Edward

My bedsheets are rumpled from my tossing and turning. For probably the tenth time tonight, I sneak a peek at the glowing green numbers on the alarm clock.

2:00 am. This is ridiculous.

Bella has slept in my bed just once, and already my body has grown accustomed to having her wedged up against me, warm and soft. I wonder whether she's having trouble sleeping too, but I shake the thought from my head, lest I convince myself to text her just to check. Instead, I flip my pillow over to the cool side and turn, facing the side of the bed she slept on last night. I inhale the scent of her perfume from the pillow and try to relax, clutching the pillow until, eventually, I fall into a deep and dreamless sleep.

Bella

I can't sleep. I keep thinking about Edward's warm arms around me and long to snuggle up against him. I have a double tomorrow and really need sleep, but I can't turn my brain off. I'm impossibly happy. Edward loves me. He loves me! A giddy grin spreads across my face again, and I and flip over onto my back.

Even though things are going so well, habitual feelings of self-doubt creep in once again. I can't help but wonder how long the bliss will last. I chew the inside of my lip and run my fingers through my hair as I sit up. This isn't helping. I need to find something to distract me. I throw the covers off, get out of bed, and pad into the kitchen.

I'm surprised to find a lamp on in the living room, where Alice is curled up in our big, overstuffed chair with a book.

"Alice?" I whisper, trying not to startle her.

She jumps anyway. "Oh! Hey. What are you doing up?"

"Can't sleep." I go to the kitchen to pour a glass of milk.

"Edward told me tonight that he loves me," I blurt when I came back.

Alice's eyes grow saucer-wide. "What?!" She untangles her legs from the blanket moves to the couch to wrap me in a hug. "Jasper and I haven't even said that yet, though I definitely feel it."

"I'm really, really happy."

"But…?"

I sigh. "I'm afraid. Things have been great, but they're moving so fast. And it's weird, because I know I'm worrying for no reason. I don't feel that way at all when I'm with him. But I can't help that those feelings come back when I'm alone at night."

She hugs me tighter. "I could strangle that asshole Newton for making you doubt yourself."

"It's not just Mike, Alice. It's everything. Everything that happened before and everything that's happened since. And I do love him, Alice, I really do. I knew it as soon as he said it to me. But I didn't say it back, because I wanted it to be more special than that. But did I make him think that I don't feel the same way? I do. He makes me feel things I thought I'd never feel again. He makes me melt just by looking at me. He listens to all the crap running through my head—" I make a gesture to indicate my current ranting as an example. "—and he takes it, crumples it up into a little ball, tosses it away, and tells me it doesn't matter. He makes me feel so confident and sexy and intelligent and…then when I'm not with him, I start doubting myself again, and I hate it, and I'm so afraid that I'm going to screw it all up." I draw a shaky breath and blow it out slowly.

"Maybe you should tell him all of those things," Alice says softly. "Bella, you're an amazing person. You have so much love in your heart. You're intelligent, responsible, beautiful, and you won't screw it up." She takes my hands in hers. "That's what love is all about. You give your heart to someone, and you trust them to keep it safe, and they do the same. Yes, there's always the risk that things won't work out, but the feeling of knowing that person puts you before everything else is worth the risk. Yes, he has the power to completely break your heart, but he also has the power to make it whole. You just have to trust him. You have to trust yourself."

I stare at her, completely amazed. "I love you. You always know what to say when I start up with my stupidity."

"It's not stupidity. Your feelings are completely valid. Everyone is scared. Most people just hide it really well."

"Are you scared?"

"Of course I am," she says, smiling. "I'm afraid of a lot of things. But I also trust Jasper."

I do trust Edward. Things just feel different with him. I feel completely comfortable in his presence, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he's where I belong.

The next day at work is absolute torture. We're absolutely slammed. The new girl, Kate, and I worked the lunch shift and closed for an hour between the lunch and dinner shifts. I took a quick nap in my car, and Jane came in to work the dinner shift with me. We're cleaning up behind the bar with just thirty more minutes before closing time, when a group of three walks in.

"I'll get this one, Bella," Jane says. "You take it easy."

I thank her and go back to restocking clean glasses on the shelves.

She comes back less than a minute later with a glint in her eye. "They asked for you," she says. It's not uncommon. There are a few regulars who always asked for me.

I nod, cursing my aching feet and back, grab an order pad, and drag my tired ass to the table. "Hi, guys. What can I get you to drink?" I ask, writing my name and the table number at the top of the ticket. When I look up at my customers, all I see are Edward's twinkling eyes. He, Jasper, and their friend Tyler had a short gig at a bar downtown tonight, so I'm surprised to see them here.

A calm washes over me now that I'm in Edward's presence. I find it extremely oss how my body instantly relaxes when he's near.

"Hey there, beautiful," he says, standing up to kiss me on the cheek. "We were wondering if you'd care to join us for a late dinner."

I look back at Jane, who's resumed my job of of restocking the clean glasses, and she grins at me, nodding.

"I'd love to," I say, grinning as I collapse into the chair next to Edward. I lean my head on his shoulder and peek up at him. "Hi."

"You look tired," he says back, tracing the dark circles under my eyes.

I nod and reluctantly lift my head from his shoulder. "Hey, Jasper. Tyler." I can't keep a huge yawn back.

"Is our presence boring you?" Jasper teases.

"I only got a few of hours of sleep last night," I say by way of apology. "I drifted off somewhere around five and had to be up at nine."

"You got four hours of sleep and worked all day?" Tyler asks.

"Yeah," I sigh. "I don't know what was wrong with me. Couldn't shut my mind off, I guess."

I turn to Edward, who's studying me with an intrigued expression. "I had trouble sleeping last night, too," he says.

"Looks like I'm the only one who got a good ten hours in," Jasper brags with a smirk.

"You could sleep through a metal concert," says Edward.

The guys give me their orders, and I take the ticket to the kitchen and come back with water and beers.

Edward drapes his arm across the back of my chair when I sit down again. "I feel bad having you wait on us," he says.

"It's my job. And I'd rather be waiting on you than some of our regulars who walk in ten minutes before closing."

"People do that?"

"Yeah. Asshats," I grumble.

He chuckles and leans down to whisper in my ear. "I missed you last night."

Familiar warmth spreads across my face and down into my chest. "I missed you, too," I admit.

He kisses the spot he recently discovered below my ear, knowing it drives me crazy. I close my eyes, glad that Tyler and Jasper are in the middle of their own conversation on the other side of the table. Before long, Maria, the cook, dings the little bell that tells me our order's up.

Edward lets his hand drag over my arm, all the way to my fingertips as I rise from my chair, and that tingly feeling in my lower abdomen comes back, just as it does every time he touches me.

I breathe deeply through my nose and out through my mouth as I walk to the kitchen, trying to shake the schmaltz. "Hey, Jane. It's already ten. Why don't you go? I'll finish cleaning up."

"You sure?" she asks hesitantly.

"Yeah. Everything's almost done, anyway. I'll do the rest and lock up, and Edward will be here with me."

She raises an eyebrow and smirks in a mischievous way that makes me giggle.

"Tyler and Jasper will be here, too. Now go home to your hubby."

Jasper sniffs deeply when I bring the tray of food back to our table. "Smells awesome." He continues as we dig in. "Hey, Edward. Alice and I are staying at our place tonight. And neither of us have to work tomorrow. Hint, hint."

"You are?" Edward asks, crinkling his brow like he's thinking hard, then snaps his fingers. "I know! I wonder if Bella would mind if I crash on her couch this evening." He turns to me with a cheesy grin.

"That was the worst acting job I've ever seen," I say with a snort. "You guys so planned that."

Edward shrugs. "Maybe, maybe not."

"If you're good, maybe you can sleep on my couch." Of course he'll be sleeping right next to me in my bed.

"Oh, I'm very, very good."

I think I might be drooling. It has nothing to do with the delicious food in front of me.

Tyler makes a gagging noise from across the table.

I barely have the door to my apartment shut before he spins me around and attacks my lips with his.

"Mmmph…" I say into his mouth. His arms snake around my waist, pulling me as close as possible, and he answers my embarrassing noise with one of his own, then sucks on my bottom lip.

"I've wanted to do that all day," he says huskily. His hands roam my back as he kisses me. They slide down over my butt, and he pulls me even closer, letting me feel his hardness. His mouth moves over my jaw and down my neck as I gasp for air, and he lifts me up, wrapping my legs around his waist.

I give as good as I get as he moves toward my bedroom. "Edward," I whisper, my hands tangled in his hair, my lips at his jawline. God, I want this man more than anything in the world.

His hands tug at the hem of my shirt as he pushes me up against the wall. "Okay?" he asks sweetly.

My raised arms are my answer, and he tears the shirt over my head, his eyes roaming down my body. He licks his lips and ducks his head down to suck at my collarbone.

Whining sounds come from my throat. I don't want to stop, but I have to. "Edward," I manage to ground out.

He brings his forehead to mine. "Hmm?"

"I smell like Thai food."

"You smell delicious to me."

I gulp. "I need to take a shower."

He levels me with his burning gaze for a few seconds before he nods. "Okay. Whatever you need." He lowers me to my feet and releases me reluctantly.

My heart pounds. There's only one thing on my mind. "Care to join me?"

He pauses, seeming to battle with himself, but then my favorite smile quirks up one side of his lips. "There's nothing I want more."

I smirk in what I hope is a seductive way, turn, and step into my bathroom. I haven't thought this through, and I'm suddenly apprehensive. But my nerves calm as soon as Edward closes in behind me, leaning in close, pressed against my back while I turn on the water in the shower. His hands caress their way over my shoulders, pulling me against him, moving his hands up slowly. His kisses moved over shoulders. "Go ahead," he says. "I'll be right back."

I turn and kiss him once before he slips out the door. I think he senses my slight hesitance to blatantly undress in front of him. Why on Earth I think him coming back to find me naked in the shower will be less awkward than taking my clothes off in front of him, I'll never know.

Edward

Leaning against Bella's bedroom wall, I will myself to calm down. I said I wouldn't do this, but damn. I want it. More than anything. She seemed to falter when we reached the bathroom, and I wondered if she was rethinking inviting me into her shower. But the kiss she pressed to my lips before I left her convinced me that she wanted it, too. When I hear the shower door close, I give her a minute before I go back in.

Her form is just a silhouette through the foggy door, but I can't take my eyes off her. Once I'm stripped naked, I tap on the door, giving her one last chance to change her mind. "Can I come in?" I ask, opening the door a crack, keeping my eyes closed.

"Please," she says.

My heart stutters in my chest as I open the door wider and step in. I keep my eyes on hers, though the pull of her body is overwhelming. There's no way to hide the hard-on I've been sporting since I pressed her up against the front door. I can't find it in me to be embarrassed. Water drips down her grinning face, and I'm relieved that she seems to be in this completely. She steps forward, puts her hands on my chest, and brings her lips to mine. It starts slowly. Soft. But it doesn't stay that way for long. Our arms snake around each other, and my dick presses against her stomach. The slip-sliding feeling of it nearly makes my eyes roll back in my head.

It takes everything within me to pull my lips from hers, but I have to tell her. "Bella, I want you more than anything. But I don't want you to feel like this is moving too quickly."

She looks at me from half-lidded eyes and shakes her head. "No, it isn't too fast. I want you near me all the time."

I nibble her earlobe, and she makes a sexy sound that causes my hard-on to twitch against her. I turn her around again so her back is against me. I grab a bottle of soap and squirt some into my hands. Slowly, carefully, I glide them over her soft curves, moving down her waist, back out over the swell of her hips, down her thighs. Her breathing speeds up, and she shivers against me. This girl's going to be the death of me.

Bella

The warm water rains down over me as Edward's hands roam my body. He's gorgeous. Everywhere.

I want to devour him.

His hands frame my face as I press my back to him, feeling his cock slide against my wet skin. He turns me around then and pushes me against the cool, tiled wall, and his smoldering gaze sweeps over my body.

"Beautiful," he utters, his voice husky. He reaches out to grasp my waist, then slides upwards to the sides of my breasts, his touch feather-light, almost reverent.

My nipples tingle when his lips approach, and I feel him smile against my skin before he peeks his tongue out against my right nipple.

Before I can even register his hands skimming down my body, he's there, between my legs. He barely touches me there with his fingertips, a question lingering in his eyes. "Yeah?" he asks.

I nod, and he touches me softly at first, and knowing that it's him touching me, parting my lower lips with long fingers, makes it feel that much better. It makes me shudder, makes my legs go weak.

"Edward," I whimper when he grazes my clit with one finger. It's the only word I'm able to choke out.

He takes his time taking me, teasing me, watching me, increasing pressure exponentially, and when he slips one finger inside me, breathing becomes difficult.

"Okay?" he asks softly.

My heart is going to burst out of my chest. I can only nod. It's more than okay.

He ducks his head to kiss me again, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth. I respond with a nip, then soothe it with my tongue. Suddenly, his lips are gone, and he's kneeling in front of me, looking up into my eyes. Whatever he finds there makes him smile wickedly, and oh, my god… His kiss at my pelvic bone is sweet yet sexy. He slides two fingers inside this time, and then his tongue is on me. In me. So good.

My hands tangle in his wet hair. It's too much. I close my eyes, unable to stand the onslaught of sensation. Those bright eyes gazing up at me as he explores me so intimately is just too damned much.

His hand travels up my calf, pulling gently when he reaches my knee to hook my leg over his shoulder. And oh, holy fuck. The angle turns my other leg to jelly, but he holds me firmly against the cool tiles.

He devours me, consumes me. I've never felt like this before. Not with anyone. My head bangs back against the wall, but I couldn't care less. Edward's mouth on me is heaven. His fingers curl deep inside me, hitting a spot that makes me cry out. He sucks on my sensitive flesh. Every nerve ending in my body fires, every cell burns.

So many sensations—his tongue teasing me, his fingers stroking that sensitive spot deep inside, his hand pressing against my lower abdomen. Together, it sends me over the edge.

His name leaves my lips, and I don't care that I'm panting, whimpering as I come hard, pulsing around fingers. Wave after wave assaults me until they slow to mere ripples.

His efforts turn gentle as I come down, and he smolders up at me. "I love you," he says in a low, hoarse voice, then kisses the right below my belly button before he stands and presses his forehead against mine.

I bring my hands to his face and kiss him deeply, tasting myself on his mouth. And because it's Edward, it turns me on more than I could ever expect.

I explore the planes of his chest and stomach with my hands. "Thank you."

He flashes me his crooked smile. "My pleasure."

"I think it was mine." I slide my hands lower and wrap them around his incredible hardness. "Now it's yours." He raises an eyebrow, but when I move my hands up and down his length, his head falls forward onto my shoulder.

"Bella," he growls as I stroke him. "That feels…"

I drop to my knees to return the favor, but Edward reaches down and cradles my face in his hands. "You don't have to—"

I cover the tip of him with my lips before he can finish protesting, then release him long enough to say, "I want to. Very much."

Edward

I didn't think it was possible to get any harder than I did as I tasted Bella's beautiful body. But I was wrong. I think I might explode when she looks up at me from her knees and tells me how much she wants to reciprocate. Her velvety tongue leaves a trail of sparks from the base of my cock all the way to the tip. She slides her lips over me, taking me all the way in.

I groan again and tangle my hands in her wet hair. Her head bobs slowly back and forth, and it's just indescribable. "Christ, Bella. Love…so good."

Already, too soon, the finish line is near. My girl's talented.

"I'm close, Bella," I choke out.

She bobs her head faster and takes me deeper into her mouth. My cock touches the back of her throat, and that's it.

"Fuck." I try to pull away, but she grasps my thighs with her hands, keeping me right where she wants me. Lights and colors burst in front of my eyes as I come harder than I think I ever have before.

She swallows and licks me one last time before looking up at me with her big, brown eyes, and…Jesus. I reach down and grasp her by the elbows, helping her stand, and hold her to me.

"Your heart is racing."

I smirk down at her. "Bella, you…" I shake my head. "Incredible. No words."

She just grins back and reaches for the shampoo.

Best shower ever.

Bella

I woke in the morning to a tickling sensation on my neck. When the fog of sleep clears, I remember why. Edward's warm breath flutters across my neck as he nuzzles me in his sleep. I can't keep a smile from spreading across my face as my thoughts linger on the previous night's shower. Edward's hands on me, his mouth all over my body… My face flushes just thinking about it.

Behind me, he sighs contentedly, his breath blowing the fine hairs at the nape of my neck and tickling me. I giggle softly, and he stirs, pulling me closer to his warm body.

His morning wood pokes me in the back of my leg. I bite my lip and rub back against him purposefully. A wanton sigh escapes my lips before I can stop it.

"What are you doing, Miss Swan?" he asks in my ear, voice thick with sleep.

Oops. Maybe he's more awake than I thought.

"Just getting comfortable," I say innocently.

He nuzzles deeper into my neck and places a tiny kiss there before I roll over onto my stomach and lay my head on his shoulder. I'm glad the blankets are covering us. We were caught up in the heat of the moment last night, and I didn't have any qualms about being completely exposed then. But the light of day is a different story.

Edward puts his arms back around my waist and turns his head to kiss me on the lips. "Good morning."

"Morning. Sleep well?"

"Much better than I slept without you."

I know exactly what he means. We kiss and touch, but he keeps his lower half away from me. I want to reach for him and take him in my hand, feel his heavy weight. He seems evasive, which is peculiar after last night. We were about as intimate as two people can get.

"Bella," he says softly, opening his eyes. "I want you to know how much I respect you, how much I love you. But I don't want you to think I just want you for your body."

My heart flutters at his words. "I know that."

"Do you?" He sighs. "When you told me about your past, I hated seeing that hurt in your eyes. And I hated that you had trouble talking to me about it." He runs a hand through his hair and blows out a harsh breath. "I sort of promised myself then that I'd show you how much I cared for you without being physical. But it's…hard."

"No pun intended?" I say, attempting to keep it light.

He shakes his head. "I mean it, Bella. Your body…sings to me. But it isn't just that. You're intelligent and beautiful and independent and talented." He kisses my knuckles with each word. "You have so much good in you."

"You're making me blush."

"Good. I love it when you blush. I want you to be certain before we take that next step that you love me, too. I want you to take time to figure things out for yourself."

I think I might melt right into the bedsheets. "Edward." I chuckle a bit as I sit up, holding the blanket to my chest. "I was starting to think guys like you were a myth."

"What do you mean?" he asks, his eyebrows pulling together.

"You know. Patient, caring about how I feel. Things like that."

"When you care about someone, you want them to be happy, to have no regrets. I want this. I can see myself being with you for a long time." His soft smile is so genuine, it made me want to cry.

We kiss again, gentle and honest, and snuggle back against each other. He trails his fingers lightly over my spine, which starts to lull me back to sleep.

"What do you say we go to the beach?" he says when my eyelids begin to fall heavy.

I roll onto my back and stretch. "Sure."

Edward stretches too and swings his legs over the side of the bed. "I'm gonna get my bag out of the car."

I admire the way his back muscles move as he gets up and slides his jeans over his luscious ass. Part of me wanted to say those three magic words to get him back into bed with me sans culottes.

He flashes me a smile and bends to kiss me. "I'll be back," he says in a poor Schwarzenegger imitation.

When he's gone, I get up and grab my favorite bikini on my way to the bathroom for morning necessities.

While I brush my teeth, I comb my brain and my heart. Why is it so difficult to tell Edward that I love him? I do love him. At least I'm pretty sure I do. I know that I care very deeply for him. I know he makes me feel confident and secure. I prefer to be with him much more than without him. I feel all of those things he just explained to me. So why is this so hard? They're just three words, for crying out loud. I and love and you. Was it because I'd been burned in the past after thinking I was in love? Am I actually in love, then?

"Augh!" I shout after spitting toothpaste into the sink. This shouldn't be such a big deal! I love Edward. I love him. I love him, I love him, I love him. So why can't I say it out loud?