KATNISS

We have submitted our assignments. I'm not sure they go well together. He wrote of happiness, mine of sorrow.

I guess we think differently. The poem must have been about his ex-girlfriend Delly. As usual my poem was about him.

I was waiting for the professor's grade. I guess I was waiting for a sign that would validate us together.

We were going home when I saw Delly waiting for Peeta outside our classroom. He approached her and she hugged him. Had she been doing this since they met up again?

"Peety, I missed you!" she said. "Let's eat out my treat."

"They just saw each other yesterday!" I thought, annoyed how sweet she was and how easily she can say those things to Peeta when I couldn't even say take care, without mustering much courage. I was walking past them, hurrying to disappear when she called me.

"Katniss, why don't you come join Peety and me." She invited.

"Why does life always treat me as a third wheel?" I thought. "Sorry, I still have a few things to do. Maybe next time" I said trying to sound apologetic.

"I won't take no for an answer" she said. "You can ask Peety, how persistent I am."

"Come on, Katniss, she doesn't know the word no, rather she doesn't care even if you say no. Because it makes no difference, she always gets what she wants." Peeta said.

"Is that so? Does she want Peeta back?" I thought gloomily. "Why bother feeding me then stabbing me in the heart?"

We ate at the pizza pasta place where Peeta, Madge and I used to frequent.

Looking back, I prefer having Madge as a competition. Even if she was a wall between me and Peeta, I still get to have stolen moments with him. But with Delly, I don't stand a chance. She was Ms. Sunshine always hanging around him. Her sunny disposition is driving the rain away.

I was sitting in the booth opposite Peeta, while they were sitting side by side.

We were waiting to place our orders, sitting quietly when I saw her hold his hand over the table while Peeta simply let her.

I looked away, pretending to be busy reading the menu. I was dreading the long stretch of time ahead of us. I loved eating, but how could I swallow food when my heart is in my throat bursting to escape and mope alone?

After placing our orders and having them served, we started to eat. Delly was doing a fine job of feeding Peeta forkfuls of carbonara.

"Here Peety, eat some more, you love this right?" she said, placing another forkful in his mouth.

I couldn't hold it in any longer so I butted in. "Actually he likes the pesto more"

She looked at me, surprised. "Really? He used to order this a lot"

"Katniss is right. I love pesto more. I only order this before because it was your favorite" Peeta said, looking at me amused that I know his favorite pasta.

"That was so sweet of you, Peety. But you could have told me. It wouldn't hurt me if you ordered something else" she said pouting.

We proceeded to eat in silence, occasionally disrupted by her fussing over Peeta, wiping his mouth or handing him his soda.

I was forcefully swallowing the oil and seafood I ordered, not tasting it anymore even if it was my favorite. I was reaching my boiling point, wondering if self-combustion was indeed possible.

After eating, Peeta excused himself to the washroom. I was left alone with Delly.

"Katniss, how long have you known Peeta?" she asked.

"About 2 years" I said.

"How did you meet him?" she asked again.

"His bestfriend, Madge was also my friend. We met in kindergarten before she moved away and when I studied here, I met her again and she introduced me to Peeta" I said.

"So you and Peeta are also close, right?"

"Kind of, I guess." I said.

"Do you think he still loves me?" Delly asked, rather forwardly.

"Does she really want me to answer that?" I thought. "I don't know. I don't think I'm in the position to answer that for him" I replied.

"But you've known him for the last 2 years I was away. Things could have changed. Tell me, does he love someone else now?" she asked again.

In my mind, I replayed the conversation we had months ago, the conversation that had started all my misunderstandings about him and his bestfriend.

Flashback

"Katniss, can I ask you something?"

"What about?"

"Well, you seemed like someone I could talk to. I have a problem, it's about a girl."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"You see I like a girl and I don't know if she likes me back"

"Is this girl close to you?"

"Yes. But I don't know how to tell her. I'm afraid that if I tell her I might ruin our friendship"

"Then maybe you shouldn't"

"But what if we were meant to be?"

"Then wait for her to tell you she likes you"

"Isn't confessing a man's job?"

"In this instance, when you are afraid to risk your friendship with her then wait for her to give you a sign that your feelings are reciprocated."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, it's the best way to save face in case she doesn't"

"Yah! I'm being serious here"

"When you're meant to be, you're meant to be. Love always finds a way"

"Thank you. I'll trust your words"

"Sure. What are friends for?"

I've frequently thought about this the past few days. Not to assume or anything, but could he be talking about me? This mental and emotional confusion has me on the edge of confessing to Peeta but Delly's words have left me questioning myself.

Seeing Delly and knowing she was probably still in love with Peeta, made me feel for her. He did love her first. Maybe Peeta still has feelings for her and he'll remember why he loved her.

Great! I was once again doomed to sacrifice my own happiness.

"Why is it that I never stand up for my own love?" I thought. Being selfless isn't healthy for me. I was already bordering on being a pathologic forfeiter, first, for Madge and now for Delly.

"I don't think so. How could he, when he has you?" I said, trying to cheer her up even as I was feeling choked up inside.

"Hey, can you say goodbye to Peeta for me? I still have to do something else and I'm sure you need time to talk. Goodluck and I wish both of you happiness" I said so I could escape quickly before my dam of tears break.

I hurriedly got my bag and headed for the exit.

Going out, I was welcomed by perfectly good weather. I ran as fast as I could.

Tears were falling one after the other, falling and evaporating into thin air.

There was no rain to hide in, no rain to wash away the pain, no rain to call my friend.

The rain was inside me, threatening to come out, pouring from my eyes like the salty taste of despair and drowning the broken fragments of my heart in a sea of melancholy.