A/N – Thank you reviewers! 3 (that was meant to be a heart, because I love you :'))
Chapter Five
She hadn't bothered to get changed, and when she woke she found that she had fallen asleep on top of the duvet, immersed in her thoughts.
Her first thought upon waking was that she was cold. The second was that something was digging into her thigh. That something turned out to be her folded, and now slightly crumpled, syllabus. She could see that some parts of it were optional and that she would hand over a list of anything that she chose to opt out of to her sensei at the academy meeting on Monday.
It was difficult to choose when she didn't know what all of this really was. And because opting out of anything was highly discouraged. If it was crucial to a mission, or the mission went wrong, these thing may need to be done anyway.
That, or if the kunoichi couldn't get away, would be done by force.
She chomped on her pen, growling quietly when it exploded blue ink over her mouth. Maybe she should discuss it with Ino…
Sakura sighed and chucked the pen into the bin on her way to the bathroom. That could wait until Sunday. She wasn't in the mood for talking to people, especially not if Ino was surrounded by all of the others. She needed time to think.
And a lot of time to get the biro off of her before she went anywhere. There was still a slightly blue tinge by the time she finished but she had had enough of trying. She'd rubbed her face bloody raw. Glancing down at herself she realised that she was probably pretty mangy, but could always shower later. A quick glance around told her that her parents were once again out, so it didn't matter if she waited a little while before getting that damn smell of sweat and other activities off of her body.
She once again took enough food to feed a small army up to her room, and made a mental note to go shopping later. Since all three members of the Haruno household were often away, and all made money of their own, whoever felt like food, or noticed the lack of it would go shopping. Same with the bills – Sakura deciding to occasionally pay a bill when it got dropped off by the postman. She would have to pay for everything, including rent or mortgage, when she moved out, so she had no problem helping out while she was still with her parents. She was saving most of the remainder for her own place, part of the reason why her mother still gave her money for things.
The other part was that she'd never quite gotten over buying things for a small child, and wanted to do the same now. She was constantly buying things for Sakura's dad as well, and anyone else who she deemed needed something.
The woman took a real joy out of giving people things. Probably why she came home happy if she delivered a baby.
Sakura mused through the syllabus again and again, along with drafting in her mind what she could say to her sensei and found that most of the day had gone before she had really done anything.
Anything like showering and shopping. Both of her parents were out when she returned, but as she finally sat down in the lounge rather than in her bed, she spotted a note on the coffee table telling her that they would both be away – her dad for a fortnight and her mother a few days.
Sakura sighed. It was a good thing that she had gone shopping. Now, perhaps, she ought to cook something
She put on her new underwear the next day, regardless of the fact that he might not even see them. Just in case.
She then made her bed and took down the overflowing bin to change the bag – the amount of food wrappers etc. was becoming extreme, and she was ashamed to note that there was also a couple of plates.
Sakura wrinkled her nose. She still had an hour or so before she had to leave, so she might as well make her room habitable.
Particularly if they found out she had some kind of horrible incurable disease or something. Not that that was at all likely.
She went the whole hog as quickly as she could, pulling her books and DVDs off of their shelves to dust, and dragging the hoover all the way up the stairs. Once she was finished, she gave her clothes a liberal coating of her deodorant. She didn't want to turn up smelling of dust, and whatever mould was lingering under her bed.
She made a mental note to do the kitchen, and almost ran to Kakashi's. The speed was a result of her slightly excited anxiety, something that cooled the closer she got.
She could see his house, and her smile fell.
She could see his next door neighbours' cat, and it seemed to be glaring at her. She glared back, not feeling very threatening and stood outside of his door. Suddenly, Sakura was deathly afraid, and she wasn't too sure why.
She wanted to go home, but he could probably hear her heart hammering, so she might as well knock on the door. It wasn't as if he didn't know that she was there.
As usual he let her in and Kakashi asked if there was anything she wanted to question about either the syllabus or the previous 'lesson'. He'd only just began to tell her what they were going to do when Sakura broke in.
"I don't want to!" She blurted out, a flush taking over her face, and Kakashi's eye staring into it. He'd lost his lazy look. Now he just looked lost.
He cleared his throat. "Ah, shall we sit down?" He asked gruffly as he tore his gaze from hers and sat, staring down at his lap, where his hands rested on his knees. Sakura wished she knew what he was thinking. He seemed angry, but not at her. If he were angry at her she would likely know.
"Explain." He asked softly.
Sakura made a noise of questioning and Kakashi arched an eyebrow and lifted his head once more, his expression guarded once more. "Well, you can't expect me to sort anything out if you don't tell me why. Do you want to quit this course entirely, or…"
Sakura opened her mouth and closed it again. She knew that Akimi hadn't even started the course the previous year, but it hadn't occurred to her to quit. She didn't even particularly want to. She just wanted the problem to be fixed, but now that that alternative was being dangled in front of her…
She thought for a moment, until her sensei's enquiring voice broke into her thoughts. "Sakura?"
"No," She answered, her voice hoarse. "I don't want to quit. I just don't like it.
I mean, it's not-"
"No, finish what you were going to say." He pushed gently. "We aren't going to get anywhere if you don't say what you mean. What don't you like?"
"Havingsexwithyou!" She burst out in one word, her hands squeezing the material of her shorts so tightly that she could feel her nails cutting into her palms. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes when Kakashi spoke again.
"Why?" He asked.
She took another shuddery breath, and couldn't bring herself to open her eyes. This was embarrassing, humiliating. A lot more so than the act had been. She hadn't felt humiliated then. She just… didn't like it.
"You don't kiss me." She broke out with a sob, her closed eyes missing Kakashi's perplexed expression. "Or touch me. Or even talk to me."
"So… you'd like me to do those things?"
"Mmhm." He nodded, not that she saw.
"Why?" He asked again.
Her watery eyes opened and her mouth parted a little. He held her gaze, and the question. "I can't really do anything if I don't know why. I'll just make another mistake later on."
She shook in her seat and her face crumpled. She raised one hand and pointed to his crotch. "Because THAT is the only part of you involved!"
She cried openly, and Kakashi sat next to her feeling unsure. Going on instinct, he pulled her into his lap.
"You don't act like you care about me!" She whimpered.
He stroked her back and pressed his cheek against her head. "Because I'm not supposed to." He whispered. "You heard what Iruka said. And I've never taught a team before."
Sakura hiccupped, and didn't dare say that he'd probably had sex before. It didn't matter, as he addressed that assumption anyway.
"As you've realised, it is very rare for a kunoichi to be a virgin when she has sex with someone she wants for the first time." He said softly. "I still don't know how to deal with that, because everyone I've ever been with has been taught to seduce, and to take what they want. They also know what to expect from it." He explained.
"Yes, I would usually have done those things you said, but I could be coaxed into it by a woman who was trained to seduce to kill." He pulled her closer. "You're a first for me, too."
Her mother's words rang in her mind, along with the fact that this couldn't happen to all new teachers.
"Don't they teach you what to teach us?" She asked softly.
"Yes." He said quietly. "But not beyond the contents of the curriculum and a couple of hints." He smiled wryly. "And of course, to not encourage any emotions on either side while in a teaching position. I haven't done this before," He reiterated. "I just… chose to tackle it how I would a normal mission."
"And stay detached." Sakura finished for him.
His breath fanned against her ear when he replied in a whisper. "Exactly."
He rocked her gently, and they calmed under the soothing feel of another body clinging to them. Once their breathing was lulled and their bodies a languid warm Kakashi quietly spoke up again.
"If there is anything else that you want or don't want me to do, you're going to have to tell me."
"Okay."
And if Kakashi said anything else, it fell on deaf ears, because Sakura happily drifted off to sleep, feeling certain now that it was ok.
Kakashi was still with her when she woke, glaring sleepily at his wall and cricking his neck.
"Morning." Sakura whispered, her voice hoarse from sleep and crying.
He nodded before smiling at her. "You know, Sakura… I am much too old to sleep upright on the sofa."
Sakura shrugged unrepentantly. "You could have laid down."
"You wouldn't budge."
Sakura flushed a little, and moved off of his lap so that he could get up.
"Tea?" He offered.
"Yes, please."
Sakura tried not to frown. The atmosphere wasn't awkward, but Sakura felt like it should be. After her outburst, they shouldn't be quite so normal. They chatted over menial subjects while the ate cereal and drank tea, but Sakura was constantly waiting for the conversation to take a turn towards the night before.
Kakashi noticed her expression changing, and placed a hand on her shoulder. "We don't have to do anything today." He said, and she smiled, pulling him into a hug.
He walked her to the door and she left, resolved to the fix the kitchen as she had things with Kakashi.
She took an odd kind of joy in sorting the kitchen, and she wasn't normally a cleaning person. It wasn't until she'd chucked out the third part-loaf of bread that was out of date that she remembered the list, that same list that she would have to feedback to Kakashi on the day after.
And she was going to talk to Ino about it.
It was late afternoon by the time that she had finished, and a quick glance over had words like 'anal' standing out at her like barbed wire, prompting her to leave.
Surely not many people would be interested in entering the exit?
She blushed as she took to trees and buildings, the all so familiar feeling creeping up on her in a wave of embarrassment. She really did need to get over the irrational idea that all other people were psychic.
As it turned out, Ino had gone out, and so Sakura went home to grumble and once again ponder her list alone.
She slept well, considering that she was supposed to be worrying. Well enough that she didn't feel remotely prepared about the list sat on her windowsill, but nor did she feel daunted by it. It was just… there, and she was feeling pretty confident about it having Googled what each item was.
Every single one she had said may be negotiable. After all, there were several unappetising things on there but she didn't know if at some point she might have to do them.
As bad as that sex was with Kakashi, she had a feeling that, with someone else, it could have been a hundred times worse.
With that trail of thought out the way, Sakura got up and dressed (showering properly), and ate a healthy breakfast that she cleaned up after herself. She then set to work on the laundry before preparing the ingredients for dinner. She knew she would probably think 'no chance' if she left it until after she got home, and she'd been skipping afternoon meals enough as it was.
After hanging the clothes on the line outside, Sakura found that it was probably around lunchtime and wasted some time making a sandwich to eat outside.
She fed the birds.
She cleaned the lounge.
She basically wasted time until it was time for her to leave. Sakura frowned. Maybe she should work hospital shifts in the mornings. She'd have to discuss it with Kakashi in case he decided the change her training pattern. So far it was evenings, every other day.
Was he just being a lazy bastard, or would it stay like that?
Sakura thought about it as she pulled a light jacket on, just in case, and resolved to ask.
She knocked on Ino on her way past, in the hope that she had returned from her mystery adventure, which she had. It appeared that she had been collecting as much knowledge about the events on the sheet as humanly possible in such a small amount of time. Without trying them, of course.
"Can you believe that they would ever ask us to do that?!" Ino ranted. "Really, what guy is actually into that?"
Sakura rolled her eyes. "The type that we need to get locked up for it." She responded, her voice slightly weak. Honestly, some of these things seemed beyond torturous to her, too. She clenched her fist and then glanced down at it thoughtfully.
Was that honestly meant to-?
Flushing hard and feeling sick, Sakura changed the subject. "Have all of your lessons been at the same time so far?"
Ino nodded. ""Yeah, I think it's just more convenient for the teachers. Kurenai-sensei had begun to change the times of Hinata's lessons though, but I think that that it to try and help it fit around te baby and whatever else it is that she does."
"I want to do some hospital shifts, but I don't know if I'll always meet up with Kakashi-sensei in the evening."
"Why would you want to work while already technically working?"
"Training." Sakura corrected.
"Whatever. We're doing what we would on a mission. That counts as work."
"It's something done for leisure too. And it's not exactly dangerous here."
"I'm still not going with it." Ino muttered.
When they got there they found their sensei's already sat down, with the students that had beaten them there sat beside them. Ino and Sakura shared a glance before nervously wandering towards their respective senseis.
"Yo. You got your list?"
Well, he cut to the chase. Grumbling slightly, Sakura removed it from her pocket and handed it over to him. "Am I allowed to change this later on?" She asked.
Kakashi scratched his chin and nodded. "I should imagine so. You've put all of these problems as changeable anyway. You just may need to discuss the reason for the change with Tsunade if you want to add anything to it from the currently 'ok' list."
Sakura bit her lip and nodded. "Alright."
He caught her expression and placed his arm over her shoulders. "Her, it'll be fine."
Sakura nodded once more, feeling reassured but spent the rest of the meeting being focused on the way Kakashi's arm had felt around her shoulders, instead of the talk that Anko was giving about the joys of being a kunoichi.
A/N – I'm not too sure how this chapter is… *bites lip* Well, let me know what you think! Hopefully the next chapter should be up on Saturday at the latest!
Thanks for reading!
R&R