The next day is Gerard's last day working for Eric, so he comes to work high spirited and pleased that after this he can go back to being alone all day in his office and work by his own rules. Eric seems just as thrilled today, but he gives Gerard thrice as much work than he usually gets and threatens him if he doesn't get it all done, he can forget about getting paid the money they agreed on. Gerard barely has time to huff and puff about Eric's whole revenge plan because he gets buried in so much paper work he has to delay going to the bathroom until his eyes actually start to burn. Forget all about lunch breaks or even a 5 minute smoke break, even at this rate doubtful he'll get his work done by the time his shift ends.
He calls Bob through the office phone and explains the situation while writing the contracts at the same time and tells him to wait up for him after work. They planned to go and celebrate Gerard's release from hell today, but doubtful he'll be able to lift up a fork after all the typing and hand writing he has to do. His wrist is weak and barely holding after half of the day and the other half flies by so fast that one moment Gerard turns around and sees a whole group of twenty people working and the other he's all alone left in the studio. He catches a glimpse of the keys to some rooms on the table nearby that Eric probably left him and continues typing away.
He can feel his phone vibrating but he's too set on to finish the last of work he has. Whatever it is it can wait a bit longer. After 3 more calls the phone quits vibrating and Gerard is glad because it was quite distracting. Though, a few minutes later he hears someone get out of the elevator
"Gerard? Are you here?" Frank's voice echoes through the empty studio. Gerard is finishing typing the last of the information needed
"Yeah." he shouts back, not lifting his eyes from the screen. He hears Frank's footsteps get louder and the way he walks or rather stomps seems threatening at the least
"Dude, what the fuck, we've been waiting for like forever." he says once he stops in front of his desk. His voice is dripping with annoyance
"I'm sorry I told you I had a lot of work and I'm finishing it right now, besides I'm not that late." he says carelessly and briefly glances at the time. The numbers blink 18.30 and work here ends at 5pm "Okay maybe I'm a bit late, but it's not like I can do anything about it, Eric said I won't get paid if I don't get all of it done." he says looking over the file checking for any mistakes.
"Yeah you could've answered your phone you know? I could have gotten home and changed in that time but instead we've been freezing our asses waiting for you." Frank says annoyed. Gerard finally turns off the computer and puts the papers away and stands up for only the 3rd time today feeling his leg muscles protest at the movement.
"Oh, you want to switch places? 'Cause I would be more than fucking glad." Gerard answers getting a bit angry as well. He's been working non-stop all day and he's so, so tired that he wishes nothing more than to just go to sleep and now he has to deal with Frank. How doesn't he understand Gerard's situation?
"Do you actually think it's easy for me to be away and have no clue where you are, whether or not you're okay, worrying sick?" Gerard realizes Frank isn't talking about him being late anymore. He inhales sharply trying to calm his mind a bit, rubs his tired, baggy eyes and readies himself for the conversation that's about to happen. The conversation they should've had years ago.
"You don't think I realize the shit I made you go through?" Gerard starts off turning to face him, but Frank doesn't let him continue and just carries on talking like Gerard never even opened his mouth
"The last thing I heard was that you were drugged and raped. No news whatsoever afterwards whether you're alright or even alive."
"Yeah because we live in the Middle Ages and there's no possibility of communicating." Gerard explodes suddenly.
"I acted like a fucking asshole I couldn't dare to show my face around you anymore-" Frank said putting his face into his hands "because it was all, my fucking fault!"
After Frank shouts the last sentence Gerard takes a step back staring at Frank with big, wide and very awake eyes. Eyes filled with disbelief and sadness while Frank averts his from Gerard's in shame. How can Frank blame himself for what Gerard did? How can he feel guilty?
"How can you say that?" Gerard asks after a minute of silence
"How can I blame you for what I did?" Franks head jerks up and now the look on his face mirrors Gerard's. " You were right you know. I was inconsiderate. I forgot our god damn anniversary and acted like a little shit about it. I said mean things to you and didn't make a single move to stop you from leaving. I was fucking drunk to begin with. I didn't support you well enough, I didn't do enough. Fuck and when Mikey told me how it happened I couldn't sleep for weeks wondering if you're alright. I got mad and made judgment too early, too caught up in my own fucking pride to let go and find out what happened." Frank's eyes are glistening at the end of his speech, his face twisted in agony. Gerard stares at him, not moving for a bit. 'So on top of everything that I've done, I've hurt Frank as well' Gerard thinks and his chest aches once again and he begins to explain
"How the fuck can you believe it's your fault? It's not you who lost control. I got paranoid and obsessive and drowned myself head first into alcohol without thinking about it twice. It's not you who didn't support me, I was just too weak. I made your life hell all because I wanted you only to myself. It was a selfish desire frankly I'm surprised you didn't dump me sooner." He takes a deep breath "I cheated on you for god's sake. It wasn't rape, it couldn't have been because I didn't resist, I didn't make one move to stop it from happening. it was my fault, I'm responsible for fucking everything up don't you see?" he finishes looking away from him and closing his eyes for a moment. His whole body is shaking with the intensity of his pent up emotions. This is it he thinks, now that he explained everything Frank is surely going to loathe him now, there's no turning back.
Though, suddenly he's surrounded by warmth, his chest, his neck and his lips. All surrounded by another person's body. Frank's desperately crushing his face against Gerard's trying to be as close to him as possible and holding him so close. Gerard instantly throws his arms around him as well. His mind didn't really have time to process or protest over what's happening and he doesn't care. He feels whole again even if it's just for a short time and he isn't going to let it slip away.
They break away from their frenzied kiss gasping for air and Frank drops his head to the crook of Gerard's neck and nuzzles it playfully with his nose while panting. They hold on each other, not talking or kissing anymore just holding each other in their arms like that. After five, ten minutes or maybe half an hour Frank lifts his head a bit towards his ear
"It wasn't selfish and you did have me all to yourself then. And you can still have me now if you want." he adds the last part in a whisper.
"But aren't you seeing someone?" Gerard asks suddenly, his eyebrows hunching together. He hears and feels Frank chuckle, his breath making his neck tickle
"I lied. I'm sorry. I thought it would make you jealous or show you that I'm over you or something. I couldn't bear the thought of dating anyone since you." he says embarrassed. Gerard smiles at the thought of Frank trying to make him jealous, it worked well though.
"But how could you ever forgive me for what I did?" Gerard suddenly asks, his eyes filling with tears as he clutches onto Frank even tighter. His mind finally caught up with him and the guilt is eating at him again.
"Gerard it's not-" Frank starts off but Gerard can't hear him
"I'm a terrible person Frank, I don't deserve you" Gerard starts to shake again. Frank holds onto him firmer and tries to blink back the tears that have swelled up. He has to make Gerard alright again. He has to fix him and not just because he feels guilty for what happened.
In the beginning he ran from the commitment and attachment of their relationship, believing that he can hold on his own. That he can still somehow stay independent, be his own boss while in a relationship. Then proceeding to make less and shorter calls from his tour perhaps as a test or a way to prove to himself that he isn't that dependable from Gerard. The thought of being completely dependent from someone repelled him. He considered those people to be weak, because they can't stand for themselves, they have the need to have someone always close by, a best friend, a partner otherwise they don't feel whole and that was ridiculous to him. Because you can't always rely on other people to make you happy and whole, you have to make that happen yourself. That was his philosophy in life until Gerard came in and destroyed it.
During their anniversary he realized Gerard was one of those people he thought were weak, and he knew all too well that Gerard was nothing but weak, sensitive yes, but not weak. When he walked out through that door into the night Frank's whole philosophy turned back and slapped him across the face since it was because of it that the thing he cared about most felt heartbroken and ignored. And as time went by, he slowly but surely started to become one of the people that he used to despise. Gerard invaded his mind and his soul like some sort of disease, which could be cured only by his presence. Suddenly he didn't feel much joy in creating or playing music, his laugh was less energetic and alive, and more empty. The memories and his guilt kept haunting him until he came back here.
He didn't want Gerard happy or back with him because he felt the need to fix all the wrong that he has done, but because he needs him like his lungs need air. His heart sinks a little lower when he can't seem to stop Gerard from shaking. He pulls back a little and starts to plant small kisses all over his face, each time saying 'it's not your fault' 'I don't blame you' 'I'll make it better' 'it's not your fault' 'I love you'…
After a minute or so he sees that he finally got Gerard's attention and he looks at Frank with a sort of disbelief and surprise at hearing those words. Frank takes the opportunity to connect their lips again in a sweet loving kiss that makes Gerard give in to it as well. Gerard's hand snakes in and comfortably settles in Frank's hair like it used to. The younger smiles against his lips and can't tell if the wetness on his cheeks are Gerard's or his own tears that rolled down as they melted into each other. Gerard didn't have to say I love you back or that he forgives Frank out loud. Everything that was need to be said was expressed in every stroke of his face and every sweet kiss that marked a new beginning.