Cogitationis is Latin for, "meditation/thinking/reflection."

Chapter Eight: Cogitationis

"It is not easy being born into royalty is it?" she asked listelessly, whilst sitting beside him as she had quickly become accustomed to.

A physical closeness that always made him feel more uneasy in her presence. It always put him off balance to have her close to him.

"In what way?" he managed to ask back without giving away how much her physical proximity effected him. There were a great many things that made their lives difficult. It had been interesting to see which she choose to mention.

"We are supposed to be the ones that make decisions, but there are even more that are made for us. We cannot go against them and we have to accept them without argument. The people always complain about their own freedoms but, we are not really free either," she explained. "At least the people can rebel. They can choose. We must suffer in silent acceptance and to act any different would bring scorn."

"What is that you wish you could fight against?"

"My betrothal."

The swift reply bears witness to just how much it has been on her mind.

"From the look on your face, I can tell it does not bother you so much," she said almost sadly.

"Arranged marriages have their advantages and their disadvantages," he answered neutrally. "I never had such an arrangement so I cannot guess what your feelings are on the matter."

"I suppose it is a little different from a man's point of view. You can always choose your mistress if not your wife."

"One woman is trouble enough for me," was his firm response.

She surprised him by giggling. Though, to be honest, there a great many things that surprised him about her. HE had not been able to properly read her. Another thing he had found unsettling.

"That is a woman. Nothing but trouble."

"I prefer the honesty of a marriage rather than the fantasy of a seasoned mistress. We are constantly surrounded by people who hide behind smiles and flattering words. I do not need my ears tickled or my manhood inflated by someone who would be so close to my person."

"That does not sound very romantic."

"I am not a poet, novelist or any such fanciful man. I am a prince and in order to lead my people properly, I need to have my feet on the ground and not floating in the clouds."

"Sounds very rational."

"Yet you do not agree with it."

"Of course not. I am a woman and we like fanciful on occasion."

"Then I hope that your fiancé is such a man."

Her look turned defeated again. "He only sees me as an advantage. An opportunity for future gain and nothing more. That does not seem fanciful or has room for romance, does it?"

He glanced at her carefully, noting how sadly resigned her eyes look and a feeling akin to anger swells up inside him for her sake. How such a lovely and vivacious creature could be given away to someone who would not appreciate it, he cannot fathom. How she could be given to someone who would probably crush that spirit as he crushed her heart seemed very wrong. He had already foreseen all of that in that moment and the anger grew. The anger still grows thinking back on it now. As cold as he was too, he would have appreciated someone as brilliant as Stella. He would never have allowed himself to destroy her spirit. It was why he did what he did to her later. No matter how much it had pained him to do so.

"Perhaps you are wrong," he said in an attempt to give her some encouragement. He fails lousily because he does not believe his own suggestion. Though she smiled at him just the same and a strange twinge in his chest had been the result.

"Have you ever thought to defy them?"

All the time, he thought, but he did not dare voice that.

"I think the key to success is to wait for the perfect opportunity. One just has to be patient."

"Sounds devious."

"War is not for the faint of heart."

"And you plan to fight one?"

"I have to. We are already on the verge of it now."

"We are on opposing sides of it as you well know," she pointed out.

"Are you here to kill me, Princess Stella?" he asked outright.

"No," she replied and as always, he could see the truth in her eyes. "I am here to observe. As your Father's party is currently in my country to observe."

"A farce to say that we at least tried to end things amiably," he said baldly and he could not help but let his disapproval leak into his statement. "Then the real fighting will start."

"We can end things amiably."

"This will be another fruitless conversation," he replied with a shake of his head.

"Because I am a woman?" she asked but not in that typical defensive fashion that always quickly became tedious. She had merely been trying to understand his logic.

"Because you are fooled and think that all people can be reasoned with," he answered because that was the plain honest truth. Male or female did not matter. "Some people cannot be changed when they have conviction. It is a waste of breath to try."

"So fighting is the only option? You would not even try to talk it out?"

"Talking will only delay the inevitable. I would much rather face off with my enemy in a decisive battle than sit around and pretend to be civil with useless posturing."

"There is no fighting someone that is already dead, is that right?" she asked with an amused smile.

A shrug was his only response to that.

"Death is such a waste of life."

"Then they should not have used it by courting it," he countered.

"Are you afraid to die?"

"No," he answered. "As long as I know I am dying for something that I believe."

"And you believe in all of this?" she asked.

He smirked at her before replying. "Did you not just tell me about how rebelling royals are disdained?"

She gave him a shrew look before shaking her head while breaking out into a laugh and he can remember thinking that he was in trouble of falling in love with an already promised woman.

He opens his eyes to the present, realizing that morning has already broken the comforting darkness of night. The rising sun's rays are reaching out and stretching towards the shadows until there will only be light once again. It always makes him want to retreat. While he sits here like he has no care in the world, he feels the weight of it upon his shoulders. He needs to think about what his next move will be. He needs to figure out a successful strategy, but all he can think about are all the memories of times past that he has tried to forget. Those precious times with Stella.

"I suppose we all have our tale of woe," he says, turning to the man beside him for the first time since settling down here upon the rooftop of the castle. He cannot tell how long they have been silently sitting on the ledge as they have, but the broken silence seems fitting with the disturbance of the sun.

"You mean not much luck when it comes to women," is the dry response.

"You said Yin meant to you what Stella means to me."

"More than you will ever admit, not even to yourself," is the very accurate observation.

"Speaking from experience."

"I've lost a lot in my life," Hei states, returning his stare baldly. "I've done things I'm not proud of and I've saved my world twice."

"But you could never get the girl."

"I had her," is the quiet reply and his face is a mirror of anger and regret. "It was not meant to be, I guess."

"Even though she is now in this world the same as you," he points out. "Have you seen anyone else besides her that are from where you are?"

"No," is the curt response. "I thought it was because I was meant to be alone. Seeing her last night with that guy, behind all of this. Neck deep in all that's going on..." he shakes his head angrily. "I knew better and I still..."

"Was it like that in your world? Were you on opposing sides?"

Another head shake but he wants for the story to come.

"We were partners in a small group working for an organization called, The Syndicate. Yin was my Doll and could see anywhere that had water nearby. She was minimally programed by our superiors to have the lowest amount of emotion and personality. She was only given the mind for basic necessities." He pauses and a look of admiration crosses his face as he recalls her. "She proved them all wrong though. She showed us all that she was more. That dolls were more than these emotionless shells whose only purpose was for us to use." Another smile and the affection Hei feels for Yin is blatantly apparent. "She said it was me. That I was the one that woke her up and made her feel again." A shake of his head. "Not that she expected anything from me either. Never pressed that I share my own feelings or that I should have them in response to hers. She understood and she knew, she knew I cared and that was enough for her. She never complained. It was a fresh feeling to not be burdened in that way. With other women... and for some foolhardy reason, there were many, there was an expectation. An obligation when they told me their misguided feelings. They wanted that reciprocation. Yin asked for nothing and expected nothing."

"Which made you want to give her something."

"How else to repay someone who you could actually be yourself with? That you didn't need to hide your true self from and that never asked you for anything? It was a freedom I did not have since losing my sister," that look of regret flashes across his face. "In the end, they both sacrificed themselves to protect me when I was should have been the one protecting them. Now, to see her on the other side of me... I cannot believe it. I will not believe it. She has only ever disobeyed when she was trying to help me and disobeying was something a Doll just does not ever do."

"So you think her being with Niveus is somehow for your benefit?"
"She might not have known I was even here."

Her supposed to be, emotionless demeanor would not have given away her surprise either, he surmises.

"No matter what, I have to get to her," Hei says.

Having heard some of their history, he can understand that. He himself wanted to demand answers to his own counterpart.

"So you love this Yin because she is the only one you can be yourself with?"

Hei looks off into the distance.

"I was a spy. I was the best. It was easy for me to infiltrate companies and integrate myself into peoples lives for the objective of the Syndicate. Everyone I came into contact with saw a side of me that didn't exist. They only saw what I wanted them to see. I always played a part, but always hid under a mask both literally and figuratively. Yin was the only beside my sister who ever saw behind it. Who saw me."

This answer makes him feel something like jealous envy pierce through him. He had never let go enough to even have such a liberty with Stella. Though it was only with her, besides his friends, that he had felt tempted to let his own mask drop. Even then, she had always seen through it. He may not have actually dropped the act, but she had always seen what was behind it just the same.

"Such a freedom must have been... nice," he observes.

"You weren't yourself with Stella?"

"I did not think I was, but she always knew," he replies with a snort of amusement. "Even when I tried to hide myself, she always saw me and not what I projected. No one except my brothers have been able to do that."

"You're fortunate to have a great and faithful support system."

"I am."

"But the intimacy with a woman is an entirely different kind of connection. You are telling me that Stella was it."

"Yes."

"And it seems you've lost her to the enemy too."

"Not just any enemy...," he begins to say but is interrupted by Ignis' calling his name.

"Noct."

"Ignis," he says with a small nod. He is instantly wary as he braces for whatever news Ignis must have.

"The news of the final councilman's death is all over the morning news."

"How did that leak so fast? We have not even finished collecting the evidence from the scene."

"I'd say our old friend made sure of it," Ignis says with a roll of his eyes.

"He's working fast," comments Hei. "Which means whatever you mean to do, you better do it fast."

Forcing his hand , which would greatly increase the percentage of error.

"Noct? What do you want to do?"

"Call a press conference," he orders.

"I can do that. We already have the royal spokesperson..."

"I think it is time the people saw me speak to them instead of the castle hiding behind a presentative."

"Er... are you sure?"

He lets out a long breath at that. Public speaking was not his strongest suit and he has avoided it at every opportunity in the past. Sensing the cameras on him, always made him shut down and come off as both arrogant and cold. A public image that he has always had, but now, he had to redeem himself in the eyes of his people. He needed them to support him if he wanted to avoid the detonation of his country and opening the way for the upcoming invasion from a deadly force that has been orchestrating everything that has happened to bring them to this point. Without the trust of his people, all that he has done and sacrificed would all be for nothing. Niveus being alive already made it seem invalid already. He has to change tactics. He did not do all he has already done to let that bastard win... and win Stella too.

He should have acted sooner. He should have done the job right the first time.

"Like I said," he repeats. "It would be more insulting for me to hide behind a spokesperson than for me to address them myself. They need to know I am doing more than just lazying around and living off their taxes without a care."

"I can get a press conference set up within an hour," reassures Ignis, already typing out messages on his phone. "Then we can get something to put together a speech for you."

"No written speeches."

"What?"

"Whatever I say on that screen to my people will come directly from me," he says firmly. "It will not be written with someone else's words but my own."

Ignis has an apprehensive look on his face that is both understandable and somewhat exasperating considering, but there is no use getting riled about that now.

"I think the people need to see another side of me," he says by way of explanation. "But I want you to make sure that we use secure lines and have the best we have to monitor any attempts at blocking or interfering with the broadcast." He looks to Hei. "Contractors can do anything, right?"

"If that happens I could have a tracing software ready ," suggests Ignis. "That way we can find out where they are in the city at least. They wouldn't be able to do it from very far away, would they?"

"No, they would still have to be relatively close," Hei answers.

"What's the range on a Doll?" Ignis asks.

"You give Yin enough time and she can search the entire city. As long as there is water close by."

"How many dolls do you think Niveus has?"

"There weren't a lot of Dolls where I am from and you have no way of properly programing them either. So they will most likely not be fully functional even if he had a lot of them. We just have to worry about two Dolls right now. Yin and the other one that can uses glass to see."

"But they could be coached by Yin."

"True, they could. In any case, you will always see the observer spirit of a doll when it is watching you. It's not a totally undetectable method of watching people. Since you guys seem to be able to see them, we shouldn't have too much of a problem."

"Guess we have to just take things as they come," he says, knowing that will not please Ignis.

"When you give your speech, you have to be aware that there are Contractors that will be watching too. Normal people and Contractor alike, you must reach them all. People are ruled by emotions so they will be appeased with how you convey your thoughts whereas Contractors are slaves to their rationality. They need to be convinced being on your side is within their best interests. If they figure you are not worth their survival, they will side with Niveus when the time comes."

"No pressure then, right?" he asks with a smirk.

"Just how many Contractors are we talking about here?" asks Ignis.

"To answer that, you need to look at the stars."

"What do you mean? Our stars are the same."

"Have you see the sky while inside your Dome?"

The question not only makes him pause, it makes him want to smack himself for not checking sooner. He should have. He knew better.

"Going back to our previous conversation before Ignis got here. What I need to know is...," starts Hei, giving him a dark look. "Is how your Stella could be working with this Niveus guy in the first place."

"You mean, what is the connection between them?"

"Yes."

He shakes his head at how sordid it all sounds, but that cannot be helped. It was sordid, no matter how it was worded.

"Niveus is Stella's fiance."