~ Chapter 5: Goodbyes ~

- Percival -

I went to the place where I left Gwaine's body. It took me less than a day to get there by horseback, and the entire ride, I'd braced myself for how difficult it would be to see his lifeless body. I knew the queen was right; he didn't deserve to be left here forgotten.

When I got to the clearing, the ropes that had bound Gwaine were severed. There was no other sign of him. No sign of a struggle, no extra footsteps, no indication that he'd ever been here aside from the broken ropes.

I briefly wondered if I was mistaken, but I remembered the look in his eyes. It would haunt me for the rest of my life.

Did someone steal his body? Who would want it? Surely an animal couldn't have taken him. No, there would be some kind of pawprints or footprints left behind. Something to show he had been taken. My confusion only increased. There was no sign of him.

I wondered if that was part of Morgana's magic.

I looked at the setting sun. I decided I'd make camp for the night and then keep looking for his body when morning came. I didn't really have much of a choice. I could've stepped over it and not noticed with how dark it was.

I walked around, trying to find firewood. I had collected a decent amount when I made my way back to the clearing.

As I was setting up the firewood, I heard the sound of a twig snapping. I immediately went on the defensive, scouring the woods for anything out of the ordinary.

There was nothing to be seen. Most likely an animal. I didn't let my defenses down, but I forced the sound from my head. I pulled out the small provisions I packed for my journey. I had anticipated spending the night in the wilderness.

I stared into the flames of the fire. To my surprise, I found myself talking. I was never a particularly verbal person. I always preferred to keep to myself. I guess I was trying to make up for it now. I wasn't talking to anyone in particular, I was just talking. After a couple of minutes of rambling, I realized I was talking to someone, or more so I was talking to all the someone's that were no longer here.

I needed to say all the goodbyes I would never have the chance to say.

"My lord," I said quietly looking into the fire. "I want to thank you. I was common, but you made me a knight. You gave me a chance when no one else would. More than that, you gave me an entire group of men I could trust. You were a wonderful king. I will miss you, My Lord."

I felt my chest burn at the thought of talking about Gwaine, so I put it off. I had one other goodbye to say anyway. "Merlin, you were always such a loyal friend. You didn't just serve Arthur, you served all of us. You had no skills to help you, yet you never hesitated to put yourself in danger to help Camelot. I hope that one day I can be as brave as you. I will not be the same without your sense of humor and your companionship. Goodbye, Merlin." I threw a stick in the flames and watched the shooting embers. In a weird way, I felt like that was Merlin saying goodbye as well.

I heard another twig snap, but it was too dark to see anything. I'd have to trust in my abilities to defend myself if I needed to. The first time I said his name, it was inaudible. It got caught in my throat and I couldn't push past it. "Gwaine," I repeated. I felt like something was clawing at my chest. "You were my best friend, even among the knights. You helped me find hope and you brought me with you to Camelot. When you asked me to go with you to kill Morgana, I didn't hesitate. I do not regret my decision, I only regret that you were the sacrifice for that decision. You will always be my friend. I promise that I will honor your memory."

"That's a pretty pathetic eulogy, if I do say so myself," a voice said from the shadows.

I jumped to my feet and looked around. I recognized that voice. "Gwaine?" I asked uncertainly. It wasn't possible. He was dead. Maybe the darkness and my grief were playing tricks on me.

He stepped out of the shadows. "Did you miss me?" He asked in his carefree voice. If he didn't look so terrible, I would have thought I was imagining him.

I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. Some things never change. I briefly hugged him. "Where have you been?" I asked him. "I thought you were dead."

He shook his head. "That snake didn't kill me. It put me in something like a coma," he told me. He got a far off look on his face. "I was trapped in a world where I betrayed my king. I had to live with that guilt. I was paralyzed with guilt. It seemed like it would never end. And then suddenly, it was over."

I dropped my head. How do I tell him Arthur is dead? "Gwaine, you didn't betray our king. You were fighting against sorcery. There was nothing you could do," I told him.

Gwaine looked at me. "Where is Arthur?" He asked me cautiously.

I looked down. "He's dead," I told him. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't see the pain I knew he would be in. "Him and Merlin. We couldn't find their bodies."

Gwaine fell to his knees. "It's all my fault," he whispered. "I betrayed him and now he's dead. And I brought Merlin into this. Merlin didn't deserve to die like that. He deserved to die a hero. Now everyone will only remember him as the king's manservant. He was so much more than that."

"No, Gwaine," I told him. "It wasn't your fault. It's Morgana's fault. She was so twisted and full of hate. It was her that killed Arthur." I hesitated. "I cannot convince you of something you do not believe, but I hope you know it was just a cruel choice of fate that it was you Morgana tortured. Anyone else she had chosen would have to carry this same burden."

"Merlin wouldn't," Gwaine said confidently.

I wanted to argue with him, but the truth was, if anyone could have resisted Morgana's torture, it was Merlin. His steely resolve was often unrivaled.

I gave him his space to come to terms with what happened to Arthur and Merlin. He kept whispering that it was his fault. After about an hour, I interrupted him. "Do you know what Arthur would say right now?" I asked him. "He would tell us that no man is worth his tears."

"Did Sir Percival just try to comfort me?" He asked. His joke wasn't as carefree as it usually would've been, and I could still see the pain in his expression. He gave me a watery laugh. "But do you know what Merlin would say?" I looked at him curiously. I actually do not know what Merlin would say. "He would say Arthur was a cabbage head."

I couldn't help the laughter that escaped me. "Yes, but you know as well as I do that he would listen to Arthur anyway," I pointed out.

Tears started to fall from his eyes again. "But he can't, because thanks to me, he's dead," Gwaine muttered.

"It will be okay Gwaine," I told him. I was never good at this whole thing. I could stab something with a sword with ease but comfort someone? I was completely lost. "It'll be hard, but you'll get through it."

"I'm going to need a bloody tavern if you keep trying to comfort me," Gwaine told me. There was a hint of truth behind his sarcasm.

The last thing I wanted was to make things worse, so I bit my tongue. It was going to be a long trip, but somehow we were going to heal.