Twilight character names belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own Dodge and Burn.
Much love and thanks to Editor Azucena , Pre-readers BtwntheStacks and Lemonmartinis and Beta-MsKathy
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Dodge and Burn / Chapter Twenty-Three / The Father, the Son
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"Bella, sweetheart. Wake-up, baby. It's after ten."
Edward sits on the edge of the bed and runs his fingers through her hair. She finally opens up her eyes and blinks three times, trying to adjust to the bright morning light.
"Hey," she says softly, with a sleepy, rough voice.
"Hey," he replies. "I brought you some coffee."
She stretches her arms out and tips her head. "Is it naked?"
"No, it's way too early for naked coffee," he says, grinning. "I made it light and sweet just how you like it."
"You're so good to me." She smiles softly at him.
"I bet I'm nicer than that deadbeat Leonard ever was," he teases.
She rolls her eyes as she slowly sits upright. "Oh, is that what this is about? And here I thought you were using the coffee as a ploy to get a good look at me in my sheer nightie in the light of day."
"Well that, too." Edward eases the sheet down further. "Am I that obvious?"
She pulls the sheet back up to cover her breasts. "Yes, you most certainly are."
He takes a long sip of his own coffee and watches her rub the sleep from her eyes.
"So I thought I'd take you back to Lucca today."
Her smile falls. "Back to Lucca?" Her expression suggests the idea is a punishment. "I don't think I can handle being back there so soon after what happened last night."
"But that's the point, isn't it? You have to get back on the horse, Isabella. Or in this case I'm going to get you on a bike. I thought we could ride bikes around together until you started feeling comfortable about being there."
She makes a face at him.
"It's really great you know. They have a bike path along the top of the wall. We can have a picnic."
Her eyes light up. "A picnic?"
"Yeah, I found an old blanket in the laundry room we can bring with us. I'll bring one of our bottles of wine."
She swings her legs over the side of the bed. "Can I wear my rainbow skirt?" She asks with a smile.
He shakes his head firmly. "Bike spokes, Isabella. We don't want any mishaps do we?"
"True. It probably wouldn't be good to show up black and blue when I meet with Leo tonight. He might wonder about us."
Edward squints as he frowns at her.
"Okay, okay…I won't bring him up again."
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"Can I have the red one?" Bella asks, grinning.
The bike rental vendor waves his arm. "Si si, any bike for you."
Edward settles things with the Italian man while Bella laughs at her wobbly moves as she makes circles, riding her bicycle around the lot. Edward rolls his bike forward and pulls on his backpack.
He checks his gears and breaks, then mounts the bike. "Ready, Isabella?"
"You aren't going to go all Tour de France on me, are you?"
"No," he laughs. "I'll take it easy on you."
They work their way up a low incline hill that leads to the bike path and fall into sync, riding side by side. The smooth, paved path is surrounded by trees, and dappled with light. From the high vantage point you can look down into maze of the city below.
Edward glances over at Isabella and is happy to see her smiling, her hair flowing behind her like a banner in the wind. Earlier, she tensed up when they approached the parking lot outside the wall, but she seems to be more herself now.
"Wow, this is amazing," Bella calls out, breathless. "I'm glad you brought me here."
Edward grins and nods at her, letting her get ahead of him so he can watch her ride. Her head turns side to side, taking everything in as her legs pump the pedals. He watches men take notice of her as she passes.
My beautiful girl.
Once they circle the perimeter, Edward pulls ahead of her and points to a path down into the town center.
"Come on, Isabella," he calls out to her. "We're going in."
She looks nervous, but follows close behind him as he pedals through the streets, careful to move around the pedestrians and keep an eye on her. The third time he looks back she's smiling again. He keeps along a route he's confident with which includes a sweep past the church he found her at last night. Finally, he leads her back past the bike rental shop and up the hill again to the top of the wall.
They haven't gone far before Bella suddenly pulls over by a park-style café.
"I'm starving!" she announces.
Taking her cue, Edward lines their bikes up in the bike rack and they head inside.
She pushes him playfully on the shoulder as they approach the counter.
"What?" Edward asks.
"That was quite a ride. You're trying to wear me out, aren't you?"
"No, but do you want me to? That can be arranged. I'd be up for doing the whole thing again."
She rolls her eyes and ignores him. "Ooo, look at the sandwiches!"
"Okay, I'll look at the sandwiches," he teases.
They pick out a container of fruit, two sandwiches, and something that looks like a large cookie. Edward insists on paying.
"I saw a shady patch of grass just down to the left of this building. How's that sound?" she asks as they step back outside.
"Perfect."
They find a cool spot under a big tree and he pulls the blanket out of his backpack and spreads it over the grass while she gets the food out.
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After their meal and a few glasses of wine, she playfully feeds him grapes while he lies with his head in her lap. She slowly runs her fingers through his hair. The physical intimacy between them has become more relaxed again after falling asleep in each other's arms the night before.
"Let's move to Italy!" he says with a grin. His eyes have been closed, but he opens them to see her reaction.
"Yes, lets!" she says, her fingers tapping his head in excitement. "I'll sell my house, and you can sell…well, whatever…and we can open a…little something. I don't know. But imagine our Tuscan life!" She sighs happily.
"So you'll come here with me?" he asks.
"Yes, of course. Let's live in our little villa on the hill. Can we do that? Maybe we can rent it from Elisabetta's people forever."
"…and ever," he agrees, laughing.
"We can live on these amazing sandwiches and ride our bikes everywhere…"
"And we can skinny dip in our pool then I'll carry you to our bed."
"Do you have a single idea in this scenario that doesn't lead to sex?"
"I doubt it," he confirms. "I can't help it-I'm distracted lying here. Do you have any idea how alluring your breasts are from this angle?"
"Oh, Edward!"
"I swear, I can't tell you how much I want to touch them. Can I, just a little?"
"No, we're out in public in the light of day! Besides…"
"Oh, I know," he says, looking disappointed. "You can't blame a guy for asking though."
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Back at the villa, Bella is nervous as she prepares to see Leo. She takes a bath and dries her hair. As she studies herself in the mirror, she tries to remember what she looked like the last time Leo saw her. She imagines she was lovely…young, vibrant, and wildly in love. Who doesn't look great in those circumstances?
She figures that she will look less lovely to Leo now, but hopefully he will realize that she's still the woman he once admired. Even though she doesn't hold onto any desire for him, it still feels important to know he could still hold her in high regard. Doesn't everyone want to feel good about themselves for significant reunions?
She realizes that he's probably having the same questions about himself. He's now more than twenty years older than when she saw him last. Have the years been good to him, or have they broken him down?
She sits on the edge of her bed and slowly looks through the photo album she prepared for Leo, of Jacob. She's mentally worn out from years of wondering how he will react when she shares the news. It may be too much to ask for him to want to meet Jacob and form some type of relationship, but she hopes he at least can appreciate what a fine man he's turned out to be.
Bella also wonders how Edward's coping with all of this. Of course he's never hesitated to show his jealousy when it comes to Leonard, as he prefers to refer to Leo. She understands his green streak well, as she feels the same whenever she thinks of Lauren. She knows Lauren will always reside in a special place in Edward's heart, as does Leo for her. This is indisputable and a natural part of living a life well loved.
She's empathetic in knowing she wouldn't want to be in his shoes right now. Is it even possible to reassure him? Bella knows that in the obstacle course of a relationship, there isn't any pitfall or daunting challenge insurmountable if you both want to make it work enough. She supposes that this trip to Italy holds a number of such challenges and tonight will surely be one of them.
She pulls on the high-necked, demure sundress she purchased just for this occasion, takes a deep breath, and goes to find Edward to let him know she's leaving. She finds him out on the balcony playing his guitar.
"Okay, it's time for me to go," she says casually, trying to keep it light.
Edward looks up and studies her head to toe before looking back down at his guitar.
"Can you tell me again why he isn't picking you up here, why I can't meet him first?"
She sighs. "When you thought it would be best for me to tell Leo the news alone, I decided that meeting him somewhere else was a way to avoid some the awkwardness of all of this, Edward. There's enough drama for me with my nervousness to tell him about Jacob. Can't you understand that I don't want to add any more tension on top of it? Besides, if it goes well, I assure you that you'll meet him right away. He already knows I'm here with you…my boyfriend."
"I suppose," he says, "but this makes me feel rather insignificant, you know?" He strums his guitar once, the sound discordant.
She sighs. "That wasn't my intent. I always seem to do this stuff wrong. You know how important you are to me, Edward. I'm sorry you feel that way. Why don't you change your mind and come with me tonight?"
He looks up at her and reconsiders the idea.
She reaches for her purse. "Here, let me call him and tell him you're coming with me so he knows for the dinner plans."
As she starts to pull out her phone, he stops her.
"No, leave it as it is. It'll be easier if I'm not there."
"Maybe, but I don't want you to be upset. Really, Edward."
"I know," he says.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Yes," he replies, squinting as he looks back up at her.
"What?" She asks.
"You look nice."
"Thank you," she says softly, holding her arms out. "Can I have a hug before I head down?"
He sets his guitar down and stands up, then pulls her into his arms.
Her heart flutters as he holds her. "I love you, Edward," she says softly.
His arms tighten and he presses his lips into her hair before skimming the edge of her ear. "Don't let him touch you, Isabella. I don't think I could take it."
She's sad to realize how wounded he sounds already.
"You know why I'm seeing him, Edward. You need to trust my love for you."
"Okay," he says, without fully meaning it. Even if he trusts Isabella completely, there's no way he can trust this guy who used to be in love with her.
She pulls back and looks up at him. "Besides, it's thanks to you I'm finally doing this after years of wanting to. After tonight, I will no longer feel the guilt, the burden of the fact that Leo doesn't know about his son. This is going to be a huge weight off me and then I can focus on moving forward without this remorse in my heart."
"And you're moving forward with me?"
"That's my plan," she answers. She reaches up and kisses him tenderly on his cheek.
He wishes it were his lips.
"Please wish me luck telling him about Jacob. I'm so nervous it's not going to go well."
"Good luck, baby. You have your cell phone, right?"
She nods and pulls it out of her purse to show him.
"Good. Call me if…well, you know. I can be there in minutes. I already looked up how to get there."
"You did?" she asks with a sad smile, knowing he's worried.
He nods as she turns and heads for the door.
"Please don't worry. I don't know how long this will take, but I'll call to let you know when I'm heading home."
Edward holds back all of the jealous things he wants to say. Instead, he keeps it short and sweet. "Goodnight, Isabella. Remember that I love you."
"I will, and I love you, too," she answers, and she gives him one last smile before closing the door.
He falls back down onto the couch and grips the arm, resisting the urge to run after her. A slow panic starts simmering inside of him. He has a twisted urge to follow her in the car and spy on the two of them. Hell, he wants to run over the guy, leaving Fiat tire tracks across his back.
Yet logically, he knows that Leonard never did anything to deserve his wrath. It sounds like Leonard was honest with Isabella from the beginning of their college romance, and loved her during the time they had together. Even his warm welcome for Isabella to visit him in Italy sounded kind. He might be someone that, in different circumstances, Edward could be friends with. Unfortunately, all Edward wants to do to him now is not benevolent at all.
Edward stands up and heads to the kitchen to pour a glass of wine.
It's going to be a very long night.
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When Bella approaches the main square she sees a tall, handsome Italian man standing by the fountain. Her heart skips a beat as she suspects, then realizes, it's Leo. He's wearing glasses now and his hair is peppered with gray but there's no doubt it's him.
When she's about ten feet away he turns and notices her, a broad smile breaking out across his face. "Bella, Bella!" he says as he steps toward her and kisses her once on each cheek. He places a hand on each shoulder and holds her at arms length to study her. "Let me see you. Ahhh, I knew it! Bellisima!" And with that he pulls her into a hug.
It's overwhelming and disorienting to be near him again, to feel his arms around her when only minutes ago those arms were Edward's.
When they separate, she smiles. "It's wonderful to see you, Leo. Really wonderful."
"So shall we sit and start to catch up before we head up to the house?" He gestures toward the local café. He extends his arm to her, and she takes it.
She nods as he leads her forward and settles them at a table in the back of the patio.
A young man with an apron approaches them, and he and Leo break out in conversation in Italian. It's clear they know each other, but Bella realizes that everyone in this town probably knows each other. Everything about Lucca is so different than life in Los Angeles, and she loves that.
Leo stops speaking Italian for a moment to introduce her. The young man gives her a broad grin.
"What would you like, Bella?" Leo asks. "An espresso, or perhaps some vino?"
"How about a gelato?" she asks, grinning.
"See, you haven't changed at all, Bella."
Bella gets a melon gelato, and Leo a coffee, and they talk about Lucca and her initial impressions. He smiles warmly as she recounts all the wonders of life in Italy...the amazing food, the beautiful landscapes and architecture, how warm and welcoming the people are.
When it's Bella's turn to listen, she learns that Leo has lived in his family home in Lucca for the last five years. Being the oldest son, it was expected he would have the villa after his parent's passing, but his father surprised everyone and decided to move out sooner. It seemed that his knee problems had made it difficult to walk and the house had many stairs and he was tired of dealing with the workers to maintain the property. He made the decision for them to live in a large one story flat in the middle of town where everything was close and easy to access. Leo suspected that his mother was also more than ready to surrender the responsibility of the large family gatherings to Leo. He inherited their longtime housekeeper, Gabriella, in the deal.
Leo explains that after being on the move so long, he was finally ready to slow down and drop some roots. Despite the wanderlust of his youth, he discovered that he wanted to be close to his big family after all. He didn't want to miss his nieces and nephews growing up.
This last bit of news gives Bella hope. Maybe he will welcome the idea of Jacob after all.
She studies his face as he talks. His olive skin is tan and smooth despite a few wrinkles. She had forgotten how large and soulful his brown eyes were, and how his Roman nose, strong jaw line, and full lips give him an aristocratic air. She remembers how much she loved kissing those full lips.
"What do you see when you look at me, Bella?" he asks, realizing she's studying him. "Are you disappointed or pleased?"
Her cheeks blush and she looks down before gazing back up at him. "You're still very handsome, Leo."
"And you are even more beautiful," he replies, not missing a beat. "You are a woman now."
She's relieved when the waiter approaches and interrupts his appraisal of her charms.
Leo rubs the lemon rind along the rim of his small cup before taking a sip of his espresso.
She watches this sophisticated and confident, yet subdued man. Where is the passionate Leo she once knew, who would lean forward on the edge of his chair to tell her his latest grand ideas? She admires this man, but she misses the boy who had once stolen her heart.
His phone goes off and he reaches into his jacket to pull it out. He checks it quickly and then slides it back inside.
"So, where is this boyfriend you spoke of? The one you traveled with? I was surprised that you didn't want us to meet…that I couldn't pick you up at your villa."
"Yes, well, it was rather…difficult," Bella explains.
"Difficult?" Leo asks.
"Yes. He's jealous at the idea of you."
"So he understands that we were lovers?" he asks, smiling at the memory.
"Yes," Bella admits.
"Well, what is he to you, this jealous man? Is it serious."
"He's my boyfriend. It's serious, but we're working out some things right now."
"I see," replies Leo. He looks off into the distance. "What's his name?"
"Edward," she says softly, the word burning her lips.
"I understand this Edward's concern. Just look at you, Bella. You're so desirable still, perhaps even more now. You are spending the evening with a man who was once in love with you, deeply in love."
"That was a lifetime ago, Leo."
"Yes, but if he's in love with you, I doubt he feels that way. I very much understand his concern. I wouldn't allow you to be alone with me."
She looks at him wide-eyed, wondering what the real meaning is behind his words. "But he knows I love him," she says.
"You must understand what it is to be a man, yes? A man in love with a woman like you is a formidable thing."
For a moment Bella allows herself to think of jealous Edward back in their villa, playing the guitar on the balcony. He was very unsettled when she left and now Leo's warning has unsettled her too. She hopes he's okay.
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Leo winds his Alpha Romeo up and over the hills until they approach a large gate opening to a long driveway and a two-story villa of several structures.
"Wow, this is big. Is it just you living here, Leo?"
"Usually," he answers, smiling.
After parking, he shows her the home, which is sparsely furnished, elegant without being too formal. She can tell he's comfortable here by the way he moves through the space. She notices that, besides some family heirloom type paintings, most of the framed photography is his work.
He grabs his camera and leads her outside to show her the property with sweeping views. The villa has a classic Italian garden with olive, cypress, and fig trees. Closer to the house are boxwood hedges and pergolas with grapevines winding around their frames. A series of wisteria vines drape around the windows and doorways. She can't imagine living somewhere so picturesque. Bella leans on a fence at the end of the property that looks over the green rolling hills.
"This is really beautiful, Leo. I'm happy for you."
He smiles and nods, but there's a sadness behind his smile. She wonders if he's lonely. Surely he could have his choice of women to make his wife.
"You have quite the life here."
He listens as he photographs her. The lighting is perfect, warm with just a hint of pink from the setting sun.
"I'm happy for you too, Bella," he responds, finally letting go of his camera so it hangs around his neck. "You seem strong and content with yourself. I admire how you've taken care of yourself."
"Care?" she asks.
He lifts the camera and takes a few more shots. "I hope you don't mind me saying so, but look at your shape. Many women our age have a few children and let themselves go. You look fantastic, Bella."
She turns back to the view, blushing.
"Someone has taken very good care of you. Is it this Edward?"
"He takes good care of me, yes…but I take good care of myself too, thank you."
She turns toward him and links her arm in his as they start back to the house. "You were always one to notice a woman's shape," she teases. "I see that hasn't changed."
He shrugs. "I'm a man, Bella. It's my nature to appreciate the beauty of a woman."
She smiles, but instead on focusing on Leo, she thinks about her Edward and how he shows his appreciation for her in every look and touch. It's almost a relief to realize that she'd rather be with him tonight instead of Leo. As amazing as Leo is, this polished man in his big empty house isn't for her anymore. Her guitar playing lover with the big heart most definitely is.
..~*~..
Edward paces through the rooms, and although Bella had picked up food for his dinner, he can't stand to stay in the house any longer. He storms outside and walks down the hill to the square.
He can tell when the young waitress seats him that she's wondering where his colorful woman is. He wishes he knew as well.
He tries to imagine what this Leonard looks like now and if he took Bella out or brought her home. Maybe he lives in a broken down place and is fat and balding. He suspects that isn't the case though, or he wouldn't be so eager to have her over.
Edward orders a carafe of red and a steak, and starts to brood.
..~*~..
When Bella and Leo enter the house again they're approached by an older woman, her grey hair pulled back tightly in a bun. She is drying her hands on her apron.
"Leonardo, la cena è pronta."
"Grazie," he says, smiling.
"Bella, this is Gabriella, she takes care of the house for me and she's an amazing cook." Bella smiles broadly at the woman and nods her head.
He turns towards Gabriella. "Lei è la donna meravigliosa di cui ti ho parlato."
The old woman smiles back at her before turning to Leo. "È una bellissima donna."
"Si, si," he replies before he leads Bella to the dining room.
"What was that about?" she asks.
"She said you're lovely. I suspect she's always hoping I will find a woman like you, settle down and finally have kids. The woman loves children."
"Why haven't you married, Leo?" Bella asks as she settles into her chair.
He considers the question as he pours out their wine. "I've come close a few times, but I was always on the move, and now that I've slowed down I just haven't met the right woman yet."
"Well, maybe one day soon."
"Hmmm, perhaps," he answers, watching her.
Gabriella brings in the food and as they dig into the pasta, they talk about their journey as photographers. She tells him the story of how she ended up photographing couples. He in turn tells her about traveling the world and the various photography books he has published.
"Do you ever regret leaving school?" she eventually asks him.
"Regret leaving school? No," he huffs. "I knew more than most of those teachers. But did I regret leaving you?" He takes a long sip of his wine and leans forward. "Absolutely."
She can't help but feel pleased by his admission. She always wondered how he felt after he left since he never tried to contact her. "Why didn't you ever call or write, then?"
"My mother convinced me that I wasn't being fair to you. She knew I needed to see the world and that I wouldn't be around as I should. By cutting our ties you would be free to meet a man who would be better for you."
"Your mother convinced you of all this?"
"Italian boys listen to their mothers, Bella. We respect them."
She wonders if Jacob would ever listen to her if she told him how to live his life. She highly doubts it.
"I see," Bella responds, picking at her salad.
She realizes that she's getting very nervous knowing that she's going to have to tell him about Jacob soon. Will she be able to gather the courage to tell him the truth? She can't come all the way to Italy and not resolve what's plagued her for years. She decides to move the conversation somewhere safe and distracting.
"Hey, remember that time in school when Mr. Potts gave us that assignment for a nude self portrait?"
"He was a pervert," Leo says, shaking his head with disgust. "He just wanted to see all the girls naked."
"Yeah, that was a very uncomfortable critique," Bella admits.
"Or how about the one where we were supposed to shoot a landscape at night and we ended up making wild love in the car while the camera took the long exposure," he recounts, smiling.
"And we were halfway home before we realized we had left the camera in the field," Bella remembers, laughing.
"I don't think I've ever driven so fast. Thank God it was still there!" Leo adds.
"I think we played around more than we photographed," Bella adds.
"I'm sure you're right," he agrees, smiling happily.
Bella's feeling warm and fuzzy from the wine. Leo suggests that they move into the sitting room and she follows him on shaky legs. He lights a fire as she settles onto the deep burgundy velvet couch and pulls her bag near her feet.
After he joins her, he takes a sip of wine, leans forward, and brushes some hair off her shoulder. "Why do I get the feeling you're nervous, Bella. Is there something bothering you? Something you want to tell me?"
"Yes," she responds quietly. "Well actually, there's something I want to show you."
He nods. "Okay…"
She reaches down into her bag and pulls out the Jacob photo album. She offers it to him with unsteady hands. "Here, I thought you might want to see this."
He takes the book in his hands carefully and studies the cover. When he pulls it open he sees the first picture of Jacob as a baby. "Who's this?" he asks without looking up, carefully studying each page as he slowly turns the pages.
"That's my son, Jacob," she says quietly.
He turns to her, surprised. "You have a son?" he asks.
"Yes, I do. He's quite extraordinary, really. He's a wonderful young man."
"What's his name?" Leo asks as he looks at his preschool graduation pictures.
"Jacob," she says quietly.
"That's your mother, Renee. Correct?" Leo asks as he looks at a birthday party picture.
"Yes, it is," Bella says smiling. "She's been gone for a while now, but she loved Jacob. She helped me raise him."
"I don't see any pictures with the father. Where is the boy's father?" He asks, sounding curious.
"He wasn't around," she answers simply.
Leo shakes his head as he studies the pictures of Jacob playing with his soccer team in elementary school. "He's a very handsome child," he says.
"Yes, and an even more handsome grown man," she says.
When he gets to his ninth grade portrait, he stops turning the pages and stares at the photo as if he's seen a ghost. Bella realizes as she watches him that he's looking at his own image reflected back at him. This is the age where Jacob really started looking just like his dad. It seems that Leo is realizing the similarity and the truth is starting to sink in.
Bella's heart is pounding so hard she can barely breathe.
"How old is he now?" Leo whispers.
"Twenty-two," she answers, digging her fingers into the cushion of the couch. She can almost hear the calculator in his head working.
A moment later he shuts the book and closes his eyes. She waits for his eyes to open and tell her that he will hear her out, that he won't ask her to leave his home. He lifts himself off the couch and walks to the fireplace, finally leaning forward and resting his forehead on the scalloped edge of the mantle.
She twists her hands together nervously before placing her hand on the cover of the album.
"Who is the boy's father, Bella?" he asks calmly.
"I'm sorry, Leo," Bella replies in a sad voice.
"Who, Bella?"
She stands up and slowly walks toward him, the weight of the world echoed in every step on the fine wood floor. She stops behind him and pauses. She wishes she knew how to do this right.
"You," she finally admits.
His head falls forward, and when she hears a sob, her heart shatters. She reaches out and rests her hand on his back as he gasps for air.
"I'm sorry, Leo. I'm so sorry." In despair, her eyes fill with tears just as he pushes her away and turns around.
"I don't understand. For twenty-two years my son has been in the world and I didn't know. Why, Bella, why?"
For a moment she's so full of disbelief that she's finally told him about Jacob that she feels like she isn't in her body. Everything feels hazy and dreamlike. She forces herself to look up at him.
His expression changes moment to moment as if he is going through the stages of loss, grief, acceptance, revelation, and anticipation within moments-delicate fingers working their way down a string of rosary beads and back. She wishes she knew what she could do to help him understand.
She starts to speak several times, but crumbles internally despite fighting to remain strong.
He waits as if she is about to reveal the explanation that will make sense of all of this. If only she had such soothing words. She looks him in the eyes, then looks away. "Bella?" he asks, with more patience than she feels she deserves.
She presses her hands together and clears her throat as if the words are trapped inside.
"It's hard to explain, Leo."
"You must try," he says. "I need an answer. I deserve one."
She shakes her head. "All these years later it's hard to explain what it was like to be young and alone and to find out I was going to have a baby."
"But you didn't have to be alone," he insists. "I can't believe you didn't tell me. Were you afraid I wouldn't want him?"
"You'd always been so clear about how you felt about kids, Leo. I didn't find out until weeks after you'd left me, after you'd gone back to your life in Italy and never looked back. Honestly, I thought you would be angry and feel trapped."
"Angry…you thought that little of me? He was created from our passion, our love, Bella."
"You had gone off to follow your dreams. You never even called me or wrote. What was I to think?"
"But I am a man of honor. I would have taken responsibility."
"But that's what I was afraid of, that he would be an obligation to you and not a joy."
Leo looks away deep in thought. "You don't know that."
"He was my joy, Leo. My everything."
"I know I was a selfish young man. I'm probably still selfish after living a life just for myself. But I never had a chance…"
Bella sighs. "I know, and I will always regret that…all the 'what if's. I know now I was wrong, but I can't undo it as much as I wish I could.'"
Leo studies Bella's expression and can feel her despair. It weakens the fire behind his anger.
"And that's why I'm here now. I didn't want to live another year without you knowing about Jacob-whether you reject or embrace him. I had to undo the greatest mistake of my life."
Attempting to process everything, Leo silently paces back and forth across the room numerous times before returning to the fireplace. As he rests his arm against the mantle and closes his eyes, he thinks that if he'd heard this news ten or fifteen years ago, he would have been enraged at her not contacting him sooner. But in the wisdom of his older years he knows he has a choice. He can accept this news and try to build a relationship with his son, or he can throw Bella out of his home and let her carry his wrath the rest of her days. Who wins in that scenario? Certainly not he nor Jacob.
He takes a deep breath and knows his decision is made. Meeting his son is more important than anything else from this moment on.
"Oh, Bella," he sighs. He walks over to the couch and sits down, leaning forward on his elbows.
She can tell he's considering everything and she's encouraged that after taking time to think, he's calm.
He looks up at her as she moves to sit down on the other side of the couch.
He lets out a deep breath and clasps his hands together. "At least you're telling me now. He's grown and on his own so you didn't need to tell me but you did. And now I have a chance to be a father in his life. Yes?"
She nods. "Yes."
"There are things I can teach him. And things I can learn from him too," he says, sounding hopeful.
"You know what I've finally learned this year, Leo? I've learned that all of the biggest decisions in my life aren't just mine to make."
"No, they aren't," he agrees.
"And I've learned that once we love, our lives are interwoven like a tapestry," Bella continues. "To be loved is to walk forward together, to stay woven and not just pull the threads apart."
"I always felt guilty for leaving you, Bella, when I knew you were the woman for me. I chose my own path. I didn't walk forward with you and I know now that I was meant to."
"We were young. What did we know?" she says.
"Maybe we both can learn from our mistakes. I really hope I can be a good father."
The sincerity of his wish and idea of all the lost years overwhelms Bella and she curls forward. "I'm so sorry I wasn't stronger, Leo."
"Yes, but don't you ever say you're sorry for Jacob," Leo insists. "I have a son, Bella. I never thought it would happen."
She leans back. "You really aren't angry?" she asks. "I'd understand if you were."
"Angry? Angry because I have a son? He looks just like me, Bella."
She nods her head, feeling encouraged. "He does. He's very handsome, and you know what else? He's so much like you. He loves The Rolling Stones and fast cars, and he wants to travel the world when he's not saving it from Alzheimer's. He's so wonderful, Leo. He really is."
Leo shakes his head in disbelief. "This is my boy. This is my son."
She wipes her tears away in relief.
He moves over closer to her on the couch and grabs the photo album again and flips through the pages. "This is my son," he chants over and over.
"Yes, it is. I'm so relieved you seem happy about it. I can't even tell you," she says.
"Happy? It's like my life has just begun. Where is he? I need to see him, talk to him. Does he even know about me?"
"I will explain everything, but first I have to say that I hope one day you can forgive me for not telling you sooner. I was so scared and overwhelmed to be pregnant, and then as each year passed it seemed more and more that you'd been a dream."
He points to the photo album. "You have suffered such heartbreak because of me leaving, Bella, but I can see how you did everything for our boy."
"I have lived such a life, Leo. I have lost and won so much."
He wipes the tears out of his eyes and holds his arms open. "Come here, mama."
She slides up close and he wraps his arms around her.
"You need to understand that you have just given me everything. What was my life, my dreams, before tonight? My God, Bella…We have a son."
.
.
xoxo
abbie
See you next Saturday!
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