01/01/2013

Happy New Year

I made a new years resolution for myself yesturday.

I will get over him. Ill stop loving him, Ill move on and carry on with my life.

...

So far it hasnt gone so well.

I cant get his face out of my mind, his silky light brown hair, the cute tug of his lips when I cracked a lame joke, the way his eyes shone when he looked at me when I did something right, the way his intoxicating scent swirled around me whenever he was close...

He left so that he wasnt a distraction... well I think since he left hes all I ever think about which is distracting me more... I wish he had stayed.

So did I. If I had never left maybe things would have been ok, maybe it would have all worked out anyway... maybe she wouldnt be one of them...

I flipped a couple of pages but Lissa spoke before I could start reading.

"Dimitri, do you know where she would go?" Her voice was small and strained.

I pursed my lips and thought hard, where would Rose go? She hadnt really been anywhere... except saint Vlads, Portland, Missoula... anger flared in me as I realised that I loved her, I should know her, I should know where she would go... but I Dont... I have no clue at all.

I closed my eyes and shook my head slowly. "I... I honestly dont know... You know her better than I do surely you would have a better idea than I would... Ive been gone for two years..."

I opened my eyes to see Lissa running her small hands over her face, wiping away the tears still on her cheeks.

"We will find her, Ill do everything I can to help you find her... but Lissa... Shes strigoi.. when we find her we'll have to...to..." I couldnt finish my sentence, I couldnt even think the rest of that sentence. I couldnt imagine a world without Rose in it, I couldnt imagine having to take her life, to run a stake through her heart... But if shes really a strigoi... then the Rose we knew is gone... and I would have to do it...

"NO!" My head whipped up at the harsh tone of her voice, Her eyes were hard and a fierce glare was on her face, I could see a determination in her eyes that rivalled that of Roses own. "No, shes not gone Dimitri, I will bring her back. I will save her. I think I know a way to save her. Its what she would do for me, for you, for anyone of her friends. She. is . not. gone!"

She was beyond angry now, her breathing was harsh and her hands were clenched in tight fists.

"You... you know how to save her?" I didnt understand, once someone became strigoi they were gone forever. It was a fate worse than death to alot of people, the soul was gone and in its place a murderous, innocent killing monster was in its place.

"There are stories... stories of spirit weilders who bought strigoi back to life, back to their original selves."

"You mean like legends? fairy-tales? Lissa nobody comes back from being strigoi. Its impossible. Theyre as good as dead, shes as good as dead!" I growled, my anger was sudden but I couldnt stand even thinking that I could get her back. She was strigoi, she was basically dead, I couldnt get my hopes up because of some fairytale of people being bought back... I couldnt hope for something that had never been proven. I couldnt hope for something that would probably never be.

"I thought you of all people would believe me! Rose spoke so highly of you in that thing that I honestly thought you would trust me! I guess she was wrong! Dimitri if you dont believe me then fine, we'll turn this plane around and you can go back home. Ill do this on my own!" Lissa was on her feet, her hands still clenched at her sides, her face was livid. "Tell the pilot to turn us around, Guardian Belikov is going home." She spat before twisting on her heel and stalking into the room at the back of the plane and slamming the door.

I stared after her, my face still twisted in anger. She was chasing dreams, she couldnt honestly believe that Rose could be bought back from the undead life of a strigoi... it was insane... impossible.

I felt the plane turn 180 and head back in the other direction. I spent the next 20 minutes glaring out the window with my arms crossed. The diary in my lap all but forgotten for the moment.