Bella

My life. It's unbelievable. If you'd told me that at the beginning of the this year, I would've laughed in your face. But every time I think things can't get any better, they do. Everything's amazing, but I sometimes, I can't help those tiny slivers of insecurity. No matter how hard I try to push them back, they sneak in every now and then. But I'm slowly learning how to keep them at bay. I'm happier than I've ever been. I'm not back to the "old Bella" my friends wanted me to be after the fiasco with Mike. I'm better. I'm a better version of myself.

"So if Ange brings the green bean casserole, that just leaves dessert. Rose?" Alice says. It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the three of us have met at a coffee shop to plan the details of tomorrow's spread. Alice is determined that we'll have a traditional Thanksgiving as a group now that we're all paired off. She says we're one big, happy family. I don't know about that, but I'll never turn down the opportunity to pig out. And it's not like I have any family of my own to celebrate with.

"I'll make an apple and a pumpkin pie if you make those delicious pecan pies," says Rose.

"Done and done," I say. We shake on it and tuck our to-do lists away in our bags.

"Married life still treating you well, Rose?" Alice asks, sipping her pumpkin spice latte.

"Mm. I didn't think it would be much different, but there's just something about it being so…official, I guess. Every time I say husband, I sort of get goosebumps. In a good way."

Alice sighs and gets this look on her face that tells me she's already planning a grandiose wedding in her head.

I laugh and nudge her leg with the toe of my shoe. "I know that look, Alice. What colors?"

Her face lights up. "I'm thinking all different shades of white, with the two of you in cream ball gowns."

"Ball gowns?"

Her expression is pure duh. "Of course. It'd be black tie."

"I think a small ceremony on the beach would be ideal. If I thought I could get away with it, we'd elope like the two of you," I say, nodding my head in Rose's direction. "Maybe go to Hawaii or something."

"Does that mean you've actually thought about marriage?" Rose looks shocked. "We sort of figured after the Mike fiasco that you wouldn't consider it again for a long time."

I shrug. "Edward's it for me."

Rose peeks at Alice, who just smiles serenely. "He's it for you. Just like that. As in the one?"

"I honestly can't imagine wanting to be with anyone else."

"Our little girl is all grown up, Rose," Alice snarks, pretending to wipe away a tear.

I roll my eyes and changed the subject. "We'd better get to the store now so we have plenty of time to prep food before tonight."

"You're right," Alice says, clapping her hands. "It feels like ages since the guys had a gig. I'm excited!" The night before Thanksgiving is a big party night downtown, and Edward and Jasper have a pretty major show at a popular bar. She's right. It is exciting.

The cranberry sauce is bubbling away on the stove, and I'm rolling out pie dough when Edward walks in with Jasper.

"Something smells gooooood."

"No touching!" I say firmly, standing between them and the entrance to the kitchen. "I'm just making a few things ahead of time."

"Well, hello to you, too," Edward says with a smirk.

I wrap my arms around him and give him a peck on the lips. "Hi."

"I missed you today," he says, nuzzling my neck.

"You two are nauseating."

Edward scowls at Jasper, who's pretending to retch behind him. "Like you and Alice weren't making me want to puke earlier."

"I never claimed that we weren't nauseating, too." Jasper maneuvers around me to grab a bottle of water from the fridge and throws one to Edward. "Sorry to invade your space, Bell, but we need to do a little run-through before tonight."

"You're not invading. This was your home, too."

"Before you kicked me out."

"I gotta tell you, Jas, she's a much better roommate than you."

"Whatever, Eddo. You know you miss having a manly man around to do all the big, tough man jobs."

"Bella's really great at other jobs that are far more pleasant," Edward says bluntly.

I stare at him, eyes wide, mouth agape. "Edward Cullen!"

"What?" He shoots me the smile that always makes me forget my train of thought. It's incredibly annoying how flustered he can make me with a simple look.

"I…whatever. Go get to work."

The hot shower soothes my back and shoulders, which are a little achy from being on my feet all day, shopping and cooking. My head is full of to-do lists and thoughts of Edward. It's been a while since I've seen him onstage and making eyes at me from behind a microphone. I'm excited for tonight. The shiver that goes through me while I'm drying off has little to do with the cool air that hits me when I step out of the shower. I go through my post-shower routine, applying moisturizer and all that good stuff, but something I see in the cabinet gives me pause. My hand hovers over a bottle of lotion as I consider the little blue box. I count back through the oversexed weeks and realize…my last period was way more than 28 days ago.I quickly count again, knowing for a fact that I've taken my birth control pill every single night at bedtime. I'm nearly obsessive about it. But there is that miniscule failure rate, I think. Oh, God.

"Fuck. Fuck. Oh, fuck." My heart slams against my ribcage. What do I do? When I unfreeze and my brain starts to work again, I wrap a towel around me and dart out to the bedroom to grab my phone.

Alice answers after just one ring. "I'm on my way! Sorry I'm running late."

Blood pounds in my head at her choice of words. "Um, Alice?"

"What's wrong?"

"I think… I just need you to get here quickly, okay?"

"Bella, did something happen?"

"Um, no, not really. I…" I don't know how to continue. I don't want to say the words out loud.

"I'm just around the corner. I'll be there in a sec."

I end the call without saying goodbye and throw on the first articles of clothing I can find. True to her word, Alice bangs on the door a minute later, and I scramble my way to the living room to let her in.

"Bella! You're almost green, dollface." Something like fear passes over Alice's face before she schools her features. "Come sit down. I'll get you some water." She nudges me gently toward the couch and is back in less than a minute, pushing a glass of water into my hands. "Drink."

The cold water slides down my dry throat, my esophagus; I feel its path all the way to my stomach. Before I know it, I've downed the entire glass.

"There, you look a little better. You're still pale, though. What happened?" She smoothes my damp hair back off my face. "Did you and Edward have a fight?"

I shake my head, slowly coming back to life. "No, no. Nothing like that. Alice, I—" I stammer, struggling to find the words. "I'm late."

She stares at me in confusion and cocks her head before comprehension dawns on her face. "Oh. Oh! Bella…"

I look at her helplessly and burst into tears.

She embraces me tightly. "It's okay, sweetie. We don't know anything for sure. First things first. When did you figure out you were late?"

"In the shower, right before I called you."

"When was your last period?"

"I… I don't know. Beginning of October?" I'm too upset to do the math.

"I thought you were on birth control."

"I am!" I walk. "My doctor switched me to a low-hormone one a few months ago. Maybe it… Alice, what am I going to do?"

"Well, I guess we should get you a pregnancy test to start with. We can swing by a drugstore on the way to the bar—"

"No! No, I'm not ruining everybody's Thanksgiving with this," I tell her resolutely. I sit up, wipe my eyes, and run my hands through my hair, a habit I've picked up from Edward. Edward. How do I tell him? He's trusted me with the responsibility of birth control, and I've let him down.

Alice peers at me dubiously. "A-are you sure, Bella? What about Edward?"

"I'll wait a week, and if nothing happens, then I'll tell him."

"You're already well over a week late, dollface. Wouldn't it be better to just find out right now?"

"I think I'd rather wait till after the holiday at least."

She watches me for a few minutes while my head races with thoughts. What if— God, I can't even think the word. Does Edward even want kids? I don't even know if he likes kids! Okay, Bella, just try not to think about it. You start your new pack of pills Sunday. Maybe something will happen between now and then. Pills? Oh shit, if I am…ugh… I've been taking birth control pills this whole time. Could it harm the—

"Bella?" Alice asks softly.

I smile weakly, biting the insides of my cheeks. "I'm not going to think about it for now."

The worry grows behind her eyes, but I know she knows how stubborn I can be. "Okay, then. Why don't you finish getting ready, and we'll go have a fun night out. Maybe you'll feel better once you see Edward."

At the mention of his name, my eyes tear up again. I try to blink them back as I make my way back to our bedroom, but they just keep coming. What if he doesn't like children? What if he gets really mad that there was even a possibility and kicks me to the curb? You know him better than that, some random rational part of my brain tells me.

But do I really? We've never even talked about the possibility.

Just stop it. Calm down. Don't think about it for now. I make a firm decision then. I'll go out, have fun with my friends, have a great Thanksgiving, and deal with whatever this is on Monday. Maybe an answer will come spontaneously. Right. Ignore it for now; deal with it later.

Not the best plan in the world, but it works for me. For now.

"I've got this round. What can I get you, Bella?" Emmett asks over the loud music and chatty crowd.

"Just water tonight, Em. Designated."

He nods and winks. "Very responsible of you."

I snort and go back to watching Edward. As usual, his eyes stay trained on me for a good part of his time onstage. Usually, I'd be staring right back at him in mutual adoration. Tonight, I just feel like an undeserving liar. No, I haven't outright lied to him. But lying by omission is still lying.

"You okay?" Alice asks in as low a voice as possible.

"I'm fine. I promise."

After the set is over, Edward, Jasper, and their drummer Tyler and his girlfriend join the rest of us at the set of pub tables we claimed early on.

"You all right, babe?" Edward asks. "You seem a little out of it."

I sigh heavily. "Why does everyone keep asking me that? I'm fine."

His brow creases. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to make sure you felt okay."

Feeling like an ass for being so rude to him, I plaster a smile on my face and grab his hand. "No, I'm sorry I snapped at you. I'm fine."

He kisses my forehead and goes to the bar to get a drink. A few minutes later, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn to see a shock of spiky blond hair and a pair of blue puppy-dog eyes. Mike. What else?

"Bella," he says softly. "Would it be okay to talk to you for a minute?"

"Mike, I'm really not in the mood—"

"I just want to apologize."

I narrow my eyes, feeling out the situation. He seems calm, almost remorseful, so I decide to hear him out. Mike puts his hand at my elbow, and we walk away from the group. I watch him expectantly as he sighs and put his hands in his pockets.

"I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for everything. Everything. I knew you weren't ready to get married, and I pushed you into it. Then I dumped you in a food court—God, I still can't believe I was such an asshole. And then the whole thing in the park a few months ago… I can't apologize enough for the things I said, Bella."

I cross my arms over my chest. "What brought all this on?"

"I have some…issues. But I'm getting help now—"

I search his eyes as he speaks. He really seems remorseful, but he's interrupted by Edward's appearance at my side.

"What's going on here? Mike, is it?"

Mike rolls his eyes. "Yeah, that's me."

"Edward—"

"I thought I told you to stay away from her."

"Edward! Mike was just—"

"No, it's okay, Bella. I get it. You've moved on, as you should have," Mike says.

"Damn right she's moved on," Edward mutters.

Mike gives me a half smile, apologizes in a quiet voice, and walks away.

Edward glares at Mike's back as he retreats. "What the hell was that for?" My blood pressure rises for the umpteenth time tonight, making my brain feel like it's pounding against my skull.

He seems shocked at my vexation. "Bella, I—"

"He was only trying to apologize!"

Edward barks a humorless laugh. "And he expected you to forgive him? And then what?"

"And then nothing!" I know I'm was being ridiculous for getting so angry, but I can't stop. "It took a lot of courage for him to apologize for what he did. What did you mean when you said you thought you told him to stay away from me?"

"I may have run into him after that afternoon in the park. And I may have given him a little…incentive to keep away."

"Incentive?"

He sighs and has the decency to look embarrassed. "I told him I wouldn't kick his ass as long as he never spoke to you again."

I throw my hands up in disgust. "Why? Edward, I can fight my own battles! I don't need you stepping in between me and every tiny problem."

"I'm sorry. I just want to protect you."

"Protect me from what? I'm a big girl, Edward. I took care of myself well enough before I met you."

"Love—" He reaches out to touch my arm, but I back away. I can see the hurt in his eyes, the deep creases in his forehead, but I can't stay. There are too many things to think about. His overprotectiveness, the possibility of a baby… Suddenly, I'm exhausted, emotionally and physically.

Jasper steps between us. "Everything okay?"

"No, everything's not okay," I say in a low voice. "I need to go."

"Bella, please—"

"Do you need someone to drive you home, Bella?" Jasper asks as Edward stares daggers at him.

"Yes, please," I choke out.

Edward

I have no idea how that argument escalated so quickly. It left me reeling. One minute, she's sitting with our friends, laughing occasionally and sipping water. The next, she's practically exploding with anger over me telling that jerk to leave her alone.

Maybe I've been a little overprotective. Maybe I've been smothering her. I scrub my hands over my face and turn over in our bed to the empty space she usually occupies. She should be here now. We should have come home from the bar together, flirting and teasing during the drive, and fallen into bed like we did every night. But when Jasper asked Alice to take Bella home, she offered up their guest room for the night. She nodded without even looking at me.

She hasn't spoken to me since. I swallow past the lump in my throat and punch my pillow. What the fuck happened?

Bella

"Edward feels things…intensely. He loves you very much," Jasper tells me as he sits next to me on the couch. "And he's very protective of the ones he loves, sometimes to a fault."

"I know. I feel awful for causing a scene."

"Hush." He reaches over and ruffles my hair, ever the calming influence, making light of the situation. "Don't even think of it. I know there's got to be more going through that pretty head of yours than you're letting on."

I nod slowly. "I'm scared."

"Alice told me."

A tear escapes and slides down my cheek, followed quickly by more. "What if he hates me for this?"

Jasper chuckles, and I looked at him in bewilderment. "Trust me, dollface, Edward could never hate you. Especially not for something like a baby."

I wince when he says the word, and he reaches out to squeeze my hand. From the corner of my eye, I see Alice enter the room.

"Nothing's even certain, right?" he asks.

I shake my head.

"Well then, there's really no reason to freak out yet."

"Easy for you to say."

"You're right. It is easy for me to say. But you know what? Edward loves you more than anything, and he would never be upset with you for something like this. He's crazy about you. He'd want to know."

"I can't. I can't even think the word."

Alice snuggles up next to me. "It's okay, B. Take all the time you need. If you need me to help you think it out, I'm here. But please don't put it off. This could be something else entirely, but if it is…" She trails off, knowing I don't want to hear it. "There are things that need to be done and decisions to be made."

I nod as more tears slip out. "I just want to sleep for now."

She squeezes me tightly, and Jasper puts his arm around me on the other side. "We're here for you, no matter what."

"Thanks," I say with a sigh that eases the load on my shoulders.

In the morning sun, things look a little less scary. I lie in bed and let my mind wander, thinking about the things I said to Edward, and feel wretched. He didn't do anything to deserve my wrath. My heart wrenches at the image of his pained face in my mind.

Alice knocks on the door shortly after nine. I tell her to come in, and she enters with a mug of tea. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." I sigh. "I can't believe the way I acted last night."

"It's okay. You have a lot on your mind. But I do know someone who's extremely worried about you. He's called here at least five times this morning."

"Yeah, my phone's off. I'm sure I have at least a dozen voicemails." I drop my head into my hands and close my eyes, leaning back against the headboard.

"You should call him, at least let him know you're okay."

"I know. When I think of the way he looked at me before I left—"

"Don't think about it. Last night is over. Let's just think about the now, okay? Not the past, not the future."

She hands me the tea and slips out of the room. I pick up my phone and stare at nothing for a few moments. What do I say? Hey, sorry I was such a bitch last night, but, you know, it could be pregnancy hormones making me all wacky.

Ugh. I'll apologize first and tell him how much I love him, feel things out. Then, if things are okay, I'll tell him about missing my period—possibly periods. I decide not to think about that part and power on my phone. There are fourteen messages. I listen to a couple of them, all Edward.

"Bella, please. I'm sorry. I love you. Please call me."

"God, I'm such an idiot. I need you."

An acute pain pierces my chest at hearing those words spoken by the man I love more than my own life. I delete the other messages without listening and quickly dial his number.

"Bella," he breathes. "Thank God." He sounds awful.

"I know, Edward. I'm sorry, too."

"No, you have nothing to be sorry for. You were right. I've been smothering you," he rasps.

"No, Edward. You haven't smothered me. I'm just…stressed right now, and I took it out on you. It was a wrong place, wrong time situation, and I'm so, so sorry."

"Bella. Please let me come get you."

I shake my head and wiped my tears away before remembering that he can't see me. "No. I have to tell you something, and I don't know if I can face you when I say it."

Edward

Silence holds the line for a moment as I contemplate what she can possibly have to tell me that she can't say to my face. She met someone else? She realized she still had feelings for Mike? God, please no. "What is it?"

"God, I don't even know how to tell you this…" she begins.

"It can't be any worse than the things going through my head right now, Bella. Just tell me. This is me."

"Edward, I'm late." The words run together, making it sound like she had to force them out.

"Late for what?" I ask, even as the meaning of her words dawn on me. "Oh. Oh. How—how late?"

"Weeks?"

My heart tries to hammer its way out of my chest. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"It didn't occur to me until last night that I didn't have a period last month."

"What about the birth control? Did you stop taking it?"

"No!" she cries. "No, but my doctor switched me to a different kind a few months ago."

"I know. I remember. I mean did you stop taking it after you realized…?"

"I told you, I just realized last night. I'm on the off week anyway."

I rub a hand over my face and through my hair, tugging at it roughly, trying to stop my head from spinning. "God, Bella, I'm so sorry you had to go through this on your own."

"I didn't want to tell you yet. Alice said I should. I just want to wait a few days and see what happens."

"What do you mean 'see what happens?'" I'm confused. Wait a few days? What could possibly happen in a few days? I can't wait that long.

"I'm on the fourth week of pills in my pack. I want to wait and see if my period starts before doing anything."

"Why, love?"

She's quiet, and I almost grab my keys and go to her immediately. "I don't know," she admits in a small voice. "Edward, I'm scared."

"I know, baby. Have you gotten a test?"

"No."

"We should do that as soon as possible."

"I don't want to."

"We have to know."

Panic rises in her voice. "I don't want to know. I want it to go away."

"Bella, shh." I try my best to soothe her over the phone. God, I need her with me. I need to wrap her in my arms and tell her everything will be okay. But her needs are more important than mine right now. "You know I'm with you no matter what, right?"

She just hiccups into the phone.

"I'm coming to get you, Bella," I tell her firmly, then remember her reaction to my overprotectiveness last night. "If that's okay."

"Yes. Please."

I make the fifteen-minute drive to Jasper and Alice's place in less than ten. Bella comes to the door, her hair pulled back in a low, loose ponytail, face red, eyes puffy. I pull her close, and we both relax minutely.

"Bella," I whisper into her hair. "Are you okay?" It's such a stupid question. She's really not. I'm not. I don't know what to think about any of this.

"Better now that you're here. Alice and Jasper went out for breakfast so we could have some privacy."

I pull her to the couch and tug her hand so she'll down sit down. "Look at me," I say, tilting her chin up so she faces me. She closes her eyes and leans into my touch. "You have to know how much I love you. You're my life. And if there's even a reason for all this worry, then I'll be…thrilled." It's true. That's not to say I won't also be relieved if she's not pregnant. But if she is, a baby that's a little bit her, a little bit me, created out of love, would be a perfect representation of what we are. Whether that makes sense, I have no idea. But it's the best I can do with what I'm feeling right now.

Her brow wrinkles, and her eyes hold confusion. "Unplanned or planned, our baby would be so loved and spoiled and…beautiful." I let my words trail off. "I know it isn't how we planned things, but we love each other. What does it matter if things happen sooner than they're supposed to?"

She searches my eyes and seems to find what she's looking for. "I was so afraid you'd be upset with me. I didn't know if you even like kids. I thought you'd be angry and leave me."

"Not in a million years. I'd never leave you. And of course I'd love our baby."

She turns her face and brings her lips to mine to kiss me, pulling away too soon. "Thank you," she says, much calmer now.

"For what?"

"For being you. And for loving me like you do."

"The pleasure is all mine."

"Let's go to the drugstore," she says quietly.

"Are you sure you want to do this right now? We could wait and go to the doctor when they reopen tomorrow."

"No, we need to know." She stands, pulling me with her.

Baby or no baby, I already know without a doubt that there's a definite shift in our relationship. But it's not strained, it's not awkward. It's even stronger.

A/N: Don't throw rocks at me! No mutiny, okay? I'm going somewhere with this. Don't panic. I'm sorry to leave it here, but it was the natural point to cut it off...and the next chapter is being posted right now. So no panicking or abandonment, okay? ;)