Dawn: part 8

"Happily ever after"

-x-

Everything was bright when she came to. She had no idea if it was morning or in the middle of the night, or for how long she had been out. When she thought about it, she couldn't even say how long she had been awake, wondering about time. It made her smile a bit, even with her eyes still closed.

"I see someone's awake."

The voice was amused and familiar, a woman. Her heart skipped a beat—a voice meant danger, especially a voice she couldn't recognize. Cynthia, her mind reminded her of whom the voice belonged to and she relaxed as realization dawned on her. Of course it was Cynthia. Dawn had won the games, had she not? Her mentor would obviously be the first one to greet her—they were a team after all, together in this.

Except… Cynthia hadn't been on the arena with her. She hadn't been there to witness Lyra burst into flames from close by, hadn't been there to save him from the beasts that came in the night, hadn't felt May die by her hands. That was all Dawn, all of it on her and it weighed like ton of bricks on her shoulders.

Slowly, recovering from her dark thoughts, she opened her eyes to the world. She was in a bed, but not in the one she remembered as her own. It was at a hospital then, because she knew they always made sure to treat the champion right after they returned from the arena. They had to, or otherwise there would've been no champion some of the years.

"How are you feeling, then?" Cynthia asked. She was sitting by the bed, just as beautiful as Dawn remembered, and smiling warmly. "You've been out for two days, you know. Exhaustion and mental stress, they said, but nothing serious. You got off lucky, Dawn stone. I'm glad."

Dawn didn't feel lucky at all but she still returned the smile. "That's… good," her throat was dry and stung a bit, not having been used for so long. "How's Jo?"

The woman's face fell. "Not dead," she answered evasively. Dawn groaned lightly and the woman continued. "Now, don't be like that… you wouldn't have been able to keep her after, anyways. From what I know happens to the champion's pokémon after the games, I think we're both better off hoping that she'll die despite the treatments."

Dawn felt the sorrow of yet another fresh loss, but this time it was dulled. She suspected it had something to do with the drugs they had undoubtedly pumped her full of—something to make her sleep peacefully, without dreaming. She nodded to her mentor, a simple gesture that told the woman that she understood. Cynthia stared at her for a while before offering a sad smile.

"Do you need to sleep some more?" She asked and Dawn shook her head, making herself dizzy. "I'll go get the doctor then. I bet you want out of here as much as I do."

There were some tests to evaluate if she was ready to leave, all of which she breezed through in a drug induced haze, and then someone was bringing her clothes and telling her to get dressed. Cynthia was waiting for her when she finally stepped out from her hospital room. They walked down together and a limo drove them off. Upon arriving to the training center she was immediately dragged away to be fussed over by Marley and Cheryl, who were, respectively, as bored and as quiet as they'd ever been.

Marley congratulated her on becoming champion. She couldn't muster up a response.

Riley came in as soon as they were done. He seemed to be genuinely happy to see Dawn again and that cheered the girl up, just a bit. The dress he'd come up with for the crowning and the final interview was just as fabulous as the previous ones with its pink, white and blue color scheme, but Dawn couldn't get excited about it. Her stylist noticed the lack of enthusiasm from her part, but didn't sue her for it. In fact, Riley patted her on the head and told her that it was alright to be depressed as long as she still remembered why she had wanted to win.

It helped more than Dawn would've believed.

It was the truth, wasn't it? She had really had a reason for this. In the games, in the arena it had been difficult to remember anything past the guilt of letting Lyra die and the fear of never knowing what was going to happen next. She had needed to concentrate all of her might on surviving, so much so that she had forgotten why she was even doing it in the first place.

After being reminded of that she kept on imagining how she soon enough would be with her mother again. Johanna would smile and cry and tell her how proud she was and how they would be alright, everything would be alright.

She repeated the thought in her head like a mantra, like it would become real if she kept on saying it. It had been easy to believe those words when she'd had no idea what it felt like to have another person die in her arms. Now, though, it almost felt like a lie.

-x-

Before Dawn walked on stage Cynthia gave her only one piece of advice.

"Be yourself," she said, "but don't let on how bad you truly feel deep inside. I know about that, you don't have to hide it from me… but them?" She shook her head. "They won't understand."

Dawn tried to keep it in mind when she was met with applause so loud that her ears started ringing. Lights were flashing all around her and there was glitter raining down from the ceiling. Dawn laughed and smiled and waved, feeling quite hollow inside. She even paused during her way to spin around trying to catch the glitter. The audience loved it.

"Dawn! It's lovely to see you!" Ms. Shauntal exclaimed happily, beckoning her to sit down.

"Thank you," Dawn said out of breath. "The feeling is quite mutual."

"So," the hostess leaned in a bit closer, "how're you feeling?"

"A bit lost, honestly," she admitted with a shy smile, one that was completely fake even if the words were sincere. "It's like… I keep thinking that I'm going to wake up and this will all just be a dream. It feels like now that I've done what I was trying to do all the time I don't know what I'm supposed to do next." She paused to throw the audience a curious look. "What do you do when you've won?"

Ms. Shauntal laughed good-naturedly. "Well, I'm sure we would all like to know that very much." Judging by the cheers and calls the audience seemed to agree. "Don't you have any plans at all for the future?"

Dawn shook her head. "Not really… all my previous plans had been on the basis that I wouldn't win the Trainer games," the comment earned her a few chuckles, "but I guess I'll have to think of something new, now that I have. I'll come up with something, don't worry. I'm very imaginative when I try to be."

"I'm sure," the hostess said as soon as the chuckles had died down. "Actually, we all got a good impression of that from your actions on the arena. Let's have a look shall we?"

Encouraged by the audience's cheers and claps they started the reel. Dawn feared that they would show Lyra dying, trying to brace herself for the impact of seeing it again without knowing how to. Luckily, the first clip was of Dawn receiving the flask and standing on the cliff, making the promise to the girl. The next clip was of her catching fish by the lake, eating with Ethan, smiling. Then there was some drama, from when she'd been chased by the mutt and then of her reuniting with Lucas.

The last clips, though, were just like she had feared—far too painful for Dawn to watch, especially the one showing Lucas's last moments. She turned her head away but kept on a calm expression, instead regarding the faceless people in the audience. It was just like Cynthia had said: none of them understood, but she wouldn't let them see how broken she really was.

Once the screen faded to black there was applause and Dawn mustered a smile at the crowd. Ms. Shauntal turned her attention back to the interview with a small cough.

"You had some pretty nice alliances on the arena, one which didn't really have the chance to bloom, am I right?"

"Yes," Dawn breathed out, once again feeling kind of breathless. It was the stress—that's what the doctors had said in the hospital, the mental strain was so bad that it would cause her to feel physically weary. "Lyra was very important to me."

She had to pause because the audience started cheering. Honestly she was happy about the chance to collect her thoughts and swallow down the lump in her throat before continuing.

"We worked really well together in training but… I guess if she had to go, it was a good way. I wouldn't have been able to fight her if it had come to that."

"That is understandable." The woman nodded. "I'm sure we all caught a glimpse of how much she meant to you… But how about Lucas, from your own district, was he a friend?"

Dawn swallowed again. "Yes, he… he was a friend. A good friend in fact, and…" she didn't know what to say. Suddenly the memories were all too raw and painful in her mind. She had to take a deep breath to calm herself and only hoped that she wasn't showing too much like Cynthia had warned.

"When I first saw him," she began anew, "it was like meeting an old friend. We fit really well together, even if we had never met before. He talked to me even when I was quiet, always trying his best. I'll always remember him… no matter how many years will pass he, and Lyra too, they will both be a part of me wherever I go."

The audience went wild. Ms. Shauntal patted her shoulder sympathetically and she smiled a bit for the cameras, for the audience, for her dead friends.

"Such inspiring words from this year's champion, Dawn DeBlanc," the hostess said smiling wide. "I have one final question for you Dawn… Last time you were here you mentioned your mother being important to you. Are you looking forward to meeting her?"

Dawn's breath caught in her throat.

"Yes," she whispered, "more than anything."

That was a thought to hold onto.

-x-

Before the crowning ceremony Dawn's make up and overall appearance was checked once more. Cynthia stayed by her side during it all, like a silent guardian. Dawn realized that she really, truly appreciated the woman, not only for all of her work on keeping her alive but also for making sure that she was alright to boot. She felt like, given time, Cynthia could be like a big sister to her, and in some ways she already was.

"Remember now," the mentor muttered to her ear as they were headed down for the limo that would take them to the ceremony, "that you need to be extra careful around president Harmonia. He's the law around here. If he doesn't like a champion, well… then there won't be a champion anymore."

Dawn looked up and met her eyes. Cynthia wore a pained expression, like she was speaking from experience. I triggered some memory in Dawn's mind.

"You…" she whispered. "You're talking about Maylene from four years ago, aren't you?"

The woman sighed. "Yes, I thought you would know. Don't be rash like her and you won't get into trouble."

The girl nodded. Maylene was yet another tribute who had committed suicide, or that was what official records stated. Unofficially it was widely rumored that she had been pressured into taking her own life because of her anti-games statements after her victory. Dawn thought about it and suddenly, as suddenly as all of this had happened to her, she came to a conclusion.

She would pick up Maylene's mission, if not the way the girl herself had planned it. She would do all in her power to help the people who suffered because of the Capitol and because of the games. She would use her Champion's income to help the families who had lost their children, as well as the children who might one day be up to the challenge. She would make them better, stronger, prepared—just like Cynthia and her mother had made her.

In the ceremony she stood as tall and proud as she could without feeling the least bit of pride in what she had done. The president gave the same meaningless speech as the past years and then walked over, ceremoniously placing the crown on Dawn's head.

"You were very clever on the arena," the man muttered to her. "I was impressed."

"Thank you, sir," Dawn replied, casting her eyes down. It was all she could say with the rage and sorrow boiling hot in her stomach.

She waved to the cheering citizens of Capitol as she rode on a chariot down the street, not feeling the least bit like a champion. Instead there was a sense of anticipation lingering in her mind—something was going to change in Sinnoh, maybe even in the whole of the Federation. She would make sure of it.

Afterwards she was taken back to the apartment in the training center, for the last night in the Capitol. She couldn't sleep, not with the memories, so instead she walked up the stairs and to the roof where she'd had the conversation with the silent boy from Kanto and cried until sunrise.

-x-

The boat ride was uneventful and felt wrong without Lucas by her side, much like it had felt wrong staying in the apartment at the training center when the pale grinning boy wasn't there, rambling about something nonsensical. Her chest hurt a lot these days even though, as she had learned in school, the heart was in no way related to emotions, save for the occasional quickening heartbeat caused by surprise or other sudden emotions. Dawn found it rather hard to believe with what she was going through.

Cynthia wasn't her only company—Fantina, Lucian and Volkner were all there—but Cynthia was the only one she wanted to talk to, with the exception of Volkner, who didn't want to talk to her. Cynthia told her that it would take the man a few days to get used to her again, because apparently, he had believed in Lucas until the very end. Though it came as somewhat of a shock, especially since all she'd ever seen was Volkner belittling his protégé, Dawn found herself understanding the man a bit better.

He hadn't wanted to get too close, not wanting to be disappointed, but deep down he couldn't help himself from getting attached. She understood. All those people who had died—Lyra, Lucas, Ethan… even Red, the silent boy from Kanto, whose name Dawn had only learned after the games, and maybe even May, whose name still sent shivers down Dawn's spine, for reasons that were more complicated than before—she had known them for such a short time, but she had still felt their deaths like a bullet to her own chest. In May's case, though, it wasn't because of anything resembling attachment, but the feeling of guilt that caused the reaction.

Because she had killed the girl and now she would have to live with that knowledge for the rest of her life.

On the topic of life, Cynthia and Dawn talked about how things would go from then on. She would return to Hearthome, at first, but only to collect her belongings. After that, she and her mother would be moved to the Pokémon League where all of District four's remaining champions lived. Cynthia tried to nudge her into asking questions about it, but Dawn really couldn't see the point in it. There was only one thing she wanted to know.

"Can I donate my winning money to others?" she asked cutting through Cynthia's speech about something or other, Dawn hadn't really been paying attention.

It was a new trait—not paying attention. Before she would listen to others with no exceptions, but now she couldn't always feel up to it. More often than not it felt like whatever was being said wasn't worth being heard. She had been a quiet, well-mannered child all her life, but now she wondered if she would become like Red … never talking unless it was absolutely necessary.

At least the question was simple and straight to the point, very different from the way she had used to ask questions. Yes, she thought, it could be the new me, the girl that never wastes words. She didn't yet know if it was for the better or for the worse, but the change was there. It felt like her eyes had been opened and she had seen in the mirror how meaningless she was and just how little she truly knew—someone as unaware as her was better off keeping her mouth shut.

Cynthia hesitated with her answer. "Well, technically yes… but I think it has to happen as a part of a big media charade. The Capitol has to approve of the cause too. You can't just go giving it away to anybody."

"That's… good," Dawn said with a small smile. "I also want to travel. I need to learn about the world, about Sinnoh."

The woman's expression turned sour. "That might be a problem."

"Why?"

"Well…" She sighed tiredly. "You can visit the cities and towns, sure. Nobody's stopping that, yet, but there's still restriction of movement in the wilds, as you should know. The Capitol doesn't want anyone, especially any of the champions, wondering around and possibly befriending pokémon. It's a sign of rebellion to them."

Dawn looked down, biting on her lower lip. "I… I can't promise I won't try."

"Don't worry." Cynthia's smile was evident in her voice. "I wasn't going to make you."

They shared a look and smiled at each other. Dawn realized that it could be fine, living his life in the league and really becoming friends with Cynthia. Her life would be forever tied to the games, she would have to step up as a mentor and watch close by as two children were sent to kill or be killed, but maybe it would be okay. She could help people, like she had decided, help those young children going to the arena. She was alive, unlike Lyra and Lucas, and she now understood that it wasn't enough that she had won in their stead like she'd been driven to do in the arena—she would also have to live in their stead.

Dawn looked outside and saw the lights of Canalave in the distance. She would be home very soon.

Yes, she thought, it will be all alright.

And this time, it wasn't an almost-a-lie, but the beginnings of a budding hope.

-x-

THE END

-x-

A/N: oh my god, it's finally done. This is the longest piece I've ever written and it feels amazing to have it done. I'll have to come back some day, to fix my errors and such, but for now I'll just bask in how it good it is to have it over and done with.

Also, now that I'm at the finish line, I want to thank everyone who read this, especially those of you who left me feedback. I never expected this story to become hugely popular but the few people who commented, gave me ideas and encouraged me to go on really made writing this story worth it. Thanks so much guys, you rock!