The rest of lunch break flies by way too fast. They talked about all the good old classical rock bands and how much they had an impact on everyone while now all of it is done only for money and music has lost its value. Gerard went from being shy and quiet to extremely passionate and talkative. Frank, Ray and Bob were so impressed by what Gerard knew and the way he was talking about music they looked like kindergartener's listening to a fairy tale: on the edge of their chairs, eyes wide and mouth slightly open.
Gerard smiles at that memory as he makes his way back to his office. I guess I could survive a week of this he thinks. He still can't believe how easily he said yes to Frank when all he could think about today was when do I get to go back home. Though as much as he hates to admit some part of him does want to stay but only a small part the other one wants to run back to what's familiar and old where he knows how everything works. He doesn't like the process of being new at something and learning what to do, what to say, when to say it, where to go, where not to go like he's a baby discovering something new for the very first time while everyone else is way ahead of him already.
When he gets back home after work he ponders the idea of taking a shower but decides against it when he sees and unfinished bottle of vodka. Gerard realizes he should be cutting down this stuff but he figures he made a lot of effort for the day already getting up and making himself go to work so he deserves a reward.
Before the cold bottle touched his lips his phone rings and there's only one person in the world who ever calls him
"Hey Mikey. How's the honeymoon going?" Gerard asks while slumping down on his comfy bed.
"Good good, still the first one was better, how was your day at work, you showed up there, right?" Mikey says. Gerard can hear a loud noise in the background, the kind of when there's little or almost no reception, but it's more likely the beach and the waves crashing into one another considering where he's at.
"Yes, Mikey, I did. I'm not that irresponsible" Gerard says immediately knowing how stupid that sounds since he considered faking being sick, oversleeping or forgetting. 'It was alright I guess but they don't have a coffee machine on my floor!' the older brother says dramatically.
"Oh my, how will you ever survive? We'll have to sue the company then, this is just unacceptable!" Mikey says mockingly which makes Gerard smile. This is why they've managed to stay best-friends (and Gerard's only friend) all these years. They shared similar interests and supported each other, they could have full conversations with each other across the room without opening their mouths it was just so easy with Mikey sometimes it still surprises him.
"Oh I met your friends today they seem pretty cool" Gerard says suddenly.
"I know they are. They're good people you can count on them while I get back, especially Frank" Mikey says.
"Why, what's so special about Frank? Should I know something about him?" Gerard asks hurriedly, sitting up on his bed, curiosity getting to him.
Mikey laughs in his ear "oh nothing, I knew you would go for it" Gerard can even hear the smirk on his face.
"Knew I would go for what? C'mon Mikey don't be douche tell me!" he says trying desperately to get an answer. If there's one thing he hates, it's secrets being kept from him.
"Okay bro got to go now, talk to you soon. Just don't get wasted or anything, remember you have a job to go to now so don't ruin it." Mikey says and hangs up immediately. Sometimes it's hard to tell which one is the older brother in this family. But he's also mysterious as fuck and somehow seems to know about everything and everyone. To this day Gerard doesn't know how he does it, and he isn't sure if he even wants to know anymore.
The open bottle stares up at him from the floor, the liquor inside it tempting him and making his mouth water but after some thinking and a tired sigh Gerard puts the cap back on the bottle and stores it away for another night. He changes in his pajamas even though it's only 8pm but he feels too comfortable in them, plus no one ever visits him except for his mom sometimes but she's away on a trip with some friends (that's why Mikey was so pushy about getting a job soon) so he really doesn't care.
He watches 2 movies and he still can't fall asleep and that's not good since he has to get up early tomorrow again. He never had to deal with this problem before because he usually passed out from drinking.
Gerard puts on some random channel and tries to fall asleep but it's hopeless: his mind is buzzing with today's event's, the secret Mikey is keeping from him, and he can't seem to calm down. He goes for the last trick that should get him tired enough to sleep.
He looks around his empty room, he always feels sort of self-conscious while doing this and slowly and unsurely slides his hand down to his pajama pants and grips himself trying to relax. He uses the fabric to create the friction needed to get him less tense and slightly aroused. He lets out a tiny sigh and sinks his head on the pillow and tries to imagine someone worth jacking-off to. Every time he picks someone different so as not to get bored of them or over use them too much. Gerard lifts up his head a little and sees Muse playing on the TV and goes for the drummer. After a few minutes he starts to get hard and increases his pace and the pressure on his hand imagining the blond on his knees blinking his big eyes at him and slowly jacking him off. He closes his eyes and starts quietly panting and soon the friction is not enough for him so he has to reach inside. Gerard lets out a tiny sound from the sudden burst of pleasure and throws his head back a little at the contact of skin feeling every cell in his body tense up and heat up.
He starts stroking slowly from the base, teasing himself a little longer and starts to notice that his fantasy boy's hair is growing darker as well as his eyes. Gerard sucks in a breath and gets even more aroused from the new man in front of him. He imagines Frank licking around the head and then suddenly swallowing him down all the way and thrusts into his hand hard and lets out a breathy noise that's a small fraction away from becoming a moan. The sheets around him rustle and the bed creaks a bit as he can't help but move around and thrust into his hand while the other has a death grip on the sheet. Gerard gets impatient and stops the teasing and messing around. He speeds up twisting his wrist and moving his thumb across the head occasionally, letting out high short sounds of pure bliss and feeling his toes curl. He rams fantasy Frank against a wall and lets himself explore his body in every way he pleases and imagines Frank breathing, panting and begging for more right in his ear. It isn't long before he feels his stomach warm up and the muscles tensing as he's shaking and coming.
Gerard's sweaty and spent like after a workout (though he's never really had one) he can hear his heart thumping loudly and he has to admit that this was one of the most intense orgasms he's ever had. Even after a few minutes of calming down when he tries to get up and clean himself his knees are still shaking and he can barely stand on his feet.
He'll have trouble looking Frank in the eye the next day after all the mental images he got off to. Gerard falls asleep almost immediately and wakes up what seems only 5 minutes later to his alarm clock with a loud grunt that he has to get up.
…
The whole week goes by like that: get up early and grumpy, go to work, do a project, see Frank, Ray and Bob during lunch, go back home, jack-off and sleep. After all of the imagined intimacy and closeness he got off to nearly every evening, eventually living in fantasy isn't enough and the want for another person's warmth and touch starts to build up. Gerard found he was craving to do little things while Frank was around: touch him, hold his hand, sit closer next to him. Sometimes he had to consciously remind himself that he can't do those things.
Also he avoids certain people at the company, the moment he sees someone from that studio that witnessed his humiliation he steers fast in to the opposite direction, one time he even ended up in the janitor's closet.
Friday comes really fast. Gerard would have forgotten about it if it weren't for Frank who stepped up in his office that day after lunch to remind him that it starts at 9 and to get there at least at 8 to get a decent spot. It was a bit strange since he could've just called through the office phone but ended up staying for a while in Gerard's office talking about the upcoming show, not that Gerard minded.
The show isn't big, mainly three bands will be performing the first two Gerard's never heard of before but the third is the one where Frank, Ray and Bob will be playing, they wanted to include Mikey as well as the bassist but he's still not back from his 2nd honeymoon.
Gerard barely gets any work done on Friday because he kept getting sidetracked but it was a good thing he did most of the assignments earlier so his manager was pleased. Though it was hard to tell if he was pleased or not, when Gerard brought in his work he skimmed through it quickly not even giving him a chance to explain his ideas, gave him a curt nod of acceptance and motioned for him to leave, not saying one word in the process.
Gerard gets home in record time and goes straight to getting ready for tonight. It'll be the first time he'll be seeing Frank outside of work so he has to make a good impression. Gerard's still pondering the idea whether or not to ask him out. On one side if it goes wrong he'll just quit his job and avoid seeing him ever again, but if the answer is yes… well he didn't really think about that option and he doesn't want to start day dreaming about it either to avoid getting his hopes up because then it could hurt twice as much plus he's not even sure Frank is gay. Contrary to what the movies are saying gay people don't have a 'radar' that shows them who takes it up the ass or not.
Gerard's first thing on his list: shower, so that's the first thing he does when gets back home. He's really quick with that and the next thing on the list: hair. He stares at his black almost shoulder length hair for a long time before giving up and putting it inside a towel and moves to makeup. He had to sustain from wearing eyeliner to work, mainly because Mikey talked him out of it saying it doesn't look very professional so now he puts on a quite thick line of it along his eyes to make up for it. Next stop: clothes. That's the trickiest part, he has no idea what to wear so he just takes a bunch of clothes and puts them on his bed and examines each one.
While he stands like that in front of his mirror: hair tied up in a towel, eyeliner and some eye shadows covering his face and holding up two different shirts seeing which one looks better he thinks this is probably the most gayest he's ever been. Gerard's never put that much effort in a date before (probably why he hasn't had a relationship that lasted longer than 2 months) and it isn't even a date.
Gerard gets frustrated really fast and just goes for a black shirt with shorter sleeves till his elbows, tight pants and his bat buckle belt. He doesn't put that much effort in his hair since it'll still get messy in the crowd and the messy hair suits him quite nicely.
It's still about 15 minutes till he has to leave but since he has nothing else better to do he leaves early.
When he arrives at the place he smokes a cigarette outside his car to calm his nerves it's just a gig, a show that Frank is playing at, not a date, get it together and steps inside. There aren't that many people here yet so Gerard goes for the bar. He orders only a beer, nothing too strong to make him do embarrassing things although he craves for something stronger and bad. He hasn't drunk anything from Sunday, that makes it nearly a whole week of him being sober, it must be his new record. Through all the stress about the show and Frank and his new job he seemed to have forgotten the craving for it.
The liquid feels so good and familiar sliding down his throat and burning just a bit, the hungry beast inside of him smiles in pleasure. He seems to relax, the feeling of alcohol in his system is familiar and welcome. Gerard doesn't know whether he should savor it or drink it like mad all he knows is that once he starts it's going to take a lot of will power to make him stop.
The man looks around and there are two more people at the bar: a guy who looks like he just turned 18 or maybe he has a fake ID and a girl with red hair on his other side. He looks at her for a while. The lights falls on her face just right and his hand itches for a pencil and some paper so instead he tries to remember every detail about her and the setting and maybe he'll sketch something when he gets back home.
He watches the bands set up and people slowly flowing in the venue everything getting louder and hotter especially his beer. Gerard regretfully leaves it on the counter unfinished and goes to find a decent spot. He gets to the front quite easily and just in time about 5 minutes later people really start to fill in and get more vicious.
The first band is quite alright, consisting of 2 young girls playing and singing. Gerard manages to rock out to some of their songs and get warmed up. The 2nd one is a heavy almost nu-metal band and takes the longest time on stage. The crowd cheers for Frank's band the loudest and Gerard can't help but widen his eyes once he sees Frank.
A white really tight V-neck shirt that reveals more of his tattoos and apparently he has a lot, tight pants and not to mention a mohawk. Every dirty fantasy goes through Gerard's mind on a flash before he remembers to control himself. They play punk-rock type of songs though some of Rays solos remind him a bit of classical heavy rock and they sound really good. Frank is playing and trashing around on stage like crazy, it's obvious that he loves this and is putting every ounce of his soul into his performance and he's just having so much fun it sparks a strange feeling inside Gerard. It's strange because he's never felt it before, he starts to smile from the warmth inside his chest because the man on stage is happy and it makes Gerard happy. It's like a mirrored feeling, not a proud or even lust related feeling just joy.
Their performance ends way too soon for Gerard's liking and right after it he's fighting his way towards the backstage I'm gonna do it he thinks finally making up his mind. He realizes he can't take it anymore and he needs to know if his fantasies can become reality.
He bumps into Ray and Bob first. Gerard compliments their performance and tries to keep the conversation short. He doesn't want to seem like an asshole that doesn't care because he really does and means every word he says but at the same time he wants to get to Frank as soon as possible before he changes his mind.
When he finally reaches Frank he's alone so that's a really big plus, if he gets rejected at least there won't be an audience. He looks so much better up close and there's a layer of sweat covering his skin that looks hotter than it should.
"Hey, Frank. Awesome show man you guys were amazing and energetic and everything worked so well. You did a great job and can I ask you something?" Gerard says the moment Frank spots him and smiles. He decides not to beat around the bush and just ask
"Thanks, really and it feels so good to be on stage y'know and sure wh-" "Frank?" a girls voice interrupts the shorter mans sentence and before Gerard has the time to turn around and see who it is she's already here and hugging Frank tightly. He seems to be surprised but incredibly happy as well from seeing her and returns the embrace.
Gerard's read the expression 'boiling blood' a couple of times but had trouble imagining it, he thought it was just an exaggeration of being frustrated but now he fully understands it because that's what it feels like. It's like he can feel every vein even the tiny ones flowing with hot blood rushing like adrenaline and he has to tries to regain some of the previous control and confidence he had but he still clenches his fists and raises his chin up in defense. And before he knows it there's no room left inside his head for rational or calm thoughts.
For all he knows that girl could be Franks girlfriend, Franks never mentioned anything about his personal life too much so it could be. Or it could be a girl that Frank is crushing on or the other way around or maybe it's a distant relative or a cousin either way the fact remains the same in Gerard's head. Frank was his that moment, he had his complete attention and focus and was about to ask something very important to him, perhaps something that might change the way his night ends and now it's ruined.
After those two finished hugging, catching up and freaking out about how great the show was-in total about 6 minutes- Frank notices Gerard who was busy having an internal battle.
"Oh right sorry Gerard. Um this is my good friend Helen" Frank says introducing his friend. It's the same girl with the red hair from the bar that Gerard saw earlier. He hasn't changed his mind, if he has time he will sketch her, just in a different setting.
He puts on his best fake smile and shakes her hand and barely mouths a 'hi'. She looks between him and Frank with a slightly confused expression before leaning into the shorter mans ear and whispering something that makes Frank's smile drop and face flush a bit.
"Alright I'll be going now I don't want to disturb anything. It was nice meeting you Gerard, I really hope I'll get to see you again" Helen says slowly backing up and throwing a stern and serious glance in Frank's direction at her last words and disappears from the tiny backstage area.
"I'm so sorry about that, it's just I haven't seen her in a while and y'know… Hey you were gonna ask me something what is it?" Franks says with an apologetic look on his face that makes Gerard feel like that bad guy and his previous anger flames slowly die out. He doesn't feel as confident before and his previous idea doesn't seem that great anymore he just wants to get away from this now. While he was standing there and waiting, all of the anger and jealousy made him crave alcohol even more than before. He's too weak to fight his urges, not now.
"Nah, nothing. It isn't important." He drops a bit sarcastically. "Look I think I'll be heading out now" Gerard says looking at the ground.
"What? Now? C'mon we're heading off to Rays place to play some videos games and just hang out I thought you'd want to come too" Frank says looking slightly hurt. Gerard feels bad, like he just literally kicked a puppy and threw it on a busy street but he has a lot on his mind and he just has to go, he has to leave and sort it out perhaps with some vodka.
"I'm feeling a bit tired so sorry I'll pass but next time for sure" Gerard says going for the softest answer. It isn't exactly a lie, he just didn't tell the whole truth.
"Oh alright. Well I'll see you later" Franks says looking a bit disappointed and going in for a hug. Gerard returns it but has trouble letting go. It just feels so warm and soft and just right in his arms if he didn't have already have other plans for tonight, he'd want to spend the rest of the evening in an embrace like that. He lets go just when the hug was about to get awkwardly long.
"So you'll come back to work on Monday?" Frank asks quickly. Gerard stares right into his eyes until his stomach does a flip again but this time he doesn't look away and remembers Frank happy and ecstatic on stage today and says
"Yeah, I'll come back" and he means it.