For the rest of the week Gerard demanded Eric to let him have a proper lunch break or he'll drop all the work on him. Eric complied of course but not before making a face at him and shooting some remarks about him not being committed to his work. The tiny 5th floor studio was now filled with four people eating away their food and enjoying each other's company. Gerard decided it's time to push aside the past and move on, especially if Frank has done it already, and acted towards him like he did towards the other two. Though, it was undeniable that these had some unsolved business between them, from the way their eyes were fixed on each other for a bit too long, the shy smiles out of old habits that have a hard time dying.
Both Frank and Gerard told themselves a million times that they were over it, putting whatever was between them behind and focusing on the present. Nonetheless they still avoided being in the same room alone together when Bob and Ray go back to work earlier. Gerard usually makes some stupid excuse to leave then as well. Their goodbyes were just as uncomfortable, usually with a shrug or half a wave.
It's Monday again, and this is the happiest Monday Gerard is having so far. For one, he has half of the week left to work for Eric since they found a replacement quite soon and he waltzes in the little studio room with a skip to his step and a huge grin he can't seem to wipe off his face. Also he heard some big new from his brother this morning that made him practically jump out of his bed. His good mood is just radiating off of him (it makes Eric frustrated because he can't understand why he's smiling, when he's putting him under unnecessary pressure). His state doesn't go unnoticed by his friends either.
"Whoa, why the smiley face?" Bob teased as soon as Gerard entered the little studio
"Mikey didn't tell you?" he asks sitting down. The rest of them still look clueless and his smile stretches even wider if it's even possible
"Tell us what?"
"I'm going to be an uncle." Gerard says, his mouth actually starts to hurt from how much he's smiling. The guys start expressing their surprise and congratulations almost instantly, one shouting over the other.
"Oh man this is huge we should throw a party or something!" Frank was the first to suggest the others agreed enthusiastically.
"I don't know guys, both of them are out of town this week so maybe when they get back." Gerard explains.
"Then we'll throw the party when they get back, big deal. But congratulations to you too man." Ray says going in for a hug, Gerard returns the short embrace and now the other's go in for a hug as well. Bob's hug is rib-crushing and Gerard's glad it didn't last long, because he thought he was going to suffocate. Frank though, held on for a bit longer and Gerard remembers why he had longed for his embrace so much when they separated. He lets himself have a short moment where he sinks in to his arms. Frank lets go before Gerard can properly drown into his scent which is a good thing Gerard thinks later on.
Gerard feels strange though after his lunch and it had nothing to do with the day old pizza. Somehow he can't bring himself to be as happy as he was in the morning and feels something stir at the back of his mind. It's surprising how much can a single embrace bring back. Only a few seconds of one body against another and suddenly the deepest memories and secrets and thoughts are brought back to the surface. Gerard tries, he tries especially hard not to think about it, though he can't make himself admit that it's Frank that is causing his chest to feel heavier with guilt and shame. That it's him that's making him remember every wonderful moment he spent with Frank, being the happiest he ever was, and then screwing it all up.
Some of the people stare at him on the street for he wore an unusual expression on his face, for he himself found himself in an unusual situation. His stride is fast and confident, the wind messing his hair making it stand in every direction, everything about his posture and walk displays eagerness and energy. But for those who looked up to study his face even for a split second found an oddly vacant expression upon his face, seeming to stare into the far depth of the street and at the same time staring at nothing at all.
The man tries desperately to calm his thoughts, repeating to himself that Frank means nothing to him, he is no longer anything in his life, that way trying to cover up what he's feeling. For everything that's underneath: the many layers of guilt, paranoia, shame, anger, self-consciousness and sadness, is the one feeling which he's trying to ignore most since he embraced Frank and that's longing.
Before going to sleep his thoughts are calmer and he manages to regain the control he temporarily lost. Yet when he wakes up he finds that he's clutching a couple of pillows beside him, pressing them to his body.
…
That same day when Gerard got away from the 9th floor madness for his usual lunch he found only two of his friends there
"Hey where's Bob?" is the first thing he says when he enters the room.
"He's in a meeting. Poor bastard. He hates those mainly because he has to sustain from swearing and referring to pop music as shitty overrated kiddy songs." Frank answers with a chuckle, looking towards Ray hoping to get some agreement but doubtful he even noticed Gerard walking in because he kept studying and writing something on a piece of paper while muttering to himself.
"I have to go get this checked, leave me some pizza." Ray says getting up and walking out the door not once looking up from the papers.
"Oh c'mon-" Frank starts to say but Ray's already out the door and he's left with his mouth hanging open "Fine then." he says returning his attention to the slice in his hand. Gerard grabs one as well to keep his mouth busy so they don't have to talk but the awkwardness still hangs over them like a cloud that's about to burst. But there's only so much time you can spend eating and not talking to each other when it gets painfully uncomfortable so Gerard goes for breaking the ice
"You guys wrote any new songs yet?" he asks. The question in his mind sounded like a natural one, spontaneous, but the way it came out seemed forced. Frank lifts up his head with a sort of 'huh?' sound
"Yeah we started coming up with new stuff while touring and by now we have like almost half of the album covered already, we recorded only one though." Frank starts explaining, the tension decreases a bit but not enough to keep Gerard from crossing and uncrossing his legs constantly
"Oh, can I hear it?" he says with the hope that it will take long enough until the lunch break ends.
"The recording?" he asks making sure. When Gerard nods he gets up and goes to the end of the room, brushing against his arm accidentally and stops at the very end near some black box covered in wires and countless buttons. Gerard couldn't say what it's used for if his life depended on it. Frank seems to know his way around it like he invented it, barely looking at the buttons and switches he presses.
Suddenly the room is filled with a gentle guitar melody that starts telling a story calmly and slowly. Though, the guitar's tone is a bit rough as there's slight distortion. The entire room seems to disappear around Gerard as he gets immersed into another world. A bass guitar and the drums join in after the first half of the verse giving the song a steady ground as well as rhythm and emotion to the story. The tune itself is very simple and relaxing yet there's a sad undertone to it. Gerard doesn't concentrate on the lyrics all that much, he can recognize Frank's voice though. The story itself sounds tragic and heartbreaking and Gerard wonders if the whole song is going to be like that, but he hears the bass get slightly louder and the song suddenly explodes, the rhythm is twice as faster and the plain guitar notes are replaced with aggressive chords bringing the song to an unexpected culmination. Gerard feels his heartbeat increase along with the fast tempo. Gerard can hear Frank yelling something incoherent during it in a very angry manner, but as suddenly as the fast part started, it ends just a abruptly and goes back to the original tempo and simple guitar notes, which sounds even more depressing than in the beginning.
A part of him wanted to tell Frank to turn it off because it was getting too much but the curiosity of how it ends stopped him and he continued sitting on the edge of his chair, eyes wide, staring at the giant speaker where the music is coming from. Just as the last words fell Gerard expected the song to end with a sad and slow tune bringing the story to an end, but this one came with an epilogue. The fast instrumental part began again, even more fierce than before. No words, just Ray's incredible solo making Gerard grip his chair tight. Finally the last chords strike roughly and the song ends with the sounds of random notes and with a guitar distortion, not giving the song or the story a proper firm ending.
The room is filled with silence once again and Gerard return back to reality and finds his chest aching painfully though he can't say why. He feels Frank's hand on his shoulder
"Gerard, you alright? Jesus, you're white as a sheet, are you sick?" he asks worriedly crouching down in front of him. Gerard has a short moment where he can't feel his limbs or how to move them, when he snaps out of it he smiles and says
"Yeah I'm fine." he says feeling a bit more in control again.
"Are you sure?" he asks again, reaching with his hand to cup Gerard's face instinctively, but he stops as his palm is a few inches away, smiles sadly and retreats his hand.
"Yes" he assures him and Frank goes back to his seat "That's a really great song, um very sad though."
"Yeah well…" is all he has to say for it. Gerard clears his throat uncomfortably
"Well I think I should get back now, lunch time's nearly over anyway. So are we still good for tomorrow?" he asks getting up.
"Yeah, we'll all go out after work. I'll walk you out." Frank says. Though, his voice is lacking the enthusiasm and spirit. His eyes have a dark shadow casted on them, making them lose their warmth and energy. Gerard wonders whether it was the song or something else.
The 'walking out' part is kind of silly Gerard thinks because it's literally no more than 10 steps to the elevator but it's still nice of him to do it. Both of them just sort of stand there not knowing what to do while they wait for the elevator to go down. They were like two little kids who have done something wrong, not looking each other in the eye, brushing their shoes against the floor, hands clamped into their pockets. When the little ding announces that the doors are opening they both lift their heads up quickly, wave each other goodbye and turn away.