wondering down the hall to enter the bedroom would be even harder. He contemplated putting the house up for sale, moving back into an apartment that wouldn't hold any memories. Maybe something smaller to help lessen the loneliness of an empty house, but he knew he wouldn't do it. He'd have to buy new carpet for the bedroom, something plush and soft, warm when you got out of bed, just the way Ichigo had liked it. But he wouldn't move out. He'd work on the house, try to make it a home again. Tensa would help.
He never thought he'd miss that dog so badly.
After staring out at the city for a few hours, Grimmjow finally shook his head and dropped his feet back to the floor, standing from the window ledge he'd been sitting on. Pushing a hand through his hair, he snorted as he realized he needed a hair cut. It hadn't been cut since Ichigo's accident months ago. Blue locks fell from their naturally chaotic stance to hang about his face, the longer strands at the back of his neck hanging around his shoulders.
Pushing it back and out of his face, he slowly made his way back to his own room. The next morning, he would still be awake when his doctor came in to check his stitching.
Seated on the edge of the hospital bed, he watched as the doctor cut the first stitch and used a pair of forceps to pull it from his flesh. It didn't hurt, but it certainly felt strange and he cringed as the doctor took a close look before continuing. The door was opened and he glanced up to see Isshin edge quietly into the room, a duffle bag in hand and still wearing his lab coat.
The older man said nothing as he watched, letting Grimmjow's doctor do his work. While he was there in the bluenette's company, he wasn't a doctor, he was family. Isshin was Grimmjow's only family, and Grimmjow his only son now.
The doctor finally finished removing the stitches, giving his arms a last look over before happily announcing that Grimmjow had the clear to finally return home. Typically, patients with stitches were allowed to return home and schedule an appointment to have them removed, but Grimmjow's case had been a bit special. Of course Isshin knew all the procedures, but the doctor ran through them anyway, as was legally obligated of him. He told Grimmjow to keep the freshly healed, still mending skin clean and to be careful not to rip them open again. He explained that the tendons and ligaments in his arms had been damaged and that he should refrain from doing anything too strenuous while they finished healing as well. As the man stood from his inspection to leave, he moved passed the bluenette and Isshin, catching Dr. Kurosaki's gaze and clasping his hand on the older man's shoulder briefly before he left the room.
Isshin was unbelievably thankful for that single look. Their was sympathy to be found for sure, but there was also a reassurance, support and strength there. His colleague, a man he had worked beside for years and trusted, held hope for Grimmjow's recovery, and not just of his physical wounds.
Moving to stand before the still seated bluenette, Isshin dropped the bag onto the bed and directed his attention to the impossibly blue eyes staring through him. Questions swirled in the young man's gaze, uncertainty and a bit of trepidation too, but their was a burning determination behind crystal blue.
Isshin nodded, letting a small smile tilt his lips. "My shift ends in a coupe of hours. We'll go pick up Tensa and the girls and visit him then."
Isshin's voice was soft in the quiet room. Grimmjow didn't say anything, his blue brows furrowing slightly as his chest seemed to tighten. He took a deep, controlled breath and let it out in a silent sigh as he nodded his agreement. One other question swirled in his mind and his eyes drifted passed Isshin to the door for a moment, wondering if he'd ever see the albino he had befriended again.
When he spoke, Isshin's voice was a bit less tentative and sullen, something a little bit brighter shining in his tone. "Get changed," He said, pushing the bag toward Grimmjow. "and go visit your friend before we go. I'll come get you when I'm off."
With that, the older man turned and left the room, giving Grimmjow his privacy and going back to work. The blue haired young man sat still for a moment, listening to the quiet of the room and the muffled sounds of people walking through the hall beyond. He shook himself from his head and stood from the bed, pulling the zipper of the duffle bag open. He pulled a pair of loose blue jeans, a navy blue shirt with a white number six on the back, his last name printed above it and a pair of his sneakers from it's depths.
Quickly stripping from the hospital clothing, he slipped into the street cloths Isshin had brought him. It felt wonderful to change into something less sterile. He left the hospital cloths folded on the bed and ran a hand through his hair as he made his way to the door. He hesitated, not really sure why, before he crossed the hallway.
His knock went unanswered, but he wasn't terribly surprised. It was still early and the albino usually slept like a rock after the nurse gave him whatever it was they had him on. So instead, he quietly opened the door and let himself in.
Shiro lay twisted in his sheets, his shaggy hair sticking out at every conceivable angle. His pale features were slack with sleep at the moment but the state of the bed sheets and what was visible of his shirt told Grimmjow he was still having nightmares, even with the drugs to knock him out. His one arm was thrown over his abdomen, not covered by the thin blanket. The angry burns stood out harshly, even more visible in the morning light streaming through his window. Grimmjow hadn't seen them, but the albino had told him the healing burns trailed over his shoulders and down his one side. Those were the most painful and tender and it showed when he tried to get up or sit down.
With a nearly soundless sigh, Grimmjow lowered himself into one of the chairs that had been dragged in days ago. Loosing himself in thought, he realized he sincerely hoped this wouldn't be a permanent good bye. Sure, he liked his other friends, the ones he'd known all his life, the ones he and Ichigo had used to hang out with together, but he knew all he would find in them was pity and apologies. Especially after the stunt he had pulled. All they would see when they looked at him was the broken man trying to kill himself and all he would see in them was reflected pity and Ichigo. He didn't want that.
He wouldn't survive that.
Shiro was different. The albino was just as broken and struggling just as hard to pick himself back up. Their was none of that pity in Shiro and there was no useless apology. In a sense, they were on equal footing.
Grimmjow watched as the albino began stirring. The pale man gingerly rolled over to face his direction, those odd and slightly alarming eyes cracking open to glare tiredly at the bluenette.
"Not sure how I feel 'bout ya watchin' me sleep." Shiro said through a yawn as he slowly sat up, his distorted tone rough from sleep.
Grimmjow snorted a laugh and shrugged. He nearly got up to help his pale friend as the albino began carefully levering himself from the bed, but refrained. "Wasn't really watching you, just thinking."
"Sure tha's wha' ya were doin'." Shiro rolled his gold on black eyes and made his way to the chair next to Grimmjow's. "'s ok. I don' blame ya. I'd stare at me too if I were you." He sighed in relief and yawned again as he sat down. "Ya look real different in street cloths. Ya play basketball?"
Grimmjow looked down at his shirt. "Yeah, used to play on a men's winter team."
"Any good at it?" Shiro smirked.
"Can't shoot a basket to save my life."
The albino cracked up, his lilting voice amused. "Then why'd they let ya be on the team?"
An almost wicked grin stretched across Grimmjow's features, reminiscent of the type he used to be known for. The expression suit him well. "I'm good at fouling and stealing the ball."
His answer pulled more cackling laughter from the smaller man. It was a contagious sound, potentially a little creepy, but sincere and happy nonetheless. He liked how blunt and brash the pale man was. He wasn't afraid to laugh, he didn't try to hide his personality or his differences and he didn't really care if he fit in with the norm. His odd laughter, even in their situation...especially in their situation, was refreshing.
"The doctor discharged me." The bluenette said as the albino's laughter quieted down. The room was silent for a few heartbeats as his statement settled in.
"I figured. Tha's good news, ain't it? Ya should sound more happy 'bout it." Shiro said, though his expression made his understanding of Grimmjow's underlying meaning clear. Still, his words had been sincere.
"I am happy to get out of here, but a little nervous too." The bigger man admitted, letting his gaze drift about the room. He didn't feel the need to hide his weaknesses around the albino, didn't feel like he had to be tough twenty-four/seven.
"Nah, you'll be a'right." Shiro leaned back in his chair, sounding sure of himself. "King'll keep ya from doin' anythin' stupid 'gain."
"King?" Confused, Grimmjow looked over at the man, raising a brow in question.
The albino shrugged, blunt and unfazed as always. "Yeah...Ya don' deserve nothin' less, so he musta been pretty great. Like a king."
"Yeah, he was." A soft smile creased Grimmjow's lips, actually managing to meet his vivid eyes.
He'd told Shiro about his own experience after Shiro had told him how he'd ended up in the hospital. The albino had sat quietly and let him talk, listening intently, smirking when Grimmjow laughed and getting quiet when Grimmjow had gone sullen and told him about Ichigo's death.
"So... tha' mean we gotta say good bye an' shit?" The albino muttered, feeling sappy and ridiculous even though he had to know.
"Doesn't have to mean that." Grimmjow told him, glancing over at the albino. It was surprising how easily they had befriended each other. No, Grimmjow thought to himself, he and the albino would keep in touch.
He stood from his seat and crossed the room to Shiro's bedside table. A phone sat atop it, next to a phonebook. A bible was thrown carelessly in the draw, a pad of paper and pencil on top of it. Grabbing the small, pocket sized notebook and a pencil, Grimmjow went back to his seat.
"I can visit you a few times." He said as he opened the note book. The first page was blank and he scribbled two phone numbers on it, one of them the number to his house phone, the other Isshin's cell. He'd have to get a new cellphone of his own when he had the chance, but he didn't exactly know where he'd be staying just yet, so he gave both numbers. "And you can call if you want, if you want to talk or something."
Shiro glanced down at the paper he was handed before folding it up and tucking it away. He nodded and the two slipped into a comfortable silence. Not too long later, Grimmjow was walking at Isshin's side as they traversed the large hospital, leaving the odd man behind. But it wasn't a permanent separation of ways and there had been no sadness in Shirosaki's golden irises when he'd said good bye in that strange, lilting voice.
The blue haired man was quiet as he climbed into the elder's car, the prospect of returning to a normal life a tough thing to swallow after all that had happened. Isshin left the young man to his thoughts as they crossed the city, leaving the drive in silence but it wasn't a tense quiet, only thoughtful. Grimmjow looked up as they pulled into the driveway of Ichigo's childhood home and Isshin put the car in park, shutting the engine off but he didn't open the door and climb out just yet. He waited for Grimmjow, let the struggling young man set the pace at which they did things.
To his pleasant surprise, it only took Grimmjow a few seconds to work up the nerve to get out of the car and troop up to the door. The instant his feet hit the first step of the porch, loud, aggressive and very protective barking sounded from inside the house. Blue eyes widened in surprise. Ten sounded even bigger than he had before, but then, it had been quite a while since the night he had called Isshin and asked him to take the dog.
Isshin chuckled and moved in front to unlock the door. "He gets protective of the girls when they're home alone." Then he rose his voice a bit louder to address the dog. "Tensa, it's only me. I brought someone for you."
Grimmjow snorted a small laugh at the older man and the look that was sent his way. The barking stopped and Isshin opened the door, stepping in first. He bent slightly to grab the dogs collar and pull him away from the door to allow Grimmjow to enter. As the bluenette stepped through the threshold, the once aggressive barking turned into over excited whining as Tensa struggled in Isshin's hold, his tail thumping against the older man's legs so hard the dog's whole body wiggled. Tensa's pale blue eyes found and refused to leave his master. His paws slid across the tile in his scrambling effort to get away from Isshin and to Grimmjow, his tongue lolling in what could only ever be seen as a wide smile.
Grimmjow laughed. A real laugh, accompanied by a smile of his own. "Come here, Ten." He said quietly.
Isshin released the animal and straightened. Tensa all but launched himself at his blue haired owner. He jumped up in his excitement and Grimmjow caught his upper half before being pushed backward and to the ground under the big dog's unexpected weight and strength.
Karin and Yuzu came running after hearing the commotion. They stood at their father's side and laughed, happy to see Grimmjow out of the hospital and amused by him and his dog. Isshin chuckled a laugh of his own, shaking his head slightly. Grimmjow patted the dog's side, his other arm wrapped around the big creature while Tensa covered his face in affectionate and slobbery dog kisses.
"Yuck. Ok, Ten, enough tongue already." Grimmjow said between licks as he pushed the dog up enough so he could begin climbing back to his feet. He wiped at his face, grimacing through his smile as he looked down at his dog. Tensa looked back up at him, seating himself on Grimmjow's feet and leaning happily against his legs. Tangling his fingers in the dog's thick fur, Grimmjow looked back up at Isshin and the twins. His voice was barely a whisper as he spoke. "It's good to be back."
Isshin stepped forward, pulling the younger man into a fatherly hug. "It's good to have you back." He said quietly.
When he pulled back, Grimmjow followed Isshin through the kitchen, Tensa glued to his side. The house was clean, warm and inviting, as it always was, but it still felt different. Everything did and always would. Dishes from that morning's meal were still sitting in the sink, a newspaper laying on the table. It was the little things that held Grimmjow's attention as he crossed the room.
Isshin pulled the dog's leash from a hook on the wall and handed it over. "I've been trying to teach him to walk without a leash, but I don't get the chance to take him for many walks..."
Grimmjow nodded and attached the chain to Tensa's collar. "That's ok, it'll give me something to do."
"You plan to take him back home with you, then?" Isshin seemed happy about the prospect, not because he didn't like having Ten around, but because he knew it would go a long way in helping Grimmjow.
"Yeah, I think so." The bluenette led Tensa out the door.
Once to the cemetery, Isshin showed the younger man the way to his son's grave. They walked in silence, even Tensa seemed to feel the barely concealed sorrow that swirled in the motionless air. Karin and Yuzu said nothing as Isshin took their hands and paused, allowing Grimmjow to go ahead of them. They stood on the well manicured pathway and watched as the bluenette stood before the grave of the man that he had planned to marry one day.
They watched the bluenette's head lower before his broad shoulders sagged and began shaking with his grief. Beside him, Tensa lowered himself to lay before Ichigo's headstone, his big head settled on his crossed paws. After a few moments, Grimmjow's hand rose and slowly wiped at his face. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he lowered himself to sit cross-legged beside the big dog. Ten lifted his head from his paws to settle it in Grimmjow's lap. Gently stroking the soft fur between the dog's eyes, the young man began talking. Neither the girls nor Isshin could hear what he said but it didn't matter and they would give him the time he needed with Ichigo.
Grimmjow sat there for nearly an hour, lost in thought after he had fallen quiet. He eventually pulled himself from the ground, Tensa rising with him. He turned from the grave, his eyes trained on the path as he walked passed Isshin and the girls. Ten's pale gaze kept drifting up toward him in what seemed like concern and Grimmjow let a big hand settled on the dog's neck as he left the cemetery and waited near the car.
Not long after that, Isshin dropped the girls off at home and they quickly rounded up all of Tensa's toys that they could find. Stuffing them in a bag, Isshin bid his daughters to stay inside and leave the door locked as he left. He drove Grimmjow back to the house he had shared with Ichigo, Tensa chewing on a bone in the backseat.
He parked the car in the drive and the two looked at the empty home and the unkept lawn. The grass was in dire need of being cut and a few newspapers wrapped in plastic lay in front of the door. It didn't look like anyone had touched the place since he had been rushed to the ER.
"This place is a mess..." Grimmjow chuckled quietly as he surveyed the outside of his house. The sound was dry and humorless. "Guess I have a lot of work ahead of me."
Isshin let out a chuckle of his own before they slid back into silence. After a moment, Grimmjow opened the door, letting Tensa out and into the yard to nose around in the tall grass, carrying his bone with him.
"Grimmjow." Isshin said before the door could be closed again. The younger man turned watery blue eyes toward him. "If you need anything at all, please call me. You're still family to me and the girls, you're not in this alone..."
Grimmjow's jaw clenched and he nodded before he closed the car door, more than grateful for what Isshin had told him. He crossed the driveway and walked up to his front door, pulling out his keys as he did. He called Ten's name as he opened the door and he and the dog disappeared inside the dark house.
Isshin heaved a heavy, worn out sigh and put the car in reverse. By the time he made it home to his daughters he felt ten years older. He was met at the door by Karin and Yuzu. They wrapped their arms around his waist and he hugged them close.
"Daddy?" Yuzu looked up at him, her voice quiet and far more knowing than a girl her age should sound. "Is Grimmy-nii going to be ok this time?"
"I hope so, sweetheart." Isshin told her, his voice nearly a whisper. "I hope so."
Back at his house, Grimmjow tentatively took in the dark rooms and the layer of dust coating everything. He had been away for two weeks, but he had neglected cleaning the place up for much longer. The air smelled musty and thick. Dishes that hadn't been washed in weeks, probably longer, sat in the sink, adding an almost gaging aroma on top of the aged dust. Setting the bag of dog toys down, he realized with a grimace that the bedroom door at the end of the hall had been pulled closed. A white sheet of paper was taped to the dark wood of the door and Grimmjow frowned as he slowly, wearily made his way down the hall.
Reading the note, he couldn't help but let a small smile tilt his lips. It was Isshin's barely legible, doctor's scrawl. He opened the door to find that what he had been told in the note, dated for a few days after he had awakened in the hospital, was indeed true. Isshin had spared him the horror of having to face what he had left behind. The carpet had been cleaned, the broken glass and ripped papers disposed of. The only thing that had survived his fit of rage that night had been his favorite picture of himself, Ichigo and Tensa. The picture now sat on the dresser's otherwise bare top, exactly where Ichigo had put it before he'd been taken from Grimmjow.
Grimmjow took a deep, steadying breath and crossed the room. He pushed the billowy, sheer curtains aside and threw the window wide open. Then he left the room again, leaving the door open, and proceeded to open every last window in the house to let some fresh air in and help with the smell. He was tired and worn out from his visit to the cemetery, both mentally and physically, but he didn't particularly want to face his empty house at the moment. So instead he stooped to grab a ball from Tensa's stockpile and went to the front door.
"Well, Ten, I guess we better get started." He said quietly as the dog curiously followed him. Grimmjow opened up the door and threw the ball out into the yard, watching as Tensa happily chased after it before bending to pick up the newspapers. He threw them onto the kitchen table and left the house.
The sun was still high overhead, hot and unrelenting. It would have been a beautiful day under different circumstances. He stripped out of his shirt and laid it across the railing of his small porch before walking around the back of the house to a small shed. He pulled the push-mower out and started it up, letting his mind wander as he got to work and kept an eye on Tensa.
Ichigo had always sat on the porch and watched him while he did yard work, since he was usually shirtless, his muscled abdomen and back glistening with a fine sheen of sweat. It had amused him for the longest time, still did, really. And after an hour or however long he decided to drag out Ichi's torment, he would usually be just as ready to go as Ichigo, but the smaller man had always insisted that he smelled and needed a shower. Of course, that had always led to Ichigo being pulled in with him.
Grimmjow paused in his work, realizing he had already managed to get half of it done. He scrubbed a hand down his face as his mind was assaulted with beautiful images of Ichigo pinned to the shower wall, his unruly orange hair wet and hanging in his face, his features twisted in pleasure while he somehow managed to smile up at Grimmjow all the same, his eyes dark and hooded. Long, lean legs wrapped around his waist as Ichigo breathed his name, his nails anchoring into Grimmjow's back as hot water streamed around them. He could smell the soft scent of their shampoo and the hot steam that filled the room as he moaned into the side of Ichigo's bared, slick neck.
The obnoxious squeak of a ball jerked him from his thoughts and his memories. Looking down, Grimmjow gave Ten a small, appreciative smile as the dog chewed his ball and made it squeak again. Bending, he pulled the toy from the dog's mouth and sent it across the yard once more. It landed in part that he'd already mowed, Tensa chasing after it.
"Good timing, Ten." He mumbled as he turned back toward the lawnmower to continue.
Later that night, after doing everything he could possibly think of outside while he avoided entering his empty house, Grimmjow finally faced the quiet. He and Ten stepped inside, the dog almost automatically going to where his bowls were kept before he had been left with Isshin. Grimmjow smirked and pulled the empty, dusty bowls off the floor. He quickly washed them out and filled them, one with fresh water and the other with dog food, before setting them back down. Tensa eagerly dug in, but Grimmjow couldn't find his own appetite.
Instead, he took his time wondering down the hall toward the bathroom. He left the door open, having no need for privacy, and crossed the room to turn the water on. As the room filled with steam, he slowly slipped from his jeans and climbed into the shower. The hot water was relaxing, streaming through his longer than normal hair and down his body. He stood under the spray for a few moments, then finally slid to the bottom of the basin, letting his head fall in to his hands as he pulled his knees to his chest.
Learning to live without him would be difficult. Getting used to his empty house would be tough. Everything reminded the blue haired man of his dead lover and he had left behind the only person that had managed to sooth some of the ache.
He sat in the bottom of the tub, head in his hands and hot water raining down around him until Tensa found him. The dog whined and began nosing around the edge of the shower curtain. Grimmjow looked up, a small, fragile smile tugging at his lips. The dog still reminded him of Ichigo and always would, but it was different. Now it was in a good way and Tensa made Grimmjow remember what Ichigo had said to him, why he had decided he would push on and the promise he had made to his deceased love.
Flicking water at the big dog, Grimmjow climbed to his feet and shut the faucet off. He quickly toweled off and threw on a pair of loose gym shorts, Tensa at his side. They wondered off to the sitting room and Grimmjow dropped down onto the couch. Laying on his stomach, a yawn crept up on him and he waited until Ten had settled on the floor in front of the couch before he rested his hand on the big dog's head. More comfortable in the familiar surroundings of his house and exhausted from all that had happened in the past few weeks and the more recent work he had done that day, the man fell asleep before he realized it.
He awoke with the rising sun the next morning as Tensa whined to be let out to do his business. Grimmjow groaned as he rolled over on the couch and onto his feet. Looking at the clock, he realized this was probably about the time Isshin was getting up and getting ready for work, and consequently the time the dog had gotten used to be let out.
"Oh no, Ten... Don't get used to this. It's too early to be waking up." He mumbled as he crossed the room and sluggishly opened up the door. Yawning, he slowly stepped into the crisp morning air and surveyed the houses across the street as Ten sniffed about.
He would spend the rest of that day and the next cleaning up the interior of his house. With the windows left open most of the time, the mustiness dissipated. The dishes were the first to be tackled and he had to fight not to gag while organizing them so he could wash them. After those were cleaned and left to dry, he lifted the layer of dust that had settled over everything. The carpet was swept, the curtains taken down and washed, the tile of the kitchen and bathroom mopped, the windows, the toilet, everything he could think of. But after each day, he spent his nights on the couch, Tensa curled on the floor in front of it.
On the third day of staying in the home he had shared with Ichigo, he decided he needed to take a trip to the hospital to visit the friend he'd left behind. Tensa couldn't come and, being so used to following his blue haired owner everywhere he went for the past few days, the dog stared out the window as Grimmjow backed his car out of the garage and down the driveway.
When he got there, he didn't need to ask what room and so he took the stairs and led himself to his destination, only being stopped once along the way. He found the man he was looking for seated in his room, absently staring out the window. He knocked on the doorframe to the albino's room before stepping in. Shiro's golden gaze drifted across the room to him, a smirk erupting across his ashen features but the expression was a bit strained.
Grimmjow grimaced, knowing what was wrong. It was still good news though, even if Shiro seemed to be suffering for it a bit. "Isshin told me on my way up that he took you off the last of your pain killers."
Shiro snorted a chuckle and nodded, his movements a bit stiff. 'Yeah, an' let me tell ya; I can definitely feel it."
"He said if you were still in too much pain he'd give you something..." Grimmjow reminded quietly as he took a seat next to the albino.
"Yeah, I know, but I ain't ganna do tha'." He pale man smirked again as he looked away, casting his gaze back toward his window. When Grimmjow only gave him a questioning look, he elaborated.
"I guess I got an 'addictive personality', least tha's what my councilor called it." Shiro shrugged a bit before he continued to explain. "I get addicted ta stuff easy. I's why I had ta go through rehab three times before I could stay clean fer more than a few weeks."
"Oh." A bit surprised about the revelation, Grimmjow didn't really know what to say. Of course he'd known the pale man had been on drugs before, he'd let that detail slip while screaming at the cops the day they had met and Grimmjow rarely forgot such details, but it still took him by surprise all the same. And then a small smile was tugging at his handsome features once more, happy that Shiro was making the effort to stay clean this time around, even if it meant avoiding things like prescription pain medication.
"Who's Isshin, by the way?" Shiro asked as he glanced at his blue haired friend. This Isshin fellow had been the person to tell the bigger man about his current health development. Not that he really cared much who had knowledge of what was going on, he was just curious and never one to hold back.
"Oh, Isshin Kurosaki. Your doctor." Grimmjow told him with a slight smirk, just as comfortable in the smaller man's presence as he had been before he had been released from the hospital.
Shiro blinked and let his head tilt to the side as he mauled over the bluenette's words. "Yer on a first name basis wit' my doc?"
Grimmjow nodded, chuckling a bit at the albino but the mirth didn't quite reach his startling blue eyes. "He's... Uh, he's Ichigo's father..."
The albino was quiet for a moment, studying his friend's features. "I wasn' really expectin' tha'... I don' know wha' ta say..."
"You don't have to say anything." Grimmjow told him. The room slipped into a comfortable silence for a few minutes. They seemed to do that a lot. It was like words weren't really necessary for them and it was nice not having someone question whether everything was alright just because he had gone quiet. But Grimmjow had a question, so he asked it, knowing Shiro wouldn't mind his straightforwardness. "Why don't you ever talk about Renji?"
Shiro gave a slight, one shouldered shrug, taking a deep breath. "I dunno. Hurts to, I guess... He-he wasn' really a good person. I'm not either, but I'm tryin', ya know. He, I thought he was, but when I sit here and think 'bout it, I can see the things that I shoulda noticed before. He kinda had me blind ta a lot a things."
The albino paused, taking another deep breath while his ashen brows furrowed into an uncharacteristic scowl. "But he was still mine...an' I dunno if it hurts more tha' he had betrayed me the ways he did or...tha' it got 'im killed...I don' really know wha' ta think."
Grimmjow simply nodded. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to have to deal with that and so he didn't try. He didn't know how to offer comfort to the man he sat beside, but Shiro hadn't been seeking comfort, so again, no words were needed.
"So how ya been since ya got ta leave?" Shiro asked, changing the subject back to something a little less heavy. He didn't particularly like thinking about what had happened and focusing on it made him feel violently ill. He lightly rubbed his fingertips across the exposed scaring of his arms, wincing at the tenderness as he directed his strange eyes at Grimmjow, taking in his features and his expressions. He already hated his scars, hated everything they stood for and everything they reminded him off.
Grimmjow let a heavy sigh slip passed his lips. "Rough, but what can you expect?" He chuckled a bit. "It's going to take some time getting used to. You know when you're getting out of here?"
"Doc's saying probably another week until the rest a the bad burns are healed up enough ta leave." The albino rolled his eyes, impatient to leave the hospital, but there was little he could do about it.
"Since you can't really go back to your apartment...what're you planning to do?"
"Oh, I called up a friend yesterday. We used ta hang out all the time so I'mma go stay wit' him fer a while." There was something in the albino's lilting voice that shook a bit more than usual, something like uncertainty, but it was clear he tried to hide it, so Grimmjow didn't point it out.
The two slipped into a comfortable conversation, talking about anything and everything that happened to come to mind. Grimmjow actually managed a grin as Shiro reached over and gently tugged at some of the longer hair hanging around his shoulders, saying he needed a hair cut. The bluenette agreed, chuckling as Shiro ran his fingers through his own colorless hair, telling the bigger man that he had kept his hair long before it had been shorn off while he was in the ER.
Eventually, after a few hours of sitting in the hospital beside the albino, Grimmjow took his leave. Just like it had been when he had been discharged, there was nothing heavy about their parting and both seemed to realize they would be staying in touch.
Rather than going straight home, Grimmjow decided he'd run a few errands that had needed done since he'd gotten out. He finally bought a new phone and had his old number transfered. The first thing he did with it was text Isshin to let him know, he also asked that he give the number to Shiro should the man need anything. Being unable to see the older man, Grimmjow didn't know a gentle smile had spread across Isshin's face at the request.
Afterwards, he went to the grocery store so that he could finally stock his fridge and cupboards. The task didn't take long and he was grateful he hadn't run into anyone who recognized him. When he got home, Ten was eagerly awaiting him, his excited whining reaching the man through the locked door.
Grimmjow couldn't help but smile as he pushed the door open. Tail wagging almost too fast, Tensa bent to grab a ball as he happily greeted his owner. Grabbing the ball from the dog, Grimmjow threw it out into the yard and left the door open as he disappeared inside to put the groceries away. Only moments later, Tensa returned with the ball. He dropped it at Grimmjow's feet and the bluenette let his hand drop to run through the dog's thick fur before he continued putting things away.
The days came and went. They sped by but seemed to crawl forward all the same. Grimmjow did his best to keep himself busy, to keep his mind occupied. When he ran out of things to do at his home, he leashed Tensa and took the dog for a walk. Occasionally Ten even managed to urge Grimmjow into a short run but his weeks in the hospital and months of self loathing and heartbreak had worn him down and he'd have to work on getting back into shape before he could take the dog for a real run, the kind that Ichigo had taken him for. The bluenette avoided his neighbors and ignored the pitying looks they gave him when he caught a glimpse of them. A few of his friends made the effort to visit him, to get him out of the house but he wasn't ready to face them, nor did he want to, and so he declined most of their invitations.
His visited Shiro one more time before the pale man was released from the hospital. That visit went much the same as the previous and the two had enjoyed each other's company before Grimmjow took his leave. A few more days came and went and soon Shiro's hospital release date rolled around. Grimmjow had opted to pick him up, seeing that the albino didn't have a car or a way to the house of the friend he would be staying with and Grimmjow didn't mind spending a bit of time with him.
It was just passed mid morning when he pulled into the parking lot of a decent looking apartment complex only about a twenty minute drive from his own house. Shiro sat in the passenger seat, looking a bit apprehensive about being there but he had told Grimmjow nothing was wrong when the bluenette had asked, so the bigger man didn't push it. Perhaps the albino was only going through the same issues he had when he was first released, the issues he was still working on getting through. Picking up the pieces of a broken life wasn't an easy task.
A little stiffly, Shiro climbed from the car and turned around, bending to look back through the window. "Thanks fer the ride."
"It's nothing." Grimmjow told him, a small smirk on his lips as his blue eyes captured the albino's strange gaze. "Call me sometime. Now that we're both out of the hospital, we'll have to hang out for real at some point."
A lilting laughter accompanied the pale man's wide grin and a wink. "Well, I don' normally take the initiative wit' other men like tha', but I guess fer you, I could make an exception."
Grimmjow quirked a brow, an easy smirk still resting on his handsome features. "You trying to hit on me now?"
The albino shrugged. "Can' help myself. Is it workin'?"
Before Grimmjow could say anything, a foreign voice cut him off.
"Don't mind him, he's always been a flirt." A man walked around the back of Grimmjow's car to clap his hand across Shiro's back in a friendly manner, a good natured grin on his almost too thin features. He waved at Grimmjow while he let his other hand drop from Shiro's back to sling around his waist.
The albino winced and hissed a breath through clenched teeth at the extra pressure to his still sensitive injuries but didn't try to shrug the man off. Grimmjow looked from Shiro, to the man beside him and back, assuming he must have been the friend Shiro was staying with. Something about the man didn't sit quite right with Grimmjow and he didn't like the way he was touching Shiro, but it wasn't really any of his business so he ignored it.
"Talk to ya later, Shiro." The bigger man rumbled as the albino straightened.
"Yeah, I'll text ya er somethin'." Shirosaki waved before he turned toward the apartment, his buddy guiding him by the arm around his waist.
Grimmjow put the car in reverse and couldn't help the satisfied smirk that took over his features when Shiro smacked the man's arm away and turned to him with an uncharacteristic glare. He left the parking lot and drove back to his own house, leaving Shiro with the guy he'd be living with since his place had burned to the ground.
Looking over his shoulder to see Grimmjow's car pull out of sight, Shiro snapped his odd, infuriated gaze back to his buddy. They had been friends for almost as long as either could remember, but in recent months, Shiro had sort of distanced himself from most of the people he had used to associate with. "Ya lied ta me. Ya told me ya were clean."
"I didn't lie. I was when you called." The man said, an unworried smirk on his thin features. His dark hair hung limp in his face as he unlocked his door and held it open for the albino at his side.
"That ain't clean! Tha's jus' sober. Why'd ya lie ta me?" Shiro all but snarled. He wanted answers. He should have known it was too good to be true. He'd been trying so hard to stay away from his old life but he hadn't had anywhere else to turn and as much as he liked the blue haired man he had recently befriended, he still didn't think it would have been fair to ask Grimmjow for so much.
"I don't see what it matters." The man plopped down on his couch, looking up at Shiro through his bangs. "Why are you so set on staying clean? Renji didn't even understand it."
Shiro's eyes widened and he grit his teeth, at a loss for what to say. When he couldn't find words, the man on the couch continued, his better judgement clouded and his tongue loosened.
"You're pretty much all he talked about while he was here, trying to figure out why you wouldn't get stoned with him anymore-"
"Shut yer mouth." Shiro's voice was a low snarl, a warning that went unnoticed.
"He said you were kind of boring to hang out with when you weren't high, not as funny-" The man didn't stop though. He was too hopped up on whatever he had taken before Shiro had arrived to think about what he was saying and to whom.
"I'm warnin' ya; shut it."
"Said you were better in bed after you got clean though. Maybe we should find out?" The man wiggled his eyebrows in a teasing manner before he continued, just a bit more serious. "It's a shame he's dead, he should have watched who he was dealing with."
If he was going to say anything else, it was cut off by a lilting snarl as Shiro threw himself at his friend. One pale hand snagged in the front of the man's shirt while the other clenched in a fist and was cocked back, about to strike when the man raised his own hands in defense and started scrambling over his words.
"Sorry, Shi! I wasn't really thinking...I didn't mean anything by it..."
"Nah, 'course ya didn't." Shiro grit out while he backed off and tried to cool his temper. "Were ya the one tha' got 'im doin' drugs again?"
"No, I don't know who his supplier was. He just came here while he was high so that you didn't have to see it. He was trying to respect your choice."
Shiro dropped onto the other side of the couch, suddenly drained once more, his brows furrowed at his friend's words. "Dammit." He mumbled, his head lowering to be cradled by his pale hands.
It was barely noon when Grimmjow got home. Tensa's happy, excited whining reached him through the door like usual. It was a nice thing to come home too, helped to ease the feeling of emptiness the house took on. A newspaper was rolled in plastic on his front porch and he bent to grab it as he walked up the few steps and to the door.
"I wasn't gone that long." He told the dog after opening the door, reaching down to play with Tensa's ears while he kicked it shut behind himself. The dog merely smiled up at him, his tail waggling happily.
As he stood up, he pulled the plastic from the paper and crumpled it up. He tossed it into the trash and the paper onto the table as he walked to the other side of his kitchen to find something for lunch. Pulling leftovers out of the fridge, he fixed himself a plate and sat down at the table, Tensa obediently going to lay down in the doorway. Grimmjow was pleased that the dog was learning not to beg for food without him having to tell him constantly.
The picture on the front page of the paper made a bitter smirk flit across his angular features as recognition dawned, but there was no joy or amusement in the expression. The headline told him they were beginning reconstruction of the apartment he had set fire to and the article announced that while several people had minor injuries, only a few had been seriously hurt and only one confirmed dead. Though he hadn't actually meant to kill the guy, Grimmjow wasn't remorseful. At the time, he hadn't really cared if the man was killed by his hand, he had only needed an outlet and nothing had felt better than beating the hell out of the man and lighting up everything he had. Still, some part of him was happy only his dead lover's killer had fallen victim. He had known the fire had been a pretty devastating one, but this was the first he'd actually seen of his handy work. The fire he'd started in a single room had spread and taken down over half the building, burning hot and wild, just like his rage had.
Sitting on the table beside the paper, his phone buzzed with an incoming text, Shiro's name showing on the screen. He had just picked up the device when his blue brows furrowed and it slipped from his fingers, a single thought echoing in his mind. The albino had told him about the fire that had landed him in the hospital, a fire that had killed his lover and destroyed half of the building he had lived in. Looking back down at the picture in the paper, dread filled Grimmjow's heart.
After several minutes of staring at the paper, his thoughts whiling nearly too fast for him to actually think about, he finally forced himself to take a deep breath. Perhaps it was only coincidence, perhaps he was reading too far into it. He picked up his phone and opened the message.
The albino had only been thanking him again for the ride, but Grimmjow got the impression he was still unsure about staying with his friend and needed the distraction. He didn't say anything about his suspicions to Shiro, how could he? But the feeling wouldn't go away so easily and he had to be sure before he panicked. He didn't know what he would do if it turned out that he was responsible for what had happened to the albino.
So he called the only person he really had to turn to. He dialed Isshin's number, hoping he'd be lucky enough to catch the older man on his lunch break so that he wouldn't have to wait to talk to him. The phone rang a few times before Isshin's voice answered.
"Grimm? Everything ok?"
"Yeah, fine. I was just curious about something and thought maybe you would know." Grimmjow did his best at keeping his deep voice even and unhurried, as natural as he could. It seemed to work, either that or Isshin knew how hard he was trying to act like it was nothing and so acted the same.
"Sure, what is it, son?" Isshin asked, a bit of worry beginning to tremble in his gut. But with all that had happened, how could he not worry?
"Uh, well, Shiro was telling me about his accident and I was just wondering if you had been informed of where the fire happened since you took care of him?"
There was a pause over the phone before Isshin was talking. "I'm not allowed to tell you that, Grimm, it's confidential..."
"Oh, right..." Grimmjow scrubbed his hand down his face, glancing down at the picture in the paper.
"Why are you asking about that, Grimmjow?"
"Just saw this morning's paper and wondered if...that was the fire he survived..." Grimmjow paused, still looking down. He shook his head at the very thought of what Shiro had gone through, and all because of him if that really was the place he'd been living at.
"Well, I haven't seen the paper yet today, but I can tell you that there has only been one major fire recently." Isshin told the younger man.
Grimmjow froze up, his eyes wide. He hardly registered thanking Isshin and hanging up the phone. It really was the same fire...and that meant that, not only had Grimmjow started the fire that had landed the albino in the hospital, but he had also killed Shiro's lover. But the man that Grimmjow had beaten and left for dead had been the man to kill Ichigo. Grimmjow couldn't bring himself to believe that Shiro would have been involved in that.
Overwhelmed and unsure what to do, Grimmjow stood from his seat at the table. He rolled the paper up and threw it into the other room, a sneer crossing his features. Being light weight, it didn't really go as far or hit the ground as hard as he would have liked, but it was satisfying enough to see Tensa begin shredding it with the joy Grimmjow wished he could summon up. His thoughts whirled in his skull, ringing through his head. He couldn't wrap his mind around all that his revelation implied and truthfully, he wasn't sure he wanted to. Pacing the kitchen, lost in his own thoughts, the blue haired man decided he needed to calm down, wait things out and see what happened before he did anything.
Over the next week, Grimmjow did his best to tuck away his suspicions and his fears. He even managed to convince himself he was looking too far into it. Not a day went by that he and the pale man that had been thrust into his life didn't talk, or at least text each other. If Shiro awoke in the middle of the night, panting and shivering, nearly in tears from another nightmare, he knew he could message his new friend and count on Grimmjow to be there for him. When Grimmjow would find it impossible to bear his empty, silent home, Shiro would provide a perfect distraction, giving him something to occupy his thoughts with and help set his mind at ease. Though they had yet to see each other in person since the bluenette had dropped the albino off at his friend's, they grew closer with each day. Each saw the same in the other; someone they could talk to, someone they could rely on and lean upon, an anchor. A companion when everything around them was lightless and lifeless.
And so when Grimmjow's phone buzzed where it sat on the arm of the couch one night as he lay across the furniture, staring up at the ceiling while his arm hung off the edge, his fingers tangled in Tensa's thick fur, he didn't hesitate to pick it up. Rubbing at his tired eyes with the heal of one hand, he activated the screen with his other. One corner of his full lips tilted up slightly as Shiro's name flashed once before the message was opened.
The text was simple and short, blunt just like the man who had sent it. 'cant sleep'
Sitting up, Grimmjow quickly typed up a reply, telling the albino he was in the same boat. From the floor, Tensa lifted his big head off his paws and rested his chin on the couch cushion to look up at his owner with pale, ice blue eyes.
After a few minutes of back and forth messages, the two decided sitting around and thinking about sleep wasn't doing them any good. Instead, they decided they needed to get out of their respective houses. Being that it was late, there was very little to do, so it was decided that Grimmjow would pick the albino up and they would take a walk around the large park located in the center of the city. The area was nice enough and the park it's self was beautiful, with lush yards and healthy trees.
Grimmjow stood from his couch and quickly made his way toward the back of the house, phone in hand and Tensa following on his heels. Entering the bedroom, a room he still hadn't slept in since he returned home, the man quickly tugged on a pair of jeans and pulled a form fitting grey t-shirt over his head before turning about and leaving the room once more. He grabbed his keys, slid his wallet into his back pocket and pulled the door open. Turning to lock it, he was met with Ten sitting in the doorway, his ears down as he peered up to watch the bluenette leave.
The dog never actually begged and only whined when extremely excited, but he was damn good at the puppy eyes, what with his already watery looking gaze, and after all the time Grimmjow had been spending with no one but the dog for company, he felt his heart sink at leaving him behind. Snorting a small laugh at the dog, he stepped back in and sent a quick text to his friend.
'You like dogs?' He didn't have to wait long for a reply and he smiled down at Ten as the animal began wagging his tail, the appendage thumping into the wall near the doorframe.
'Sure. U dont strike me as the dog type, tho' Grimmjow's smile turned into a grin as he read the reply. Rolling his cyan eyes, he snagged Tensa's leash from the peg by the door. Before he had even affixed the chain to Tensa's collar, the dog's tongue was happily lolling from his wide, canine smile as Tensa excitedly made a quick lap around his owner.
With a chuckle, Grimmjow caught hold of Tensa's collar and attached the leash. He grabbed the dog's favorite ball on the way out the door and led Tensa to his car. With the back window rolled down far enough for Ten's big head to stick out, he happily sat in the backseat as they made the quick drive to the apartment Shiro was staying at.
The pale man was waiting for him outside, leaning against the side of the building, his arms crossed and the long sleeves of his shirt pulled down to nearly his fingertips but his features weren't unfriendly and he didn't look particularly upset. When he noticed Grimmjow's car, his trademark smirk slid onto his features and he pushed away from the wall. Tensa's deep bark halted him as his inverted eyes widened slightly. Staring at the large animal, he spoke in his lilting and distorted tone. "I though' ya said dog, not a beast."
Head still sticking out the window, Tensa tilted his head slightly, his ears perking forward at he man's strange voice. Grimmjow chuckled and snapped his fingers, drawing the dog's attention and making him sit in the seat.
"He is a dog." Grimmjow said as he climbed from his car. "A big dog." Not bothering to grab hold of Tensa's leash, he opened up the backdoor and let the dog out so that he and Shiro could get acquainted before the albino climbed into the confined space of his vehicle.
Tensa, learning quickly under Grimmjow's near constant instruction and watchful eye, looked up at his master before nearing the stranger standing before them. Used to watching over Karin and Yuzu while he had been staying at Isshin's house, Tensa's protective streak had been nurtured until it was second nature but that wasn't a bad thing. When the bluenette didn't stop him, Tensa eased his way toward Shiro, not showing aggression but certainly showing caution.
Shiro held out one pale hand while the dog sniffed at him before he dropped to sit on his haunches and at eye level with the big creature. Tensa seemed to instantly take a liking to the albino, probably picking up on his owner's acceptance and comfort with the man.
"Wha's his name?" Shirosaki asked with a smirk as he drove his almost elegant fingers through the thick, silky fur of the animal's neck, below where his collar rested.
Grimmjow leaned back against his car as he watched the two, his small smile managing to reach his vivid gaze. "Tensa."
"Hmm, creative name." Shiro said, looking up at the bigger man before he stood and patted the top of Ten's head fondly.
"Yeah...uh, Ichigo picked it. Ten was supposed to be his." Grimmjow straightened as well, watching as Shiro rounded his car to get to the passenger seat.
"Ah, I see. So ya weren' really a dog kinda person, then." The albino smirked, knowing his words wouldn't be offensive, though they could have came across that way to anyone else. Both were growing, beginning to be able to speak about their deceased loved ones. Their steps were small, but they were still in the right direction and the mention of the bluenette's lost love didn't dampen the mood as much as it once did.
"Heh, no, but Ten's kind of grown on me." Grimmjow pulled the backdoor open again, commanding Tensa to hop in before he closed it behind the dog.
With Shiro in the passenger seat and his dog in the back, Grimmjow restarted the engine and pulled from the lot. The drive to the park was quick, the roads deserted and the night quiet as the city slept around them. When they arrived, not a single other soul was to be found, but at the unnaturally late, or perhaps early, hour, that wasn't surprising.
Grimmjow let Tensa out again and didn't hesitate as he threw the ball he had brought with him with all his considerable might, sending it sailing through the air to land in the well maintained lawn of the play ground. The dog shot off after it, his tongue hanging from his maw and his eyes bright and alive, leash trailing behind him.
Shiro's lilting laughter was almost haunting in the still air, but it wasn't unpleasant and Grimmjow couldn't help but grin with the man as he locked up his car and they slowly began following the cement path that wound around the perimeter of the park. Tensa slid through the slightly damp grass as he skidded to halt and snagged the ball. Turning about as quickly as his large size would allow for, which was still far from slow, he sprinted right back to Grimmjow's side, the ball squeaking in his mouth as he chewed at it.
The bluenette smirked and reached out toward Ten. A single command of "Here." made the dog hand him the ball and Tensa happily and excitedly danced around he and Shiro as they continued walking, waiting for Grimmjow to throw it once more. When Grimmjow did, Tensa tore off after it again, enjoying the cool night air just as much as his owner and his owner's friend.
Their time together was mostly unbroken by talk, but Grimmjow and Shiro didn't need words to make the atmosphere comfortable. The quiet wasn't forced nor heavy and when one or the other did break it, it was in easy conversation. They were comfortable in each other's company, like they had known each other much longer than the few weeks they really had. Anyone that happened by the pair would have instantly seen what they remained blind too, what they had yet to notice or perhaps weren't ready for quite yet.
They walked side by side, shoulder to shoulder with calm, unhurried strides, Grimmjow's hands in his pockets until Tensa brought the ball back and Shiro's at his sides when he wasn't tugging his sleeves down over his pale arms.
"Cold?" Grimmjow asked, his voice a quiet rumble to match the peaceful and silent park around them. He glanced sidelong at the albino as Shiro tugged his sleeves further down for the fourth time.
"Nah." Shiro mumbled, his lip curling ever so slightly while his ashen brows furrowed.
When he said nothing else, Grimmjow sent him a questioning look, ignoring as Tensa nudged his big head into the bluenette's hand. Grimmjow curled his fingers through the dog's fur as he studied his friend. "What's wrong, then?"
The albino shrugged lightly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Nothin' I guess."
"You're really a terrible liar." Grimmjow arched a brow and directed his gaze back ahead of them. He snagged the ball from Ten and tossed it ahead of them. If Shiro didn't want to talk about it, he wouldn't make the man.
Shiro snorted a frail laugh but his eyes drifted downward. "Jus' still gettin' used ta the damage. I's not like i's goin' anywhere, but..." His voice trailed off as he shrugged again, once more pulling at his sleeves.
Grimmjow understood. The smaller man was referring to the scarring that tracked his arms and body where hot flames had licked. A sharp pang of guilt made the bluenette wince, bile raising in his throat as his heart rose with it.
He nodded his understanding and kept his gaze trained on Tensa, though he didn't really look at the dog. "You have nothing to be ashamed of, Shiro..."
"Tha' don' make it any easier ta get used ta." He flipped his hands over and looked down at his palms, at the hardly faded red that marred his porcelain skin and forever would. Digging through burning debris and pushing his way through the inferno that had been his apartment had not been kind on him. "Doc told me I was lucky I still had feelin' in my hands."
The albino flexed his fingers, balled his hands into fists before he seemed to shake himself from his thoughts and let them fall to his sides again. Blue brows furrowed as Grimmjow's angular features twisted into a barely concealed look of regret.
After a few moments, his conscious tugging at his mind and making his hands shake where they rested in his pockets, Grimmjow spoke, his voice quiet and rough. He had to be sure, even if it scared the living hell out of him. He had to know. "Shiro...What did Renji look like?"
It was the first time one of the two had inquired about the dead lover of the other. It had been like an unspoken agreement. Names had been mentioned, sure, but neither ever really asked for personal details, nor for the other to speak of the man they had fallen for and lost. Shiro frowned up at the bigger man, sensing something was off.
Blue eyes cornered to look at the pale man, but Grimmjow's gaze faltered and didn't quite meet Shiro's entrancing eyes. With a grimace, like he was forcing the words from the pit of his stomach and out his mouth, Grimmjow continued his inquiry. "Was..." He took a breath to steady himself, already afraid of what he would hear. "Was he a bigger guy, about my size?"
Shiro nodded numbly, unable to pull his gaze away from the bigger man that had quickly become his truest and only real friend. His stomach twisted it's self in knots and made him feel ill.
"I...ah, shit." Grimmjow hesitated, scrubbing his hand over his face, then pushing it back through his hair. Closing his eyes, he came to stop, finally halting their slow pace. With an indescribable look in his intense, crystallin gaze, he turned to Shirosaki and pinned the man without even touching him. "I-I did terrible things...Shiro...after Ichi died, I found the man that shot him...a big guy, about my size. He had long, red hair, covered in tribal tattoos..."
As he spoke, his voice wavering slightly, Shiro's eyes slowly widened, some part of him already knowing what was to come as he slowly put the pieces together. He shook his head, denying what his mind conjured up and all that came with it but he couldn't find his voice, couldn't tear his gaze away from the bluenette even as his vision began to blur through welling tears.
"He-he had been trying to rob a woman when Ichigo found him, taking Ten for a run...The woman lived...she told me about him..." Grimmjow's hands shook as he spoke, his legs feeling like they would give out at the look on Shiro's colorless features. "I found him...and-Shiro, I was so lost...so angry..."
The bluenette's hand came up to scrub down the lower half of his face as he struggled with his words. The albino still said nothing, frozen in place as his breathing picked up in pace and a few tears spilled over to streak down his face.
"I broke into...I broke in and beat the hell out of him and I didn't even feel it..." The words were whispered, hardly audible even in the silence that surrounded them, but he couldn't stop. Shiro needed to know, deserved to know. He couldn't live with himself if he kept it from the pale man. "I left him bleeding in his apartment...and set the place on fire. He took everything from me...and I wanted to do the same to him..."
A moment of silence passed before the tiniest hint of a sound passed through Shiro's throat. His legs gave out on him and sank to the ground where he stood, his ashen features streaked with unchecked tears as he stared up at the bigger man. He didn't know what to do, how to react. He wanted to deny what Grimmjow said. He wanted to scream and curse and tell the man his joke wasn't funny. He wanted to pound the bluenette into the ground until his handsome features were black and blue and those beautiful eyes didn't look so damn guilty any more. But he couldn't. He couldn't do anything.
He had hated the person that had been responsible for Renji's death while he'd been just a faceless bastard, but now...now that person was Grimmjow...and it killed him, ripped his heart out and left him feeling lost and violently ill.
Almost making things all the worse, Grimmjow sank to the ground in front of Shiro, putting himself on the same level as the trembling albino. His jaw worked, his lips parting a few times but he couldn't force words out. He had nothing to say. Sorry didn't cut it, nothing would. His own gaze was watery as he watched emotions war and bubble in the albino's haunted gaze.
Without warning, Shiro screeched a wordless, lilting cry, his teeth bared and all his pain twisting his features. He launched himself forward, using his unquenchable rage to fuel his strength, and slammed Grimmjow backward and to the damp grass. Straddling the bigger man, his fist connected with Grimmjow's jaw hard enough to jerk the bigger man's head around, the sound of pale knuckles cracking against hard bone echoing in the quiet.
Tensa dropped his ball, his ears dropping back and his teeth bared in a vicious snarl as he charged toward the man hurting his owner.
"Ten. No." Grimmjow croaked out around the lump in his throat and through the tears making his voice waver. The dog stopped, looking as confused as a dog could, but listening nonetheless.
Shiro's hands clenched into fists in the front of Grimmjow's shirt as the albino's shoulders shook with his renewed grief and anger, his breaths coming out in panting sobs. He pushed down, letting his weight settle on the bigger man, his shoulders hunched and his white teeth still bared. His ashen brows furrowed as he hit Grimmjow again but punching a man unwilling to fight back hardly felt satisfying. Hurting Grimmjow seemed to hurt him as well and Shiro let out another wordless cry as he jerked back and to his feet, stumbling away from the blue haired man.
Nearly tripping as he backed away, Shiro shook his head in denial again but the proof was written on Grimmjow's face, in his eyes. He was telling the truth and he hated it just as much as Shiro did. The bluenette's pain made Shiro's gut twist and writhe and he dropped back to the ground, cradling his head in his hands as he let his emotions flow over and wrack through his very body.
Grimmjow unsteadily climbed to his feet, his head spinning with the force of Shiro's hit. He took a single step forward before the pale man's hands dropped, his head snapping up to pin him with fiery, seething eyes. Eyes that spoke of pain, of rage, of anger and grief and even betrayal, but no hatred. None at all.
"Stay away from me!" Shiro screamed at him, his already distorted voice cracking and raw. His fingers fisted in the grass as he rocked slightly, back and forth, back and forth, tears streaking his pallid features. But he couldn't tear his gaze away from Grimmjow. For all the world, he wanted to bury himself into the big man's strong and comforting embrace but at the same time, he wanted to rip the man's throat out. And, to make all his confusion worse, to make all his pain and his emotions that much more raw, he knew in that moment that Grimmjow would have let him either.
Respecting the pale man's wishes, Grimmjow sank back to the ground a few feet away, his head hanging as he watched Shiro, unable to help the man or find words to comfort him. The bigger man almost wished Shiro would hate him, it would have made things easier, less painful. But he didn't and it hurt both of them. Grimmjow was left helpless to do anything other than watch the man he had come to care for as Shiro finished breaking.
Thoughts, please?
Also! True-Love-IchiHichi and I have been working on a collaboration, some of you might remember. We've hopefully picked it back up, so if you haven't read the first chapter, please do! We could really use the extra encouragement of your thoughts on it ^_^ It can be found under our joint account, Love Thorne, and the title of the story is called Corrupted Love. Thank you!