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I do not own Harry Potter

It was two days after our detentions had ended and we were sitting in our common room. Remus, of course, was surrounded by piles of thick textbooks, hiding him from sight. Peter was playing gobstones with Frank Longbottom and by the looks of things was losing badly. James was reading his new Quidditch magazine, poring over the selection of broom that were coming out over the next six months, occasionally letting out an admiring gasp of admiration of taking down notes. Sirius and I were in the middle of a fierce game of wizard's chess.

"Take that!" I declared as my Bishop slid across the board to claim Sirius' Queen.

"Ah yes, but Amy, you fell into my trap", Sirius retorted playfully. My King was left open for attack and Sirius' Knight zoomed over to claim it. "Checkmate".

I cursed in annoyance and pouted.

"Turn that frown upside down", Sirius sang as he tramped around doing a mad victory dance. My scowl deepened. "Don't say I didn't warn you!"

Without warning, he pounced on me and began tickling me. I choked with laughter.

"STOP!" I gasped, "Remus, James, help me!"

They smirked and returned to their reading.

I bent double, almost suffocating. It was time to take action. I kicked out at Sirius and made contact right where it would hurt him the most. Now it was Sirius who was bent over. I smiled triumphantly, the image somewhat ruined by my messy hair and flushed cheeks.

"Oh my Merlin! I have just had the most amazing, incredible, genius-" James suddenly exclaimed, sitting bolt upright.

"-mate, any time soon would be nice", Sirius pointed out.

"Oh, right, sorry." James stuttered, "Anyway, it's to do with the map. PETER! GET YOUR ARSE OVER HERE PRONTO!"

The mousy boy skidded over so quickly he probably lost three pounds.

"To the dorm!"

Several minutes later everyone was nestled comfortably on the nearest available piece of furniture-for me a huge scarlet beanbag.

We faced James expectantly.

"We should charm the map to…insult people when they guess the wrong password!" he shouted enthusiastically.

"How?" Peter asked sceptically.

"Um, I haven't gotten that far yet", James admitted.

Remus looked thoughtful.

"Where's my copy of A History of Hogwarts?" He asked.

"There", I pointed. He smiled and rescued the book from under Sirius' bed. Merlin knows what it was doing there.

Remus flicked through the pages, and finally found what he was looking for.

"Just as I thought. Look, it says here that the Founders of Hogwarts placed their brains into the hat to enable it to Sort. So if we put some of our brains into the map, it would enable it to insult people just as we would." Remus explained.

"How in the name of Merlin do you put your brains into a map? In case you haven't noticed, we kind of need our brains to live", I rationalised.

"Not in Sirius' case", Moony joked. "No, you don't really put your brains into it, it's more a… sliver of your personality."

"Yeah, but how do you do that?" Peter asked.

"I'm not sure", Moony admitted, "but it can't be too hard. It says here that it was an advanced transfer charm that was used. We'll just have to-"

"-Go to the library", James finished.

"Why is it always the library?" Sirius moaned.

"Because the library happens to always have the answers", Remus answered sensibly. Sirius immaturely stuck out his tongue in response.

"Moony, you and Amy take the invisibility cloak and go to the library. Pincers and Filch would murder you on the spot if they caught you there after curfew", James ordered.

"Why me?" I asked.

"Because you're smallest and fit under the invisibility cloak the easiest."

I spluttered indignantly and caught the cloak as Sirius threw it at me. I unfolded it and draped it over myself and Moony, squishing close to him to remain unseen. Remus smelled of chocolate, and...forests. An odd combination, only Moony could pull it off.

"What book are we looking for?" I asked him.

"I'm not sure of the name of it, but I know that it's in the Advanced Charms section", Remus replied.

We stealthily skimmed across the corridors, swerving around an unsuspecting Filch and skipping past an unusually relaxed Madam Pince (whom Sirius named 'Pincers') who was lost in a book.

Remus led me down the eighth row of looming bookshelves that covered the walls from floor to ceiling. He took several turns before finally finding what he had been searching for.

"I've got it." He whispered, "Enchantments for the Brainy." He flicked through the table of contents and scanned through the list.

"There", I pointed, "Chapter Twenty-Two".

"Okay, so it says here in paragraph six that the charm is 'tralato scientiam'. This, combined with a rather complicated potion that is on page 603 that will be poured over the map should complete the task", Remus explained to us.

I grabbed the book, flicked to page 603 and scanned through the instructions.

"Holy Merlin Moony!" I gasped, "Have you seen this? We're all useless at potions except Sirius and he blows them up for fun!"

Remus chuckled at the image of Slughorn dripping with his last potion.

"Well he won't explode it this time, and I can help. I can understand the theory behind potion brewing, I'm just not so good at the practical." Moony said.

"All right then", I said sceptically, "most of the ingredients are in the student store and I'll buy the Mandrake leaves and Skrewt venom off David Fent in Ravenclaw".

"Let's get started then".