I fell on the ice on campus today and ended up with a concussion, so proof reading may be a slightly slower process this week. I am a few chapters ahead on proofing, but it depends on how long the pounding behind my eyes persists. Stay with me. Hope you enjoy reading. Please review!
JACKIE POV
The next few weeks fly by in a rush of pain and exhaustion. My shaky limbs slowly grew stronger and my weight went from dropping dramatically to increasing quickly as all the fat left my body and muscle grew. I learned to ignore pain and exhaustion in extreme conditions over and over again, day in and day out for the last nine weeks, and now my body is hard, my mind is sharp, and I can't imagine myself doing anything else but being a member of this Bat family. I start in the field training with Nightwing tomorrow night, and I'm excited. My first night on patrol as a bat. My costume is folded in the batcave, I helped design it, I can't wait to put it on and be out there. The girl who made breakfast for her dad just a few short months ago is now a batgirl.
And yet I still lay awake late into the night past a haze of drowsiness and aching limbs and think of my dad and my old friends and my old house. I think about how Ace came over every morning and ate toast with my dad. I think about how Dad kissed me goodnight every night like clockwork without fail, even when I thought I was to old for it. Sometimes at night I close my eyes and hold my belly to keep out the lonely ache that these memories bring on and I run through my old routine in my mind right down to the details. My images are getting fuzzy of my old room and my old things, but I can picture clearly as though it just happened, my Dad standing in the doorway to my room. The light blaring in the hallway and his outline standing in front of it, and I remember the curve of his face and his teeth glistening when he smiled at me. He would walk in and give me a kiss on the forehead and hold my shoulders and tell me to have sweet dreams.
And sometimes I can conjure this image as though seeing it in front of me, and it makes me sleep. Sometimes I think of it and all I can do it sob quietly into the silent dark of Wayne manor and think of him in a cell in Blackgate prison staring into his silent dark and I cry for his loneliness just as I cry for my own. I think about all the "what ifs" and how stupid I was for running away from him. We could have just moved, maybe he would have stopped now that I knew everything. Maybe maybe maybe, what if, what if, what if. But I know it is all rubbish. There is nothing I can do to stop any of this now, and I am better off here, where I can get an education and live a full and productive life with a million opportunities. But the ache doesn't ebb or dim with these thoughts, it is like when my dad would say, "I know what is best for you" it never made eating broccoli easier for me. Knowing I'm better off here doesn't make the lonely silence go away or become any cheerier.
I wonder if he feels the same ache in his belly at night when the day is done and there is nothing left to do but sit and think of me. I wonder if he will break out and I will have to fight him, or if he will break out and start a new life free from the prison he has made for himself. And I wonder if what I feel for Bruce could ever turn into a fraction of the love I feel for my real dad. And if it makes me a bad person for hoping that one day I could see Bruce in that way.
And after all these thoughts rush through my head I try again. I picture my old routine in my old house. The first door on the left, at the top of the stairs, the only door in the house that was white. And the lights are off and I'm in my dads old t-shirt under my baby blue plaid comforter. I look out waiting for him to come and give me my goodnight kiss before he leaves to his job for the night. I hear his heavy steps on the stairs as he walks up slowly, not wanting to leave for the night. I see his shadow coming from the lit hallway then his form in the doorway. He always paused before the door and smiled, no matter how tired or drawn he looked, he smiled at night. Then he steps in slowly and gives me a kiss on the forehead. I have the image so perfectly I'm surprised to not feel his kiss there when I think of it. And then he draws away and tells me to have sweet dreams, and I tell him, "Be careful" I hear myself whisper them out loud to my silent and dark room. Then he smiles and would say, 'of course baby girl.' I picture him blowing me a kiss then shutting the door behind him. A few moments later his steps would sound on the stairs and the hallway light no longer lights the crack between the door and the floor and the switch is flipped. The front door shuts and I lay awake trying to sleep.
I just keep imagining my old blue blanket and my old pajamas and my old white ceiling that slanted at the highest point. It's hard to do staring at the high ceilings and crystal chandeliers of my room in Wayne manor. I try to imagine my brown wooden doors, but it is hard to picture as well with the tall white doors to my walk-in closet. Soon enough I give up and just start thinking about tomorrow night, being Batgirl with Nightwing by my side. And I am finally able to get some rest as my heavy lids close.
JOKER POV
In ways it feels as if my sanity is slipping away every night as I stare into the empty darkness surrounding my cell. Sometimes I see her standing in front of me smiling as if I had just given her a puppy. And sometimes she tells me how much she hates me for everything I have ever done. In some odd cases I see her mother telling me just how much I did wrong to Jackie and that she hopes I die alone and unloved. At this rate I'm sure it will happen though.
I know it is just my mind wandering and me hating myself, but I can't help it anymore. Especially seeing how happy Jackie is with Bruce. The guards let me watch the news every night and my daughter is usually plastered across the screen. Most of the time it is just pictures and little clips of her and Bruce, so I don't get to see much of her. I can see how happy she is though and it eats me up inside to know that Bruce Wayne is a better father than me. Well I guess when you think about it like that he is bound to be a better father. I have no chance against him for winning the father of the year award. I wonder if she calls him "Dad" and has completely forgotten about me.
The second tears spring to my eyes I shake my head violently and directly move my attention to the small window located above my built-in sink. My heart races slightly at the illuminating glow of the Batsignal. The only thing I have left is Batsy and he took what I loved most away from me. He tried to be a hero but I'll show him what he really did. I am going to destroy this city and watch it burn to ashes while the once proud people scream and beg for me to take pity. I am going to make Gotham a replica of my dead, shattered heart. No one will survive me.
"Shut it, Clown!" A loud boom sounds across the bars at the front of my cage and a guard, Boles, appears holding his flashlight.
"Oh Franky, you really should learn to keep that fat mouth of yours shut..."
He never saw me lunge. He never saw the shiv, nor me lunging and he definitely didn't see the shiv enter his eyeball.
THE NEXT NIGHT JACKIE POV
I lean far over the edge of the building and then back at Dick for the hundredth time. He has already warned me that if I don't suck it up soon he is going to push me, but jumping from the roof of Wayne tower, the tallest building in Gotham then grappling to the next sounds intimidating to anyone, I think. The magnetic charge in my cape will keep me from plummeting to my death, but still, a hefty portion of my brain tells me that jumping off of buildings isn't the thing to do. I take a step forward then another step back and continue leering over the edge petrified to my spot.
"Any day now." I hear Dick sneer from my side. I look over at him with a smirk, he in his mask and suit with his arms crossed over his broad chest.
"Not everyday you learn how to jump off of a building."
"You better get used to it."
"Yeah, no joke." I take another step forward then force my foot to the empty air in front of me then free fall down. Falling is a feeling I've never had before, nothing like this. What feels like hours later I aim the grapple and hit the mark and swing to the next building and I pull myself up and yell back at Nightwing, "I did it! Take that!"
He copied my motion and stood next to me a few moments later, "Good, now do it again."
This continued all night, soon we were going from one building to the next with little hesitation. My adrenaline was pumping through my veins making me feel invincible, but eventually it ebbed away and made room for me to enjoy the experience and become much better at it, creating muscle memory.
He had me drop and aim batarangs at various locations, which wasn't much different from practice in the cave, which I perfected weeks ago. The night continued much like this until We both received messages from Bruce in our earpieces, "Both of you, back to the cave immediately. I'll explain when you're both here." The connection immediately went dead and we both started running back towards the car. As we ran I only had to think through three or four options before one stood out before the rest: my father must be loose.
DICK POV
As I quickly kept pace with Jackie's strides as we moved towards one of the many armored vehicles that Bruce keeps for us all to use he is filling me in on what is happening that is so urgent making me swear I will not tell Jackie until she is back home.
"It is very important that she not know until she is here in order for us to gauge a reaction from her." His message rang in my ears with clarity I could not deny.
Once at the car it is only a matter of minutes before we are back at the Batcave. She keeps looking at me like she knows that not only do I know what this is all about, but that she already knows what it is. It makes me uncomfortable to see her this serious. Just from the grim set of her mouth I can tell that she is thinking hard about how to react to my news.
We pull into the cave from the hidden entrance and once to a stop she is out of the car and rushing to the bat computer and searching.
"Name." Rang the singsong voice of the machine.
"Joker."
"Date"
"July 12, 2011."
"Checking…" The data showed up immediately and told was constantly updated every word that every new anchor in the city was saying automatically. The information would later be gone through and turned into one orderly spreadsheet by Bruce, but this cluttered mess had one clear and concise message, the Joker had escaped Blackgate.
Jackie stared quietly for a moment then turned to me, "I understand why Bruce had me come back, and I get why you have to go and find him now and help out." Tim walked into the door right as I nodded.
"Thanks Jackie, we wont be long." I was in the car and leaving again before the blink of an eye.
JACKIE POV
I don't even look at Tim; I know he is just here to make sure I don't do anything stupid. Bruce must have thought this would really affect me. I understand why he would think so, but despite how much I miss him and how much it hurts, I know that the Joker is not my father. I will probably never see my father again. My father was make-believe, the Joker is scum, a mass-murderer. And I want nothing more than to rave at Dick and Bruce and Tim and everyone else that I want nothing more than to find that monster and put him away where he belongs. Which is why I am surprised when Tim suits up and jumps in a car, "Are you just going to stand there, or are we going to go and break Batman's rules?" I pull my cowl back over my face and jump into the passenger seat.
I don't know why Tim is doing this, he has been known to go and help Batman against orders before, but why help me or bring me along, Tim acts like he hates me for the most part. I push it from my mind and focus on what Dick taught me tonight as we drive towards the narrows of Gotham City.