~ Chapter 7: Gwaine ~
- Gwen -
It had been three days since the news of Arthur's death reached me. It had been three days since Camelot had accepted me as their leader. And it had been three days since my world had crumbled around me.
When I wasn't in council or performing my new royal obligations, I was staring out the window that looked out into the courtyard. I kept hoping that one moment he'd suddenly appear, but my hope was fading. I couldn't believe he was gone.
I couldn't stop thinking about him. When I first met him, I thought he was spoiled and arrogant but somewhere along the way, he changed. He became the man that I loved. He never gave up on me, not even when I was bewitched by Morgana. He used sorcery to save me.
Arthur never gave up on me, and I am determined not to give up on him. Until the day I day, I would hold out hope that he would come back to me.
"My lady," Gaius said.
I was so distracted I jumped about a foot when I heard him. He must have approached me as I stared out the window, lost in thought about Arthur. I hadn't realized I was so oblivious to what was happening around me. I'd need to be more careful. This time it was Gaius, but I couldn't be sure that the threat to Camelot was truly gone. "I'm sorry, my lady," he told me. "I didn't mean to startle you."
"It's all right. I was just distracted," I told him.
"I can see that my lady," he told me. "Is there anything you would like to talk about."
I hesitated. I was going to have to confide in him eventually. But I just wasn't ready for that. "No Gaius. But thank you," I told him politely.
"You will have to talk to me eventually, your highness. Your problem is not just going to disappear," he told me.
My eyes widened. "You know?" I asked him. I could feel heat flooding to my cheeks. I haven't told anyone. Not a single soul. How could he possibly know?
"I have been a physician for many years. I've seen many things. I recognized the signs," he told me.
I could feel tears falling down my face. "How could this happen?" I asked him desperately.
"I think we both know the answer to that question," Gaius pointed out.
I blushed again, looking down at my feet. "Arthur is gone," I whispered. "He's dead." Moving forward without him felt impossible.
"Yes. But you have to think about yourself. And more importantly, you have to think about–" He started to say.
"Please Gaius," I said cutting him off. I knew exactly what he was going to say. "Please, I'm just not ready."
He nodded at me. "Very well but you're not going to be able to wait forever," he warned me.
I nodded. "I have no intention of doing so," I promised him.
Gaius bowed to me. "Oh and I almost forgot. Sir Percival has returned. He's requesting a private audience with you," he told me. Then he walked away. I stared after him for a moment before I looked back to the floor.
I sighed and composed myself before I began to walk to the throne room. When I walked in, I was shocked with what I saw. Gwaine was standing next to Percival.
"Gwaine?" I asked uncertainly. He was alive!
When Gwaine saw me, he sunk to his knees. "Rise," I told him. "You have no need to kneel before me."
"Oh, but I do my lady. I betrayed our king. I betrayed Camelot. I am ashamed of my actions. If it wasn't for me, Arthur and Merlin would never have met Morgana on their travels. They would both still be here today," he said looking at me. "I will accept whatever punishment you sentence me to."
I looked at him confused. "What are you talking about?" I asked him. I was far too exhausted to exercise the tact that I knew I ought to. Fortunately, it was Gwaine, so I knew he wouldn't think anything of it.
"It was I who told Morgana where Arthur was heading. It was I who caused Arthur's death," he told me. I could hear the pain in his voice. "For this, I know I must be punished."
I walked over to him. Gently, I put my hand on his arm and helped him to his feet. "Sir Gwaine," I said in a powerful voice. "You are not guilty of anything. Morgana was a powerful sorceress. There was nothing you could have done."
"My lady," Gwaine said bowing his head. "I hate to disagree, but if I was stronger…"
"Then you would have just prolonged your suffering," I interrupted him. "Arthur would not want you to feel this guilt."
He bowed at me and nodded. He started to walk out. "Gwaine?" I called, stopping him.
He turned to look at me. "If it wasn't for you, Morgana would still be alive. Just remember that," I told him. "You may feel the guilt of my husband's death." The words got caught in my throat and I had to cough to clear them. "You may feel that guilt, but you have done Camelot a great service."
He nodded at me then walked out. Once I was alone, I let my defenses fall. I knew Arthur wouldn't want Gwaine to punish himself for this, but I didn't know how to get Gwaine to see that. It was Arthur that had a way with words like that.
I would just have to try my best.