His eyes narrowed in confusion. Warlock? What the hell is a warlock?
"What is that a medical condition?"Merlin rolled his eyes, trust the blonde not to have ever heard of a warlock.
"I can use magic, Arthur."
Time stopped for a moment before Arthur was off his lap and retreating quickly towards the other room where his sword lay on the table. Merlin was up, following him quickly as Arthur drew his sword.
"Arthur, please let me explain-"
"You have magic? Who taught it to you? When did you start? Do you know how dangerous that is?"
Merlin sighed, "If you'd let me explain, you'd understand that it isn't dangerous at all. No one taught me, I was born using magic-"
"Like...me?"
Merlin swallowed and a long moment passed as they looked at each other. Arthur knew? But... He thought... the reason that... How did he...He knew that Igraine told him, he knew that Morgause had merely summoned a spirit, nothing more. But Arthur... on the brink of killing his father had stopped when Merlin told him he'd been lied to about it all. While Merlin hadn't lied completely about it, he hadn't been entirely truthful either. Uther had lied to him and he thought that Arthur had accepted Morgause's treachery. He'd never imagined that Arthur had stopped his attack on his father for other reasons...
Now he wondered what those reasons were and what to do now...
"No," he clarified. "I've always had it, I've always felt it. It's in my blood. That's what "warlock" means, I was born with magic, I am magic. Sorcerers learn it. I've never been taught. I don't need spells. It's not dangerous at all!"
Arthur shook his head in disbelief, holding his sword out, keeping Merlin away from him."You... You lied to me? Sorcerer?"
"I'm not a sorcerer."
"You have magic!"
"I am magic, Arthur! It's part of me- I didn't ask for this-I didn't-"
Merlin winced, his words cutting off as his power shifted inside him. He took a deep breath, steadying himself on the edge of the table. The riot was starting up again and it was his own fault this time. It was too emotional of a confession, all of his feelings all tangled up together with Arthur's response and it as enough to rip a hole in the fragile control.
Just wait, just stop so I can talk to him!
To Arthur it looked like he was about to trip and stumble over the chair in front of him. Arthur took that moment to run to the door and yell for the guards. By the time Merlin, got his barrings again, they were on him, lifting him up and pulling him out.
"Arthur wait! just listen to me! you don't understand-!"
A solid blow landed on the back of his head and they drug him out. Arthur closed the door, locked it and put his back to it, staring out into space, feeling like he was going to freeze. Merlin... bumbling, idiotic, stupid, Merlin a sorcerer? He could feel anything, but looking at his fingers tips turning blue, he knew what was happening so he stumbled towards the fire place and drew the blankets around him. They didn't help, and no matter how many time he wiped them, they kept coming and coming, streaming out him with no regard to Uther Pendendragon's son screaming at him for being so pathetic and weak. He covered his ears as Arthur's eyes flickered over Agravaine and Morgana... Uther himself and finally to Merlin. Merlin who'd always been so honest, always there when he needed him... always there always, but never there completely and now he knew why... He didn't know what to do about that, so he went to the only place in the castle that he ever felt truly free. He hadn't been there is so long, since he discovered the West Tower and the need to be alone. But he didn't want to be alone, the cold draft of the tower would have killed him. He found that his secret hiding place wasn't so welcoming and kept him up with memories and silent, blank tears.
Merlin was tossed into his dungeon cell unconscious and on the cold, damp floor... The gate shut closed behind him, but he heard nothing, felt nothing, too busy keeping his magic under control in his unconscious state. At least he wasn't sleeping, that would have been a nightmare. The night passed and he woke up, blinded by sunlight and in a dungeon cell with a sigh. Maybe this time they would actually succeed at hanging him. A part of him said he should have waited until the post coital bliss to tell Arthur, but the repulsion at the thought made Merlin chuckle. At least he wasn't completely evil and he could die with the knowledge of his internal consistency even if Arthur let him die without the knowledge of it.
Gaius scrubbed his face and got up, shuffling towards Merlin's room to wake him, no doubt the boy would be late if he didn't, but Merlin wasn't in his room. The plants were wilting which meant that Merlin hadn't been there that night and that made him worry. He got dressed and put on a pot of tea, nothing was really out of place so Merlin hadn't been called to join Arthur on some quest them. No, he would have left a note... Then what-
There was a shuffling sound that Gaius knew well, but hadn't heard in a long time. He turned, frowning as he crossed the floor and rounded the table towards the small corner in the back of the room, near the very rarely used cabinet of books and other things from the old days. He hadn't expected it, but when he saw him there, he wasn't surprised. It was like familiar sight that you hadn't seen in a long time: uncanny and a little disorienting. for a moment, he imagined that Uther would come barreling through his door in search of Arthur, screaming about him running away from training. He imagined the days of telling Uther in none uncertain terms that Arthur was but a child, he needed rest and sleep as he tended to Arthur's fever and wrapped his infected and bleeding hands in bandages.
He imagined Arthur as a young boy, hiding underneath the table from the guards and crying silent tears as Uther argued about Arthur's inherent weakness that Gaius was allowing and so much more that had plagued the Prince, and now King, for a long time. He imagined the first time Arthur fell out on the practice pitch with the knights. He'd been holding his own in battle, but dropped, narrowly avoiding being beheaded and didn't respond to anything. Nose bleeding, trembling, shaking, and rapidly turning blue. He'd been scared and Uther had been furious at Arthur's behavior. Gaius had to bar the king from seeing the Prince as he recovered from the shock. It took three days for Arthur to regain any semblance of color another four for him to regain consciousness and warmth to the skin. Gaius told Uther that it was shock from exertion, and his hormonal fluctuations as he grew. He told Arthur something else. A psychosomatic condition that mirrored shock closely. The nosebleeds stopped and as Arthur took the tonics that Gaius gave him, the problem stopped for the most part except for the chronic hypothermia. Arthur was always cold, but it had lessened. He'd stopped needing the tonics as he grew older, and Gaius thought he'd grown out of it.
Apparently not, he thought. Luckily, he'd never thrown out the recipe, and had one more vial left ready to take.
Arthur had made the space a little bigger for the size he was now, chainmail glittered in the early morning light underneath his heavy cloak that didn't seem to do much of anything. His lips were a little blue and he was pale, but it wasn't that which worried him but the sleepless daze of his eyes and the emptiness in those blue orbs. They pleaded with him as they had when he was younger, not to question it, not to ask. So Gaius didn't and moved about as if he wasn't curled up in his childhood hiding place, looking as lost as he did then. He didn't ask anything about it, but moved about to get the necessary things together and handed the tonic to Arthur. He took it without a word.
"Sire, have you seen Merlin?"
"He's in the dungeons," he replied.
The old man blinked, "Well... what has he done?"
"Don't you know Gaius?" He asked. "How could you not? You're practically a father to him..."
Gaius swallowed standing his ground, not saying anything but Arthur wasn't in the mood. He hadn't slept, he was tired, exhausted, delirious, and freezing. He hadn't slept, even in this familiar asylum of solace. He'd thought that he would find rest here, but it only made more come back to him. The memories of that spot, the sound of Uther yelling for him, the guards chasing him, the whips and beatings, his small bleeding hands...But there had always been Gaius, looking out for him, protecting him, covering for him and caring for him in ways that Uther did not. He'd come here when he needed to talk, when he needed guidance and Gaius was always there. He'd avoided the physician as he got older, not sure how Gaius would react to his less than heterosexual inclinations. He was pretty sure that Gaius knew, or at least knew something, but the man never pried. Now with the Merlin situation, Gaius seemed to be the only option. The trembling was worse than it ever had been, the cold ached and it took everything in his power not to start shivering and letting his teeth clatter together. Why the hell was he always so damned cold?
"How long did you plan on hiding this from me?! How long did he plan on hiding this from me?! How dare you persist with this treachery for all this time, Gaius!"
He sighed, of course the Prince would ignore his psychosomatic hypothermia and his retreat to that spot. He didn't blame him for being angry, even if it was a bit misguided. He knew Arthur had learned to hide a lot of things, but there were few things he could hide from Gaius, hell Merlin was more successful at things like that than Arthur. Merlin was also the unltimate outsider and had a lifetime of practice seeking solace and peace within himself.
"I should have you both hanged!"
Gaius crossed his arms, "But that isn't why you're here... nor is it the reason you've thrown Merlin in the dungeon... is it?"
Arthur went quiet as the old man shuffled to the table and took a seat. The man was too calm for someone he'd just threatened with death. Maybe if he got up and issued his threat it would be more real. Arthur didn't really believe so, so he stayed the way he was.
"Who else knows?"
Gaius shook his head, "Are you going to go threaten them with a hanging too?"
"I might," he gritted through his teeth. "Who else knows?"
"You'd have to ask Merlin that... to my on-the-record knowledge, you and I are the only ones who know..."
Arthur wanted to growl at the technicality, but he let the old man alone starting another question to shift focus from the chattering of his teeth, "When were you planning on telling me? Where you ever planning on telling me?"
"I wasn't planning to ever tell you," Gaius said. "It's Merlin's life. I believe the decision lies with him."
He huffed at that, "All this time... Merlin's had magic? Been practicing magic in Camelot?"
"Sometimes right in front of you..."
Arthur looked up at him, "What... do you mean?"
"That's a question for Merlin too...And just to clarify, Merlin is magic, he doesn't have it..."
Arthur scoffed, "There is no difference, it's still against the law."
Gaius blinked, "Then why haven't you sentenced him to hang yet?"
"I-..."
Because he would never do that. He'd been through that torment once, once was enough. He didn't think his heart could take almost losing Merlin again. His shivers started up as Gaius shuffled away from him. He stilled himself, but there was still a slight tremble to his lips, a jerkiness to his words that let on his tremor. It was like he'd replaced his insides with ice replicas and they wouldn't melt.
"I believe Gwaine and Lancelot knows about his powers if you'd care to ask them...and Mordred of course..."He said draping a wool blanket over Arthur's shoulders and shoving a cup of tea in Arthur's hand. He clung to the blanket soaking up its warmth and his fingers stole heat from the cup greedily. The scent was heady and soft and warm, and he pulled it tighter around him seeking some sense of peace that the blanket could give him.
"Why... didn't he tell me?"
"Why did he tell you now... I'm fairly sure it isn't because you caught him using his magic..."
Arthur shook his head thinking back on the moment. The look in his eyes when he'd said it... He'd been afraid, but there was a sense of determination, of hope there... Something that he couldn't describe and had wanted to understand, but couldn't. Not with Uther still screaming at him from beyond the grave.
"Why... didn't he tell me before?"
"I like to think that even though Merlin has some... unorthodox methods of keeping suspicions away from him, he doesn't want to die."
"I would never-"
What was he saying? The law of Camelot clearly states that anyone using sorcery in Camelot was to be put to death, and here he was saying that he would have never sentenced Merlin to such a fate. What on Earth was happening to him?
"Sire, I'm not sure why you would come here seeking answers..."
"It wasn't some random sorcerer in the woods that healed me, was it?"
Gaius rested his head on a hand, "He's got a small magical grove growing in his room right now..."
"That grotto we found him in, all the growing foliage and the like... that was him wasn't it?"
"He does have a green thumb..."
"Are you telling me that Merlin's only talent is to make things grow?"
Leave it to Merlin to have one of the most useless and harmless powers ever.
"Surely not, it's a default however as he has an intense connection to the world..."
"What...what else can he do?"
Gaius blinked as Arthur looked at him.
"Is that an order?"
He sighed, "Gaius..."
He smiled, "I only joke, sire."
The door opened with Gwaine and Lancelot looking between Arthur swaddled in a blanket on the floor behind Gaius and the man sitting on the bench. Arthur didn't move, not really caring anymore and too cold to do anything. Gwaine tilted his head there was something familiar about the blanket and the cup in Arthur's hand, but he couldn't put his finger on it.
"Isn't that Merlin's blanket?" Lancelot piped up. "And his mug?"
Arthur blinked, looking down at it clutched in his fingers and then at Gaius who shrugged.
"Could be."
"Speaking of Merlin, have you seen him? No one's seen him all day..."
"He's... in the dungeons..."
Lancelot and Gwaine's eyes widened at their king who admittedly wasn't looking too good, "Wh-Why?"
"Come in, lock the door," Arthur said. "We have much to talk about..."
He would have to deal with Mordred later. Gwaine and Lancelot exchanged a glance and crossed the room after closing the door. Upon nearing their King, they realized that Arthur looked like he'd slept for weeks and was suffering from hypothermia. Why wasn't he by the fire then?
"Are you alright, sire?"
"I haven't been to the Tavern in weeks, "Gwaine said. "What have I done now?"
"Is something wrong, sire?" Lancelot asked.
"You two knew about Merlin having magic?"
They blinked and looked at each other suspiciously, "You knew too?"
Arthur blinked, "You didn't know that each other knew?"
"Of course not, no one goes around talking about they're best friend's magical capabilities in Camelot...We actually like Merlin. Lance', we could have started a betting pot ages ago," Gwaine started. "We would have made a killing off of Leon..."
Arthur sighed, "Focus... how did you two find out?"
"Well, when he got Gwen and I out of that cage fight thing, and the ghosts, the griffin... kind of hard not to notice."
"We went to go save you Princess? Might, Magic and what Courage or something... Who'd you think was the Magic?"
Arthur hadn't heard about the trio, but he figured he knew what moment he was talking about. That damned bracelet he'd lost and the quest that was utterly faltered.
"How'd you find out?"
"He... he told me... last night."
"And you... threw him in the dungeons?" Lancelot asked. Gwaine shook his head.
"Good job, Princess... Good job."
Arthur glared before turning back to Gaius to hear what else Merlin was capable of. Gaius sighed and went into explaining Balinor, Merlin's childhood and the rest having all three Knights in awe, Arthur still huddling in Merlin's blanket and sipping tea that gaius periodically refilled. Gaius went through as many events of saving Arthur's life, of Uther's life, of his own life as he could remember before branching off into Merlin's powers as a DragonLord and a warlock and explaining what made Merlin special. The only thing he didn't say was Merlin's druid name (on purpose of course). By the time Gaius was done, Gwaine and Lancelot glared at Arthur who felt like he would be sick, the tea stopped helping and all the ice inside him turned arctic. All the times he'd called Merlin an idiot, abused him, talked down to him and he really owed him his life... at least a thousand times over...
"You'll have an at least three knight riot on your hands if you don't fix this," Gwaine promised.
"I won't tell Gwen," Lancelot promised. "So fix it fast before she finds out."
They left and Arthur pouted feeling like he'd been scolded by two of his knights. Gaius corrected him and told him that he'd been scolded and threatened by two knights, a physician, and a servant.
"Thanks Gaius."
"You're welcome," he said, topping off Arthur's cup and continuing on with his work. Arthur left, the blanket still around his shoulders, after the cup was empty. Gwen had access to all the gossip of the castle, it wouldn't take long for her to find out something, ask Lance about it, and then go see Merlin for answers. He'd better get moving.
Unfortunately for Lancelot, Gwen was faster than Arthur realized. She and Merlin were supposed to see each other every morning in the kitchens. No exceptions. Thus, when Merlin didn't show up she immediately knew something was off. No one had seen him all morning and by midday it was clear that she had a reason to worry. The guards were whispering and the Knights were suspiciously quiet. She decided to corner Lancelot when she found him, Gwaine, Percival, and Elyan huddled together.
"Where is Merlin?" She asked, the group went silent and Elyan pushed Lancelot forward as the other made their escape. Lancelot smiled.
"Honey-"
"Where is Merlin? He's not in the stocks, he wasn't in the kitchens this morning, where is Merlin?"
Lancelot swallowed, "He's... fine."
"I said where, Lance... Is Arthur making you not say anything? What did he do now?"
"Gwen," he started slowly. "Sweetheart, you have to let them sort it out themselves."
A moment passed, "So Arthur's thrown him in the dungeons for something stupid. Merlin's told him that he's saved his life again or something? Wrote a speech?"
Lancelot sighed and promised to get the knights for leaving him in this predicament. Didn't they know that Gwen could read him like a book, why not send Gwaine?! It wasn't long before she'd deduced that Merlin was in the dungeons for something, but before she could storm her way to see Arthur, the guards were leading Merlin towards the forest and Lancelot took a breath. Seemed like Arthur was getting his life and his wife wouldn't be angry with him. It was going to be a good day.
"Where's Arthur?"
"That I don't know. But practice is starting, by love."
He kissed her deeply and hurried towards the practice lot with a sigh. At the very least, the kiss would keep her distracted until the end of practice. At least he hoped.
Keys rattled in the lock on Merlin's cell. The young man sat on the stack of hay, curled up and waiting. He only hoped that they wouldn't try to hang him again and at the very least make it quick and painless. He always thought beheading were more merciful so long as the undertaker was quick and had sharpened his weapons first. He shook his head, if he was to be beheaded, he'd sharped the blade. If he was to be burnt at the stake, he would strangle himself to death first. Asphyxiation by smoke sucked. He wasn't sure what he would do if he was hanged, he guess he'd tie a rock to his limbs or something.
"Get up, his Majesty has requested your presence."
Merlin swallowed and stood, following the guards in his shackles. They lead him to the courtyard, put him on a horse and rode him out to the edge of the city, into the forest. Arthur was there sitting in the middle of the small grotto he'd once found him in, wrapped in a familiar blanket. The guards undid the shackles, tethered the horse and rode off back to Camelot. He had no doubt that the change of place was to avoid eavesdropping and the like. Arthur looked up and stood as he walked forward, rubbing his wrists and looking around. Things looked a little less green without his presence there, it wasn't surprising as all of this probably soaked up all the magic in the area fairly quickly.
The earth still hummed beneath his feet and he managed not to fumble his way through the grass, but sinking to the ground under the dizzying feeling. Arthur crossed the grove and sat in front of him, swaddled in his blanket, clutching it tightly.
"I suppose... you aren't going to have me beheaded surrounded by all this green..." His blood would definitely revive the place for a long time and probably destroy the curse on the area.
"No point in bringing you out here if that was my intention. If you decided to run, I wouldn't be able to catch you...now would I.?"
He winced at that and fidgeted, looking away. It was happening again, that strange tugging on his magic, though it still felt cramped inside him, it didn't feel as agitated but sort of lulled by Arthur's presence and the green surroundings. Maybe it knew something that he didn't.
"Arthur I... I never meant to deceive you this long... "Arthur didn't say anything as Merlin continued, "It was just... I was afraid. I knew how you felt about magic when Uther was alive, and with Morgana and everything I didn't know if those sentiments had changed. I just didn't-"
"You lied to me," Arthur said. "And it wasn't anything small either, what else couldn't you have been telling me? What else were you lying about?"
"Nothing," Merlin said. "I haven't lied about anything that wasn't magic. You know me, Arthur..."
"Do I?" Arthur asked, honestly. He felt like the Merlin sitting across from him was entirely different. All the signs he knew of Merlin's clumsiness... everything was tilted in someway, even as they sat in this magical grove. "Who actually knows you Merlin? Certainly not Gaius, is it Gwaine then? Not Lancelot..."
Merlin sighed.
"How could they know before me?"
Merlin bit his lip, "It wasn't as if I told them outright...Some of it came and Gaius has known my entire life..."
"But you never told me."
"I was afraid alright?! I'm sorry? What more do you want me to say?"
"You've betrayed me, Merlin... Sorry, isn't going to cut it."
His eyes flashed gold for a moment, Arthur swore and things glowed green it seemed, bursting into life and growth as he spoke.
"Don't start with that! I haven't betrayed you! I've saved your life more times than I can count. I've protected you. I've done a lot of things, but betray you isn't one of them so don't you start that betrayal hiding yourself bollocks on me! I've had enough to deal with in my life, more than you can ever possibly know, so don't-"
The blossoming of a flower caught his eye and he pulled it all back in a crippling speed. He resisted but had not choice, punching him in the heart and causing him to cry out in agony. Arthur panicked moving forward as Merlin fell back, breathing hard, gripping his chest and tearing at it. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were a riot of amber-gold and icy blue, he curled into himself breathing deep and pained through the seizure of angry power.
"What's happening? Merlin? Merlin?!"
He breathed and waited for the revolution to pass. By moments his body relaxed as he stared up into the cold blue sky beyond the trees and breathed in deeply. The riot died down leaving a feverishly empty feeling in him in which he could feel much of anything. If he moved, he knew that it would hurt... he knew more than that as well. It would be utter agony... He had to calm himself first, he couldn't let his emotions run amuck, he couldn't afford it... Arthur didn't deserve it. It was himself who was at fault for the situation, though he figured now, that just by coming to Camelot in the first place, this moment would have been inevitable.
"Merlin? Merlin speak to me!" His eyes turned to Arthur above him as he breathed. Hands on his chest, worried blue eyes looking at him and smiled, reaching up, resisting the angry magic that ricocheted through his arm until it rested on a bronzed cheek. Arthur gasped looking at him in confusion.
"I shouldn't have gotten angry with you..." Merlin said softly. "Of course you don't know... how could you?... With Uther lying to you... with you never having any contact... never feeling..."
Arthur swallowed, he didn't like that sadly wise look Merlin sported. It was sexy in a strange way, but it was also deeply haunting. He never felt the weight of his ancestry more than in that moment. In some ways, he felt Merlin's weight as well...
"What... what don't I know?"
"What it means to be..." he said. "Magic..."
"What... what happened to you? What's wrong? Why were you in pain?... I don't understand..."
Merlin sighed and breathed slowly as he began to explain magic to Arthur. A pale hand caressed bronze cheeks, tugging him down by the shoulder to lay beside him, hushing his protests and worry as he felt the iciness of Arthur's hands and cast a warming spell over them.
"There's no point in you being up there...the blanket will only keep you so warm."
At first contact, Arthur thought he would melt. Merlin's body was beyond feverish, scalding almost. The warmth expanded over his body and he groaned, cuddling closer to him.
"You're-you're-"
"Hot?"
"Yes... like a furnace..."
Merlin hummed, "Comes with the territory of internalizing..."
"What does that mean?" Arthur asked, scooting closer so that more of his body was against Merlin's and the blanket practically covered them both. "You're feverish."
"I am magic, Arthur... which means my magic works a little different than a sorcerer's..."
"You... are magic?"
"Yes. Gaius told you that, did you not understand?"
"How... did you know Gaius told me that?"
"I have my moments of telepathy...like Mordred..."
Arthur froze, "Mordred..."
"Yes."
"Mordred has magic?"
"Mordred is magic."
"Like you...?"
Merlin hummed, "Not quite like me."
"What do you mean? What's the difference?"
"Mordred is a druid, I am not."
"What are you then?"
"A warlock, a dragon lord, Emrys."
Arthur frowned and he snorted. That explained why Mordred refused to tell him who Emrys was, he was standing int he room! And if the prophecy was so important to Druids, then Mordred wouldn't risk getting Merlin killed.
"What do you meant your magic works differently?"
"I don't need spells Arthur."
"And..." Arthur said. Merlin looked at him.
"Well, isn't it obvious?"
"Pretend that it isn't," Arthur huffed. He really hated feeling like he was stupid but he had no real knowledge of magic whatsoever.
"It's not external... meaning that I don't merely manipulate the magic of the natural world, hence why spells are vocalized..."
"Uh huh..."Merlin sighed knowing this wasn't getting through to him, he managed to sit up with minimal pain to his magical sensibilities.
"Sorcery, having magic, is like having a sword."
Arthur frowned not liking where this is going."I have to pick up the sword to do anything with it/ I actually possess it and can only manipulate it in as far as my physical skills, or spell-knowledge in the case of magic, allows me."
"Okay... so... why is your magic different?"
"My magic is more of a... suit of armor I guess," he winced at the analogy. "No... it's more like a title, you know like of Ealdor..."
Arthur nodded.
"Meaning...?"
"I can't take it off, it doesn't go anywhere. I'm always Merlin of Ealdor, you're always King of Camelot whether you tell people or not. It's there... always, it's a part of you, your history and everything else. It's in your blood."
He winced at that as Merlin sighed. He knew how Arthur felt about his title at times, but sometimes painful metaphors were the most effective and he really couldn't think of another one that would work as well.
"Because it's always there, I don't need to draw from outside sources, I can but I don't have to.. That is I can cast spells, I do fairly often, but I don't need to because I... I carry around my own reservoir of magic with me at all times."
Arthur nodded feeling like he was in a lecture that went way over his head. Merlin just trudged on as they would never move on if Arthur didn't understand or if he felt like his questions weren't answered.
"It gets bigger as I get older, a lot bigger, which is where internalizing comes in..."
Arthur nodded, he felt like he was following along.
"Gaius doesn't know this because it's weird to explain it, I had to explain it to Gwaine though," Arthur's eyes hardened and Merlin refused to say how adorable he looked. "When I don't use magic for a long time, it gets angry with me...Or rather, the resevoir starts to break at the seams... kind of like forcibly filling a waterskin past its capacity..."
"Your... magic stretches..."
"It actually messes with me a lot mental manifestations, all the clumsiness: internalizing. Of course I use a bit of magic on a daily basis as its part of me, but that bit to sustain my life is different than the amount it takes to say grow a field of lilies... which I found out recently really isn't much. The overabundance makes my body feel weird..."
Arthur's eyes widened,"You mean... to tell me... that when you don't use your magic... it makes you clumsy and psychotic?"
"Not... really psychotic. It's a matter of not being balanced Arthur... Magic is a part of me and I have to keep it tempered with the rest of me and keep myself tempered... super strong emotions-not a good idea when I'm in internalizing mode...It only makes it worse, makes me dizzy... like last night."
Arthur thought back and winced, "You... does it... hurt?"
"Yes," Merlin said honestly. "Morgana probably became aware of it and stopped all magical attacks on the Kingdom so I would pop."
"Why... you?"
"Because I am Emrys... she didn't know that, but she did know that Emrys was in Camelot."
"Why wouldn't Mordred tell me that?"
" I asked him not to," he replied. "You deserved to hear it from me, Once and Future King..."
Arthur swallowed, he'd heard that bit before too. Once and Future King... It was exactly what Mordred said in that meeting, but he felt it a little differently now... it felt closer to him now that Merlin told him everything.
"M-Me?"Merlin nodded.
"You protected me because of some stupid prophecy?"
Merlin huffed and slapped him over the head, the yelp was much more satisfying than the pain had been painful.
"No, you clotpole! I protected you because I actually began to care about you, no matter how much of a prat you are. I love you."
Arthur blinked and for a moment Merlin stopped muttering about blonde haired, blue eyed, sexy (at least that's what Arthur thought he heard) idiots before Arthur's cheeks flushed and he couldn't meet his eyes. Merlin was intrigued by this reaction he would have thought that the other knew already, but apparently not. Arthur looked up at him shyly, edging closer to him.
"Tell me more..." he said softly, still flushing. Merlin was a little caught off guard and stored the question that came with the reaction away for another date. One step at a time, Arthur wasn't running and screaming at the moment so he figured he didn't want to chance sending him back behind the wall of prattish Uther-influence.
"Am I to assume that you aren't going to banish me from Camelot?"
"Yes."
"Well," he said. "Let's at least lay in the hammock, it's a lot more comfortable than the ground..."
Arthur nodded, standing immediately, still swaddled in the blanket as Merlin stood on shaky legs, still a little disoriented and shaking his head clear of the darkness, pulling him down to the ground again. Arthur helped him back up steadying him against him.
"Are you... in pain now?"
"Doesn't hurt at-" he broke off, his eyes flickering and screwing shut in focus. His jaw tensed and he curved into himself.
"Don't... hurt yourself anymore...Do what you have to."
Merlin looked hesitant and Arthur stomped his foot, "Merlin! I've already said that I wouldn't do anything, and if you keep hurting yourself like this I'll throw you in the stock-!"
The last sound died in his throat as they reached the hammock and Merlin's eyes flared. A new layer of bright green foliage twined up the tree, the hammock acquired a least another foot of width to accommodate two bodies, a shimmer of darkness went around the small grove though the sun continued to go interrupted. Arthur felt it like a surge across his senses. For a moment, everything hummed around him, everything was green and itself and nothing and everything else at the same time, he trembled in the sensation, heady and brilliant like euphoria but too vivid, too deep for that. It was as if his soul had went on a peace keeping mission with the stars. When the surge ended, Merlin kept Arthur steady as his eyes came back from inside his skull and fluttered open to look up at Merlin who looked down at him and waited, intrigued by Arthur's reaction to it.
He knew that Arthur would probably react to his magic, being a creature of magic in a sense, but he wasn't sure exactly what it would be. But now that his magic was free to float around, he could see the trace elements of Arthur's creation. He could see Igraine on her dying breath and Uther's shock and grief, his guilt and retroactive retaliation against magic. Enough deaths to bring something into existence, but it wasn't Igraine. He wasn't really sure what exactly it was, but Merlin had a good guess as to what it could be as his magic crackled across his skin and over Arthur's.
"You okay?"Arthur nodded shakily as Merlin maneuvered them into the hammock beneath the blanket and made it sway gently.
In close proximity, Arthur could see a sort of glow coming from Merlin's skin, rushing across his skin and he wondered if that was because of his birth or because he was close to Merlin like this.
"Wh-What was that...?"
"That was what the world feels like to me..."
"Dear God... you feel that... all the time?!"
"At sometimes lesser intensity, yes."
"How... can you..."
"It's what the world has always felt like to me..."
He nodded still shaking from the aftermath and curled into Merlin's warmth. Arthur had more questions and Merlin had answers. They didn't talk about the mingling of their aura or the gold and blue sparks fluttering around them. But they talked about everything else, about Merlin's magic about Arthur's chilliness. The talked about Arthur's realization that his mother had been telling him the truth and that Morgause was nothing more than the summoner of souls.
"It was her eyes," Arthur told him. "Her eyes and the way she said it... It was the look in his eyes when he said it too..."
"You knew he was lying to you?"
"I knew that she wouldn't want to let the sins of my father change me... to kill him would have disappointed her...and probably destroyed me."
Merlin kissed him for that and held him close as Arthur asked if Merlin could summon his mother and how much he knew about the other side. Merlin shrugged, he really hadn't tried to summon any spirit, but he did tell Arthur about the Crystal Cave, promising to take him there one day.
The surge didn't happen again just a deep lull and content as his powers seeped into physical manifestation around them. Arthur didn't know how long they were out there, but he'd never felt more complete and at peace in his life, hearing Merlin's heart beating beneath his ear. The other's magic seeped and surrounded them in warmth and care. He felt the other playing with the strands of his hair, humming a song as they rocked and successfully luring Arthur into sleep.
Gaius was not happy when Merlin came back later that night. He'd spent a good deal of the day trying not to worry, making tonics for Arthur and the rest of the town. Everytime he needed something and tried to call for Merlin, another spike of worry had gone through him. Gwaine and Lancelot had told him that Merlin had been taken to the dungeons, but they didn't really know where or why. A whole day of absolutely no contact had left the man on edge, but when Merlin came in he was almost furious. Merlin grinned, came upon him and hugged him tightly.
"You scared me to death Merlin..." he said. "Are you..."
"I'm fine," Merlin said with a grin. It was the first real smile Gaius had seen on him in a while. "I feel... at peace... and I think I figured out why Arthur's presence does weird things to my magic..."
"I always thought it was because of the prophecy."
"That's part of it... but he's also a bit magical himself."
That and Merlin loved the dollop-head to bits and pieces. Gaius grumbled on about worrying his caretaker before ordering Merlin to take a few vials up to Arthur's room and set them on the dresser beside the bed before coming back and helping him do some prep work for the next day. He took the vials of blue liquid up the stairs, wondering what was in it before entering the room. When they'd come back, he'd gotten Percival to help haul him up the stairs and laid him on his bed. He tucked the man in underneath the thick wool of Merlin's blanket and the more expensive and thicker sheets as he undressed Arthur for bed. The man didn't stir, mumuring indistinctly in his sleep. Luckily, Arthur was still sleeping the way he left him, buried under the blankets. He stoked the fire laying a few more logs on top before setting the vials on the dresser and kissing his cheek.
Arthur snuffled at the feeling and sighed as Merlin readjusted the blankets and headed back downstairs to finish up Gaius' prep work. He went to sleep, revitalizing the slowly fading plants in his room before turning in to sleep. It was the first time, in a long time, that he didn't need a conduit to go to sleep. There were no dreams, no faces, no blood. Nothing but peaceful blackness and bodily rest.