I left the plane as soon as it touched down, not bothering to say goodbye to Lissa and just nodding to Christian who had remained silent the whole ride back.

I was still fuming when I paid the taxi driver and stalked my way back into the house I shared with Tasha.

"Dimka? Dimka what happened? Whats wrong?" Tasha asked as I slammed the front door and threw my keys down on the table. Her face showed real worry as she stood up from the couch and took a step in my direction.

I dont know what it was about that single statement but I couldnt hold it in. Im ashamed to say I broke down. The duffle bag in my hand dropped to the floor and I sunk to my knees in the middle of the doorway. I pushed my hands into my eyes as I felt the undescribable pain rise up in my chest and I couldnt hold back the tears that forced their way out.
"Shes gone... shes gone... shes gone..." Was all I could get out, my voice was hoarse and strained with emotion.

"Dimka?... whos gone?... Dimka?" Tasha asked worriedly, kneeling down beside me and putting her hands on my shoulders. I leaned into her, needing the reasurring touch of someone, anyone.
I was overcome completely. I couldnt process the fact that Roza was really gone, that she was no longer...alive.

I stayed on my knees on the floor for who knows how long, it could have been minutes or hours. Tasha moved off after a while and I Could hear her talking quietly on the phone.

"Christian? Its me, listen Dimka just came home.. hes a mess... what the hell happened?" She whispered into the phone. There was silence as I presumed Christian explained it to her.
"Oh no...oh God no... are you sure? Shes definitely..." Shes sighed as she listened again.
"Alright... well...let me know if anything happens... keep in touch Christian. 'kay bye."

For some reason I suddenly couldnt stand it that she knew, I lifted myself abruptly off the ground, grabbed my bag and stalked into my room, shutting and locking the door as I did.

I stopped in the middle of my room, looking at the bed, the dressing table, the closet. It all infuriated me. The plainness of it all, the lack of... anything to do with her. I flew into a rage, swiping everything off the top of the dresser and flinging it crashing into the wall, ripping the clothes off the hangers in the open closet. I was in a blind rage as I punched the wall over and over again. My knuckles getting raw and bloody but I didnt care, I couldnt feel that pain through the pain in my chest.
The only thoughts in my mind were "Shes gone, you've lost her forever, shes gone."

I stalked over to the small set of drawers beside the bed, ripping open the top draw I felt underneath the clothes and pulled out the small gold frame.
Grasping onto it with both hands as though it was a life line I stared at the picture. It was the only one I had. It was the thing I treasure most since I left there 2 years ago.

She looked radiant Amazing. Perfect.

The anger drained out of me, leaving me empty and exhausted as I stared at her face.

Her shining, deep brown eyes seemed to stare back into me, glistening with a joy that ripped at my heart. Her olive skin was alight in the sunlight that I knew she loved, its warm rays making her glow and causing a lighter brown halo to ring her naturally dark brown, almost black, silky locks.

I couldnt stand. My knees buckled and I landed on the bed.

Curling my feet up slightly I was overcome with pain, in the solitude of my dark bedroom I clutched her photo to my chest and cried again.