You can't recover memories of a missing event. That's a fallacy.

Betty Hill

My parents were shocked at my revelation, that much wasn't hard to figure out. At least they had Jazz to work her magic and give them some form of understanding. I'm not sure exactly what she said, I stayed detached in my own little head for most of the conversation. I could deal with whether or not they accepted me, much less whether or not I was in a shit load of trouble, later. I could deal with that after Sam was okay.

Sam. Good god, if she heard me now she'd probably tell me was starting to get obsessive, like with out first run in with Ember. She'd probably just blush a little and look away if I said it was just because I was worried about her. Now that I really think about it, she does that a lot more with me than anyone else.

Is that why they always call me clueless? Because I missed things like that up until now? But why would she react to me like that? There's no reason to… I mean, not unless…

No. I'm just reading too far into things. Who am I to try deciphering her feelings when I haven't put a label on my own?

But I have, haven't I? I know what it is...I'm just too scared to think it much less say it aloud.

Maybe we're too young for me to be thinking it's even possible, but the word sounds...no, feels...right in my head and heart.

I..I… god, this is hard to admit… I...I'm in love with her, okay? I admit it to the world that I love Samantha Manson...even if admitting it to the world consists of saying it within the confines of my own mind at the moment.

My parents get up and Jazz follows silently behind as they announce they are going to get some food, asking if I want anything as they walk out. I tell them no, just like nearly every other time. At least they're making an attempt to treat me the same way; even if they don't fully accept me, they obviously don't hold a pure hatred for me just because of what I am. There's one thing going for me.

The look on Sam's face is so peaceful as she just lays there, eyes closed, living through something while she's trapped within the confines of her mind. I hope she comes back soon. I love her, and she's my best friend - life is hell without her.

What am I going to do if I ever really lose her? Not just to something temporary, but to something permanent.

Lose my mind and sanity, that's probably what I'll end up doing if I ever really lose her. Hell, I'm coming pretty damn close even with her right here with me.

I'm not sure what causes it, but I feel the need to say what I feel aloud, even if she can't really hear me. I'll probably never do it if I don't do it now.

I chuckle a little as I realize just how clueless one has to be to be in the dark about their own feelings until something like this happens. "If you could hear what I'm about to say, I'm not sure whether you'd freak out or not. I'd hope not, I'd also hope it wouldn't make things awkward between us. I love you, and I have for quite a while, but didn't really realize it." I sighed as I finally finished slowly working my way through that confession. I grabbed her hand, holding onto her almost the same way I was trying to hold onto the courage that had let me say how I really feel aloud.

With any luck, I'd be able to say it when she wakes up, when she could really hear me.

Yet another new school year. Happy, happy, joy, joy. This year, I get to deal with a class full of idiots since the school couldn't fit Pre-AP history into my schedule. To top it all off, I haven't got a single class with Danny. I only see him during the walks home from school and occasionally he'll get a word or two in during lunch and in the halls. I do start getting closer to Tuck though as he slowly begins to drool over not only Paulina, but also her little satellite, Star. He's a really smart guy, so why the hell is he trying to chase after those idiots? Boys can't really be swayed by looks that easily, can they?

At least Danny hasn't been pulled quite as far into the abyss of shallow girls as Tuck has. His first girlfriend actually isn't a shallow little popular bitch; it's a Goth girl who goes by the name of Allie. He doesn't tell his parents about her though, he doesn't want any embarrassing conversations with his dad about girls yet. She's a grade above us, but that doesn't stop Danny from falling head over heels for her and then some. It's kinda cute to see him running to her side every chance he gets and how he gets slightly depressed when she can't answer a phone call. It's cute, but it also hurts just a little for some reason. I start to realize why one day as we're just aimlessly walking around his neighborhood.

I'm not sure what exactly prompted it, but as some point I call him my Danny. I know he isn't really mine, but it still hurts when he says he's Allie's Danny and my best friend. I'd never really given much thought to us being together, but I'd also never thought of anyone keeping us apart. Maybe in a way, I'd always just thought it'd be the two of us, and the two of us alone.

Some days, I don't really like to acknowledge it, but I can see just how much Danny cares for Allie, hence why I get the strong urge to rip her face off when she breaks up with him at the end of the school year. You know what? Maybe he wasn't mine, but that sure as hell didn't mean I was going to just stand by and watch his heart get broken when he didn't deserve it.

It takes me weeks to piece the broken Danny back together again, and he's pretty sensitive to even the smallest, longest running, teasing remarks for the first few days. I jokingly called him a clueless idiot once and he got pretty pissed off at me. That was the first real fight we had and it came from a combination of him being too hard headed to realize I honestly didn't mean to put him down and me being too stubborn to realize he wasn't lashing out at me just because of what I said. He was lashing out because he had nowhere else to vent his frustrations.

After a few days, Tuck intervened and set things right, but it wasn't until after the fact that I realized I should have just let him work out his frustration. I didn't deserve what he was throwing out, but I should have known he didn't mean it, not really. At least he got enough out before Tucker cut in that he's pretty calm now.

As he finally moves on from his first real relationship, I see him starting to do the same thing Tucker does. He's started drooling over the popular bitches. Good god, he's going to get himself in trouble. He doesn't have a chance at any of them, but on the bright side, they'll never be able to crush him nearly as much as Allie did.

I know that that should be the end of our seventh grade year, but something is keeping me there. Suddenly, I feel my phone buzz in my pocket as I'm reading something on the internet.

Don't freak out when you see it, it will almost definitely make several things awkward.

That was only the first half of the message, but I'm close enough to the surface of reality to know this didn't really happen.

I love you, and I have for quite a while, but didn't really realize it.

That half only solidifies the fact that this isn't a real memory. He never said anything about having any feelings for me at all, much less those of love. Well, that and the fact that the grammar is pretty damn good if not perfect - Danny tends to drop his apostrophes and capital letters when he texts.

But if it isn't a real memory, then why the hell am I seeing it now? I guess it just goes to show that memories can't always be relied upon.

For those of you reading Blood Roses: yes, I did just reference the exact same memory in two different stories. Get over it. :P

Comments and feedback are as welcome as always. :D

Invisible One