"Everybody needs his memories. They keep the wolf of insignificance from the door."

―Saul Bellow

If it was possible, I would have killed the Box Ghost again, several times over. On the best of days, he was an annoyance, but now he was a royal pain in the ass. Enough so that I wanted to put his head on my wall.

Skulker would be proud.

These violent thoughts are becoming more and more frequent, and I'm not sure what to make of that. I'm stressed and irritable because she still hasn't woken up yet. If this lasts much longer, I'm going to lose my mind and sanity. As it stands, I sometimes worry that I've already lost my mind.

Damn it! Why isn't she here, by my side, where she's supposed to be?

Why am I even asking that? I know the answer; it's because of me. She was in the line of fire helping me and I couldn't protect her, I couldn't keep her safe.

This is all my fault. I don't care what Jazz and everyone else says, this is my fault. She was my responsibility, and I didn't do my job.

Damn it, Sam. Just come back to me. Please.

Summer was boring, no surprise there. Danny had been dragged out of state to go visit family all summer and Tucker was god only knows where the whole time. I spent most of it holed up in my room, though most of that was by choice. Through hours of boredom relieving decorating, I'd managed to get my room to a perfectly creepy state that I loved even if my mother just about had a heart attack upon seeing the finished product.

Had I known she'd have reaction, I'd have done this years ago.

In addition to my room, my wardrobe has also began to include black, another thing that freaked my mother out. Granny talked her into letting me keep it though, thank god. I don't know if I would have been able to stand being forced into any more of the girly shit that had been in my wardrobe for god only knows how long.

School returns, and I'm debating whether to rejoice in the return of my only friends, or curse the return of work; I'll do my work without complaint, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Once again, I have precisely zero classes with Danny, though I still have math and art with Tucker and I still walk home from school with Danny. We don't walk to school together anymore since he's gotten worse and worse about leaving on time since the sixth grade and with athletics in the mornings, I'm not willing to risk being late. At either twenty-five squat jumps or a 400-meter sprint (not jog or run, sprint)per minute late, you wouldn't want to risk it either. It feels good to work out in the mornings, but I don't want any extra, the workout off-season gets is hard enough as it stands.

In November, the cross country season starts and while I know I'm built more for short distances, I join the team - I figure I ought to do more than just the high jump if I'm going to be in the athletics program. Besides, a good challenge never hurt anyone.

Well, it never hurt anyone but Danny.

Two weeks into the start of the season, Danny decides to give it a shot since cross country is one of the only two sports open to all students, not just those in the athletics program. He failed...miserably. I managed to get his ass to practice on time, but whether or not he would do well was out of my hands. Though, it probably would have helped if the idiot had worn shorts instead of sweats. It was warm enough most people wouldn't bother with a jacket outside, much less wearing sweats on a mile and a half timed run. He finished last at over twenty minutes...and puked right as he hit the last hundred meter span.

I love him to death, but sports are not his thing.

We are going to ignore the love comment; he's my best friend, nothing more… even if I did notice he's a pretty good looking guy one day as he came out to meet me for our walk home.

Walking home with him is slightly annoying at times. I can only listen to so much about how perfectly perky Paulina's boobs are or how perfectly shaped Star's ass is. Honestly, I'd rather he just go back to going on and on about cars or ranting about his parent's projects and the neon sign they planned to put up in the next month. Sometimes I swear he doesn't even realize he's talking to a GIRL about those things. I don't care to hear about boobs, thank you very much.

Then again, how badly can I really ding him about obsessing over such insignificant and shallow things? He wouldn't admit to it if I asked, but I'm pretty sure the obsession over boobs and asses this year is partly a defense mechanism. Allie really hurt him last year and I think part of the reason he's going after things that don't really matter is so that he won't get himself hurt again.

I swear to god though, if any of those shallow bitches lead him on, I'm going to personally strangle them. It was bad enough seeing him get hurt once, I don't want to see it again.

Dash Baxter though, is someone I will probably end up strangling anyway. The dumbass keeps trying to convince the rest of the student body that Danny and I are dating. No matter how many times we both tell him that's not the case, he keeps right on at it and I'm pretty sure at least half the student body believes it on some level or another.

If I hadn't seen him run on the football field when my coaches had the girls running on the track around the field, I'd have probably tried to kick his ass. However, I knew that wouldn't end well and had to settle for glares and smart remarks that flew right over head.

In April of our eighth grade year, we get a field trip to a renaissance fair. Sadly, I get stuck in a different group than Danny and Tucker and wind up having to spend the day around some girls I don't know. They aren't that bad, but two of them are good little Christian girls to the extreme and there is only so much I can take of that. I usually don't mind hearing about the beliefs of other people and that sort of thing, but I wasn't in the mood for it today. I just wanted to enjoy the fair. Honestly, nothing much happens on the trip, but I do buy myself a rose and get it covered in purple wax. It looks pretty neat.

On the way home from school the day of the trip. I'm carrying my wax covered rose and Danny suddenly steals it and runs a little down the bike path we take to get home before stopping and turning to give it to me in the cutest way. I think my heart fluttered a little bit before I reminded myself that we were best friends, and that's it. Falling for him would make things way too complicated and I didn't want to make one of the few friendships I really had complicated.

When you're a loner, sometimes you have to choose love or keeping away from the risk of being all alone again. I'd rather not risk losing one of the only two friends I had.

...it's not TECHNICALLY a late update...

On a different side note.

Long story short, I no longer have any blow off classes in school and while I will try to keep my updates coming on time, I will not promise anything. While I'd much rather spend my time writing, Algebra 2 and AP World History have to come first.

Anyway, comments and feedback are as welcome as always! :D

Invisible One