I dont know what drew me here, as soon as the plane had touched down and Abe and I had been welcomed back by Guardian Petrov and headmistress Kirova, I figured I could catch up properly with them later, I had dumped my things in the guest dorms, and just wandered around the familiar academy grounds. I didnt have a purpose or a destination in mind but I soon found myself following a painfully familiar path through the woods.
I stepped over the twisted, gnarled roots and wound around the thick trunks of old, tall trees. Following a path of twisty vines and dirt tracks that was barely visible unless you knew what to look for... And as far as I knew, only Roza and I knew of it. This was our secret path, one we found not long after...
I stopped at the end and stared at the building looming in shadows infront of me, my mind wandered back to that night. The night where my control snapped, my will power crumbled and I gave in to the feelings that had been crushing me for weeks. I finally told Roza how I felt, showed her how I felt...from that blissfully amazing night my life changed forever... From that night there was no going back, she was mine and I was hers.
Resting my hand against the smooth wooden door, I had to take a deep breathe before I gathered enough strength to push it open and enter the small room.
My eyes wandered around the little open space, a thin layer of dust was obvious over almost every inch. It looked like no one had been here in a while, but someone had definitely been here after us, The counter no longer held the first aid kit Id used to clean her wounds, and my heart almost clenched as I noted that the bed had been made...
There was not a single trace of what had happened inside these walls. It was as though it had never happened... Though the memories that swirled around in my head reminded me that it was real, the sweet smell of her skin where I had skimmed my nose over her collarbone, the taste of her lips as they moulded against mine, the feel of her smooth bare skin brushing against my own as we became one...
I ran my hands over my face, they were such bitter sweet memories, I couldnt handle them right now...not when the love of my life was living as a monster... A monster we had promised we would never let the other become...
The memory of that conversation, in the van on our way to Missoula, sprang to the front of my mind...
"You might still hesitate," I stated, "And that hesitation could kill you. And her."
"Then how do you make sure you don't hesitate?" Rose asked curiously, turning her face so that she could see mine properly.
"You have to keep telling yourself that they aren't the same people you knew. They've become something dark and twisted. Something unnatural. You have to let go of attachments and do what's right. If they have any grain of their former selves left, they'll probably be grateful."
"Grateful for me killing them?" she asked incredulously.
"If someone turned you into a Strigoi, what would you want?" I asked knowing what her answer would most likely be, though this is probably something shes never really thought about.
She kept silent, both of us just staring intensely at eachother until I continued. "What would you want if you knew you were going to be converted into a Strigoi against your will? If you knew you would lose all sense of your old morals and understanding of what's right and wrong? If you knew you'd live the rest of your life—your immortal life—killing innocent people? What would you want?"
She paused and looked down at her hands, her eyebrows knotting a little as she contemplated my question, then, slowly. She bought her eyes back to look at mine. A fierce, steely resolve in her deep brown eyes. "If I became Strigoi…I'd want someone to kill me."
"So would I," I said quietly.
That statement was a promise. I felt it, and I know she felt it. It was a silent promise to eachother that if one of us was turned, then the other would save us... But... If there was a chance of saving her, to bring her back, I should take it right? It it was reversed, if I was a strigoi... Would she kill me knowing that there was a possibility I could be saved? Or would she do everything in her power to bring me back?
I pulled her little black diary out of my duster pocket, flicking through the pages I found the very last entry she had written. I sat down carefully on the edge of the bed and took a deep breath before reading the messy, familiar black handwritting.
13/04/2014
We're going shopping in Montana tomorrow. Lissa says she needs a break from the politics and the formalities of being in court, of being around all of the royals. She wants to go and spend some time just being Teenage girls.
Honestly I couldnt agree more. Whenever I see her she has a slight frown on her face, or shes getting frustrated over some stupid law thats trying to be passed. Its just rediculous how much pressure and shit she has to deal with. Its not right for someone whose barely in her 20s but then again, Lissa isnt your average teenage girl. She has always been kind hearted and always worried about moroi and dhampirs and politics. Its in her blood. I think its about time she took some time off though, let her hair down, relax and enjoy life... Even for just a day.
On completely unrelated topics... I very nearly rang him today. I dont really know why, after all this time... Two years... Two long years, I still feel every bit as broken and... Incomplete Without my Comrade... Ha listen to me, I still call him my Comrade, but hes not... Hes not mine, hes hers. I need to get passed this...
Lissa asked me an odd question the other day... We were sitting in her room, she was reading over some papers while I sat opposite her (it was my official day off so I wasnt on duty so I could relax.) she looked up and out of no where asks "Who was it?"
I had no clue what the hell she was on about so I asked what she meant...
She had hesitated before answering quietly, "Who... Broke your heart? Ive been getting alot better at reading auras... And at first I couldnt figure out what your colours meant... You have all the colours that correspond with loss, hurt and... A broken heart..."
I felt as though my heart had stopped, I had just stared at her for a moment, I didnt want to get into this with her, not when I knew she would get mad at me for keeping it from her.. So I just shrugged it off, told her that it was ancient history and that something had just reminded me of it but I didnt want to get into detail... Thankfully she let it go.
How could I tell her that I was in love with my mentor, and that we had gotten together... Only for him to leave because of our jobs. He believed we couldnt both guard her life without getting distracted by eachother.
No, I couldnt tell Lissa that she was, kind of, the reason that I was broken hearted... Not that I blame her at all. I could never blame her.
I blame him for leaving, I blame myself for falling for him, but I could never blame her.
oh my Roza, Ive always admired the way she put others first, especially Lissa. Its how we are raised, moroi come first, but for her its deeper than that. Lissa is her family, the closest thing to family shes had. Roza really would do anything for her...
But Now Rozas in trouble, shes the one who needs help.
So Im going to save her. Im going to get her back.
Closing the diary and tucking it safely back into my duster pocket, I pull out my cellphone. Its only been just over 24 hours since I last spoke to Lissa but I decided to call her and see whats happening on her end.
It rang twice before Lissa answered, "Dimitri?"
"Hey Lissa, Abe and I just arrived at Vlads. Hows things on your end going?"
"things are good here, we think we may have a lead, Adrians following it up right now. As soon as we have something solid we will let you know...have..." she hesitated a moment before clearing her throat lightly, "have you had any other letters from..."
"no, I dont even know if she knows Im here yet... Its part of the plan though, we will lure her here, if she wants me that badly then she will come..." I couldnt help the small smile that tugged at my lips as I thought about Rozas stubborn nature, whenever she wanted something she would do what she had to to get it, no matter what. "I know she will come."