So there we go, this is a kind of a flashback, taking place right after Barney´s last job for Church...
Thanks to my Beta who´s working with all kinds of sophisticated technology to help ;-)
- flashback -
Amber had just settled down comfortably in her favorite chair, a good book right at hand, when her cell phone rang.
„Damnit", she mumbled, shoving the blanket back to get up again.
A short look at the display made her perk her eyebrows in surprise.
„Hey", she said, accepting the call.
„Hey."
„You´re already back ?"
He had told her that he would probably be away for about two more weeks at least when they had last met.
There was a pause. Amber had just started to wonder if maybe the connection was bad.
„Could we meet tonight ?" he finally asked.
Amber had grown used to his straightforward way up to a certain degree, but this felt a little bit odd. It was about nine in the evening, a dark, cold and windy night, and there was no electricity available where they usually met. Even to get out there to the lodge in the darkness would be an adventure of its own, not to mention that it would take him about an hour and a half to get there.
„I know this is rather short notice..."
„Are you okay ?" she asked, following a gut feeling.
There was another pause.
Talk to me, Barney Ross, is that a yes or a no ?
„You know", she said then, making a decision. „Why don´t you come over here ? It´s pitch-black out there. Not a good idea to try and get over to the lodge even from here."
She had expected him to object, but he didn´t. He had probably been thinking the same.
„I could also pick you up at your place and we get back over here..."
„And drive an hour to get here and one back again ?" she asked, startled. „If you´d like me to stop by..."
„I´m on my way then", he only said.
She had barely managed to agree before the connection broke and she was left stunned, standing in the middle of her kitchen, staring in surprise at the cell phone in her hand.
About fourty five minutes later, Baxter jumped up from his place right next to her armchair to shoot towards the door, barking.
She mused that Barney had driven a lot faster than allowed to make it over to her place that quickly and she hurried to let him in.
Amber gave a small sound of surprise the moment he stepped into the rather poorly enlightened hall. His face looked battered and bruised and the whole man dead tired.
„Are you alright ?" she repeated the question, watching him taking off the dark leather jacket slowly as if he tried to avoid a painful move.
„Yeah", he only said, somewhat belatedly.
„Oh Barney", she said, looking him over.
It had been about twenty hours ago that they had finally returned from that unfortunate job in Bulgaria. From the most chaotic job they had done in the last few years. Church´s people had travelled faster. When he and the rest of the team had arrived, Billy had already been taken care of.
Church hadn´t made empty promises. The private clinic the boy had been taken to seemed to be the best one could get for money. Still, Barney would have preferred to know the boy somewhere where he knew the doctors and the place. But he had had to admit that it would take more than some simple patching to get him through.
Barney had reached a point where the fatigue had changed into some kind of numbness. It made him feel insensitive for any every day life issues and made simple things like enduring the stop and go traffic during rush hour a nightmare. Unfortunately, it was a only a numbness of the mind - it didn´t dull the aching of his whole body.
He looked her over as well, but for different reasons.
There she was. Unagitated despite the fact that he had intruded her home rather late in the evening. Worried, but not panicking. Curious, but not assailing him with questions.
Amber stood still, radiating exactly the kind of quiet serenity he remembered. The wind was howling outside, mixing with the sounds of the heavily downpouring rain. At the dimly lit hall, there was only the sound of an old hall clock ticking. Baxter had sat down right next to Amber, looking at the both of them expectantly.
The moment Barney decided to move, he found that she had already decided to do so first. They met for a kiss, then another one, with Amber having a hard time not to touch his bruised face. When they were done, she tried a careful embrace.
She was still here. She was whole, unscathed and safe. Clean, warm and real.
Barney closed his eyes.
He granted her only a short look at him when she moved out of his embrace. They kissed again. The tension filling his whole body forced her to take a step backwards, then another one, until she was with her back against the wall.
There was something in his eyes that she hadn´t seen there before. And something about the way he touched her that didn´t feel like it had felt before.
Some kind of urgency.
For a moment, Amber had no idea what to do or how to react. She had wanted to ask the usual questions in such a situation. If he wanted a drink, or maybe something to eat. To sit down ? To talk ? It would have been what she would have expected after they hadn´t seen each other for a while. Or at least, it would have been what the social convention would have demanded.
Instead, she reacted to the feeling of need and want coming from him. Her body was obviously faster with decisions than her mind. One of his hands had found the way under the hem of her shirt. The other one rested softly on her cheek.
She bit her lip for a second.
Until now, he hadn´t been the guy to start loosing his clothes the moment the door had closed behind them. She couldn´t put a finger on it, but it was not only his behavior that made things feel different that night. It were not only the bruises either.
And it was obvious that he had no idea what to say.
Amber realized that he didn´t know the place. He had been here only once, long ago, to wait for a friend to pick him up, and they had spent the whole afternoon at the veranda back then.
She decided to take a chance.
„To bed ?" she asked quietly.
The question made him meet her eyes again.
It caused him to chuckle drily after a second, like a man caught red-handed. But it sounded very tired as well.
Damn, so much about manners.
She held his gaze, waiting for him to answer.
„I wouldn´t have asked if it were not an option", she told him eventually.
She smiled and when he didn´t answer, she turned and reached out for his hand, pulling him with him.
To Amber, the night felt different.
It had felt different the moment he had arrived at her place.
Maybe it had already felt different when he had called her on short notice to see her.
Making love had felt different.
It had felt good before, no doubt. But there had been a certain determination in addition to the urge tonight, some kind of thoroughness. As if he had to make up for something. As if he hadn´t paid proper attention to her before.
She listened to his heartbeat, which had slowed down again by now. He was awake, she could tell, with one hand resting warm on her back and the other one entangled in her hair.
She closed her eyes in the darkness.
It had been a while since somebody had sent her over the edge in such a way.
Barney in return listened to Amber´s breathing.
He had already been thinking about calling her when his thoughts should have been on the landing they had been up to.
He had still been thinking about calling her when he had finally managed to get out under the hot water again. This time, not even the prolongued hot shower had made things look at least a little bit less fucked up.
At the moment he had left the hospital, he had finally done it.
It had not been very gentlemanlike to come to her place and savage her. It had probably been unfair to come here and burden her with his inner turmoil. Still...
She moved slightly in his arms to find a more comfortable position. He loosened his embrace to let her do so. His palm brushed across her cheek in the process, then he tensed suddenly.
Tears. Damnit.
She had felt all warm and relaxed in his arms, but there were tears indeed.
„Did I hurt you ?"
„I´m fine", she whispered, covering his hand with hers. Her fingertips brushed over his bruised and busted knuckles. „Did I ?"
Barney made only a dark throaty sound that It wasn´t even a real chuckle.
„You know, I´d believe you a lot, but don´t tell me that you don´t hurt", she mumbled in the darkness.
Underneath his clothes, the whole man was one big bruise.
„Believe me, I do", he answered wearily.
But surely not from what she had just done to him.
They had barely spoken a word since she had led him up the stairs and down the hall to her bedroom. There had been no use for any words. And no need.
It was part of what had made him allow himself to get into this in the first place. It was not that she didn´t care about what may have happened. It was the fact that she had the patience to let him decide to tell her about things when he wanted to. Or not at all if he decided that he didn´t want to talk about it at all. She wouldn´t press the matter.
Barney knew that he had become wayward over the years. Well, part of living alone was to enjoy one´s own freedom, almost defiantly at times. But the result was that it had become difficult over the years to grant someone access to his life without immediately feeling cornered. He mused that if he had ended up with a woman like Lee´s nosy girl, he would most likely have put a bullet through her head within the first week.
Barney´s thoughts wandered for a moment back to the miserable last mission. To that woman Church had sent with them to retrieve that piece of technology. She had been right in the end, had proven that she was battle proficient. Good with words, too. Brave, granted. A little sick regarding her interrogation methods. Alright, that alone wouldn´t have been a reason to reject her as a teammate.
The mocking of the guys about Maggie hitting on him had been endless.
Still, the last damn thing Barney needed was a woman who had seen what he had seen or who would possibly castrate him in his sleep if she ever came to believe that he might have cheated on her or something. The last thing he needed after a fucked up job was a woman who returned with him in the same fucked up way.
Maggie´s numerous unexpected talents aside, for him, women didn´t belong into that kind of business. And women already into that kind of business didn´t belong into his bed. End of story.
Amber had fought her own battles, metaphorically speaking. He mused that, in the end, it didn´t matter if one had really been to war. It was probably the wrong way to think about it, but life had all the things that made a good war anyway, like pain, blood, death and despair - only in smaller doses and spread over a longer period of time. She had been caught in her own personal hell more than once before as well. It was probably also part of why they got that good along.
Still, Barney didn´t miss the irony in that. Regarding what they both did for a living, Maggie would probably have been a much more reasonable choice. Still there was no way that he would ever have preferred her to the woman in his arm. Amber was vulnerable enough to make his ego believe that she needed his protection. But she was also strong enough
to assure the realist in him that there was no reason to worry about her when he was not around.
True, she was part of that every day world that had just felt that indifferent and phoney ever since they had returned. But she was probably the only part left of it that he still cared about on days like this these. Some kind of life line connecting him to it instead of making him run from it like Booker.
The sound of a cell phone ringing made Barney wake with a start. Amberly moved slowly right next to him.
„That´s yours", she mumbled.
She rummaged through the clothes in front of the bed, following the sound and vibration, then handed him the cell.
„Yeah", he said, answering the call. There was no need for pleasantries talking to Christmas.
„Did I wake you ?" the Brit asked. „Or is it just old age that makes you take so long to pick up the damn phone ?"
Barney run a hand through his hair and groaned. The simple movement alone had triggered about a dozen bruised or otherwise hurting parts of his body to make him remember them again. At the same time, he knew that Christmas was most likely only as crabby because he was experiencing the same thing. A look at the clock on her nightstand told him that it was about five in the morning.
„Miserable bastard", he answered.
„Yeah, I love you too", Christmas answered. „Now listen. I just wanted you to know that the Kid woke up about an hour ago."
Barney straigthened up.
„So ?"
„Well, he´s still in kind of a tizzy. A bit confused. Doesn´t remember much so far. I don´t know what they´ve been giving him, but the boy´s on the trip of his life. Gunnar would be damn green-eyed."
„What did the white coats say ?"
„Oh, the usual. They can´t guarantee for nothing, we´ll have to wait, bla bla. But if you ask me, he´ll be back on track. I already talked to that mutual friend of ours. He will look him over in the morning."
„Alright. You´re leaving the place now ?"
Christmas sniffed.
„Have you had a look at the clock ? Toll Road´s coming along in about two hours to take over here."
Barney nodded thoughtfully.
„Alright, I´m gonna send him a message. I´ll take his turn. Have to do this myself."
It was the least he could do for the boy.
„You know, you may as well sleep late. Maggie called a while ago, said she couldn´t get through to you. She´ll be around in the morning as well."
„Whatever. I´ll be there", Barney mumbled.
„Come on!" Christmas yawned on the other end of the line. „You´re just jealous that no one would come to visit you if you had managed to get yourself fucked up that way."
„Yeah, thanks for the flowers. Remind me to forget about the painkillers when I have to drag you home half dead next time. And stop seducing the nurses, it´s not what you´re there for, alright ?"
„Whatever. See ya in the morning. Over and out."
Christmas hung up.
Barney snapped the cell shut.
He laid back and she drew carefully closer again.
„Some freak almost killed one of the guys", he said after a moment.
„Which one ?"
„Billy."
„The boy ?"
Barney wondered how the hell she was able to distinguish between men she had never met and only heard of rarely. He was not even able to distinguish between her two former husbands.
„Yeah. He woke up an hour ago. He´s been unconscious when we left the place."
„He´ll be alright ?"
„Don´t know", he answered gloomily.
He closed his eyes. All that shit should never have happened. It was rather a miracle alone that the boy had still been alive when they had been through with this gang of lunatics. If Barney was honest with himself, he hadn´t believed that to happen.
„I told Lee that I´ll be there around seven. I need to see him myself."
„Have a shower then", she suggested. „I´ll make you some coffee."
„Just stay in bed, alright ? I´ll manage."
She threw him a wry look.
„You know, I am not the walking bruise of the two of us", she told him. „And I´d have to get up soon anyway."
When it was finally time for him to go, he would have preferred to stay for another while instead of leaving in a hurry after a kind of last minute breakfast. It felt kind of awkward to leave her that early in the morning after the last night. A bit like leaving cover instead of waiting there savely for the back-up.
„You´re gonna call me later ?" she asked at the door, making him turn to her in surprise.
„Let me know how he is ?" she added.
He looked at her for a moment, then finally managed to nod.
„Damn", he said then and pulled her suddenly closer for another kiss.
Amber´s friend Letty arrived not more than ten minutes after Barney had left, finding Amber sitting on the veranda, a cup of coffee in her hands and wrapped into a warm jacket.
„´ mornin´ !" she mumbled, getting out of her car.
„´ mornin´!" Amber answered in the same casual way.
„And what the hell is wrong with you ?" Letty asked. She could think of better things than having a cup of coffee at the veranda at a cold and foggy morning like this.
„Nothing", Amber answered with a shrug. „Just needed some fresh air."
Letty perked her eyebrows.
„You know", she said,"an SUV drove past me when I drove over here. Came out of your direction."
„Really ?" Amber asked.
„Yeah, really."
Letty tilted her head.
„You wouldn´t know anything about that ?"
„An SUV ?" Amber asked. „Haven´t seen one", she answered then, honestly.
Letty crossed her arms in front of her.
„Yeah. Sure. Keep your damn secrets to yourself then."
Amberly only smiled, intending to do so. Letty just didn´t need to know everything. Amber knew that she could trust the younger woman. If she would have told her about the driver and had asked her to keep it to herself, she would have done so.
Still, it was much more fun not to do that and watch the girl pouting.