During lunch was the only time Sirius ever felt safe going to his own dormitory. He knew James, Remus and Peter would be in the Great Hall and his dormitory seemed like the only safe place in the school, where he knew he could completely break down and not be interrupted.
Since his self-inflicted abandonment, Sirius had felt as though he couldn't breathe a lot of the time and when he tried to catch his breath often it would lead to hyperventilation or uncontrollable sobs.
Sirius didn't consider himself a weak man but living without his best friends, his family, was the worst pain short of their deaths that he could imagine, especially since he had never known love like this, family love, before so to have it taken away from him was unimaginably painful.
If he were having a particularly bad day he would rush up to the Gryffindor Boy's dormitory to be alone in his grief but, on one particular day, he burst through the door only to find that somebody else was in the room.
He quickly attempted to pull himself together before asking rather tactlessly "what are you doing here?" he honestly hadn't expected an answer but he was shocked when James' hesitant voice croaked back at him.
"I'mb sick. Whad are you doing here?" he asked as menacingly as his blocked nose would permit him.
Sirius was distinctly aware that he was shaking with the effort of keeping his breakdown hidden "is there anything I can do? I can take you to madam Pomfrey and-"
"No" James cut him off "I'mb find."
Sirius wanted to go over to James and force his stubborn butt out of bed and to the hospital wing like he had so many times before. When James got sick, he got seriously ill, never just a one day cold. Madam Pomfrey could fix him up in a second if he would just let Sirius take him but for now Sirius was just happy to hear James' voice directed at him, even if it were sickly and aggressive.
"Why are you shaking?" Sirius thought he detected a hint of concern behind James' contempt but he couldn't be sure.
It was getting harder and harder to push down his feelings and not cry all over James or go to him and make sure he was ok, but he forced himself to stay strong, he wasn't worth James' pity or his concern.
Sirius thought he had it all together when his knees gave out.