They spend the weekend with Mikey, on Sunday Alicia joins them as well and they have a family dinner which is nice Gerard thinks. His mom looks really happy because they don't have family reunions that often or at least since their dad left.
Gerard has a hard time saying no to the expensive wine Mikey brought back from his trip. He's been quite jumpy and nervous all weekend - Gerard's not used to being sober. He schemes and plans sometimes of stealing one of the bottles from the table, and going to his room and having at least a sip of it but it doesn't work like that, and somewhere in the back of his mind he knows it: he would only crave more and wouldn't stop until the bottle is empty. Then, he would have to explain himself to Mikey, and go for his usual response that he has no will power, and end up feeling embarrassed and weak. But what if he drinks after Mikey leaves their home in the evening, just a little, just a drop to calm the beast inside of him, maybe he'd find the will to stop? Franks worried expression goes through his mind and he swallows loudly, gripping the edge of the table. Not today.
Mikey and Alicia are about to leave for the night. Gerard's mom already said her goodbyes and busies herself in the kitchen. Gerard hugs his brother's wife and says his fair wells. She's still intimidating to him no matter how much she seems like the loveliest person, but Mikey loves her with all his heart so he trusts her. She leaves to start up the car and Gerard is left with his brother standing in the dimly lit porch while the October wind ruffles up their hair and crawls under their clothes and skin. He embraces his skinny and fragile frame, and says
"It's been good seeing you even though you are a little shit and y'know thanks for helping me sort things out a bit" Gerard drops the last part a bit awkwardly
Mikey laughs, pulls back from the hug but still keeps one hand on his shoulder
"Well someone has to do the job. You're welcome just y'know no matter how much doubt you have in yourself if you really want something or in this case someone you jump at the first chance so when the week is over and I mean the minute you finish work on Friday you ask him out cause you kids are driving me crazy"
"Yeah sure though I think I'll do it next weekend after the company party" Gerard says confident, more to himself than to him
"Yeah but I don't want you to wait till he does it, you have to do it first" Mikey says persistently walking towards his car
"Why do you care who asks who first?" Gerard asks suspiciously hating the fact that he's obviously keeping something away from him.
"Anyway bro, Alicia and I will see you at the party on Friday" he says opening his car door
"You're going too? How? How are you doing it? You don't even work there." Gerard asks shocked. How does his brother know so much about his company when he doesn't even work there? Only people from the company are allowed to attend the party and neither Mikey nor Alicia work there. Sometimes it seems like he doesn't even know him.
Mikey gives a scoff and smiles, and without another word drives away leaving Gerard on the driveway looking like a frustrated diva: arms crossed, lips pressed in a thin line and his hip jutting out.
Gerard goes back into the house unnecessarily stomping his feet like a child and goes to the kitchen to help his mom finish cleaning after their dinner.
"What's wrong honey? Did you and Mikey have a fight?" his mom asks seriously. Gerard puts on a fake pout and answers childishly
"Mikey has a secret that he won't share" his mom laughs and ruffles his hair in response. Gerard always becomes more alive and happy when his brother is around. They were inseparable.
"How's it going with the boy you like from work?" his mom asks suddenly looking like it just popped into her head though that's all she could think about from the night Frank came over
"We'll see. I plan to ask him out next weekend"
"Oh finally, you should have done that way earlier in my opinion, but why next weekend, why not tomorrow?"
"I have a part time job now in another department where I'll get to sing for a commercial, and he's my supervisor so I can't be dating him because of the whole policy" he explained gesturing with his hands
"Oh I'm so sorry to hear that. I mean I'm proud of you that managed to get another job but the policy must be driving you crazy. Don't worry this week will fly by in no time and you'll have your answers" she says trying to comfort him.
Gerard gives half a smile though he highly doubts that it will go easy and fast. It's like a Murphy's Law or something Gerard thinks: when you want something to be over quick it seems like a lifetime but when you want to make something last it's gone in a second.
So he tries tricking his brain into thinking that he wants this weekend to be as long as possible, that he dreads asking him out or wants the signing part to be as long and as enjoyable as possible, but no matter how much tries, he still ends up going to bed early so that the next day would come sooner.
He wakes up to Metallica's whiskey in a jar and tumbles out of bed still barely keeping his eyes open and somehow makes his way to the shower tripping over his own furniture and his own feet a couple of times. Gerard picks up the first clothes he can find that aren't too dirty and goes upstairs for his usual morning coffee. His mom is already gone but she left sandwiches on the table. A sleepy smile spreads through his face at his mom's thoughtfulness as he sits down to eat.
Gerard ruined his car almost a year back at a drunken accident, he got out alright but the car was pretty wrecked and he didn't have the money to repair it. That was the first time Mikey had a serious talk with him about his drinking. So he usually takes a bus, but the company is only 15 minutes away so Gerard walks there and lets the chilly breeze fully wake him up.
He underestimated the weather and hides half of his face in his scarf burying his hands deep in his pockets. The air conditioning in the building is always a nice surprise he thinks as he enters through the big spinning doors and stops, his muscles relaxing as his body warms up. He takes a deep breath preparing for whatever might happen today.
He picks the elevator with the least people, quickly presses the 9th floor button and leans against the metal wall while the annoying elevator music and the mindless chatter fills his ears making him grind his teeth.
When he reaches his floor he's already alone in the elevator. Gerard steps out cautiously, looking around the new room. It reminds him a lot of where Frank works but it's much bigger, almost as big as the lobby and he can see that the equipment laying around is in better shape and looks much more expensive. Another thing Gerard notices, unlike on the 5th floor where only Bob, Ray and Frank work, here they have a crew of at least 20 people all doing something important well… everyone except for Frank who seems to be bored out of his mind while listening to some big, masculine guy with blond hair explain something to him.
Frank spots him just in time, when Gerard starts to awkwardly walk around the studio not knowing where to go or who to talk to. Frank's head jerks up and a tired smile spreads through his face and he motions with his hand to come join him at the end of the room. Gerard walks fast to him and says with a bright voice
"Hey! What's up?"
"Waiting for you to show up so I can make you my puppet 'cause besides that I have no business being here" Frank says making string puppet gestures with his hands
"I thought you're only supposed to supervise me so I wouldn't set the place on fire or something" Gerard says tilting his head to the side
"Yeah sure, keep telling yourself that." Frank says nodding and turns to the jock like blond guy "So first things first uh this is Eric and he's the one who'll be running you through some tests to see if you'll fit for the commercial." He says unexcitedly, it seems that they don't get along that well.
Eric turns to him and smiles showing off a perfect unnaturally white set of teeth. He extends his hand for Gerard which he takes uncertainly
"Hi you must be Gerard. Well as Frank said we're going to go through some tests today like singing exercises and stuff so follow me we're going to a separate room from all this noise" he says brightly keeping the smile on his face like there might be a camera around and he needs to look good from every viewpoint. He even seems like he's from TV: everything presented so perfectly and yet it's the most fake thing Gerard's ever seen.
Frank gets up from his seat as well going after Eric but he turns to him and puts a hand on his shoulder softly pushing him down back to his chair
"Oh there's no need for you to go too Frank I've got this plus the room is small and it might distract Gerard. In the mean time you could go through some of the sport magazines I have in here, you really need to learn" he says apologetically. Frank looks like he's on a verge of protesting loudly but he just puts a fake smile on his face and says a quiet "sure" but shooting Eric dirty looks as soon as he turns away from him.
Gerard silently laughs at Frank's reaction and follows Eric into a smaller room which reminds him a bit of those interrogation rooms they show on cop shows on TV though there's a set of keyboards and a couple of guitars there. Gerard's not sure whether he's happy that Frank isn't here or not. From one side he could really use his presence and support because he doesn't like being alone around new people it makes him nervous but Eric was right, it would be a distraction for him.
He pushes that debate out of his mind because it would require more time for him to figure it out and watches Eric set up his papers. Gerard, not knowing what to do in the mean time, just rocks back and forth on his heels. Eric tries to make small talk
"So Gerard, you don't seem like a loser like Frank and probably watched the game last night, which team do you favor?"
It's surprising how one sentence can make you go from being interested to hating someone's gut with passion. His amused smile disappears, muscles tense and fists clench. Gerard fights the urge to punch him in the stomach where if you hit hard enough into a certain spot he could suffocate. Eric seems like the typical jock from high school that used to push him around all the time. Gerard wonders how he even managed to get a job like this
"No, I didn't watch the game I don't really like sports" he answers after a pause where he composed himself
"Really? What do you do then on Saturday or Sunday evenings?" Eric asks incredulously with slight irony in his voice, his smile finally dropping from his face "God you art department guys are weird" he adds with a disgusted expression.
"I came here to work, not to make friends with you, so it's none of your business what I do on the weekend" Gerard says quickly with authority he didn't know he had. The inner teenager fights for the chance to spit back something like "I usually pick up guys who look as cheap as you, get them drunk and fuck their brains out in some alley 'cause they can't offer the world anything more than a tight ass" he maintains his control it's my first day at this job the pay is really good and I need the money if I want to make my mom's life easier don't fuck this up he reminds himself.
Eric's annoyingly bright smile is back
"Hey it's fine. It's fine" he says raising his hands in defense. Then gets up and slowly advances towards Gerard and stands just a bit too close to him.
Gerard raises his chin up to show that he can't be pushed around but Eric towers him and looks down at him like he's no more than just a piece of meat. They're the only people in this tiny room that's also soundproof - Eric could beat him up no sweat. Gerard has to remind himself that this isn't high school anymore. They're mature, responsible adults now.
"Just a friendly warning: I don't know how you guys do it down there but here I'm in charge and I advise you to watch your mouth around me 'cause I can get you in a whole lot of trouble" he says threatening him and snapping his fingers at the last word.
Yup, Gerard wishes Frank would be here with him. He stares at Eric like a frightened bunny afraid to utter a single word and frozen into place
"So I suggest you and your loser friend act nicely and try not pissing me off so we get this job done. Understood?" he says slowly like explaining something to a 5 year old while raising his eyebrows. Since this time he's actually expecting an answer Gerard gives a shaky nod.
"Good. Now that we've got that cleared up we're going to go through some simple singing exercises to get you warmed up" he says trying to sound friendly again and bringing his smile back on his face which is the most creepiest thing Gerard's ever seen.
He goes and sits behind the keyboards setting up his notes and motioning for Gerard to come closer to him. It takes a few moments for Gerard to remember how to move and even then his movements are shaky and slow. Though his voice is stronger than he expected, Gerard surprises himself at how high he can sing when the last time he truly sang was in elementary school. Though he avoids looking Eric in the eye and there's still the awful fear and tension between them that's making Gerard uneasy. Eric just looks like nothing happened and continues acting creepily happy until some guy comes in and announces its lunch break time.
They exit the room in silence, Gerard finds Frank and walks towards him as fast as he can without running while Eric and what seems like everyone else on the floor go to a separate room.
"So? How did it go?" Frank asks carefully eyeing Gerard's terrified expression
"It was good though I don't get along with Eric all that well" he answers and hears his voice echo in the large room
"Yeah I know what you mean, that guy is a douche, he keeps trying to get me into sports. What did he say to you?' Frank says with a scoff and taking the last pizza box that was probably left for them on the table. It does feel like high school: all the kids ignoring or bullying the outcasts who are different or don't fit the usual teenage stereotype and from the looks of it Frank is used to it too.
"Yeah he called me a loser for not being into sports that much too, and then threatened that he'll get me fired if I try to stand up for myself again" Gerard says it casually like he's talking about the weather so he definitely wasn't expecting Frank suddenly jumping out of his seat and marching towards the other room where a lot of voices can be heard laughing. Gerard manages to stop him halfway
"Hey! Whoa stop! What are you doing?" Gerard asks trying to keep from shouting to not attract attention from Eric and the other jock- workers here. He's holding his right arm but soon he has to hold both of them down because Frank is still fidgeting and fighting his way towards the room, and he's way stronger that he looks.
"Frank calm down! What's wrong?" Gerard asks desperately turning him around so he could look at him. Frank's face was pure rage, nostrils flaring, cheeks growing red from the heat.
"They can't do that to you! They can't treat you like this! You're the main… I need to talk to that fucker 'cause… those fucking assholes…" Frank flails around not being able to form his own sentences properly and breathing heavily. Gerard still holds him close griping his arms maybe a little too tight and speaking calmly
"Hey, hey look at me. Calm down. It's not that big a deal" it was a big deal. "I was being a smartass, I was basically asking for it." no he wasn't. "Please don't say anything to them, let's just finish this job and never go back here okay?" Gerard says looking worriedly into Frank's eyes
He takes a moment having an inner debate and finally taking a deep breath and accepting
"Okay fine"
Even in that moment there's still a small part of his brain that acknowledges the fact they're standing very close to one another and Gerard is basically holding Frank in his arms. He doesn't know whether he should let go of him or keep and enjoy the moment for as long as possible while it's still there. He holds on for a few more moments until Frank's face somewhat relaxes
"Well c'mon then, that pizza isn't going to eat itself" he says leading his friend back to the table. Frank shares a tiny smile
"I guess you're right though that would be interesting" he says with a thoughtful face "could you just imagine the picture?"
Gerard's heart beats in excitement
"Yes! I know exactly what you mean!"
They spend the rest of their lunch talking about mutant cannibal pizzas and it's so much fun, Gerard doesn't remember the last time or if there was even a time he was this comfortable being with someone apart from his brother, sharing a similar mind, interests, just joking around like they've known each other forever and fit just right with each other.
Eric and the other workers come out of the room and he goes to Gerard announcing
"Since the tests we did were not completely awful and everything seems to be half decent we'll go through some possible lyrics Bob has come up with and see which one suits best. Frank, we'll need you on this one." And Eric goes into the room to set up his things again.
Gerard finds his bag he left on Frank's chair when he first came here and brings out his notebook to write the possible lyrics down. Though the notebook has become almost like a sketch book for him where he would doodle once in a while when he got bored and that happened to have a lot of drawings of Frank recently. He flips through it quickly looking if he has any free space left
"What's that?" Frank asks silently creeping up behind him like a ninja which startles Gerard and he jumps a little
"Uh nothing, it's just my notebook"
"No it's not, I saw drawings in there. Let me see! I haven't seen your art yet" Frank says trying to get his hand on the book. Gerard panics a little, turns around and clutches it like the notebook is his one and only life support.
"No, it's just doodles. I'll show you my drawings some other time" he says trying to get away but it's too late Frank literally ripped it out of his hands and walked away with it. Gerard runs after him and they chase one another around the room like a couple of kindergartener's. Frank keeps giggling like a maniac and saying 'dance my puppet dance!' while Gerard shouts after him. Eventually he manages to corner the younger man trapping him in between a wall and a table.
"Frank this isn't funny anymore, give it back" he says almost angrily
"Why do you not want me to look at it so bad? What are you hiding in there?" Frank asks smirking and raising an eyebrow. Fucking Sherlock Holmes, Gerard doesn't know whether he's glad he's so smart or not.
"Nothing! It's just my notebook, give it to me please, I don't like it when people go through my things" he tries the trick that usually softens people and makes them give up
"I don't believe you" Frank says that devious smirk still on his face. Gerard's face drops in surprise so he decides to stop acting and takes a step forward and standing nearly chest to chest with Frank.
"I said, give it back" Gerard says slowly throwing him an intense, fixed and threatening gaze. Both of their breathings grow faster and louder along with the tension between them. Frank's smirk stays and he locks his eyes with him, taunting him.
"Make me" he breathes doing a quick nod challenging him. Oh how Gerard loves challenges, it's the thing that keeps him interested in a person, the challenges, the winnings, the mysteries. If the person can keep him wondering he'll definitely stick around longer.
The notebook is behind Frank's back and Gerard reaches behind taking hold of it but having trouble taking it from Frank's firm grasp so he huddles even closer now completely against him, both hands trying to get his possession back. They both stare at each other with their chins up, both too stubborn to let go and feeling the heat between them rise with every breath. If there would be one thing Gerard could choose to look at for the rest of his life it would be Frank's eyes, he wouldn't get bored of them, he feels he's getting addicted to them more every day.
Gerard tries to unlock his fingers one by one from the book, but it's hard concentrating when he's staring intently at him and when he's squirming against him trying to get away and Gerard can feel him gently and unintentionally rubbing against his crotch. He manages to unlock his fingers and retrieves his notebook but none of them attempt to break away and continue staring at one another.
He can feel Frank's hot breath linger on his face and his perfectly shaped dark hazel eyes so full of energy and mystery that leaves Gerard wondering and wanting to stare more, maybe if he stares long enough he'll see all the answers. He starts to press himself more against the shorter man without realizing it, his mind turned off only instinct left to guide him. He completely forgets where he's at or what he's supposed to be doing all that matters to him now is if he can make Frank sweet breathing through his mouth turn into moans and how it would sound coming from him.
Eric peeks out of the room and notices them huddled together in the corner of the room, staring at one another. The situation disgusted him, this is not the way friends are supposed to act
"Will you two stop acting like a couple of fags and get in here already, we have work to do"
They break away hesitantly in the mean time Gerard's brain kicks back in action and he mentally slaps himself for letting it go that far, for risking his job again while Frank gets angry, his right arm shaking. They head towards the room and Gerard grabs and steadies Franks trembling hand and whispers
"Calm down, causing a scene wouldn't do us either any good. Just… ignore the jerk" Frank gives him a reassuring nod though the frustration is still evident on his face. Gerard heaves a sigh and enters through the door.
The rest of the afternoon is uneventful. Frank and Gerard stay away from each other, sometimes sharing a look or two but nothing more. Frank stays angry at Eric the whole day, shooting him nasty looks folding his arms and answering in short bitter sentences. After they're done picking out the 3 most accurate lyrics for some mobile connection commercial Frank heads straight back to his floor only waving Gerard a goodbye and disappearing quickly. He doesn't blame him, it must have been hell for him and his patience was wearing thin.
Gerard goes back home feeling very tired though happy as he enters through the old creaking front door leaving his shoes and jacket in the closet. He finds dinner made earlier by his mom who's at work and stops and looks at the familiar cabinet above the sink next to the plate cabinet where all the alcohol is. He didn't get rid of those, he only emptied his own personal stash, this is mostly his moms. She saves them for when guests come over and such. Now he stares intently at it feeling the beast inside of him roar and command him to move forward and open it. To take only one bottle, one simple bottle of wine that's all, it wouldn't do him much harm. He's been clean for almost a week, he deserves a reward, doesn't he?
Gerard snaps out of it marching quickly to his basement door and shutting it behind him leaving the cabinet and his desires on the other side of the door. He sighs heavily and goes down the stairs and decides to call Mikey to take his mind off of it. He answers after the 3rd ring
"Hey what's up?" Mikey says brightly. Gerard leaves out the actual reason he's calling him and says
"Just bored. This first day was weird, I mean it's all so different there and the people are strange" Gerard doesn't need to say what he's talking about because Mikey always catches up
"Told you. Watch out with those guys Gee, they may seem friendly but they're just creeps beneath those smiles" his brother says surprising Gerard once again by knowing so much or actually exactly the same things Gerard encountered today though he just drops it, he decides that most likely he doesn't want to know.
"Yeah I know. It's so difficult being around Frank, I just don't get what's going on in his mind. Why can't this crush just go away already" he says more to himself than to his brother
"Don't mean to burst your bubble there bro but I'm pretty sure you're in love"
"What? No, no, no, no. I'm not. Don't be ridiculous. This is just a simple crush I'm attracted to him that's all. That's just crazy. No. no" Gerard says quickly, saying the last 'no's' mostly trying to convince himself because that can't be true. It's only been 3 weeks. "If I was in love don't you think I would know it and feel it myself?"
"I'll leave it there and let you figure out for yourself though you know I'm going to be right in the end." He says and Gerard can hear the tiny smile at the end
"Oh shut up, you're not always right" he answers a bit frustrated
"Yeah okay well I gotta go now. We're going to an animal shelter Alicia really wants another cat"
Gerard says his goodbyes and throws the phone somewhere on the bed taking his face in his hands 'no, I'm not in love. Of course not. A person can't fall in love in this short amount of time no matter how beautiful, cute, funny and awesome the other person is, it just can't.' He says to himself, alright maybe saying some of things out loud trying to block out and silence the tiny voice in the back of his mind that thinks differently.