A/N: Thank you to everyone who's spent time reviewing, messaging, or sharing a personal story... I only hope this story can live up to the expectations, now. But seriously, thank you... I hope you keep reading. I have another update ready for tomorrow or maybe even later tonight. Reviews always appreciated! xo
At the townhouse, Miranda went straight for her bedroom to "lie down," but Andrea knew better. She fixed a small plate of fruit, greek yogurt, and granola and brought it upstairs along with a mug of steaming hot green tea. Softly knocking on Miranda's bedroom door, she stepped inside, despite Miranda's lack of answer. Andrea looked around the room for the woman, but she was not there. "Miranda?" Andrea called, setting the tray on the dresser, "I brought you breakfast and some hot tea." Andrea paused, hearing sniffling coming from the bathroom. "Miranda? Are you okay?" she called out.
"Go away!" Miranda said.
Andrea tried to open the door, but it was locked. "Miranda, don't do this," she said as she used her thumbnail to turn the lock from the outside and open the door.
"Andrea, I said 'go away,'" Miranda said. She was curled up on the marble floor next to her bathtub, facing the doorway, still in her Gucci skirt and Theory blouse.
"Ar—Are you okay?" Andrea asked quietly. It was quite a shock to see the editor on the floor like that, blank expression clouding her eyes as she didn't bother trying to hide her face.
"What do you think?!" Miranda snapped back. "I don't need you, despite whatever you're thinking."
Stunned at the harsh words, Andrea took a few steps back, shutting the door before heading downstairs, gathering her things, and walking out the front door, slamming it loudly so Miranda would hear upstairs. She knew she wasn't needed at work for a while, so she took a detour through the park, stopping at the first bench she found.
Andrea tried to understand what was going on—just a few months ago, Miranda had opened up to her in Paris about the divorce, and while she wasn't accepting of any sympathy then, the mere fact that she allowed Andrea in her presence that night was telling of the trust Miranda had in her. Even once they returned, she trusted that Andrea would do a good job and as long as Andrea did, it was perfect. And now, this. Breast cancer in and of itself was terrifying. Top that with a career-driven workaholic woman who has no husband and no friends, and it's rather unfathomable. Despite Miranda's harsh words this afternoon, Andrea knew that those were just words, words uttered out of a dark place, a place from where it is easier to push others away than admit to needing help. Perhaps a little time to herself could be good, she thought, though she wondered how Miranda would handle the test results when Dr Barry called.
"I'll have them call me first!" she said aloud, reaching down to her phone and dialing Dr Barry's office number. "Hi, this is Andrea Sachs—I was in this morning with Miranda Priestly…yes, yes…Miranda is resting at the moment, would it be possible for you to call me first when the results come in. I want to ensure Miranda is comfortable and not otherwise occupied when the doctor calls her…Yes, that's wonderful…closer to six?…that's fine. Oh, and can you email me any follow-up instructions or anything for her?… Great. Thank you so much, goodbye!" Andrea smiled, proud of herself for once again going out of her way to make Miranda most comfortable, because when it came down to it, she had grown to care about the woman who made her life hell.
Sighing, she dialed Emily's number, knowing she needed to check in with the office and see if she could bring anything back on her way to Runway.
"Andrea, where have you been?! Nigel is going crazy. Angela needs Miranda's decision on the layout by tonight. Jocelyn can't find the Stuart Weitzman pieces, and Serena can't understand why Miranda cancelled their meeting with Jason Wu. What in bloody hell is going on?" Emily said.
"Em, I'll tell you a little more when I get back. Miranda is working from home for the rest of the day, though I doubt she's checking emails. I will have to stop back there later this afternoon, so tell Angela I'll take over whatever we need. Do you need anything while I'm out? Water? Cheese?" Andrea asked.
"Oh, that's so sweet of you. No, I don't need a thing. Is Miranda coming in tomorrow—I see you marked it tentative in her calendar?"
"I don't know yet. I'll try and find out later tonight. See you in twenty minutes!" she said, hanging up the phone.
Upstairs, Emily was busy putting a bag of items together for Andrea to take over to the townhouse when she goes. If they were lucky, the Book might be ready, too. It was amazing how productive the staff was when they weren't tied up in meetings or preparing for meetings.
Andrea stepped off the elevator into an unusually quiet hallway of Runway offices, which was exactly what she needed. She hadn't stopped all day to think about herself, and while that was fine, she felt like she needed a good cry.
"So, what was so urgent that Miranda couldn't come in today?" Emily asked as Andrea sat down in her desk. "And," she added, "why did you get dragged along?"
Andrea took a deep breath, slowly taking her coat off before answering. "Come here," she said, taking Emily's wrist and dragging her into Miranda's office, closing the door. "You know she will fire me if I tell you, Em," Andrea said, "but I—I need to tell you a little. Just to tell someone," she said, sinking into one of the chairs in Miranda's office.
"Oh my god, did she hurt you, Andy?" Emily asked, sitting next to her and putting her hand awkwardly on Andrea's knee.
"No, no, nothing like that," she said. "She had a health-related scare…well, not really just a scare, but an issue. She was at the doctor's office this morning, and they are supposed to call her back this evening with conclusive test results," Andrea said.
Emily slowly nodded, "I know you can't say anymore, but I guess it's serious or you wouldn't look so pale. Did she actually ask you to come with?"
"No. God no. I made up some excuse about needing Roy to drop me somewhere near her doctor's office, but Em, she was terrified." Andrea leaned down, dropping her head to her hands. "I've never seen her like that. I told you about that one night in Paris—that was nothing compared to today. She actually let me hold her hand."
A pang of jealousy shot through Emily; she understood how easy it was to care about the silver-haired editor. She'd known Miranda for almost two years, and in all that time, Miranda has never once had lunch with a friend. "You've certainly got more courage than me," Emily said. "I'm always to bloody worried about upsetting her, I just do what I'm told."
"Hey," Andrea said, "don't think like that. You know Miranda is going to need both of us, and we all know you can handle Runway-related things better than anyone. Ever since I've started I sort of took on all the personal tasks while you did more work-related things." Sighing, she added, "we need to work together now more than ever."
"You said she didn't receive conclusive results yet, though…?" Emily questioned.
"There's still a chance she's totally fine, but it's really slim. Either way, I know she won't come back the same person. We both need to be prepared," Andrea said.
Emily nodded, standing up and heading back to her desk. "Hey, we don't have anything going on today. I wouldn't care if you needed to step out or whatever, I could text you when the Book is ready."
"Thanks, but I think I'm just going to head over there now. If I'm this anxious, I can only imagine her, and the twins will be home from school shortly, so—"
"Hey ladies," Patrick said, interrupting their conversation. "Here's the Book. Record time today. I love the woman to death, but I can't get a stitch of work done when she keeps sending me emails every five minutes. Have a good night, ladies!"
"Bye Patrick, thanks!" Emily said as he walked off down the hallway. "Looks like you can head out," she added.
Andrea nodded, slipping the Book into her tote, along with several file folders Miranda needed. "I'm going to see if there's anything that might be more comfortable in the Closet," she said, rushing down the hallway. Andrea found some Lululemon athletic wear, pants, tops, running tanks, and a pair of Marc Jacobs 'velvet mouse' slippers in her size, just in case she didn't feel like wearing heels, Andrea thought.
Gathering the items into a spare Runway tote, she picked up her tote and her cell and headed out the elevators, Emily wishing her a silent 'good luck' on her way.
Andrea took a cab to Miranda's, for once, not wanting to be bothered with the strangers on the subway. As she walked up the steps to the townhouse, she took a deep breath, unsure of what to expect. "Miranda?" she called out, never knowing where the woman was in the house.
"In here," she said, the voice coming from upstairs. Andrea brought her bags upstairs, and found Miranda sitting on a couch in her study. Miranda had several large books open, and as Andrea got closer, she realized they were actually Caroline & Cassidy's scrapbooks.
"I, uh have the Book, and a few items you need to look at today—layouts and such," Andrea said.
Miranda closed the book and set it on the floor with the others. Removing her glasses, she sank back into the couch. "Caroline and Cassidy will be home from school shortly," she said.
Andrea wasn't sure why Miranda was telling her—was she supposed to leave before they showed up? After a few moments, Miranda continued, "I don't know what to tell them."
Andrea quietly exhaled, relieved Miranda was not kicking her out just yet. "Have you, um, heard back?" she asked quietly.
"No."
"Oh okay. Probably best to tell them when you know more," Andrea offered.
"Yes, but I don't think they've ever seen me home this early before."
"Say you had a headache. I'm sure it's not totally false."
Miranda raised an eyebrow as she looked Andrea in the eyes for the first time this afternoon. Reaching up and placing her eyeglasses back on, she held her hand out, "What is it I need to approve?" Her assistant quickly handed her the files and the red pen she kept at her desk. Miranda flipped through a few pages, made a few marks, then handed it back. "A few minor details for Angela. What else?"
"Serena was concerned about your meeting with Jason Wu," Andrea said.
"Ah, yes, we have been postponing that for about six weeks, haven't we? Will you see if they are available now for a quick conference call? I don't want him thinking we're ignoring him," Miranda said.
Andrea pulled out her phone and texted Serena: Conf call w Jason Wu— calling his asst now.
Then, she dialed his assistant and walked to the other side of the room as she explained the arrangement to her. "Miranda, he's available for the next fifteen minutes, will that work?"
Miranda nodded, and Andrea confirmed the call-in number with the assistant before hanging up and sending Serena another quick text. Miranda stood and walked over to her desk to make the call, while Andrea grabbed the layouts and stepped out of the the room, shutting the door behind her. While she waited, she sat on the top step of the stairs, emailing photos of Miranda's markup and accompanying descriptions to Emily and Angela, checking to see if anything else was needed of the editor.
Just then, she heard the front door open and Miranda's daughters walked in, carrying their schoolbags. "Cara, we're home!" Cassidy shouted. "Cara? Where are you?"
Andrea realized Miranda must have sent their housekeeper home this afternoon when she arrived, so she stood and walked downstairs to meet the twins. "Hi girls," she said softly. "I'm Andy, your mom's assistant."
"We know who you are," Caroline snapped. "What were you doing upstairs?"
"Caroline, your mom is up in the study on an important phone call, please keep your voice down."
"Why is Mom home?" Cassidy asked.
"Your mom had a headache and wasn't feeling well today at work," Andrea explained, "so she came home early. I brought over a few important things for her, but otherwise, she needs to rest. Oh, and your mom must have sent Cara home since she knew we would be here, now, can I get you two a snack before you start on your homework?"
"Is Mom okay?" Caroline asked, a worried expression on her face.
"Yes, Bobbsey, I'm fine," Miranda said, leaning over the banister. "It's just a headache. Andrea will help you with anything you need. I still have a little bit of work to finish up here, but then I'll be down," she said.
"Okay, Mom!" they both replied.
"Andy, can I have an apple and some almond butter?" Cassidy asked.
"Yeah, me too?" Caroline said.
"Sure thing, kiddos. I'll get two plates ready for you if you can get your homework unpacked. If you get your work finished early, who knows, your mom might even be willing to watch a movie with you," Andrea said.
Both girls quickly unpacked and set their books out. Caroline was going through her assignment book, while Cassidy was reading the assigned pages in her History book. Andrea washed and sliced two apples, putting them on separate plates, and placed a spoonful of almond butter and a butter knife on each plate. "Milk okay?" she asked. Both girls nodded, so she poured two small glasses of milk and brought them their snacks. "Let me know if you need help with any of your homework," she said as she walked back upstairs.
The door of the study was ajar, so Andrea gently pushed it open before stepping inside. Miranda was crouched down next to the bookshelf, putting the girls' scrapbooks back in the cabinet. Miranda got up and walked back to the couch, gesturing for Andrea to join her.
"Thank you," Miranda said quietly. "I've been preoccupied today. I shouldn't have sent Cara home."
"It's okay. I can make dinner, too, if you'd like," Andrea offered.
"No, I can't ask you to do that. We will order."
"Really," she said, "it's nothing."
"I do appreciate it, and I'll keep that in mind for the future," Miranda said. The two women sat in silence for several minutes until Miranda spoke again. "I saw the items in the bag you brought," she said. "They do look more comfortable than what I'm wearing," she said.
"Why don't you go change?" Andrea suggested. "Take a shower or something. It's not even five o'clock and the only thing you have to do tonight is look at the Book. I'll stay downstairs with the girls."
"But, I—" Miranda started to object, her eyes quickly glancing at her cell phone.
"If there are any calls for you, I will come upstairs to find you right away," Andrea added.
Once again, Miranda looked into her assistant's eyes, almost in disbelief of the kindness she was being shown. Nodding her head, she stood, took the bag from the Closet, and headed out into her bedroom.
Andrea took her phone and Miranda's phone and went downstairs to sit in the den near the girls, who were both working hard on their homework. She answered a few quick emails, and just as she was about to go grab a glass of water for herself, her phone rang. Miranda's results were in. Andrea asked the nurse to have the doctor call in ten minutes, as she was going upstairs to find Miranda.
"Girls," Andrea said, walking into the kitchen. "We're going to order out tonight—think of what you'd like from Smith & Wollensky."
"I know what I want: fried shrimp," Cassidy said. "Mom always gets a steak, and Caroline usually has the blackened chicken."
"Oh, well, would you be able to order it? Have you done that before?" Andrea asked.
"Of course," Cassidy said. "All the time. Should I call now?"
"Yes, go ahead," she said as she poured a glass of water. "I'm going to go upstairs and see if your mom needs any more help."
"Miranda?" Andrea said, knocking on the bedroom door. "The girls are ordering dinner now. Can I come in?"
The editor opened the door, and Andrea smiled, seeing Miranda in the ensemble she selected, even down to the slippers. "These are very comfortable slippers," Miranda said, looking down at her toes. "Even though I'm not really one for the mouse face. Tomorrow," she said, "Call over to Marc Jacobs and ask them to send a pair in whatever size you take, and a pair each for Caroline & Cassidy in whatever colors you think they'll like."
"Thank you, but I can't accept—"
"Nonsense," Miranda said. "The girls' will be gifts for Valentine's Day, so have them gift wrapped, as well."
Andrea nodded in response, just as Miranda's phone began to ring. Andrea held her breath as she handed the phone to Miranda. Somehow, even though she knew this call was coming right now, it wasn't until the phone actually rang that it all seemed suddenly so real.
"Close the door," Miranda said before she answered, not wanting the girls to hear anything. Andrea motioned to Miranda, asking if she should step out, but Miranda shook her head 'no' as she greeted Dr Barry. "Hello, Elizabeth? I've been expecting your call."
"Yes, hello Miranda. I am sorry to bother you in the evening, but I know you were concerned, so I wanted to speak with you as soon as I knew anything."
"Yes, of course," Miranda said as she began slowly pacing in the bedroom.
"Miranda, the preliminary diagnosis was correct. You have breast cancer," Dr Barry said. "I would like to get you started on a treatment program right away. Because of where it's located and how young you are, I would suggest a mastectomy with reconstruction. If you'd like, we could do a few rounds of radiation beforehand, but the tumor is quite small as it is. Now, your mammogram showed two lymph nodes involved, and it was hard to see, but there may be more. We won't know the extent until surgery, but if it is more than two lymph nodes, I will recommend chemotherapy once every four weeks for six months, along with Herceptin, because of the makeup of this tumor. Now, we can schedule…"
Dr Barry's words floated over Miranda as if she were in a dense fog. She heard the words being spoken to her, but after hearing confirmation that it is breast cancer, her own thoughts grew too loud, drowning out the voice on the phone.
Andrea watched as Miranda froze in place, slowly pulling the phone farther away from her ear as she stared across the room. Seeing Miranda sway, Andrea quickly walked up to her and took the phone from her hand, reaching her other arm out to hold the woman steady.
"Hi Dr Barry? It's Andrea. Thank you for getting back so quickly. Would you be able to email all of this information? I can call first thing in the morning to schedule something, once Miranda has had some time to think about it."
"Yes, Andrea, of course," Dr Barry said, "Is she doing okay?"
"No, I don't think so," Andrea replied, not wanting Miranda to know what she was talking about, not that she was listening.
"I figured as much. I don't like to bring this up right off the bat, but cancers like this, caught early like this, have a very high survival rate. She might go through hell over the next eighteen months, but she will get there."
"Mm-hmm, will do," Andrea said. "Thank you, Dr Barry. We'll speak soon," she said, hanging up the phone. Looking up, she saw tears streaming down Miranda's face as she held one hand up to her mouth, trying to swallow her sobs.
Andrea took Miranda's wrist, gently pulling it away from her mouth as she wrapped her arms firmly around the older woman, guiding her over the edge of the mattress. Miranda climbed onto the bed and curled up into a fetal position, much like the way she was laying earlier, except now she was finally on the bed and not the floor. "Please leave," Miranda said between sobs.
"No," Andrea quickly replied, taking Miranda's hand firmly. "I am staying. We have more to do," she added.
"But…the girls," Miranda cried, "my poor babies."
"They will be okay," Andrea reassured her. "More than anything, they will want you get better. If you'd like, we can call James in the morning," she suggested, surprised that she said 'we' in reference to her and Miranda.
"Yes," Miranda said, sitting up slowly. "They need to be away—from all of this—whatever it is. I won't let them see me like that."
"Let's not jump ahead of ourselves," Andrea said. "One day at a time, ok?"
Miranda took a deep breath and nodded, wiping the tears from her face. "I still don't want the girls around this," she said.
"Okay, they don't have to be, I can talk to James," Andrea said. "But they want to see you tonight. Dinner should be here in a few minutes, and they were hoping to watch a movie with you if your headache was better," Andrea said, raising an eyebrow.
Miranda nodded, "And the other items? Something about scheduling?"
"Dr Barry was sending a detailed email. I can forward that and you can call me later so I can make arrangements with the doctor's office," Andrea said. "If you'd rather speak in person…"
"No, telephone is fine. I can't take up all of your time like that."
Andrea smiled, realizing that Miranda Priestly had somehow become her life. She had no time in the day that she didn't think about Miranda. "It's okay," she said, "You can. I don't really have a life outside work, so really, any time, day or night."
"Thank you," she said. "I think I just heard the doorbell."
"I should get going," Andrea said.
"I hope you realize that you're welcome to stay for dinner, Andrea."
"Thank you, but why don't you spend the time with your girls tonight. I'll take a raincheck," she said.
Nodding, Miranda said, "I will call you later this evening, once I've had a chance to read through the email after the girls are in bed."
"No problem. Will you be coming to Runway tomorrow?"
Miranda paused for a moment, thinking it strange that her obligations to her job hadn't much crossed her mind. "Yes. I will come in at 10 for a few hours. Schedule a meeting with Nigel for a full hour, and try to fit whatever else into the early afternoon-see if Leslie can come, perhaps. I would like to meet the girls when they return from school again."
"Consider it done. Talk to you later," she said as she stepped out of the bedroom and walked downstairs.
"Girls, did you order dinner? Why don't you set the table—it should be here shortly," Andrea said.
"Are you staying?" Caroline asked.
"No, no. Your mom and I just finished going over her work schedule, so I need to go home and type up a few things. She will be down in a minute. Pick out a good movie tonight, I think your mom could use a laugh."
"Okay, bye Andy!"
"Bye girls!"
Andrea shut the door behind her and walked home, letting the cold night air clear her mind. She had difficulty trying to understand her feelings, to understand why she cared so much for the silver-haired woman. Despite what she would like to think, Andrea knew that Miranda did not need her. She had enough money to hire five nurses and assistants to be with her twenty four hours a day, seven days a week! However, she knew that she could provide her with something more—something more than hired help could provide, even if Miranda did pay her bills.
It was nearly nine o'clock when she arrived at her apartment. After taking a long, hot shower, she hopped on her laptop and did some research. She wasn't familiar with all of the procedures and treatments that Dr Barry discussed, and if she was determined to be the friend Miranda needed—which she was—she needed to do her homework.
Andrea spent the next several hours reading countless articles, watching videos, reading heartfelt stories of other women's journeys. Even though it seemed like she had more questions than answers at the moment, she felt confident knowing Miranda's doctor was both knowledgeable and honest.
As she was tucking her laptop away and turning out the light, her phone buzzed from underneath her pillow: Are you still awake? -MP
Andrea smiled as she quickly replied: You bet. Call me whenever. -A
The moment she hit send, her phone began to ring. "Hi, Miranda," she said.
"Andrea. I've only had time to take a cursory glance at the email from Elizabeth, but what she says makes sense. I—I read a little about radiation treatment, and, well, honestly, if I have the choice, I would prefer not to."
"Would you like me to schedule the, um," Andrea hesitated, as if saying the word aloud could physically hurt, "mastectomy, then?"
After a few moments of silence, Miranda responded, "Yes."
"Do you have a plastic surgeon or shall I ask Dr Barry to recommend one?"
"Call Dr Joshua Grant," Miranda said.
"I will send emails right now, and follow up with a phone call in the morning. Would it be okay if I could schedule the pre-surgical physical and exam for Friday morning?"
"Yes. Andrea, the sooner the better."
"Understood," she said. "Is there anything else?"
"No," she said. "Well, I suppose you should schedule a meeting with Irv as well tomorrow."
"Of course," Andrea said. "Try and get some rest tonight."
"Yes, well, goodnight," Miranda said.
TBC very soon...