It took until nightfall when everybody was getting ready for bed before Sirius was able to speak to them again.
He stepped into the room and closed the door carefully behind himself before turning to face his friends.
James looked livid, Remus had the same emotionless, haunted, expression he had had at lunch plastered across his face and Peter just looked as though he wished he were anywhere but there.
Sirius took a deep breath "I know… I know what I did… what I did was so, so stupid a-and I know that it won't be easy but you have to believe me! The thing with Snape- I never wanted anyone to get hurt, especially not you James. And Remus, I would never EVER use you intentionally, I just… I didn't think. I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am but… you have to believe that I am. I'm not like my family, I don't want anyone to get hurt" another wave of sickness washed over Sirius as the image of James, dead, and Remus, broken, flashed across his mind "I would never want to hurt any of you" he whispered.
Nobody replied. James just yanked his pyjamas on more aggressively than what was warranted while the others continued to get ready for bed.
Sirius felt as if his throat had closed up all of a sudden "Please don't stop talking to me. Please. You guys are the only family I have. You make me better than I am. I know I'm a stupid screw up and I know I don't deserve you but I need you, please. I would do anything for you to forgive me; nobody means more to me than you three. You're family" he gasped desperately.
James just savagely pulled the curtains around his four poster bed and Peter mimicked the action with an apologetic glance at Sirius. Only he and Remus were left. Remus stood across the room from him and just gazed unseeingly at him for a moment as though he had never seen Sirius before.
Remus' eyes slid into focus, fixing him with the deadened stare before saying emotionlessly "some things just can't be fixed."