Twilight character names belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own Dodge and Burn.
Much love and thanks to Pre-readers BtwntheStacks and Lemonmartinis and Beta-MsKathy who took time out of their holidays to do their magic. They're awesome.
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Dodge and Burn / Chapter Twenty-Nine / She Believes
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"Can I ask you something?" Bella says to Edward as she sets a plate of scrambled eggs and toast in front of him.
"What's all this?" he asks, grinning as he surveys his food.
"You have another crazy day ahead of you. You need a good breakfast."
"Look at you taking good care of your man," he teases, reaching over to pull her close. "Thank you."
She smiles then moves to the counter to get the pot and refill his coffee. "You're welcome. Besides, I like taking care of you." After she finishes pouring, she leans down to plant a kiss on his cheek. "I'll make you breakfast every morning if you'd like that."
He spreads the napkin on his lap, loads up his fork, and takes a bite. He sighs with happiness. "All righty then, I'm calling the moving truck today."
"Yeah?" she asks, settling into the chair across from him.
He smiles widely and nods his head as he takes another big bite of his breakfast.
She seems deep in thought as she stirs her coffee for a moment before speaking up again. "Actually, that kind of leads me to what I was going to ask earlier before you got all excited about your eggs. I know you're teasing me about moving in and everything but I've been wondering, where are things with your divorce?"
Edward looks up startled and sets his fork down. The color starts to drain from his face. He looks completely awake now. "My divorce?" he asks.
Bella looks embarrassed. "I guess meeting Lauren yesterday and her calling herself your wife made me think about it. I realized that you haven't talked about the divorce in a while."
"Oh, I see," he says, scratching his chin.
"Am I not supposed to bring it up?" she asks, feeling insecure all of a sudden.
"No. No…of course you can. I'm just surprised. You've never asked about it like that before."
She tips her head. "Well, I'm curious."
"I'm not sure what's happening exactly. My lawyer said they were at a standstill because Lauren is insisting that she needs to talk to me."
"Privately?" Bella asks, her stomach suddenly feeling unsettled.
Edward looks down at his food and pushes the plate forward. "I guess so." He looks back up at Bella. "You know I don't want to have that kind of talk with her."
"But she will hold you hostage until you do. Is that it?"
He shrugs. "Maybe so. To be honest I've been focused solely on the event, getting the center open, and you." He stops and quickly corrects himself. ."…and not in that order."
Bella smiles sweetly at him.
"I really have pushed Lauren and the divorce to the far corners of my mind."
Edward watches Bella examine her fingernails as she thinks.
"You don't think I'm putting it off for any reason…do you?" he asks.
"I wasn't sure. That's why I asked. I mean, we're talking about maybe living together and it occurred to me that I don't think I should live with someone who's still married."
His surprise is evident as he speechlessly blinks at her several times. He realizes that the lightheartedness that he woke up with is gone.
"Ah, so that's what this is all about." He rubs his hands over his face and lets out a long sigh. "Okay," he replies before pulling his plate forward and taking another bite.
She sets her coffee cup down. "Okay? That's it…okay?" She doesn't try to mask her frustration.
"Well, as long as we're laying our cards on the table, I don't think I should move in with someone who has a bottle of suicide pills on her mantle." He sets down his coffee cup and gives her a look.
Her expression crumbles. "That was cruel."
"Really? I thought it was honest. Having those pills still there is cruel to me, Isabella."
"But we were going to talk about it after I spoke with Jacob. Come to a resolution."
"I know, but when?" he asks. "Have you made a plan to talk to Jacob yet?"
"No. Okay, I see your point." She lets out a long sigh. "Like the divorce, things aren't happening as fast as you'd like."
"Exactly."
She notices his fingers curl up as his hands rest on the table.
"We can slow this down if you'd like," he says as he stands up and takes his dish to the sink.
She fights back her tears. "That isn't what I meant. I'm sorry I brought up anything. I just messed everything up."
"Look, Isabella." He steps up behind her and rests his hands on her shoulders. "I'm exhausted and totally stressed. We're both short tempered, readjusting to being home and that our fantasy vacation is over."
"Do you think the way we were in Italy was all a fantasy? Not real?" Her bottom lip quivers and she bites it to hold it still.
"I'm not saying that. Hell, I can't believe that last night we were making love and we woke up raring to fight." He huffs and squints with frustration. "Let's just stop, okay? I'm late and I've gotta go anyway. We can try to talk about this tonight."
"But…" Bella protests, but Edward stops her.
"I've gotta go," he insists. He squeezes her shoulder and reaches down and kisses her on the cheek. "I'll call you later and let you know what time I'll be home."
She nods silently and tries not to panic as the sound of his footsteps fade while he moves further and further away from her.
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..~*~..
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As Bella cleans the kitchen up from breakfast, she admonishes herself.
What was that about? Are you trying to push him away?
She wonders if Lauren will be at Esme's Place again today. It's her jealously of Lauren that put her in this foul mood in the first place. She swings between telling herself to let it go, and then scheming what excuse she can use to stop by and check on things. Is she becoming the very kind of woman she despises?
Her mind starts spinning like a top until she grabs her phone and decides to reach out to the one person who could give her some real insight as to what is going on.
Gratefully, Rose picks up on the second ring.
"Hi, Bella."
"Hi, Rose. Do you have a free minute?"
"Sure, the kids are at school and I'm just paying bills. What's up?"
Bella pauses. "Rose, this is awkward and you don't have to answer me, but I think you're the best person for me to talk to about Edward, and I have a few questions."
Rose's surprise silences her for a moment but then she answers. "Sure, Bella. What's up?"
"I'm just wondering if you think I have anything to worry about with Lauren? I mean beyond the obvious, that she's still married to Edward," Bella explains.
"Why do you ask?" Rose asks cautiously
"Are you sure you don't mind talking about this?" Bella questions.
"No, I don't mind," Rose responds. "If I can be helpful I want to be."
Bella takes a deep breath. "Well yesterday I met Lauren when she dropped by Esme's Place and she made a point to introduce herself as Edward's wife."
Rose sighs. "I'm sure she did."
"I'm confused, Rose. I thought she left him. Does she want him back now or something? What about her boyfriend?"
"Well, I'm sorry to say that I heard through the grapevine that he moved out three weeks ago."
"They broke up?" Bella asks.
"Apparently," Rose says.
"I see," Bella says quietly while she tries to absorb the bad news.
"Edward loves you Bella," Rose says reassuringly. "It doesn't matter if Lauren has changed her mind about Edward now that he's better than ever. That isn't going to make a difference to him. He's done with her."
Lauren has changed her mind? Bella tries to refocus before responding to Rose.
"I love him, too," Bella says. "I feel even worse now about our argument this morning."
"Was it about Lauren?"
"It was about why their divorce isn't moving along. Can I ask you? What did you and Lauren fight about when we were in Italy?"
"So Edward told you about that?" she asks.
"Yes, although he didn't tell me what you argued about."
"Let's just say she was trying to stake her claim again, and I didn't like it. She was saying disparaging things about you-I guess she's been digging around for information from their mutual friends, and it pissed me off. She's trying to manipulate things but she doesn't get how serious Edward is about you."
Bella is silent as she processes Rose's words. "Digging around?" Bella asks with a weak voice, trying to imagine what in the world Lauren could dig up about her.
"Never mind that, Bella. You do know how serious Edward is about you, don't you?"
"Yes, I do, and I feel the same. So believe me the last thing I want to do is deal with Lauren going after him again."
"I know. That day I was at Esme's Place, Lauren showed up and started asking about Edward. I informed her that you and he were on a romantic trip in Italy."
"I'm assuming she didn't like hearing about that."
"No she didn't, and she started making snide comments and that's when I went off and told her exactly what I thought about what she did to Edward."
"I'm sorry, Rose. That must have been awful for you."
"Don't you worry about me; I've always had issues with Lauren, but especially since her affair and the way she treated Edward when he was so down. I'd been angry with her a long time and just waiting for Edward to get over her. Our argument was a long time coming. Besides, Edward has moved on and healed thanks to you and I refuse to sit back and let her try to mess things up."
"I appreciate that you're looking out for Edward, and for me too, Rose."
"I'll be honest with you. Emmett is furious at me. He says I should just stay out of it, that it's none of my business. But I can't help it—I 'm protective when it comes to my brother and this is the happiest I've seen him in a long time."
"Well, I'm grateful for that. So how would you handle things if you were me?"
"Look, I know Edward is crazy about you. There's no doubt about that and that you're who he wants to be with. What I'm worried about is that she'll start stirring up trouble to wear you guys down. Just don't let that happen."
Bella thinks about the way she called herself Edward's wife and how that simple gesture had eaten away Bella's confidence. Isn't that ultimately what led to their disagreement this morning? If Lauren does indeed have a plan, it's already working.
Before saying goodbye, Bella assures Rose that she won't let Lauren's agenda come between her and Edward. After she sets the phone down, she decides to get dressed and head to her studio.
She needs to vent and process this swirl of emotions. It's time to create.
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..~*~..
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Edward stops at the music shop in Burbank to pick up some of the new and reconditioned equipment purchased for Esme's Place. The studio's locked storage cabinets are finally finished and ready to be filled.
When he arrives at the space the linoleum guy is finishing up the main room. Edward smiles, knowing he can cross off one more item off his list.
"Just in the nick of time!" The contractor points out.
"It's all coming together," Edward agrees. "Our fundraiser's tomorrow night and some shots are being taken of this room this afternoon to be included in the presentation."
"This place is cool," the installer says. "I bet my boy would play some fine music if he had a place like this to come."
"Well, if he's interested he's welcome," Edward offers.
"Really?" the man asks, lifting himself off the floor to face Edward. "We have three kids, and we really can't afford lessons or anything like that."
"This is free. Your son would just have to make a commitment to practice, take good care of his instrument, and come regularly for lessons. Do you think he would be willing to do that?"
The man's face brightens. "I'm sure he would. When he's interested in something, he's obsessed. And he loves music."
"That's great," Edward responds. "So come see me next month and we'll set something up."
As the worker gathers up his installation tools, Edward studies the colorful pattern on the floor and it makes him think about Bella. He still has an uneasy feeling from their conflict this morning. Bella really surprised him with her comments about his divorce. He can understand though. He wouldn't like it if she were still married.
He resolves to start pushing harder to get the divorce wrapped up. He picks up the phone to call Emmett but his assistant, Kathy, lets Edward know that he's in a client meeting. He relays the message that he wants the divorce sped up. She assures Edward that she'll have Emmett return the call as soon as possible.
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..~*~..
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In her studio, Bella is transfixed by her computer screen. She scans through vintage advertisements she's found geared towards housewives in the fifties. There's something so creepy in the perfection of their domestic world. She manipulates a few images and then prints them out to paste into her art journal.
The first advertisement is of a proud woman in a starched housedress holding up a roast she's just pulled out of the oven. Her expression is proud and serene, which makes the fact that Bella photoshopped the image so that the roast is on fire, even more amusing. Bella writes at the top of the page Is This What Home is?
The next image is a woman in an apron, who has an eerie resemblance to Lauren, serving her husband a cocktail as he unwinds by the fireplace with his pipe. Bella smirks at the arm and leg restraints she's added to the image. The title Or Could This Be What Home is? is in bold lettering at the top of the page.
The next page is blank except for a single word written in the center of the page: No.
The forth and final page is the picture of her and Edward arm in arm at the beach in Cinque Terre, glowing with happiness. She has dropped the picture into the shape of a heart and then drawn a simple stick figure house around it. At the top of the page she has written in simple small letters, Home Is Where the Heart Is.
As she fills in the outlines of the lettering her phone rings. When she sees Edward's name on her screen, she shrinks, wondering for a moment if he somehow could see what she's doing.
"Isabella, it's me."
"Hi you," she says softly.
"Where are you?"
"I'm in the studio."
"Are you in the middle of printing?" he asks.
"No, I'm working on my art journal."
There's a pause as he tries to figure out how to react to the idea of her journaling after their disagreement.
"Edward?" she asks. "Look, I'm sorry about his morning. I shouldn't have said what I did about the divorce. You're under so much pressure this week. I'm so sorry. Your wife just got to me yesterday."
He bristles at Bella calling Lauren his wife.
"Isabella, can you meet me in the front yard?" he asks.
The front yard? "Why?" she responds.
"I'm late to pick up Sean, but I need to see you for a moment," he answers.
"You're here?" she asks excitedly, dropping her phone before he can answer. Bella hurries out of her studio and across the yard. When she reaches the front, Edward moves toward her with his arms open and her spirits rise to realize that he doesn't look mad anymore.
They fall together and hold onto each other tightly.
"I just needed to hold you," he whispers. "I needed to see you, even if for just a minute."
"Really?" she asks. "I'm so glad you came." She breathes into his neck and finds comfort in his scent and warmth. "I didn't want to bother you at work, but I almost called you too, I felt so bad."
"Yes, I'm so sorry I hurt you, baby. I shouldn't have brought up the pills like I did. I feel sick about it."
She presses her cheek against his shoulder. "But you were right. I understand why you said what you did."
"I called Emmett," he says as he rubs his chin over the top of her head.
"About the divorce?" she asks.
"Yes. He was in a meeting but I left the message that I want things to pick up speed."
"Really?" she asks, smiling softly.
He nods. "I don't want a single reason for you to doubt how much I want to be with you. You're my future, Isabella. The past is behind us."
She grins as she reaches up to kiss him. He tastes sweet and it makes her want him all the more.
"I love you so much," she whispers.
"Oh, Isabella, I love you too. You know it's just that the stress of all of this-the opening, the divorce, Leo coming to visit soon…it's turned me into a beast."
"Hardly," she huffs. "You're human. You're under a lot of pressure. I'll tell you what. I'll forgive you if you forgive me."
"Deal," he says happily, squeezing her tight. His phone rings and he looks at his watch and sighs. "I've got to go," he says sadly.
"I know," she says. "Thank you for coming by. Thank you for being wonderful."
"Yeah?" he asks, grinning. "I'm still your man?"
She pulls him close and kisses him like it's the last kiss her lips will ever be lucky enough to share. His heart thunders, his blood pressure soars, and he suddenly completely understands what it means to swoon.
"Yeah," she whispers as they part, nodding her head and grinning. "You're still my man."
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..~*~..
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"Bella?"
She looks at her phone screen twice to make sure she didn't misread it. Good lord, what now?
"Leo?" she asks nervously, marveling at his timing. Edward hasn't even been gone ten minutes when Leo pops back into her world. "Is everything okay?"
"Yes, yes," he assures her. "Actually, I wanted to let you know that I'm coming to California for a few weeks and I'm hoping to see you."
"What?" Bella asks, startled. This is too soon. She has too much to deal with already without Leo coming into town.
"There's a possibility I could be there even longer," he says. "Do you know yet when Jacob is returning home?"
"What a minute," she says. "Why are you coming?"
"I'd been offered an assignment in Los Angeles a while back, for a book about the Italian culture and people living in Los Angeles-things like contrasting Venice, Italy with Venice, California. With this turn of events, I've decided to take the job."
"I see," says Bella. "Where will you be staying?"
"I'm working that all out," he responds. There is a silent pause. "You don't sound happy about my coming, Bella."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Leo. It's not that. There's just a lot going on right now. We just got home and are still trying to settle and get caught up with things."
"So you will see me?" he asks carefully.
"Yes, we will work all of it out when you know more details of your timing. Actually, I should warn you that Jacob is coming out to L.A. the weekend after next to attend a wedding. But it's going to be a really quick trip. I don't think that would be the time for you two to meet."
"In two weeks?" Leo asks excitedly. "When was this planned?"
"I just found out," replies Bella, starting to wonder why she mentioned it. This total disclosure thing can make life very tricky.
"I hear the worry in your voice, Bella," Leo says gently. "Let's just take things one at a time. I will let you know when I'm coming and then we will talk. I have some ideas that I want to discuss with you."
Bella sighs, reminding herself that Jacob belongs to Leo now, too. She's opened that door and now she has to let him walk through it. "Okay, Leo. Just call me when you have your plans set."
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After their goodbyes, she sets the phone back down with a flood of worries and then laughs at her craziest thought. Perhaps she should introduce Leo to Lauren.
Yes, now that's an idea!
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..~*~..
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After dinner of vegetable soup and French bread, Bella starts digging through her closet to figure out what to wear to the event. She lets out a long sigh. Considering that it's tomorrow night, she really should have figured it out earlier.
She pulls out a velvet skirt that has swirls of various shades of blue. Too close to the rainbow skirt, she thinks, smiling. She remembers a low cut wrap-dress Leah had convinced her to buy when she finally decided she needed to start dating after her mom passed. She pushes off her clothes and pulls on the dress, wrapping it tightly and then slipping on some heels at the back of the closet.
She steps back from the full length mirror and turns side to side as she smoothes the fabric over her hips. It's a little shorter than she remembers, revealing a lot of leg. She wonders what Edward would think of this dress on her with her cleavage showcased. Maybe it's a bit too sexy for her to be comfortable in with a crowd of people to meet.
She wonders what Lauren will wear and for a moment, she reconsiders the dress. She reminds herself that this isn't a competition and she starts to undo the tie belt. Stepping inside the closet once more, she picks out her burgundy embellished skirt with a contrasting vintage 1940's fitted jacket. She smiles and feels settled as she pulls out her dress shoes and evening bag.
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By eight-thirty, she starts to wonder when Edward will be calling to say he's headed home. She finally texts him and he calls immediately after. He sounds really agitated.
"Are you okay?" she asks. "Can I do anything?"
"No, sorry. It's just been a long day and Lauren just called and is insisting that she has to pick up a painting that belongs to her from my place tonight."
"What?"
"You know the one in the entry way? I gave that to her a number of years ago for her birthday, but she always claimed she didn't like it. Suddenly she has to have it back."
"Why can't it wait until another time?"
"She's hoping to have some of the people she's bringing to the event over to her house tomorrow after the show and there's a big hole over the mantle from where her boyfriend took his painting when he moved out. Apparently he moved out several weeks ago."
"So what do you think about that?" Bella asks, not sharing yet that she'd heard the news about that from Rose.
"Not much." He laughs. "It really doesn't matter to me either way, does it? I just was never a fan of his, obviously."
"No, I'm sure you weren't," she agrees.
"So I'll call you when I'm headed over, okay?" he asks.
She worries, he sounds so tired. "Are you sure you're okay? Why don't I come over so I'll be there when Lauren shows up. That will get her out that much faster," she teases.
There's a tense pause, and Bella holds her breath, hopeful. "No, baby. I don't want you in the middle of all this. I'll take care of it."
Bella closes her eyes and tries to think of what to say that won't sound catty or desperate.
"But thanks for the generous offer," he teases back.
"I could help you get the painting down and we could leave it outside the front door," she offers.
"Isabella…"
"Yes?"
"You don't know how Lauren can get."
"Which is precisely why I want to be there."
"You know, if I wasn't so damn tired, this territorial side of you would get me really turned on."
She sighs.
"I'll call you as soon as she leaves. I promise."
After saying goodbye, she slips the phone in her breast pocket so that there's no possibility she will miss his call.
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..~*~..
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It's almost ten-fifteen when her phone rings. She is so unnerved that she has to take a deep breath before she answers. Her hands trembling, she doesn't tell him that she's already considered driving by his place to see why Lauren's still there. Would she have the courage to go to his door? Or would she slink away before they saw her, feeling too embarrassed to be spotted.
What is happening to her? She's never been this way, but she's never been in love like this before. There is nothing like feeling threatened you could lose something to remind you exactly how much it means to you. Edward is her heart now. He is her everything.
"Isabella," he says quietly when she answers.
He sounds empty. Different.
"Are you okay? I was so worried. It's been a long time."
"She's finally gone," is all he says in response.
"Are you coming over now?" she asks with a measured tone.
He lets out a long sigh. "I have some stuff to finish here, and I'm so wiped out. I'm going to just crash here tonight."
"You're staying there?" Bella asks, her mouth suddenly very dry.
"I'm kind of a mess. I think I just need to lay low tonight," he explains.
She's never heard him sound so tired, so defeated.
"Do you want me to come over there?"
"I hope it's okay. I mean, I don't want to upset you, but I think I need to be alone right now."
She instinctively knows not to push him. "Okay, then. When will we talk again?"
"I'll call you in the morning, before I head in."
She pinches herself and knows she has to get off the phone or she'll start crying.
"Okay, just remember that I love you and I'm here if you need me. Goodnight, Edward," she says softly.
"Thank you, Isabella. I love you too. Goodnight."
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Stop it…stop it! She admonishes herself as she pulls on her nightgown and the tears trail down her face.
He loves me, he loves me, she chants to herself.
She slides between the cold sheets of her bed and turns toward the silver light of her window. She thinks of the night less than a week ago that they slow danced on their balcony in Lucca, and the way he held her in his arms. In the next moment, the memory fades to a delicate wisp almost out of her reach.
It's only the faintest shimmer when she digs her heels into the mattress and clutches the sheets in her fists. With a single powerful focus, the memory takes shape again, but this time with weight and substance until she can feel Edward's warmth next to her and hear the steady beat of his heart.
He may be miles away in a loft, his happy demeanor worn around the edges and his spirit a bit broken from whatever Lauren said to him, but he is with her too, in his heart of hearts.
She's never understood more that their love is bigger than both of them, no chasm too wide and no ex too persuasive to keep them apart for long. No matter what they face, they will always find their way back to each other. He may need a night alone to deal with whatever made him so upset, but she will never let Lauren come between them. What she and Edward have built together has changed both of their lives.
She thinks about the idea that magic is not just a card trick, or rabbit pulled out of a hat. True magic is what seems to be impossible, becoming real. The key is that you have to believe.
Bella smiles. She's lived long enough to understand the wasteland of a heart without hope. Magic is everywhere. She doesn't need to wave a wand to see it.
She lives it and breathes it…Edward is her magic.
And she believes.
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abbie
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