24 hours before
The familiar sound of Gerard's phone sends his heart beating faster. He scurries across the room excitedly and picks it up already knowing who's calling
"Hey, how's it going there?" he asks eagerly pacing across the spacious living room that he and Frank now share together. It's always been a habit of his to walk, constantly move while on the phone, he remembers his dad doing the same when he was little.
"It's awesome, we just finished the show and it was so great, I feel tired but the good kind of tired y'know? I'll try to make it back as soon as I can" Frank rambled on out of breath clearly having just left the stage. They've been touring for a couple of months and needless to say the longing was driving Gerard nuts. Frank offered Gerard countless of times to join him, but he couldn't leave his job and his family like that, he's not used to being on the road like Frank is.
"How about you, what have you been up to?" Frank asks
"Nothing, it's the same old at work, same old at home" Gerard answers in a bored tone
"Your manager still pissing you off?" Frank asks louder on top of all the commotion that's heard going on around him.
"If he makes another 'Way' pun I swear to god I'll slap him" he breathes out frustrated and hears an amused chuckle on the other end of the line.
"Are you going to make it for dinner?" Gerard asks carefully
"I'll try to. I'll give you an answer when I know for sure myself okay? I gotta go now" he hurries through his words wanting for the conversation to end or maybe it only seemed like that to Gerard. He hears the signal cut off before he finishes saying "okay" and lets his phone hit the sofa again trying not to think about it.
It's not just a regular night that Gerard craves for Frank's presence, it was a special occasion well at least for him. It was their 6th month anniversary, the longest he's ever lasted in a relationship. Frank was away in another city but he promised to get back tonight, he promised that a couple of times before but his time Gerard hopes he remembers this, and they'll get to have the first evening to themselves in 4 months.
He swallows down the creeping feeling at the back of his mind suggesting things are different. They've been talking mostly through phones all this time and every time it ends like this, Frank hanging up suddenly, his voice colder towards him than usual. Gerard just thought it's the tiring shows and travels, it's exhausting him or he's on a tight schedule but then he would go on telling him about all the parties he went to, getting wasted or being bored half the time when they're travelling but he never bothered to call him during that time, only when he's busy and has to break off the conversations.
Gerard really tries not to think or over think it, trying to seal all his doubts and fears hoping that when he comes back it will prove that he's only imagining things, getting paranoid over nothing and end up feeling silly for having those thoughts in the first place.
Though, the hours go by, the sky gets darker and the house is silent as ever. Gerard sits there feeling useless, too afraid to call in the fear that he might be disturbing him, his fears increased to a dangerous level. He stares at the set table in front of him with expensive plates and two glasses of wine (though Gerard wouldn't be drinking) and sighs disappointed, realizing that Frank won't be back tonight, and goes to the living room and turns on some crap TV. After a while he feels his eyes growing heavy and as his head hits the soft pillow on the couch he hears the apartment door slam loudly and his head shoots up immediately. He sees his Frank stumble into the corridor for the first time in 4 months and all doubts aside he strides up to him
"Hey there" Frank slightly slurs and gives a messy peck on Gerard's lips. Gerard can taste the alcohol on his lips.
"I'm glad you made it back, what took you so long?" Gerard can't help but ask. Frank isn't completely drunk, just a little tipsy from the way he's standing
"Yeah well the guys invited me to a party after the show and how could I say no? But I'm so tired I swear every muscle in my body is aching from tonight I think I'll just go straight to bed" he says making his way to their bedroom.
"I knew you'd forget" Gerard says not hiding the fact that he's hurt and then mumbles under his breath "why would you remember, you've got more important things than me going on" Frank spins around and looks at Gerard through his half lidded eyes confused
"Forget what? And what did you say just there I didn't quite catch that" Frank asks finally noting the disappointed expression on his face.
"it's been exactly half a year since the company party, six months since we've been going out" Gerard says through his teeth failing to keep the intensity of his emotions in check.
"Well sorry I don't carry a calendar with me, we'll celebrate tomorrow big deal" Frank answers sarcastically, occasionally slurring through his words. Gerard's doubts and fears reach a breaking point. He thinks he can hear something breaking at the back of his mind and going loose. His temper and paranoia get the best of him
"Wouldn't have killed you to have a proper conversation with me once in a while too since you've had so much free time" He spits the words like venom not caring about the outcome just letting it all spill. Frank stares at him with slightly more sober eyes in an unreadable expression
"What the hell has gotten in to you?" he manages to say. Gerard's heart breaks a little more from the lack of answer he had wanted, from avoiding his accusation and that's because Frank has no explanation, what Gerard fears is true. Frank doesn't care about him anymore. These tempting and cunning thoughts poison his mind making him believe in it more and more as the minutes drag on, making it harder for him to calm down or think rationally.
"Because it doesn't make sense. How could you have wanted to get home sooner yet still traded me for beer?" Gerard rambles on not being able to stop
"Well it's not exactly that I can drink or have fun with you around" Frank bites back annoyed
"So why did you even come back here then? To get laid?" Gerard asks, his heart pounding loudly and painfully in his chest. Frank stares back at him with disbelief, running a hand across his face and covering his mouth to prevent him from saying something he'll regret. He looks away staring at the wall while a stifled cry threatens to break out of Gerard's mouth. The silence says it all for him
"Gerard-"
"Just don't. You go rest, you've had a tiring day after all" Gerard interrupts his pleading voice quite calmly while putting on his shoes and taking his jacket. He walks out of their new apartment not quite sure why he did it, only that he needs to escape, get away from it all. He walks down the empty dark street with his head up though he's not sure where he's going. Gerard spots a bar on the corner of the street he passes everyday yet avoids looking at it, now he walks straight at it, swinging the door open like he owns the little pub and takes the last seat at the bar.
"You alright there?" the bartender asks eyeing him.
"Just get me something strong to drink and get me 3 of it" is Gerard's only response. The bartender just nods having seen plenty of guys like that and knowing that getting them to talk will only make them more upset so he just puts the 3 shots in front of him and walks away from him.
Gerard feels his phone buzz for the 4th time and finally takes it out nearly ripping his pocket. The first 2 messages are long, explaining how sorry Frank is, that he didn't mean what he said and asking him to come back home. The other two are simple and short 'I've missed you' and 'I love you'.
Well the damage is already done Gerard thinks as he takes the first shot in his hand bringing it to his lips this is all for you Frank and drinks it all on one go. The familiar burning, the bitter taste, he's missed it so much, it's like coming to the arms of an old friend back. The warming in his guts like it's trying to comfort him, help him through this by numbing his brain and making him feel so alive. He's been thirsting for this for more than six months, being careful avoiding even a sip of beer, but now, as the poison gives him everything he needs, he can't bring himself to regret it. The beast from the back of his mind comes back to life and roars in pleasure, demanding for more, smiling from the relief the drink is giving him. Gerard can feel his excitement from the core of his heart to the tips of his fingers. After the third shot he asks for another 3 and as he leans back he catches a glimpse of himself on the old dirty mirror on the wall and sees that it's not the beast that's smiling from ear to ear, it's him.
After those next 3 shots everything gets blurred and the scenery is changing around him fast like in some sort of movie. He knows he gets another few messages asking where he is and to answer so he could be sure Gerard is alright because he's worried. He scoffs at the word 'worried' thinking bullshit. He realizes he actually said it out loud when a lot of heads turn in his direction with confused expressions. Next thing he knows he's not at the bar anymore but at one of the tables with some other guy. He can't remember walking from it the bar. From then on things change even faster.
He notices that the other man's eye being the exact shade of hazel brown as Frank's are. The sweet murmurs and words of comfort he offers then having a different fancy drink that tasted funny. Gerard's skin is burning hot under his soft hand. Suddenly his head is swimming even more but with a new found want and desire he never knew he had. His arousal is rising unnaturally fast and latching on to the closest living thing around him. Things start to move even faster then: the tight grip on his hand as he's being pulled out of the pub, wet sounds their mouths make as they clash together in frenzy, the sight of a black car and the familiar buzzing under his feet as it moves forward. Keys rattling in a hurry to get a door open then the cool air hitting his naked skin, loud moans of pleasure from being touched like that by another person in a while, and a bit of pain as he was being used roughly. Thin sheets covering his body afterwards, an unfamiliar smell of the man next to him and his eyes closing at the sight of dawn.
…
Gerard wasn't sure what woke him up, the sun shining brightly, the severe pain in his head or someone shifting on the bed. He starts thinking he must've passed out on the couch and had very vivid dreams as he shields his eyes from the sun. Then it hits him, they don't have a big window in front of their couch, the sun never bothers him in the morning. He sits up immediately looking around the strange place: a king size bed, simple white closets and nightstands, no decorations, everything clean and very official looking. Gerard sees his clothes scattered on the ground and realizes he's stark naked.
"Morning Gee" his head snaps at the direction of a silky voice. There's a tall man, a bit older than him standing in the doorway with a towel around his waist, his black messy hair still wet. Gerard can't remember ever seeing him in his life
"Who are you? Where am I?" he asks hoping to sound threatening and demanding but it comes out shaky and scared
"Oh yeah, I forgot there may be side effects. Anyway the name's Brian and don't worry you're not far from the bar and I can take you home if you want." The man, Brian, says
"What side effects, what bar, what the fuck are you talking about? I can't remember anything!" Gerard starts panicking, scrambling out of the bed when he spots his boxers, wincing loudly at the sudden pain in his ass from the movement.
"Why does my ass hurt so much? What the fuck happened last night?!" he ends up almost screaming the question.
"Look, get dressed first, there's coffee in the kitchen, and when you calm down a bit, I'll take you home and tell you everything you want to know, alright?" Brian says calmly like dealing with a mentally ill person, even putting his hands in the air for show that he doesn't mean any harm.
Gerard doesn't have any other choice but to comply. His shirt reeks of sweat and alcohol and his heart starts pounding loudly in his chest (along with his aching head). He drank, and a lot. He manages to remember blurry parts of it, going to the bar and ordering vodka but that's it, everything else is black to him. Frank. He remembers bickering with him. His hearts aches even more painfully to a point where Gerard has to clutch his chest. He longs for Frank, not caring anymore about the things he said to him just wanting to be in his arms, safe and warm.
The sharp pain sears through him again as he sits down to put on his shoes not daring to think about it. He can't even remember if he was unfaithful or if he was raped. Some part of him even wished for the second option then he would know it wasn't his entire fault, but what kind of rapist offers his victim a bed and a lift home. He clutches his chest again and curls up in attempt to ease the pain, feeling his heart beating unnaturally fast. Gerard pulls out his phone and sees about a dozen more messages and calls not only from Frank but from Mikey and his mom as well. It feels as though his head is about to implode, that his body is too small and fragile to hold all this down and that it has to escape, break his body and go loose because he can't hold it in much longer.
A white simple mug of coffee is thrust into his hand and he snaps out of it for a bit. Gerard sips the liquid not feeling the taste or daring to look at the other man sitting next to him.
"Feeling any better?" Brian asks with a somewhat bored tone
"No" Gerard manages to say before his lips are sewn back shut. If anything he feels worse by the second.
"C'mon, stand. I'm going to get you home" Brian says standing up and patting Gerard's shoulder. He obeys without question and follows him out the door. His whole head is so heavy though not from the liquor he consumed, it's like his whole face and body is growing rock solid, the weight pulling him down, slowing his blinking and feeling like he's physically unable of speech, his mouth full of glue.
"So where do you want me to take you?" Brian asks as they get in the car. Gerard realizes he was in it last night but none of it looks familiar.
"Back to the bar, I'll walk back from there" Gerard says, feeling like his mouth is full of cement. As nice as he seems, Gerard isn't about to reveal where he lives.
"Alright, it's close by. The reason you don't remember anything is from the pill I slipped in your drink, it's not harmful don't worry" Brian says casually driving out of the parking lot.
"You drugged me?!" Gerard springs to life again with rage.
"It was only to move things faster, get you excited, I would've gotten you home with me either way but you kept on moaning about that boyfriend of yours, it was so pathetic" Brian chuckles at the memory "And you're so pretty I just couldn't resist" Brian explains finally revealing his real face.
"You know I'll just go to the police and get you arrested" Gerard threatens, adrenaline surging through his veins. But to his surprise Brian just laughs it off
"What do you think they're going to believe you? The alcoholic? And what proof will you have, the drug will be completely out of your system in a few hours and there will be no trace of it, no evidence you can use." He says smiling in triumph. Brian looks over to Gerard's broken face and rolls his eyes "I basically did you a favor, you needed to relax, let off some steam you said that yourself last night and that's what I gave you." Brian stops the car near the bar and gets out of the car along with Gerard. He goes to his side and leans in closer and breathes over his ear "You wanted it, so I made you come, hard." He steps away smirking "Now you can go back to your boyfriend, lie to him, make up or something, but just in case you don't" he says slipping a card in Gerard's front pocket. Brian gets in his car and drives away without another word.
Gerard stands there for a moment, thinking of an explanation and turns to the direction of his home and finds Frank standing right in front of him. He looks terrible, dark circles under his swollen eyes, it's clear that he hasn't slept all night and spent a good majority of it crying. Gerard opens his mouth but Frank talks over him
"This was the place that anyone saw you last so I stayed here, waiting for you to get back" Frank says through angry tears. The pain in Gerard's chest is back. Frank must've seen and heard everything that just happened. "By the time I get back, I hope you'll have your shit packed" he says and walks past him to the opposite direction of their house.