A/N: I don't own Ouran Highschool Host Club nor the book "Something Borrowed", they go to their respectable owners. Thanks

Chapter 2

I wake up to my ringing phone, and for a second I am disoriented in my own apartment. Then I hear Renge's high-pitched voice on my machine, urging me to pick up, pick up, please pick up. My crime snaps into focus. I sit up too quickly, and my apartment spins. Hikaru's back is to me, sculpted and smooth. I jab hard at it with one finger.

He rolls over and looks at me. "Oh, Christ! What time is it?"

My clock radio tells us it is seven-fifteen. I have been thirty for two hours. Correction—one hour; I was born in the central time zone.

Hika gets out of bed quickly, gathering his clothes, which are strewn along either side of my bed. The answering machine beeps twice, cutting Renge off. She calls back, rambling about how Hikaru never came home. Again, my machine silences her in midsentence. She calls back a third time, wailing, "Wake up and call me! I need you!"

I start to get out of bed, then realize that I am naked. I sit back down and cover myself with a pillow.

"Omigod. What do we do?" My voice is hoarse and shaking. "Should I answer? Tell her you crashed here?"

"Hell, no! Don't pick up—lemme think for a sec." He sits down, wearing only boxers, and rubs his jaw, now covered by a shadow of whiskers.

Sick, sobering dread washes over me. I start to cry. Which never helps anything.

"Look, Haruhi, don't cry," Hika says. "Everything's going to be okay."

He puts on his jeans and then his shirt, efficiently zipping and tucking and buttoning as though it is an ordinary morning. Then he checks the messages on his cell phone. "Shhhit. Twelve missed calls," he says matter-of-factly. Only his eyes show distress.

When he is dressed, he sits back on the edge of the bed and rests his forehead in his hands. I can hear him breathing hard through his nose. Air in and out. In and out. Then he looks over at me, composed. "Okay. Here's what's going to happen. Haruhi, look at me."

I obey his instructions, still clutching my pillow.

"This will be fine. Just listen," he says, as though talking to a client in a conference room.

"I'm listening," I say.

"I'm going to tell her I stayed out until five or so and then got breakfast with Kyoya. We got it covered."

"What do I tell her?" I ask. Lying has never been my strong suit.

"Just tell her you left the party and went home… Say you can't remember for sure whether I was still there when you left, but you think I was still there with Kyoya. And be sure to say you 'think'—don't be too definite. And that's all you know, okay?" He points at my phone. "Call her back now… I'll call Kyoya as soon as I leave here. Got it?"

I nod, my eyes filling with tears again as he stands.

"And calm down," he says, not meanly, but firmly. Then he is at the door, one hand on the knob, the other running through his auburn hair that is just long enough to be really sexy.

"What if she already talked to Kyoya?" I ask, as Hikaru is halfway out the door. Then, more to myself, "We are so screwed."

He turns around, looks at me through the doorway. For a second, I think he is angry, that he is going to yell at me to pull myself together. That this isn't life-or-death. But his tone is gentle. "Haru, we are not screwed. I got it covered. Just say what I told you to say… And Haruhi?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really sorry."

"Yeah," I say. "Me too."

Are we talking to each other—or to Renge?

As soon as Hikaru leaves, I reach for the phone, still feeling dizzy. It takes a few minutes, but I finally work up the nerve to call Renge.

She is hysterical. "The bastard didn't come home last night! He better be laid up in a hospital bed!… Do you think he cheated on me?"

I start to say no, that he was probably just out with Kyoya, but think better of it. Wouldn't that look too obvious? Would I say that if I knew nothing? I can't think. My head and heart are pounding, and the room is still spinning intermittently. "I'm sure he wasn't cheating on you."

She blows her nose. "Why are you sure?"

"Because he wouldn't do that to you, Ren." I can't believe my words, how easily they come.

"Well, then, where the fuck is he? The bars close by four or five. It's seven-freaking-thirty!"

"I don't know… But I'm sure there's a logical explanation."

Which, in fact, there is.

She asks me what time I left and whether he was still there and who he was with—the exact questions that Hikaru prepped me on. I answer carefully, as instructed. I suggest that she call Kyoya.

"I already called him," she says. "And that dumbass didn't answer his goddamn cell."

Yes. We have a chance.

I hear the click of call-waiting and Renge is gone, then back, telling me that it is Hikaru and she'll call me when she can.

I stand and walk unsteadily to my bathroom. I look in the mirror. My skin is blotchy and red. My eyes are ringed with mascara and charcoal liner, and they burn from sleeping in my contact lenses. I remove them quickly just before dry-heaving over my toilet. I haven't thrown up from drinking since college, and that only happened once. Because I learn from my mistakes. Most college kids say, "I will never do this again," and then do it the following weekend. But I stuck to it. That is how I am. I will learn from this one too. Just let me get away with it.

I shower, wash the smoke from my hair and skin with my phone resting on the sink, waiting to hear from Renge that everything is okay. But hours pass and she does not call. Around noon, the birthday well-wishers start dialing in. My dad does his annual serenade and the "guess where I was thirty years ago today?" routine. I manage to put on a good front and play along, but it isn't easy.

By three o'clock, I have not heard from Renge, and I am still queasy. I chug a big glass of water, take two Advil, and contemplate ordering fried eggs and bacon, which Renge swears by when she's hungover. But I know that nothing will kill the pain of waiting, wondering what is going on, if Hikaru is busted, if we both are.

Did anybody see us together at 7B? In the cab? On the street? Anyone besides Jose, whose job it is to know nothing? What was happening in their apartment? Had he gone mad and confessed? Was she packing her bags? Were they making love all day in an attempt to repair his conscience? Were they still fighting, going around and around in circles of accusation and denial?

Fear must supersede all other emotions—stifling shame or regret—because crazily enough, I do not seem to feel guilty about betraying my best friend. Not even when I find our used condom on the floor. The only real guilt I can muster is guilt over not feeling guilty. But I will repent later, just as soon as I know that I am safe. Oh, please, Kami. I have never done anything like this before. Please let me have this one pass. I will sacrifice all future happiness. Any chance of meeting a husband.

I think of all those deals I tried to strike with Him when I was in school, growing up. Please don't let me get any lower than a B on this math test. Please, I will do anything—work in a soup kitchen every Saturday instead of just once a month. Those were the days. To think that a C once symbolized all things gone wrong in my tidy world. How could I have ever, even fleetingly, wished for a dark side? How could I have made such a huge, potentially life-altering, utterly unforgivable mistake?

Finally I can't take it any longer. I call Renge's cell phone, but it goes straight to voice mail. I call their home number, hoping she will pick up. Instead Hikaru answers. I cringe.

"Hi, Hika. This is Haruhi," I say, trying to sound normal.

You know, the maid of honor in your upcoming wedding—the woman you had sex with last night?

"Hi, Haruhi," he says casually. "So did you have fun last night?"

For a second, I think that he is talking about us and am horrified by his nonchalance. But then I hear Renge clamoring for the phone in the background and realize that he is only talking about the party.

"Oh yeah, it was a great time—a great party." I bite my lip.

Renge has already snatched the phone from him. Her tone is chipper, fully repaired. "Hey. I'm sorry I forgot to call you back. You know, it was high drama over here for a while."

"But you're okay now? Everything's all right with you—and Hikaru?" I have trouble saying his name. As if it will somehow give me away.

"Um, yeah, hold on one sec."

I hear her close a door; she always moves into their bedroom when she talks on the phone. I picture their four-poster bed, which I helped Renge select from Charles P. Rogers. Soon to be their marital bed.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine now. He was just with Kyoya. They stayed out late and then ended up going to the diner for breakfast. But of course, you know, I'm still working the pissed-off angle. I told him he's totally pathetic, that he's a thirty-four-year-old engaged man and he stays out all night. Pathetic, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I guess so. But harmless enough." I swallow hard and think, yes, that would be harmless enough. "Well, I'm glad you guys made up."

"Yeah. I'm over it, I guess. But still… he should have called. That shit does not fly with me, you know?"

"I hear you," I say, and then bravely add, "I told you he wasn't cheating on you."

"I know… but I still pictured him with some stripper bimbo or something. My overactive imagination."

Is that what last night was? I know I'm not a bimbo, but was it some conscious choice of his to get laid before the wedding? Surely not. Surely he wouldn't choose Renge's maid of honor.

"So anyway, what did you think of the party? I'm such a bad friend—I get wasted and leave early. And, oh shit! Today's your actual birthday. Happy birthday! God, I'm the worst, Haru!"

Yeah, you're the bad friend.

"Oh, it was great. The party was so much fun. Thank you for planning it—it was a total surprise… really awesome…"

I hear their bedroom door open and Hikaru say something about being late.

"Yeah, I actually gotta run, Haruhi. We're going to the movies. You wanna come?"

"Um, no, thanks."

"Okay. But we're still on for dinner tonight, right? Rain at eight?"

I totally forgot that I had plans to meet Hikaru, Renge, and Ayame for a small birthday dinner. There is no way I can face Hikaru or Renge tonight—and certainly not together. I tell her that I'm not sure I'm up to it, that I am really hungover. Even though I stopped drinking at two, I add, before I remember that liars offer too much extraneous detail.

Renge doesn't notice. "Maybe you'll feel better later… I'll call you after the movie."

I hang up the phone, thinking that it was way too easy. But instead of feeling relieved, I am left with a vague dissatisfaction, wistfulness, wishing that I were going to the movies. Not with Hikaru, of course. Just someone. How quickly I turn my back on the deal with God. I want a husband again. Or at least a boyfriend.

I sit on the couch with my hands folded in my lap, contemplating what I did to Renge, waiting for the guilt to come. It doesn't. Was it because I had alcohol as an excuse? I was drunk, not in my right mind. I think of my first-year Criminal Law class. Intoxication, like insanity, infancy, duress, and entrapment, is a legal excuse, a defense where the defendant is not blameworthy for having engaged in conduct that would otherwise be a crime. Shit. That was only involuntary intoxication. Well, Renge made me do those shots. But peer pressure does not constitute involuntary intoxication. Still, it is a mitigating circumstance that the jury might consider.

Sure, blame the victim. What is wrong with me?

Maybe I am just a bad person. Maybe the only reason I have been good up to this point has less to do with my true moral fiber and more to do with the fear of getting caught. I play by the rules because I am risk-averse. I didn't go along with the junior-high shoplifting gags at the Blue Moon Pantry partly because I knew it was wrong, but mostly because I was sure that I would be the one to get caught. I never cheated on an exam for the same reason. Even now I don't take office supplies from work because I figure that somehow the firm's surveillance cameras will catch me in the act. So if that is what motivates me to be good, do I really deserve credit? Am I really a good person? Or just a cowardly pessimist?

Okay. So maybe I am a bad person. There is no other plausible explanation for my lack of guilt. Do I have it in for Renge? Was I driven by jealousy last night? Do I resent her perfect life—how easily things come to her? Or maybe, subconsciously, in my drunken state, I was getting even for past wrongs. Renge hasn't always been a perfect friend. Far from it. I start to make my case to the jury, remembering Arai back in elementary school. I am on to something… Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, consider the story of Arai Kochi…

Renge Houshakuji and I were best friends growing up, bonded by geography, a force greater than all else when you are in elementary school.

We moved to the same cul-de-sac in Tokyo, Japan, in the summer of 1976, just in time to attend the town's parade together. We marched side by side, beating matching red, white, and blue drums that Renge's father bought for us. I remember Renge leaning in to me and saying, "Let's pretend we're sisters." The suggestion gave me goose bumps—a sister! And in no time at all, that is what she became to me. We slept over at each other's houses every Friday and Saturday during the school year and most nights of the week during the summer. We absorbed the nuances of each other's family life, the sort of details you only learn when you live next door to a friend. I knew, for example, that Renge's mother folded towels in neat thirds as she watched The Young and the Restless, that Renge's father subscribed to Playboy, that junk food was allowed for breakfast, and the words "shit" and "damn" were no big deal. I'm sure she observed much about my home too, although it is hard to say what makes your own life unique. We shared everything—clothes, toys, yards, even our love of Tamaki Suoh and unicorns.

In the fifth grade we discovered boys. Which brings me to Aria, my first real crush. Renge, along with every other girl in our class, loved Takashi Morinozuka, "Mori". I understood Mori's appeal. I appreciated his midnight black hair that reminded us of fierce ravens. And the way his Wranglers fit his butt, his black comb tucked neatly inside the back left pocket. And his dominance in tetherball—how he casually and effortlessly socked the ball out of everyone's reach at a sharp upward angle.

But I loved Aria. I loved his unruly hair and the way his cheeks turned pink during recess and made him look like he belonged in a Renoir painting. I loved the way he rotated his number-two pencil between his full lips, making symmetrical little bite marks near the eraser whenever he was concentrating really hard. I loved how hyper and happy he was when he played four square with the girls (he was the only boy who would ever join us—the other boys stuck to tetherball and football). And I loved that he was always kind to the most unpopular boy in our class, Nekozawa Umehito, who had a cat puppet and an unfortunate bowl cut.

Renge was puzzled, if not irritated, by my dissent, as was our good friend Kanako Kasugazaki, who moved to our cul-de-sac two years after we did (this delay and the fact that she already had a sister meant she could never quite catch up and reach full best-friend status). Renge and Kanako liked Aria, but not like that, and they would insist that Mori was so much cuter and cooler—the two attributes that will get you in trouble when you choose a boy or a man, a sense that I had even at age ten.

We all assumed that Renge would land the grand Mori prize. Not only because Renge was bolder than the other girls, strutting right up to Mori in the cafeteria or on the playground, but also because she was the prettiest girl in our class. With high cheekbones, huge, well-spaced eyes, and a dainty nose, she has a face that is revered at any age, although fifth-graders can't pinpoint exactly what makes it nice. I don't think I even understood what cheekbones and bone structure were at age ten, but I knew that Renge was pretty and I envied her looks. So did Kanako, who openly told Renge so every chance she got, which seemed wholly unnecessary to me. Renge already knew she was pretty, and in my opinion she didn't need daily reinforcement.

So that year, on Halloween, Kanako, Renge, and I assembled in Kanako's room to prepare our makeshift geisha costumes—Renge had insisted that it would be an excellent excuse to wear lots of makeup. As she examined a pair of rhinestone earrings freshly purchased from Claire's, she looked in the mirror and said, "You know, Renge, I think you're right."

"Right about what?" I said, feeling a surge of satisfaction, wondering what past debate she was referring to.

She fastened one earring in place and looked at me. I will never forget that tiny smirk on her face—just the faintest hint of a smug smile. "You're right about Arai. I think I'm going to like him too."

"What do you mean, 'going to like him?"

"I'm tired of Takashi Morinozuka. I like Arai now. I like his dimples."

"He only has one," I snapped.

"Well, then I like his dim-ple."

I looked at Kanako for support, for words to the effect that you couldn't just decide to like someone new. But of course she said nothing, just kept applying her ruby lipstick, puckering before a handheld mirror.

"I can't believe you, Renge!"

"What's your problem?" she demanded. "Kanako wasn't mad when I liked Mori. We've shared him with the whole grade for months. Right, Kanako?"

"Longer than that. I started liking him in the summer. Remember? At the pool?" Kanako chimed in, always missing the big picture.

I glared at her, and she lowered her eyes remorsefully.

That was different. That was Mori. He belonged in the public domain. But Arai was exclusively mine.

I said nothing else that night, but trick-or-treating was ruined. The next day in school, Renge passed Arai a note, asking him if he liked me, her, or neither—with little boxes next to each selection and instructions to check one. He must have checked Renge's name because they were a couple by recess. Which is to say that they announced that they were "going out" but never spent any real time together, unless you count a few phone calls at night, often scripted ahead of time with Kanako giggling at her side. I refused to participate in or discuss her fledgling romance.

In my mind, it didn't matter that Renge and Arai never kissed, or that it was only the fifth grade, or that they "broke up" two weeks later when Renge lost interest and decided that she liked Takashi Morinozuka again. Or that, as my father told me for comfort, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. It only mattered that Renge stole Arai from me. Perhaps she did it because she really did change her mind about him; that's what I told myself so I would stop hating her. But more likely Renge took Arai just to show me that she could.

So, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, in a sense, Renge Houshakuji had this coming to her. What goes around comes around. Perhaps this is her comeuppance.

I picture the faces of the jury. They are not swayed. The male jurors look bewildered—as if they miss the point altogether. Doesn't the prettiest girl always get the boy? That is precisely the way the world should work. An older woman in a sensible dress purses her lips. She is disgusted by the mere comparison—a fiancé to a fifth-grade crush! Good heavens! A perfectly groomed, almost beautiful woman, wearing a canary-yellow Chanel suit, has already identified and allied herself with Renge. There is nothing I can say to change her mind or mitigate my offense.

The only juror who seems moved by the Arai tale is a slightly overweight girl with a severe bob the color of day-old coffee. She slouches in the corner of the jury box, occasionally shoving her glasses up on her beak of a nose. I have tapped into this girl's empathy, her sense of justice. She is secretly satisfied by what I did. Maybe because she, too, has a friend like Renge, a friend who always gets everything she wants.

I think back to high school, when Renge continued to get any boy she wanted. I can see her kissing Ritsu Kasanoda by our locker and recall the envy that would well up inside me when I, boyfriendless, was forced to witness their shameless PDA. Ritsu transferred to our school from Kobe, Japan, in the fall of our junior year, and became an instant hit everywhere but in the classroom. Although he wasn't bright, he was the star receiver on our football team, the starting point guard for our basketball team, and, of course, our starting pitcher in the spring. And with his Ken-doll good looks, the girls loved him. Takashi Morinozuka, part two. But alas, he had a girlfriend named Cassandra back in Kobes to whom he claimed to be "110 percent committed" (a jock expression that has always bugged me for its obvious mathematical impossibility). Or so he was before Renge got in the mix, after we watched Ritsu pitch a no-hitter against Central and she decided that she had to have him. The next day she asked him to go see Les Miserables. You'd think a three-sport jock like Ritsu wouldn't be into musicals, but he enthusiastically agreed to escort her. After the show, in Renge's living room, Ritsu planted a large hickey on her neck. And the following morning, one Cassandra of Kobe, Japan, was dumped on her ear.

I remember talking to Kanako about Renge's charmed life. We often discussed Renge, which made me wonder how much they gossiped about me. Kanako contended that it wasn't only Renge's good looks or perfect body; it was also her confidence, her charm. I don't know about the charm, but looking back I agree with Kanako about the confidence. It was as if Renge had the perspective of a thirty-year-old while in high school. The understanding that none of it really mattered, that you only go around once, that you might as well go for it. She was never intimidated, never insecure. She embodied what everyone says when they look back on high school: "If I only knew back then."

But one thing I have to say about Renge and dating is this: she never blew us off for a guy. She always put her friends first—which is an amazing thing for a high school girl to do. Sometimes she blew her boyfriend off altogether, but more often she just included us. Four of us in a row at the theater. The flavor of the month, then Renge, then Kanako and me. And Renge always directed her whispered comments our way. She was brash and independent, unlike most high school girls who allow their feelings for a boy to swallow them up. At the time, I thought she just didn't love them enough. But maybe Renge just wanted to keep control, and by being the one who loved the least, that is what she had. Whether she did care less or just pretended to, she kept every one of them on the hook even after she cut them loose. Take Ritsu, for example. He is living in Kobe with a wife, three kids, and a couple of chocolate Labs, and he still e-mails Renge on her birthday every year. Now that is some kind of power.

To this day Renge talks wistfully of how great high school was. I cringe whenever she says it. Sure, I have some fond memories of those days, and enjoyed moderate popularity—a nice fringe benefit of being Renge's best friend. I loved going to football games with Kanako, painting our faces orange and blue, wrapping up in blankets in the bleachers, and waving to Renge as she cheered down on the field. I loved our Saturday-night trips to the Ice Cream Shop, where we always ordered the same thing—one turtle sundae, one Snickers pie, one double-chocolate brownie—and then split them among us. And I loved my first boyfriend, Ayame Jonocho, who asked me out during our senior year. Ayame was a rule-follower too, a Buddhist version of me. He didn't drink or do drugs, and he felt guilty even discussing sex. Renge, who lost her virginity our sophomore year to an exchange student from Spain named Carlos, was always instructing me to corrupt Ayame. "Grab his penis like this, and I guarantee, it's a done deal." But I was perfectly happy with our long make-out sessions in Ayame's family station wagon, and I never had to worry about safe sex or drunk driving. So if my memories weren't glamorous, at least I had a few good times.

But I also had plenty of bad times: the awful hair days, the pimples, the class pictures from hell, never having the right clothes, being dateless for dances, baby fat that I could never shed, getting cut from teams, losing the election for class treasurer. And the overwhelming feeling of sadness and angst that would come and go willy-nilly (or, more accurately, once a month), seemingly out of my control. Typical teenager stuff, really. Cliches, because it happens to everyone. Everyone but Renge, that is, who floated through those tumultuous four years unscathed by rejection, untouched by the adolescent ugly stick. Of course she loved high school—high school loved her.

Many girls with this view of their teenage years seem to really take it on the chin later in life. They show up at their ten-year reunion twenty pounds heavier, divorced, and reminiscing about their long-gone glory days. But the tide of glory days hasn't ebbed for Renge. No crashing and no burning. In fact, life just keeps getting sweeter for her. As my mother once said, uncharacteristically, Renge has the world by the balls. It was—and still is—the perfect description. Renge always gets what she wants. And that includes Hikaru, the dream fiancé.

I leave Renge a message on her cell, which will be turned off during the movie. I say that I am too tired to make it to dinner. Just getting out of going makes me less queasy. In fact, I am suddenly very hungry. I find my menus and call to order a hamburger with cheddar and fries. Guess I won't be losing five pounds before Memorial Day. As I wait for my delivery, I picture Renge and me playing with the phone book all those years ago, wondering about the future and what age thirty would bring.

And here I am, without the dashing husband, the responsible babysitter, the two kids. Instead my benchmark birthday is forever tainted by scandal… Oh, well. No point beating myself up over it. I hit redial on my phone and add a large chocolate milk shake to my order. I see my girl in the corner of the jury box wink at me. She thinks the milk shake is an excellent idea. After all, doesn't everyone deserve a few weak moments on her birthday?