Gerard can't seem to make his thoughts shut up, so he goes on autopilot, walking back mindlessly back to his small office while he began to over think everything he knows so far.

He makes his mind shut up for a minute and tries to think logically. Alright what are the facts? 1. Frank is gay or at the very least bi so that increases Gerard's chances. 2. Yesterday Frank said to stay with him for the night and today he said it didn't mean anything. This one is the tough one so he starts to analyze it carefully. Let's say hypothetically Frank does like him. He likes Gerard but he's too afraid to tell him though he doubts that's the case. Frank doesn't look like the shy sort of person he looks more like the honest straight forward guy. But for the sake of the theory let's say he is. The pot could have made him careless about the things he says therefore letting his question slip and since Gerard didn't hear it and just went home he could have took it as a rejection so he covered it up with a lie. It could have been true…

Gerard is already in his office mindlessly drawing another project, this time according to the theme though his mind is still somewhere else.

Now let's look at it from another direction. Let's say that Frank doesn't like Gerard, it is highly possible seeing as Gerard isn't the best looking guy or the easiest to handle. The pot could have messed up his head, Gerard's familiar with that. Back when he used to crash gay bars himself, got completely wasted and ended up sucking off the grossest men just because at the spur of the moment he felt like doing it. So it's also possible he could have said it without thinking and the apology was sincere today.

Both of these theories seem likely so it's a 50/50 chance.

Fuck.

At least he gets 1 project done. His mind is still buzzing when he gets home and his mom greets him with a worried expression

"Are you alright honey? You look like something is troubling you" she says not letting him get away and lock himself up in his room and leads him to the kitchen, starting up the coffee maker.

"I just had a long day that's all" he says not coming up with a better answer.

"Is it work related?"

"Not exactly"

'Boy trouble?' she asks with a knowing look on her face seeing her son's face slightly twitch at that.

"Yeah I guess."

"Well whatever it is, follow your gut and you'll be fine" she assures him, not pressing for details.

'It's not that easy mom." He sighs. It's chance, either he wins or loses, not only Frank but the first decent job he's ever had.

"Well I don't have all the answers. You need to get out there and take a risk once in a while. I'm sure whoever he is, he'd be lucky to have you" Donna puts her hand on her son's shoulder as her heart aches at the sight of her son so troubled and upset.

Gerard gives half a smile "All moms say that"

"Well I'm not like all the other moms." She says smiling at him "I'm gonna get some shut eye, my shift starts early tomorrow and I want to get a decent night sleep." she says with a yawn and gets up from her chair.

There is a lot of truth in her words but they don't make Gerard feel any more confident about his chances and his mood was already ruined for today so he ends up taking a couple of bottles of vodka and goes down to his room for a one man's party.

Lately he doesn't even need a proper reason to drink or he creates it out of nothing to make himself feel better. Denying his addiction and calling it a hobby or a remedy for all illnesses. It's a problem he's had for a good year now, never getting enough, always craving more. The first week of his job was the longest time he went without any sort of beverage (except for the crappy beer at Frank's gig) so it's like coming back to the arms of an old friend.

He passes out after the first bottle and wakes up to the sun shining in his eyes. Even through his hangover he panics and reaches for his phone to check the time. It's 10am, he's already missed 2 hours of work. Gerard still needs to change his clothes, have breakfast and walk to his work place so that would take up another 30min. his arm feels cold and exposed from being outside the sheet and he decides it's not worth going. He calls his manager and tells him he's sick it's quite convincing since his voice is scratchy and tired and slumps his head back on the pillow for a few more hours.

He awakes with an even bigger headache so Gerard turns on some crappy TV show and starts off the 2nd bottle to numb it down. During lunch time (fro Gerard it was just after breakfast though) he gets a few texts, later on even a call from Frank asking him where he is and if he's alright. Gerard doesn't answer any of them, he wants this day to himself, he'll deal with it later.

He's savoring the taste today, feeling every gulp of the poison burn his throat and warm him from the inside. Time flies by really fast, his mom doesn't say anything about him not going to work, it's not high school anymore, he has to learn from his mistakes himself.

Around 7pm he hears another person enter the house. That's strange, no one ever visits them and Mikey gets back in 3 or 4 days Gerard can't really remember. He's laying on his bed, face buried in his pillow, half empty bottle of vodka in his left hand when he hears his basements door slam loudly. Gerard looks up instantly getting a head rush along the way so it's hard to make out who's in the room.

The person lets out a scoff "I knew you weren't sick. What the hell Gerard? Where have you been?"

'Um, home?' Gerard answers uncertainly, where else could he have gone? He stares into Frank's familiar dark eyes and suddenly it occurs to him

"Hey how do you know where I live?"

"I've been here before when Mikey used to invite us to hang out here. You were in your basement most of the time so it's no surprise you don't remember me" Frank says looking a bit hurt. "Have you been drinking this whole time?" There was no point in answering that since he was still clutching the half empty bottle in his hand and that when he tried to stand up he ended up falling back on his ass.

"Man, why are you doing this to yourself?" Frank asks in disbelief.

Gerard merely shrugs looking down at the ground. "Gerard!" Frank pleads through gritted teeth.

"Because I want to! I choose to be drunk" he spits out.

Frank's face turns pained as a shadow of the past clouds his eyes temporarily and he walks towards Gerard's bed

"Gerard." He starts out gently "Gee. This isn't good. You have to stop"

'What if I don't want to?' Gerard asks quietly like a child

"Because there are better ways to deal with things than drown yourself in alcohol. This is not a solution. Let me help you" Frank insists. Gerard stares at one spot on his wall for god knows how long before he cautiously get up and sits on the edge of his bed, Frank joining him on his right shortly.

Gerard feels a mixture of butterflies, bats, his heart gets stuck in his throat and it dawns on his poisoned mind that he has to choose between Frank and alcohol. He doesn't have to think long before answering in the same whisper "alright, I'll try to stop then"

Gerard only notices it then that they're sitting very close to one another and Frank's gaze captures his attention and he can't make himself look away. What's so fascinating about it Gerard thinks is that it's not just looking into one another it's staring. Frank's vision is focused only on Gerard's eyeball seeing past his pupils and into the depths of his mind, seeing everything: every flaw, mistake, secret, even the things he doesn't understand about himself. He gets intoxicated by his eyes and his drunken state makes him do before thinking and starts to lean in almost unconsciously. Even through his blurry and constantly moving vision it seems that Frank is doing the same very slowly. He can see it now: their lips would touch and capture a sweet and tender kiss. Just lightly touch and enjoy the moment and it would progress into a deeper, slow, passionate kiss that eventually wouldn't be enough so it would get dirtier and end with a messy exchange of handjobs. Their faces seem a few centimeters apart when his mom knocks on the door

"Is everything alright? I heard shouting." Gerard's mom asks concerned. Gerard draws back immediately, takes a breath and scoots away like breaking out of hypnosis. Frank stands up, scratches his neck and says

"Yeah, I think I better be going now. So I'll see you at work tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'll be there" Gerard says still looking into Frank's eyes. Frank waves him an awkward goodbye and leaves the room.

Gerard takes one good look at the unfinished bottle, remembers his promise and goes to his bathroom to spill out the rest in his toilet. After, he lays on his bed going over the moment in his head a couple million times, thinking of different outcomes or what would have happened if one or the other said that instead this and after an hour or so of imagining it falls asleep with a small smile on his face.