Those of you who have read the KFP prequel 'Art of Balance' may be familiar with a certain psychotic antelope chef named Kuo. For those of you who haven't, in 'Art of Balance' Kuo blamed Mr. Ping and his recipes for his many failed restaurants, and so attempted to steal the recipes by holding Mr. Ping hostage. Fortunately, Po managed to rescue his father, and Kuo was flung into a wall by Master Shifu.

Now Kuo returns in a two part segment which will be spread out within this series of one shots.

In part one, Kuo returns to the Valley of Peace and exacts revenge on Mr. Ping… with very nauseating results!

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER IS NOT FOR THE WEAK-STOMACHED!

Enjoy!

"Carefully does it…" Kuo barely whispered as he very slowly opened the back entrance to Mr. Ping's kitchen. He peered through the little crack in the doorway. The old goose was absent from the kitchen, busy collecting dirty dishes from the tables full of customers that he did not deserve.

Perfect.

Kuo crawled on all fours through the door and into the kitchen, ducking his head so his horns wouldn't be visible above the counter.

Kuo headed straight for the pan of dumplings just beneath the counter. Glancing quickly at the stairs, Kuo carefully pulled out a small sack.

Be quick!

Kuo grabbed an empty radish basket and poured the dumplings inside, completely emptying the pan. Then he opened the small sack and refilled the pan with ten day old dumplings, the kind that were guaranteed to induce vomiting and worse.

Kuo giggled as he quickly retreated through the back door.

If everything went well, Mr. Ping's precious noodle shop would be closed down by morning, and the recipes would at last be his.

A few hours later…

Mantis frowned as he swallowed the last bite of his last dumpling.

"Is it me, or do these dumplings taste odd?"

On the opposite side of the table, Monkey realized this as well and lowered his bowl.

"You're right…" He spoke to the other members of the Furious Five gathered at the table, Po busy cooking in the kitchen. "They don't taste like Mr. Ping's usual dumplings…"

"Hey, your taste buds are probably still recovering from tasting those new super-spicy dishes for Mr. Ping." Viper said as she finished her tofu. "Try not to worry about it."

"No offence, Viper, but you haven't tasted these dumplings." Crane said as he finished his own bowl of dumplings. "And neither have you, Tigress."

"Did I look like I was going to say anything?" Tigress asked as she slurped the last of her noodles.

"Is everyone finished, now?" Shifu asked as he pushed away his empty dumpling bowl.

Everyone at the table nodded.

"Good. Po…" He called to the panda chopping vegetables in the kitchen. "We need to return to the Jade Palace immediately."

"Okay, I'll be there in a minute, Master Shifu!" Po waved over the counter.

"Before you go, son…" Mr. Ping said. "Could you refill the dumpling pan?"

Po nodded, then walked over to the dumpling pan. As he leaned down to pick it up, he frowned when he caught sight of the several remaining dumplings floating in the water.

"Uh… dad?"

"Yes, son?"

"Is it me, or do those dumplings look different to you?"

Mr. Ping waddled over and gazed into the pan. His usual cheerful expression changed into a scowl.

"I definitely don't recognize these dumplings. The dumplings I usually produce are a lovely dull cream… these are two shades darker!"

The goose lowered a ladle into the bowl and scooped out one of the strange dumplings. He raised it to his eyes, which narrowed as he examined the dumpling… a minute later he gasped.

"Good lord! These dumplings must be ten days old! Po!" He turned to his son in a panic. "Who do you know have eaten dumplings from this pan?"

"Well…" Po struggled to remember. "The only ones who have eaten dumplings today were Monkey, Crane, Mantis and Shifu... oh god, they're going to be sick!"

Po rushed out the kitchen… but the Furious Five and their master had already left.

"Dad, I've gotta go!" Po sprinted for the exit.

"Hurry Po, before it's too late!" Mr. Ping called after him.

A strange sensation stirred in their stomachs as the Furious Five stood in a straight line inside the training hall, Master Shifu pacing in front of them.

"For heaven's sake!" Shifu finally snapped. "Why does that panda always have to be late?"

"In his defense, Master, there are a lot of stairs between the village and the Jade Palace." Tigress spoke.

Shifu sighed.

"Are we still going to wait until Po arrives?" Monkey asked.

Was it his imagination, or was the room getting hotter?

"Yes, we are." Said Shifu. "I refuse to leave any of my students out of training, regardless of whether or not they're late."

"What will you be teaching us, today?" Crane asked, momentarily wondering why there were so many butterflies in his stomach.

"I will be teaching you the Golden Emperor's Foo Dog Frenzy." Said Shifu.

"The what?" A slightly sweating Mantis blinked.

"Only joking." Shifu smirked. "What I'm actually going to be teaching you today is…"

BAM.

"Master Shifu!" Po burst into the room.

"About time, panda!" Shifu scowled. "Do you know what time this is?"

"Master, you and the others have got to go to the infirmary, pronto!" Po panted.

"Why?" Shifu asked testily.

Suddenly, Mantis dry-heaved.

The room fell silent as all heads turned to the insect on Monkey's shoulder.

Mantis dry-heaved again.

"Mantis, are you alright?" Monkey asked.

"I… burp… I'm not sure…" Mantis's voice was muffled by the forelegs covering his mouth.

"Oh gods, this is what I was worried about!" Po groaned. "You've got food poisoning from those dumplings."

"Don't be ridiculous, Po!" Shifu glared at him. "Do you honestly think that a group of kung fu warriors can be defeated by spoiled dumplings?"

At that moment, Monkey's eyes bulged, and he clapped a hand over his mouth.

"Uh, I don't feel so good…" Monkey moaned.

"Alright, everyone who ate dumplings has to go to the infirmary now!" Po said.

"It's not the dumplings, Po!" Shifu said. "I've had dumplings as well, and I'm fine!"

As he said this, Crane started fanning his sweating face with his wings.

"Is it me, or is it getting really hot in here?" He panted.

"No, it's just you." Said a wide-eyed Viper.

Within seconds, all three men were dry-heaving, sweating and farting.

"You know what…" Mantis finally spoke. "I really need to go to the bathroom."

He hopped from Monkey's shoulder and rushed from the room. Hands and wings over their mouths, Monkey and Crane followed suit.

"Where are you three going?" Shifu snapped.

Po ran out of the hall after them.

"Guys, the infirmary's that way! NO, DON'T GO INTO THE HALL OF WARRIORS! STOP!"

Tigress and Viper stared at each other then ran after them.

In their defense, the hall of warriors was closer.

Mantis ran straight for the urn of whispering warriors, but did not get there in time.

Retching from the foul taste in his mouth, Mantis frantically climbed up the body of the urn and stuck his head inside. Retching and splattering could be heard.

"Mantis, move out the way!" Crane rushed forward, slipping on the pool of sick as he did so and tried to pull Mantis from the urn. "I need that urn!"
"Find your own urn!" Mantis yelled, his head still in the urn.

Crane frantically spun around, trying to find an alternative container. Then his eyes fell on the moon pool.

He ran right for it.

Mantis heard his footsteps and quickly pulled his head from the urn.

"Crane, no!" He gaped.

Too late.

Crane had reached the pool, and the clear water almost immediately turned cloudy.

Shifu was still in the training hall, frozen to the spot.

Then he heard the sound of vomiting in the distance.

Sighing in annoyance, Shifu made his way outside.

"Gangway!" Monkey yelled as he ran for the urn. He threw up before he noticed that Mantis was already there.

"Oh god… Mantis…" Monkey gaped at the drenched bug. "I'm so sorry…"
"GET AWAY FROM ME!"

Po, Tigress and Viper burst into the room… and burst straight back out after one glimpse of the horrifying scene.

"AW, WHAT THE HELL DID WE EAT!" Crane wailed in between heaves.

Shifu stepped into the room, and gaped at the three men hurling into priceless artifacts.

"Get out of here!" Shifu yelled. "And go to the infirmary like you were supposed to!"

"Sorry Master…" Monkey moaned. "But we can't move!"

"He's right, Shifu." Said Po, poking his head through the doors. "When you're puking non-stop, food poisoning can be just as disabling as nerve-strikes."

"For the last time, it's not the dumplings!" Shifu glared at him. "If it was, don't you'd think I'd be feeling sick too…"

Suddenly a tremendous fart echoed round the hall of warriors.

Everyone froze and stared at Master Shifu. Monkey, Crane and Mantis had even stopped hurling and lifted their heads.

Shifu had gone white. A foul smell emanated from him.

"Master, you didn't…" Tigress stared at him with an expression of utter horror.

Very slowly, Shifu lowered himself to the ground.

"Oh god…" Shifu said in a tiny voice. "It is the dumplings…"

Oh god, that was gross. By the way, Part II won't be posted for a while, but in the meantime, be on the lookout for more updates coming your way!