I'm drawn to him as I've never been drawn to a man before. As we talk, I fight the urge to lean into him and rest my head against his shoulder as he speaks. As we walk along the dusty road, it takes all my willpower to keep from reaching out and taking his hand in mine. It is an attraction that is more than lust, something that transcends the physical realm all together… something I can't even begin to define.
I wonder if he can see… I wonder if he knows that beneath the smile and good natured teasing, attraction is lurking. I wonder if he feels it too… that desire to be near, to hold, to sit in quiet, companionable solitude.
He has Mai, and I have Aang, and we are such good friends… I am content with things as they are. And yet, I can see how easy it would be, if we were to one day choose to be together. We are so close to one another, of such similar natures… and even though he has done awful things in the past, I somehow can no longer hold any of them against him.
I wonder if this is love…this comfortable friendship, this subtle desire. I wonder if being drawn to a man as much as I am to him has some great meaning, if it is some sign the Spirits have sent that he is my match.
And then I berate myself for wondering such things. He is my friend, one of my very best friends. I may wonder if this is love, but he never will. He has beautiful women throwing themselves at his feet; why in Spirit's names should he ever look at me? Besides, he has Mai, and I have Aang, and a relationship would change the dynamic of our friendship so completely.
But still, I wonder…