Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Music: Avenged Sevenfold's album Nightmare, and their album Avenged Sevenfold (self-named album, not a type-o) The album Until We Have Faces from Red.

'Thought'
"Speech"

After repeatedly cutting and stabbing himself with his newly bought gloves, Naruto thought it might be a good idea to put them in his pockets for his own safety and for others. He had switched them for his other pair, his only worry was that the pair in his pockets might poke holes in his pants.

He was walking home after another day at the academy. They'd just done the taijutsu test, and Naruto got a pretty average score of sixty-five. Of course, that bastard Sasuke just had to have ninety-five. It was like he was there to make Naruto feel extra bad about himself. The guy was un-prankable too. Almost everything about that guy pissed him off. As Naruto began repeating every reasons he hated his self-proclaimed rival, he rounded a corner to have something smash into him at a high speed.

As he dusted his pants off after getting up again, Naruto prepared to yell at the little boy that had run into him. He held his mouth though, and just stared as the boy ran behind him and clutched the back of his tracksuit as if hiding from something. He wasn't doing a very good job, because half of his enormous blue scarf was lying in plain sight next to them.

"Cover for me, bro. Just act like nothing happened." the little boy said. Naruto was looking at the weird-looking boy with a raised eyebrow, and didn't notice the shinobi walking up to them. He jumped a little when the shinobi suddenly stood next to them and said, "Honourable grandson, please come back with me, you should be training!" He was talking to the little boy that crashed into Naruto. The little boy didn't react to the shinobi, because he was busy shouting at Naruto.

"You sold me out bro! I thought you could cover for me!" the boy yelled indignantly while pointing at Naruto. "You couldn't even hide me from stupid Ebisu-Sensei! You suck!"

Of course, Naruto's ego couldn't just take an insult from a random eight-year-old. "I suck? You expect me to cover for you when you smash into me like an idiot? Damn brat!"

The 'brat's' face began to grow red with fury, and he was about to explode. "You can't talk to me like that! I'm the Hokage's grandson!" He scowled, that always made people back down, even if he didn't like it.

"Oh, so you're stuck up too, huh? Thinking you can do everything you like just 'cause you're the old man's grandson!" Naruto's hand smashed into the weird helm atop the weird little boy's head. Damn, that thing was hard. Naruto was trying to look as cool as possible with a throbbing hand, but at least it looked like it hurt the brat too.

The brat in question was staring at him like a deer in the headlights, as if nobody had ever hit him over the head before. Didn't he say he was the Hokage's grandson? Hmm. Maybe nobody had ever hit him over the head before.

"How dare you assault Hokage-sama's grandson, you hoodlum! Hokage-sama will hear of this, as soon as I take the young master back to his clan's compound! Come on, young master, you do not want to be seen associating with trash like him!" The shinobi grabbed the little boy's enormous scarf, and started dragging him in the direction in which they came from. The brown-haired boy started making horribly exaggerated choking noises while being pulled away by his Sensei. "Save me bro! He's going to kill me!" He was making a last attempt at getting away from his Sensei, earlier fight with Naruto forgotten.

Naruto was glaring angrily at the back of Ebisu's head. Naruto hated the way he'd been looked at by him, like he was worth less than a dumpster's contents. He had insulted him, too, like it was the most common thing in the world. And for that, Ebisu would pay the price, because nobody screws with Uzumaki Naruto.

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu (Shadow Clone Technique)!" Thirty clones popped out of thin air, and they all charged at the ridiculous form of a shinobi dragging an eight-year old away by his enormous scarf.

Ebisu turned around, and one of his eyebrows raised above his sunglasses. "My, my. You do have a short temper, Uzumaki-san." He got in a loose taijutsu stance, and continued, "I'll have you know that I am far above that lowly traitor's level, Uzumaki-san. You cannot overpower me with a couple of clones."

Certainly, it was impressive that he had mastered such a high-level technique, but using it ineffectively like this was not going to help him. His clones did not have space between themselves to fight if he wanted to get in close, they would just get in each other's way. That was a beginner's mistake. Well, you can't expect a Genin to out-think a special Jounin, can you?

Naruto's clones jumped up in the air simultaneously, lunging for Ebisu. 'Another mistake, you cannot alter your trajectory mid-flight, so your landing spot is very predictable for counter-attack. Uzumaki-san does not control the basics of combat, and just does what feel right to him. This could be detrimental in a real fight. He is a disgrace to the name of shinobi.' Ebisu was frowning at the terrible display of combat, clearly Naruto had not been paying attention to his lectures at the academy, and Ebisu would not mind to teach him what a simple academy tactic could do.

Ebisu was about to do a simple dodge-roll, to show that Naruto's plan of attack was entirely wrong. He was nailed to the ground in utter shock, when Naruto shouted, "Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique)!" and thirty curvy blondes latched onto him, rubbing up against him. He was trying his hardest to hold in the blood that was preparing to shoot out of his nose. It was to no avail, and he was propelled into the air by the incredible power of the stream of blood.

People had ceased their activities to look at the famous troublemaker picking a fight, and were now, in case of most men, sniggering at the display of the perverted technique (sometimes with a bloody nose themselves), or in case of most women, they were glaring angrily with shaking fists at the little blonde.

Konohamaru was starstruck, this guy had just knocked his stupid Sensei out with ease! He just had to learn that Jutsu.

"I call that one Harem no Jutsu." Naruto smugly said. His newly devised technique was even more effective than his old one, he'd never seen someone be knocked out so fast as just now. He then noticed that a group of women were walking towards him, and they seemed very angry for some reason. He didn't get why they were so upset, but he really didn't want to find out why either, so he just legged it over the fence and onto the rooftops, where civilians couldn't follow him.

As he was walking home again after taking the long way around, he noticed something weird. The wooden fence to the left had a part sideways, it had hands sticking out above it, and it was crumpled like a not-fully-stretched-out canvas. He didn't really get why that little guy (Konohamaru, was it?) was following him, so stopped for a moment to subtly make it clear that he knew he was being followed. "Stop following me! And that's the crappiest disguise I've ever seen!" Naruto yelled at the canvas. The hands sticking out above it threw the canvas away immediately, to reveal the Hokage's grandson.

"As expected from the person who could best stupid Ebisu-Sensei! You saw through my disguise immediately!" he said, while pointing at Naruto. Seeing through such a crappy disguise didn't seem like that much of an achievement to Naruto, but the brat made it sound like it was he was the greatest ninja in the world. "So, whaddaya want, brat?" Naruto asked, stuffing his hands in his pockets and having a dry expression on his face, trying to look cool.

"Make me your student, and teach me that move you just did!" Konohamaru shouted with a grin. He'd heard Naruto had knocked out the old man with that move, and seeing it in person made him want to learn it even more. "Please teach me that technique you defeated Ebisu-Sensei and gramps with! Please boss?"

Boss? That had a good ring to it. Naruto scratched his cheek while he looked at Konohamaru. The boy wasn't the perfect student, he was loud, obnoxious and impatient, but being admired by an eight-year-old had never happened before. By anyone, as a matter of fact. Well, he wasn't going to do anything productive at home anyways, and the 'boss' thing sounded pretty bad-ass too. So he could teach a brat how to be awesome for a little while.

"All right, come with me! I'll be your boss, and you'll learn the greatest technique that has ever been created!" Naruto heroically said. The two walked off to the nearest training grounds so Naruto could teach Konohamaru his original technique.

"No! Curvier! The basic form is big, small, big!" Naruto was using his hands to accentuate the form he was trying to teach Konohamaru. He was seriously getting annoyed with the brat. The kid didn't even know what a pretty girl was, he was probably still in his 'girls are stupid' phase.

"But I am doing that, see boss! Big," Konohamaru pointed at his transformed face, "small," He pointed at his chest, "and big!" He pointed at everything below that level. Naruto covered his face with his palm when he heard Konohamaru's explanation for this atrocious attempt at the Sexy no Jutsu. Looks like the brat needed some extra help.

Naruto used the Jutsu himself to try and visualise his explanations. "Big," Naruto pointed at his now bountiful chest, "small," The stomach, "big!" The hips. He released the Jutsu, and continued. "Now it's your turn! No unneeded curves anywhere, and try not to mess up something that easy again!"

Honestly, the brat already knew the Henge no Jutsu (Transformation technique) before he started learning the Sexy no Jutsu, but he didn't understand the basic concept of a good looking woman. That was just stupid, if Naruto had something to say about it. And with his awesome teaching abilities, how could the brat not have had the Jutsu down within two minutes?

After a couple of more trials and errors, when Konohamaru had finally perfected his version of the technique, Naruto was looking proudly at his young student. "Well, even though it took a lot longer than I'd thought..." he begun, "And with a lot I mean a lot," he looked at Konohamaru, who looked right back at him, as if daring him to insult him further, "I'm proud that my student has perfected my technique!" He grinned at Konohamaru, who grinned right back at him.

"Now that I think about it, why'd you wanna learn that technique, anyway? Most people think it's stupid." Naruto questioned Konohamaru. Konohamaru answered him right away, "I told you already! Because I heard it knocked out the old geezer, so I wanted to learn it to beat him!" he said, with fiery determination in his eyes. Before Naruto could ask, Konohamaru continued. "I want to be the Hokage, so everyone will see me as me, no just the Hokage's grandson! Everyone knows my name, but nobody even uses it! It's always Honorable grandson this, Honorable grandson that. I just want to be acknowledged by people as me."

"Hokage isn't just about beating your gramps once." Naruto said. Konohamaru looked up at Naruto, surprised. "It's about being the best ninja in the entire village, not just being able to beat the old man by exploiting a weakness, otherwise I'd been the Hokage a long time ago!"

Before Konohamaru could angrily respond, Naruto said, "Now let's go, minion! Let's use this technique for what it was originally intended for, pranking!" Konohamaru's face lit up, earlier rage forgotten. He did like to prank people, and this technique was apparently perfect for it.

After a couple of hours of getting back at people they didn't like by making them pass out and drag them into things like dumpsters, or tie them up and let them hang upside-down from a flagpole waiting for rescue, Konohamaru and Naruto were walking to the Hokage tower. Konohamaru still wanted to try his newly learned technique on his grandfather. Naruto wanted to see the Hokage's reaction to Konohamaru learning the Sexy no Jutsu, so he came along.

"Hey nii-chan, you're almost a shinobi, right?" Konohamaru had dropped the 'boss' thing for some reason. Naruto wasn't too happy with it, but didn't care enough to say something about it either. 'Nii-chan' sounded good too.

"Yup, I'm a week away from graduating, actually. Why do you ask?" Naruto asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Because, you only learned three Jutsu in the academy right? And I already know them. So what use is the academy now that I've got the Jutsu?" Konohamaru asked.

Naruto agreed, albeit not entirely. "Well, three Jutsu aren't the only things you'll learn. You're gonna learn about stealth, and taijutsu, and efficient use for your ninja tools," Naruto listed all the practical abilities they learned in the academy, "and you'll learn about maths and stuff in class too. But I never really paid attention to all that theoretical stuff."

Konohamaru nodded. He'd been in the academy for a little under a year, and the maths parts of classes were the most boring. But it was good to know the practical part of their classes wouldn't stop being fun after they had already learned the only three Jutsu they were going to in four entire years.

They walked by the reception of the Hokage tower. The receptionist didn't even try to stop them, those two always got past her somehow, so it was pretty useless to even try. "The Hokage is having a meeting in his office, please wait until that's done until you disturb him." She hoped the two listened, but didn't put too much faith in it. Luckily the Hokage wouldn't blame it on her any time either of those two interrupted something important.

(Ten minutes earlier than scene above)

Hatake Kakashi, Sarutobi Asuma and Yuuhi Kurenai were walking towards the Hokage tower. They'd been called upon for some sort of assignment. It was going to a damned hard one, if they needed at least three Jounin for it, Kurenai thought. "You don't seem too worried about this, Asuma, Kakashi." She cast a disapproving glance at the masked Jounin, who was still reading his porn even as they were walking through the streets.

"Why would we be worried about this?" Kakashi asked her, eyes not even looking up from his book.

"Well, the fact that three Jounin have been called for a single assignment is kind of worrying to me." Kurenai responded. Although she said this, she didn't look very worried at all. She looked calm and confident, like she always looked.

Kakashi lifted an eyebrow. He cast a questioning glance at Asuma, who told him, "She's a newly promoted Jounin, remember Kakashi? She hasn't done this before." Kakashi answered with a single nod in response, eyed focused once again on his little book.

"What haven't I done before, Asuma?" Kurenai didn't sound too happy about the two next to her leaving her out on something.

"Well, it's about a week from academy students graduation, so we'll probably be hearing that we're going to have a genin team to test." Asuma answered.

Kakashi lifted his head up out of his book. "Aww, now you've spoiled the surprise for Kurenai, Asuma. You're such a buzz-kill." he sarcastically said.

Kurenai was a little surprised by Asuma's answer to her question. "They're assigning genin teams when the students have not even graduated yet? What if some students don't pass, that will mess up the entire team roster." The logic behind this defied her a little.

"While what you're saying is very true, there have never been cases of students failing the final exam. If they wouldn't pass the final academy exam, they wouldn't have been accepted for the final year in the academy. Besides, the final academy test doesn't matter. The Jounin-Sensei decide if the students pass or not. The academy test is just to make them feel at ease. And if a student somehow magically fails the test, the Chuunin-Sensei just organise a 'special test' to get some bonus points for the student." Kakashi told Kurenai, while smiling at her. At least, she assumed it was a smile, because she could only see his upwardly curved eye.

Kurenai stared forward again, wondering who of the academy students would be assigned to her.

"Team eight, Jounin-Sensei Yuuhi Kurenai. Students assigned: Hyuuga Hinata, Inuzuka Kiba, and Aburame Shino. Team nine, still in circulation. Team ten, Jounin-Sensei Sarutobi Asuma. Students assigned: Nara Shikamaru, Yamanaka Ino, Akimichi Chouji." The old Hokage was reading out the teams assigned to the Jounin in front of him.

"I assume nobody will have problems with coming up with an adequate test for these students?" The Jounin all nodded. Hiruzen smiled and continued, "All right then, if you have any objections to the team compositions, please let me know now, so we can still adapt the teams, if you present a valid argument."

The Hokage was about to continue, but Kakashi raised his hand. Hiruzen lifted an eyebrow, Kakashi wasn't one to complain about his team's composition, mostly because he'd never passed a team. "All right, do any more of you have objections?" Nobody raised their hand, "Then please let us hear your proposal, Kakashi." Hiruzen clasped his hands under his chin, attention focused on Kakashi, who had put away his book for a second.

"I propose Inuzuka Kiba be switched with Haruno Sakura." Murmurs went around the room. They had all expected him to try and switch out the Uzumaki, because he was the worst student, and you know, the Jinchuuriki. "And why exactly, Kakashi? Teams are normally compromised of two boys and one girl." Hiruzen asked.

"I believe Sakura's progress as a kunoichi will be stunted if she would be put on a team with Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke. As you might know, most of the girls this year have a little crush on the Uchiha, as does she, and she doesn't interact very well with Naruto. I think Kurenai would be better suited to teaching her. Out of the students, Sakura has the best chakra control, and I as a ninjutsu specialist cannot provide enough exercise for her to enhance her control, or begin medical training or genjutsu training. I think I would be better suited to training Kiba, who will be training in tai- and ninjutsu. I could also help him with enhancing his nose, or training Akamaru. I don't think a tradition should cause shinobi's training to be stunted."

The old Hokage nodded after a while, glad that Kakashi finally cared enough to put some consideration in his teams, and looked towards Kurenai. "Do you have any objections to this? Kakashi does provides a valid point."

Kurenai seemed to be thinking this over, and after a couple of seconds she answered. "I agree to this, Hokage-sama. I think I would be better suited to teaching Sakura, and Kakashi to Kiba. If we may ignore tradition, I am in favour of this proposal."

Hiruzen nodded again, and began scribbling away on the sheets laid out in front of him. "This proposal does go against tradition. But unlike the Ino-Shika-Cho team tradition, this one is not a very useful tradition to have," He smiled towards all the Jounin that had gathered, "and if nobody has anything else to say..." He looked around his office, to see if any of the shinobi would respond, "Then you are all dismissed."

As the Jounin walked out of the room, two kids walked in. "We're not interrupting anything, are we?" the taller one of the two asked. He didn't sound too concerned about possibly interrupting something important.

The Hokage smiled towards them. "No, they were just leaving. What can I do for you, Naruto-kun, Konohamaru-kun? I heard you had a little trouble with Ebisu?" He'd heard a lot of complaints, mainly from women, about the young Uzumaki, who was apparently using his shinobi skills for something perverted.

"Yeah, that guy had it coming, with all the insults he kept tossing me. But that's not what we came for. Look!" The blonde kid pointed towards Konohamaru. "We've got a surprise for you!" Naruto said with a grin. The Hokage looked on in curiosity, as his grandson prepared the hand-seals for the henge. He'd been following Naruto around? Oh god no. His eyes widened as Konohamaru shouted the name of the technique.

"Sexy no Jutsu!" A stream of blood spurted out of the old village leader's nose, and his head fell on his table with a loud 'thud'. The two boys ran off laughing through the door, and ran past the Jounin who were walking down the hallway.

As two kids blurred past him, Kakashi glanced towards their retreating forms, and thought, 'It's probably good that Naruto won't be on a team with any kunoichi. He'd be dead within the first hour.'

Author's notes:

Bam. Done. The music I listen is probably a lot more than just three albums while writing, but I can't just put everything down there. One album is already too long to listen to when reading one chapter.

Chapter is a little shorter than the previous, but if I'd keep making them 8-10k words, you'd probably only get an update monthly. So I just chose to make the chapters a little shorter, so I can still update a little faster.

Also, my title is really lame. Incredibly so. Until I come up with a better one, I'll just have to stick with this one. (This title is based on a quote from Aristotle, if you noticed, you deserve a cookie.)

Have any comments on what I wrote or do you have something useful to add? Please feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.