A/N : I have made Ostagar only a 2 hour ride via horseback away from Lothering rather than the days I suspect it would take to travel between the two locations.
BioWare own everything! I'm just playing in their dragon and darkspawn-filled sandbox.
Chapter 10 - Hero-Complex
The wind was knocked out of him as he collided with the water at the bottom of the waterfall. The water assaulting him from every angle rolling him like he was inside a angry whirlpool and pushing him further under.
His hand was a vice grip once he caught onto Leto's bicep. He was a strong swimmer but he was struggling with the use of only one arm, Leto's deadweight and not to mention the weight of his armour almost made the two of them drown.
His vision was starting to go blurred as he closed in on the surface. He thought for a moment he was going to die here never having apologized for being an ass, never seeing snow, be on the battle field fighting against the darkspawn beside the King and the Wardens nor would he ever experience holding or kissing a lover – Leto – because he didn't have the balls to tell him.
He couldn't fail him by giving in to deaths claws and letting them both die without ever telling him…
A surge of adrenalin pushed him the final meters upwards, he broke the surface taking in huge lung-fulls of air. He did it! He sent a relived grin at the elf beside him. It fell as quickly as it came, his skin was a ghastly shade of grey and his lips were goning blue. Leto wasn't breathing,
"Fuck!" He growled punching the water. He had not been fast enough, not strong enough to save the Tevinter elf.
Maybe if he could get to the shore fast enough he could somehow bring him back. He was no healer but there had to be a way for humans to fix this…
"Shemlin!" A Dalish elf who was fishing, who had seen them fly over the waterfall called to them from the shore. He wanted so badly to help, but he was unsure how a shemlin would take to being helped by a forest elf "Are you… okay?'
"Does it look like I'm okay? A waterfall just nearly killed us!" He sobbed, the anger behind the statement not coming through in the slightest. "Please?" he pleaded to the stranger, still trying to drag the pale elf towards shallow water, "Help me and my elf… friend?"
At the word 'elf' the Dalish was more firm in his resolve to help. He dove into the water and swam at a lightning pace to the centre of the lake. Between the two of them they dragged Leto's body up the muddy banks and onto the flat grassy plains. "I know this elf…" the stranger observed looking crestfallen. "Creators, please? Dareth Fen!"
"I'm sorry, what?" Carver asked, silently hoping that was some kind of elvish healing spell. "Do you know anyway to… bring him back?"
"I… uh in shemlen language it means 'be safe, wolf'" The Dalish answered nervously.
He took a deep breath, he needed to focus if they had a chance to save the elf who had taught him how to hunt "The Keeper has told us of one way. We need to first get some of the water out. Turn his head to the side" he instructed. Carver did as told, watching water trickle out from Leto's nose and mouth "Now turn it back to the centre. The next step is you putting air back in his lungs"
"W-what? How on earth do I do that?"
"Pinch his nose and breathe strongly into his mouth." Carver stared at the Dalish elf with wide eyes, you want me to… what? "You must do this to save him. It is the only way to get air passed all the water clogging his airway."
Maker, please let this work! He begged silently, pinching Leto's nose and taking in a huge lung full of air. He hesitated briefly before pushing the air into the elf. This is not how I imagined doing this… if this does not work, my first time touching those elven lips will turn out to be the kiss-of-death.
Nothing happened. He was about to freak out when the Dalish elf grabbed his shoulder and spoke "You may need to do this a few more times. He swallowed a lot of water. 4 breaths, stop and I will use my elven ears to listen for signs of breathing, and then repeat"
His human hearing wasn't strong enough to hear a heart-beat through the armour or the sounds of the Tevinter elf's faint strained breathing the Dalish said he could hear between the sets of 4 breaths. He clasped his free hand around Leto's gauntleted one, the Lyrium pulsing weakly under his touch letting him know the elf was alive.
Another set of breaths, still nothing. and an other.
On the thirteenth breath Carver emptied the entire contents of his lungs into Leto. Praying with all his soul that the air reserved in the deepest corner of his lungs could do the trick.
His hand felt like it was on fire but there was no pain, just intense heat. His eyes jumped (without breaking the flow of life he was trying to give to the elf) to the abnormal amount of bright dark blue light streamed out of the elf hand making the three of them have an unearthly blue glow to their skin.
Clawed fingertips dug into the back of his hand. He felt the Tevinter's head shifting under him, he pulled back angling the elf's face to the side as he vomited up the clear liquid.
He's alive! His heart and soul swelled with relief. Thank you, Maker! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
"Don't you ever tire of saving my elven hide, Carvy?" He croaked out.
His brows shot up at the nickname the soaked elf had just used, whether by accident or not. He was just overjoyed to hear his voice he didn't care what the elf called him. "Nope! My life would be pretty dull if I didn't have a damsel in distress to save every now and then"
Leto thumped him hard in the chest with his fist. "I am no damsel!" he scowled "The current was just –" he cut himself off all of a sudden noticing a pressure against his palm that was not causing him the discomfort that usually came with the Lyrium touching something. His green eyes fell on the pile of pale flesh and metal weaving between each other resting in the centre of his torso, making a puzzled face at it and speaking slowly. "..Why do you have my hand?"
"I'm sorry, I – it's the only way I could tell if you were still alive." He admitted in a murmur, quickly untangling his digits and rubbing the back of his neck. "I do not have superhuman hearing like you two elves do…"
Two? is his head as waterlogged as mine?
"Fen?" the Tevinter turned his attention to the distantly familiar quiet new voice. Cammen? "H-how are you feeling?"
"He helped me get you out of the water, told me how to… bring you back" he looked everywhere but at the soaked elf. "I am eternally grateful for your aid stranger" He offered a hand, the forest elf eyed it for a moment not sure what to do "Uh… Shemlen way of saying thank you" he explained, smiling, the elf took it and shook it firmly.
"I am fine,Ma serannas da'assan, Cammen" Leto said bowing his head at the hunter apprentice. He translated, knowing Carver he would be curious to know what was being said. "My thanks little arrow"
"You are welcome, Fen. The camp is not too far from here, we should get you there quickly and into dry clothes so you do not get sick"
Leto struggled to his feet, trying to ignore the pain shooting up from his ankles as he walked between his two saviours. At the halfway point on the way to the camp his knees buckled unable to hold his weight anymore.
Without warning the swordsman bundled the elf into his arms, an arm under long legs and the other around his back. "Carver!" the Tevinter elf's voice shooting many octaves higher in his surprise "What are you doing? Are you crazy?" he wailed "Put me down!"
"You're leg is badly injured." Carver reasoned, trying to find an explanation for the spontaneous action for himself as much as for the soaked elf "I'm not letting you walk the rest of the way like that"
"I've walked around with worse." He squirmed trying to escape the vice grip his best friend had on him and get his feet back on solid ground "Put me down right this instance, Carver"
The swordsmen feigned dropping him and Leto was suddenly clinging to his neck like a leech.
"Not a damsel in distress, huh?" Carver joked, smirking down at the Tevinter
Realizing defeat, Leto grumbled a string of curses at him in Dalish and Arcanium the rest of the way to the camp.
When Leto woke it was dark, a couple of hours before sunrise. His body-clock still set to the slave work clock even after almost 3 years of being free. He looked around the tent the Dalish had set up for the two of them. Carver wasn't in the bed roll across from him.
How unusual for the human to be up long before the Great-Circle hung in the centre of the sky.
He stretched, inwardly groaning at the dull ache in his back from sleeping on the ground. He slowly rolled his ankle, bending it back and forth surprised the enchanted herbs wrapped up in a banana leaf had taken the core of pain from the joint just as good as any magic.
Leto poked his head out of the door flap of the tent spotting Carver sitting on a log in front of the campfire with his head hung and bare back to the tent. He didn't need to see his friends face to know it was him. The broad pale shoulders and ripped muscles were a dead give-away. Elves could never pack on the muscle like that.
A chilly breeze swept through his hair making him shudder. Carver must be freezing sitting like that.. He ducked back into the tent to fetch a wolf pelt and padded across the grass to the swordsman.
Carver's elbows were propped up on his knees, palms pressed together like he was praying with his fingertips holding his bowed head up in a way that didn't look at all comfortable. He had a distant, thoughtful expression playing on his face as he staring into the flames.
"Carver…?" The human didn't seem to hear him. He tried again a little louder uncertainly putting a hand down on his shoulder. He flinched, but his eyes did not leave the dancing flames.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. I woke up and you weren't there. It is very unlike you to be up so early and uh, you look… sad, for lack of better word." His fingers squeezed the Ferelden's flesh in a way he hoped was soothing. "I'm not good at this comforting thing.. Uh, are you okay? what's on your mind?"
He sighed, but stayed silent for a shot time. He struggled to find words. He was worried if he spoke of what has been running through his head for the past few hours he would break down in front of the elf. He was the always the strong one. He held Leto's world of pain on his shoulders but it was his own Maker-given 'curse' and the emotional baggage that came with it that was starting to slowly crush him.
Leto continued to move his fingers in a massage-like way while he waited patiently for the Swordsman to find his words, smiling inwardly feeling Carver star to relax under his palms. He watched a shiver run down the human's spine, Goosebumps cover the expanse of pale skin. "Are you cold?" he asked, more to fill the silence because he knew the answer already.
Of course the stubborn oaf would never admit it. He shook out the wolf pelt and laid it along the length of Carver's back, its legs draped over his friend's shoulders, the paws brushing against his hips. "Carver, say something? You know you can tell me anything. Please? Your silence is… unnerving"
"Do you remember the last thing I said to you?" he asked in almost small voice, patting the space on the log beside him. The elf stepped over the small log and sat down there was little space enough for two, he could feel the heat radiating off Carver.
"You… asked me if I was happy with Hawke and before I could answer you were screaming at me to 'get the hell away from you, to get out of your face before you did something you'd regret'" Leto folded his hands together in his lap and frowned. "You've never turned me away before when I wanted to talk to you…"
"I was drowning and all I could think of was I'd never have a second chance with you, to take those words back, to never get a chance to throw myself at your feet and beg for forgiveness for being such a jerk to you these past few weeks all because I was… jealous." He pinched the bridge of his nose "I'm such an idiot. I am so sorry, Leto. Forgive me?"
"No need to beg, you idiot" he said light-heartedly, offering a smile "you saved my life a few hours ago. I forgive you"
"…A-are you happy?" Carver asked after a short silence, poking at the flames with a long stick. If Leto was genuinely happy maybe it would take a portion of that weight off his back or potentially add more to it. "With Hawke, I mean. I didn't give you a chance to answer the last time I asked"
"Honestly, I don't know." The Tevinter elf sighed. "I mean, I thought I would be, for such an attractive creature to see… something in me, to choose me over all the others fawning over her. She's kind and funny and all that, but I – this is all new to me but at the same time some of its déjà vu in the worst possible way"
The Ferelden put a comforting hand over the elf's knee.
"I was a fool to think I could ever find something close to a normal relationship after everything that bitch and half the Tevinter Imperium slaver circles did to me" He voice rumbled darkly with anger, curling his fists into tight balls on his lap.
"I thought… I thought maybe because I had a crush on her and she said that she cares for me that it would be different. That I wouldn't be shitting myself every time she gets smashed because Hawke has a one-track mind when intoxicated. I know where that will eventually lead if I drop my guard… and I can't. I don't think I can go there, just yet. I want too – one day with somebody I trust 150% and for it to be special, y'know like it's supposed to be"
Carvers wasn't even aware of his fingers absently running circles over the bony kneecap as he was listening to elf's words so intently while paddling through a pool of so many different emotions: Jealousy, sadness, anger, hatred, admiration for the elf.
He was so strong to be able to talk so openly about it and have his mind set on freeing himself from those chains of the past.
Carver couldn't help but notice the elf's choice of words 'somebody I trust 150%', not with a girl, not Hawke, somebody. Maybe it meant nothing but he wanted so much to cling to that sliver of hope.
He should take a leaf from Leto's book and not give up on something just because it seemed out of reach.
"I can't even begin to imagine how hard this must be for you. I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me this kind of stuff. You know what I think? I think – no I know you have the strength to overcome this and you will make-love with that special someone, that someone who will love you with their heart and soul, who will be gentle, let you be the dominate one… if you wish and who will treasure every single breath with you and stand by your side forever."
The Swordsman blinked, beyond surprised at his own words. He practically just confessed his love for the elf but didn't at the same time. He quickly ran over his words again in his head to double check he didn't mention his own name or any hint he would be talking about himself.
He let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding and turned his attention to poking the campfire with that stick again. Hoping he was sitting close enough that the heat rising in his cheeks could also be hidden by the warmth of the flames on his skin.
He knew the elf was smirking as he spoke, "I didn't know you were the romantic type, Carvy"
"Shut up" he grumbled, shoving at the elf's shoulder.
He could hear Leto chuckling in his low Tevinter tones that slowly faded until silence fell upon them again. The grey light of just before dawn started to stretch into the sky and across the lands.
"How did you know where I was yesterday?"
"I didn't. Was it fate or chance that lead me to that clearing with the giant boulder?" he mused, keeping his gaze locked on the fire. "I heard a splash and I don't know how but I knew you were in danger so I ran, Maker, I ran until my legs ached and my lungs burned to get to you before you went over one of the biggest waterfalls in Thedas. Maker only knows how we survived that drop or how I got us both to the surface. But you… you weren't breathing. I thought I l-lost you" His voice wavered, he put a hand over the left side of his chest as if to still the organ from skittering into tiny invisible daggers of pain "…again. If Cammen hadn't been there… I can't even…."
Carver was upset because the elf had gone so close to Death's Door? He should be happy that the Tevinter was back in the land of the living, shouldn't he? He had survived because of the human forcing air down his throat. "Why would you risk your life like that to save mine?"
He could feel the elf's eyes on him. Carver looked over at his companion. The moment azure blue orbs shrink-wrapped in unshed tears met the intense and curious gaze of dark moss green the words came falling out of his mouth before he could catch them "Because I love you, Leto"
The briefest pause, his breath hitched, his mind running a mile a minute. Did I really just say that to him?! 100% sober?! Quick, quick cover it up you sleep deprived love-sick bastard!
"You're my best friend; you've had my back more times than I can ever count. The guilt would've drove me absolutely insane if… if I lived an' you d-didn't." A tear pushed past his resolve not to break "I was ready to take on the waterfall again and let myself drown if you didn't come back to me"
Leto felt compelled to say those three words back. He's never known family or friendship before coming to Lothering but he knows he cares for Carver with the same intensity as one would love their brother, sister or mother. Those words he'd never had directed at him before or that he'd never said to anyone before clung to his throat. "I – uh, thank you?" He wanted to slap himself for not being able to repeat those meaningful words back to his best friend. "Actually, that's part of the reason I fell in" He recalled with a small chuckle.
The Swordsman arched an eye brow.
"I was thinking, and after all these years I still cannot wrap my head around why you Hawkes continue to show such undying kindness to an ex-slave you picked up off the street. A broken elf does not deserve it." He hung his head "I took my frustration out on the rock and lost my balance…"
Silence fell over them again, the only sound to be heard was the light crackling of the fire and the distant call of the forests creatures waking up. A few minutes past before Leto spoke again, "To kill oneself is a sin in the eyes of the Maker"
"I don't care!" Carver cried, calloused hands suddenly cupping both sides of the elf's face and forcing Leto to look at him "I don't want to live in a world without you in it"
That unknown emotion was back crawling through his heart and gut at the Swordsmen's broken, longing expression and the words he somehow knew came from the bottom of Carver's soul. "You really care that much?" He asked softly.
All the raven-haired boy could do was bow his head in a nod. He wished he had nerves of steel so he could show the Tevinter elf how much he really cared, he had to push the overwhelming urge to claim those soft elven lips to back into the corner of his mind.
He's already bared more than enough of his stupid twisted feelings to the elf for one night/morning
"Carver, promise me, no matter what happens to me that you will never do such a thing. I will kick your ass around The Golden City for eternity if you do"
Carver stared at him, breathing shakily how could he keep such a promise? Leto owned his heart, if the elf ever did die he was sure the organ would refuse to continue beating, it would shrivel up and turn to dust like a corpse left in the desert heat.
"Carver." Leto's voice was low and stern, his eyes hard he wasn't asking he was demanding it. "Promise me"
"Only if you promise to tell me if Hawke ever hurts you so I can chop off her blighted fingers" He removed his hands from the elven face and held one out to shake on it. "Oh, and not to call me 'Carvy' in front of my sisters, they'll never let me hear the end of it"
He smirked and took the Ferelden hand giving it a firm shake. "Deal."