My name's Butters. Well, it's... It's not really Butters, it's Leo. Leopold Stotch. But I guess all my friends thought Leopold was a ... Uh, I think Eric said it was 'gay' once or somethin', I dunno. That's not really the point, though.
This one time, my mom tried to kill me.
And I try to stay, you know, op- optis—Uh. I try to stay glad when I can, but this really had me down. And, see, I don't have a lot of friends, but so long as I surround myself with all the kids at school, well, by-golly, I can pretend I got friends! I think this is the first thing that really got to me, though, and I wasn't sure what to do about it, and no matter what I did, it always stuck in my mind, what with my dad bein' ... A little gay and my mom bein' a little crazy. A lot crazy. Oh, biscuits, if they saw me writin' this, they'd ground me! I thought keepin' a journal might be a good idea, but... Now I gotta think of a place to hide this thing where they won't find it, and this is starting to sound like more trouble than it's worth, gosh darn it!
I started writin' 'cuz somethin' happened today that I kind of want to remember. It wasn't anything big or nothin'. But when I got home from school today, I found this piece of paper folded in half in my math book. I didn't remember puttin' nothin' there, so I took it out and opened it and it said 'Hang in there, Dude.' And it was signed by Stan Marsh. And it had a little happy face drawn and it made me cry.
I cried 'cuz I was sad, I guess. But also 'cuz ... cuz someone took the time to try to make me feel okay, you know? And... I know Stan won't ever let the other guys know we're friends, but I guess it's fine with me just to know that... someone actually gives a damn. And I think ... I think now, everything's gonna be okay!
Oh, Jesus. I hope I don't get grounded for writing damn!
I WROTE IT AGAIN. HAMBURGERS!