Gerard walks down the dark road barely lifting his feet. The empty and peaceful neighborhood is calming his nerves. Well that and the weed he took at Frank's. His heart sinks at the thought of his name so he tries to take it off his mind and concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other.
His mom is already asleep when he reaches home. He's glad he's a little stoned so he doesn't need to drink himself to unconsciousness and falls asleep the moment he lays his head on the pillow.
He has an uneasy night: Dreaming all sorts of things that don't add up: him running down a stairway trying to catch Frank and never seeming to get to him because either Frank has super speed or his legs weigh tones, then somehow ending up in an airport where he gets lost for what seems like hours and missing his flight because he didn't find his gate in time, feeling hopeless and scared the whole time.
The whole morning his brain is still circling around those vivid dreams, not letting go. Gerard tries desperately to remember other parts of it so he could understand what they mean, do they mean something? Is he being superstitious? Or maybe it's his mind trying to tell him something?
His manager flicks his fingers in front of him a couple of times
"Hey Gerard! Pay attention, you keep dozing off. Is everything alright?" I'm already at work? How did I get here? Wasn't I just home having coffee? Did I even have coffee today? Gerard asks himself looking around the messy office.
"Uh yeah, sorry. I'm fine" he says blushing slightly, feeling embarrassed and tries to concentrate more on his surroundings.
"Well as I've been saying we're happy having you here on the team and since you're new and all you may not know that there's the annual company party in a few weeks, all the details are on the company's website. Oh and you can bring a date if you want" He says in his boring deep voice that slowly goes lower suggesting he's done with the conversation and it's Gerard's cue to leave.
He gives a tiny mocking scoff but hides it beneath a smile so it looks like a chuckle and leaves the office. A date. How ridiculous. The only person he'd be interested in taking to the party doesn't even like him. The more he keeps thinking about it the more he feels unmotivated to go there. Though the thing he's most scared of: what if Frank shows up with a date, like with Helen. He feels a pang in his stomach and lets out a sigh.
His work is slower than usual: he keeps drawing his dream scenes or Frank or random made up characters that have nothing to do with his work. He lets out a frustrated sigh and grabs his pack of cigarettes and his jacket and goes to the only balcony on the 3rd floor.
He finds it empty, fortunately and puts his elbows on the railing looking over the dull city view. It's getting colder by the day, October is approaching. The leaves are already changing their color the wind is getting stronger drowning out all the other sounds from the busy city street. Gerard lets it refresh his mind, leans against the rough wall and inhales a lot of fresh air before putting his cigarette in his mouth and closing his eyes, enjoying the peaceful moment. Focusing only on now and there, he'll deal with the other things that are bothering him when he gets home. When he's done he stands there for a moment looking over to the dirty grey city on a cloudy day. People hurrying, cars speeding and honking at one another. Gerard feels so disconnected with all of it. It's like he's standing on another level or came from another dimension and watches the tiny humans run not being able to stop even for just a moment.
Gerard thinks he's still probably a bit stoned from yesterday and exists from the balcony. He checks the time and sees that it's almost lunch. He doesn't feel like eating though, or seeing or talking with anyone for that matter but still, he feels almost compelled to go there now. So he, very slowly, dragging his feet along the dark blue carpet that covers the whole floor, walks toward the elevator.
He takes a deep breath as the elevator comes to a stop earning a couple of weird glances from the other people standing near him. He goes inside the record studio and finds that there is no one to greet him. Usually Frank is already there, giving him a hug and leading him to the little room where they always have pizza. But now - nothing.
He hears a girls laugh from the little room along with Frank's signature giggle. Gerard's jaw clenches, frustration already boiling inside of him as he recognizes the voice. His brain advises him to leave, go back, calm down but his legs are already carrying him towards the room. If he were a cartoon character there'd be fumes coming out of his ears.
He opens the door and sees all of them sitting around the table laughing, Helen taking his seat.
Frank notices him first and waves, then followed by the others
"Hey, Gee! C'mon in! You remember Helen don't you? Take a seat. Oh, wait shit all of the chairs are taken. Hold on we'll fix something up" Frank says looking around for something that could be big enough to sit on.
Gerard feels a mixture of feelings at that moment. At first he felt angry, jealous and if looks could kill the girl would have been dead in a second but the moment Frank opened his mouth his insides softened, turned into some kind of goo and the remains of his frustration were directed to him, his possessive nature overcoming common sense. He knows he's going to regret this.
"Oh no, that's okay. It seems you were doing fine without me, plus you have important guests. I don't want to ruin the fun." Gerard bites back quite harshly, his lips pressed together in a thin line as he slowly backs away from the room.
Ray, Bob and Helen look at each other with confused faces while Frank reacts instantly
"What? No wait Gerard!" he yells after him and catches him by the elevator door. "What the hell does that supposed to mean?" Frank says holding Gerard by the arm, looking confused and maybe even a bit angry. "Look if this is about last night I'm sorry, alright?" he says unsurely, dropping his eyes to the ground "I was stoned I didn't know what I was saying"
"What are you talking about?" Gerard asks feeling completely lost. Nothing technically happened he just expected it would lead to something. He goes over last night in his head a couple of times and there was nothing Frank said that would have been weird or offensive in any way.
"Right before you left when I asked you to stay for the night with me. It was stupid. I'm stupid, okay? I didn't mean to freak you out." Frank says feeling uncomfortable
"Wait, what?" He tries to process what he just heard. He remembers Frank saying something incoherent during their goodbye hug but he never really gave it much thought. Huh.
"Isn't that why you're upset?" Frank asks not sure of what's going on here.
By that point Gerard's head becomes a ball of buzz, chatter. About a million questions go through his mind. But the biggest one he's debating is whether to tell him the truth honestly, how he feels, though Frank just made it very clear that it was a mistake so this might ruin their friendship, or go with the lie.
"Yeah, I guess I just wasn't expecting it, but I guess it's alright now" he says quickly going with the safest option and immediately feeling guilty.
"Good. So are you going to have lunch with us?" Frank says with a relieved face and a small smile creeping up on his face which brightens up Gerard's mood as well.
…
Gerard isn't angry anymore after talking with Frank so he joins them and sits on a big speaker. He's still cold towards Helen and barely says a word or two to her. She notices it of course but seeing how Frank and Gerard look at each other when they think the other isn't looking, she keeps her mouth shut. Ray and Bob already go back to work though Gerard can still hear them arguing about The Lord of The Rings. It's only the 3 of them left in the room. Helen puts her head on Frank's shoulder sweetly and asks
"Any plans for the weekend?" mine. His mind growls the moment she starts talking. Frank thinks for a moment before answering
"No I don't think so, you wanna hang out?" he's Mine. Gerard clenches his fist.
"Yup! It's been a while since we had a movie night, I figure we can remember the good ol' times before I leave the city again. I mean c'mon do you remember the last times?" MINE! Gerard inhales and exhales deeply and quite loudly to calm himself, though the both of them fail to notice that as they start laughing in agreement sharing some inside jokes and then laughing even harder.
Helen glances over seeing Gerard's pained and intense gaze fixated on the can coke he's about to blow up with his mind. She stops laughing and takes a moment thinking what to say next while Frank is still clutching his stomach in laughter.
"Or we could go to a bar. Who knows maybe you'll meet the guy of your dreams there." Oh? This catches Gerard's attention and he lifts up his head a little.
"Yeah, the last time we went to a gay bar it didn't work out so well, you kept pointing and shouting at random people, there are at least 2 bars now that I'm too embarrassed to set my foot in so no, I'll stick with the movie night." Frank says mockingly.
Gerard starts to feel out of context and drowns out the rest of their conversation. The lunch break is almost over so he excuses himself saying his goodbyes and gives Helen a small but honest smile, she just nods at him understandingly.
His thoughts are so loud: one voice shouting over another, his mind feels like an angry mob. His mind hasn't had this much to think about for years, he's surprised his mind isn't breaking down from the pressure it's on. He manages to catch one clear thought right after he enters the elevator well this changes things.