Alex's pov
Thursday passed without incident. As he said Edward was there waiting for me in his car when I got home. He asked me how school had been but there wasn't anything to tell so that conversation ended fairly quickly. I just gave him a tour of the house and we walked around the garden for a while.
I was so glad to see him waiting there for me. As soon as I had caught sight of his serene face I felt like I was breathing for the first time in what seemed like hours. He was like a breath of fresh air to me….
Unfortunately he wasn't able to go on Friday. He was going hunting he told me. But on a brighter side Sirius visited. He was my teacher for the day and he taught me the day's lessons.
"Sirius!" I said running over to hug him when I saw him coming out of the chimney.
"Hey shrimp!" he said hugging me. Then he held me at arm's length to look me over.
"You're looking better" he said grinning.
"Thanks" I said quietly.
Everyone seemed to think so. Harry had told me the same thing not long ago. And Frankie had said it sometime last week while we had dinner. In truth I only felt I was getting better when I was with Edward. When I was out of school I felt just as bad as I always did.
It was now one in the morning and I couldn't sleep. i just wanted it to be eleven already. Finally I was able to sleep at three in the morning, only to wake up at around five thirty in the morning.
After I decide I wouldn't get any more sleep I got up and just played around with my guitar.
"Hey Frankie" I said as we made toast for breakfast.
"Yeah?" He said.
"What are you going to do today?" I asked.
"Actually I forgot to tell you that today there was a meeting with the order" he said.
"Oh will you be gone for a long time?"
"I think so why?" he asked looking over at me with questioning eyes.
"Well I was wondering if I could go over to a friend's house?" I said. He smiled happily at me.
"Of course you can when are you leaving?"
"At eleven. I was planning on spending most of the day over there" I explained.
"Perfect, that way I won't worry about you being here all alone"
"Yeah. When are you leaving?"
"Just as soon as I finish eating" he said taking his plate over to the table. I followed him there.
"In a hurry?" I asked seeing how he devoured his breakfast.
"I have to get there as soon as possible." He said in between bites. Then he drained his orange juice.
"Well I have to go" he said getting up.
"You don't mind me leaving right?" he said looking back at me.
"Nah I know you have to go" I said as I took a bite out of my toast.
"All right" he said kissing the top of my head.
And then he left. The silence was uncomfortable, and only seemed to get louder.
Only five minutes later I heard the doorbell ring. That couldn't be him could it? He said at eleven it was barely eight.
I walked over to the living room with the toast in my hand.
I opened the door to reveal Edward sheltered under the porch. The rain was pouring down in buckets. He gave me a crooked smile while I just stared at him with the toast in my hand and in my pajamas.
"You said eleven" I said.
"Something told me that it would be fun to come earlier. And it is, nice pj's" he said eyeing my dark grey flannel pants and my black long sleeved shirt.
"Why thank you. I like them too" I said standing back to let him in.
"Thanks" he said getting in. he took of his raincoat and I took it from him and hung it on the hangers.
"So did you come just to make fun of my pajamas or what?"
"Nah I just wanted to see you" should that bother me? If it should well that's too bad because it didn't bother me at all.
"At least I'm not the only one" I muttered and he chuckled.
"Sit" I ordered. He raised an eyebrow at me but still sat down.
"I'll be right back just let me get changed" I said. He nodded and I ran up the stairs.
I changed quickly not even bothering with my hair or eyes seeing as how I really didn't have to keep up pretenses with him.
I was finished changing and brushing my teeth in ten minutes.
I dashed down the stairs to see him sitting on the couch still as stone.
"It's not normal to be so still you know?" I said sitting next to him.
His serious face broke into a smile as I saw him come back to life.
"But I'm not exactly normal you know? Even as a vampire" he said
"I see your point" I said. He looked me over, Taking in my casual appearance.
"Nice" he said approvingly as I rolled my eyes. "But I like your red hair and green eyes better" he said looking at me.
"I like it too but this is what I look like" I said shrugging.
"Wait so you change appearance at will right?" he said.
"Correct, it's good to know you listen" I said.
"And this is what you really look like?" once again not sure what he was getting at.
"Well it's what I look like right now. Sometimes when something happens like some life changing event or just something that affects you deeply, my appearance changes. Naturally I have red hair and green eyes. like my mom." I added.
"Your mom must have been really pretty" he said smiling. I rolled my eyes at him.
"Want to see a picture of my parents?"I said getting up.
"Yeah" he said.
"Come" I said taking his hand and pulling him with me to my room.
As we walked into my room I let go of his hand and he sat at my bed while I looked through some drawers. Then I pulled out the red leather scrap book that hagrid had given harry and I on our first year.
"Here" I said handing it to him.
He opened it and smiled at what he saw.
"Your mom was beautiful" he said.
"Thanks" I said looking at the picture. My mom and dad smiled and waved at us.
"You do look a lot like her." He said not looking away from the picture.
"And my brother looks a lot like my dad too. Except his eyes, he has my mom's eyes." I said, turning the page to show him a picture of harry and I smiling and waving at the camera.
"Your right. How old were you here?"
"Eleven almost twelve" I said.
"I assume that is your uniform" he said looking at me.
"You assume correctly" I said.
"You look so different." he murmured looking back at the picture and running his long pale fingers over the picture.
"It's the hair and eyes" I indicated getting up and putting some books back on their shelves, as he continued to look through the pictures.
"And this one?" he asked. I turned to look at what he was talking about and saw him looking at the picture frame on my bedside table.
My throat went dry.
"Uhm" I said in a rough voice. He looked at me with worry.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked" he said putting the picture back on the bedside table.
"No…uhm…that was taken last year. At the Yule ball" I said quietly.
"Oh" he said.
For a few minutes we were quiet. Now he is sure that there is something seriously wrong with me.
"So you ready to go?" he asked suddenly behind me.
"Yeah" I said glad that the silence was over.
The drive to his house was quiet and short. Well about ten minutes away. Maybe less. As we made our way through the forest I watched the road remembering the way to his house, I would remember.
The house was massive; it was very nice and probably very old. But there was something about it the displayed such…grandeur. And it gave the feeling of protection.
"Your house is so…impressive" I said not able to say anything else regarding the big white house.
He gently laughed. "Thank you tell that to esme, she will love to hear that"
I smiled and then I realized that I would be meeting his parents. By the way he spoke of them I could see he loved them very much, and they sounded like nice people.
"I'll make sure to do that" I said as i followed him to the porch.
If I thought that the house was impressive from the outside then there were truly no words to describe the inside. I just loved it, it felt so very welcoming.
And there were Edwards parents sitting on the white couches. As soon as they saw us they got up and made their way towards us.
"Alex these are my parents Carlisle and Esme, mom dad this is Alex" he said gesturing with his hand.
"It's nice to finally meet you Alex, Edward has told us so much about you" said esme walking over to give me a hug.
"I've heard a lot about you too. Your home is very beautiful" I said sincerely.
"Thank you I'm glad you like it. You are welcomed here any time" she told me with a beautiful smile.
"Thank you" I said. I looked towards Edwards's father and he gave me a smile.
"Hello alex it's nice to finally meet you" he gave me a hand and I took it.
"It's nice to finally meet you too dr. Cullen" I said.
"Call me Carlisle"
"Carlisle" I said nodding. Both of them were as stunning as their children.
"Alex" I heard a booming voice that made me jump. I looked to see Emmett walking down the stairs and holding Rosalie's hand.
"Hello Emmett" I said.
"Hey!" he said walking towards me and enveloping me into a tight hug.
"Cant…" I gasped unable to talk.
"Emmett!" Edward shouted and immediately I felt Emmett's grip on me loosen and my feet found the floor.
"Sorry I forget" he said but he was grinning.
"It's understandable" I said weakly. I looked at Edward and he was glaring at Emmett.
"Hello alex" said Rosalie and I turned towards her.
"Hello Rosalie" I said shaking her hand.
"Hi Alex!" said a chiming voice. Then I felt someone hug me.
"Hi Alice" I said smiling as she let go of me. She was just a few inches taller than me.
"It's so good that you finally came, you have made us wait for too long" we all chuckled at Alice's excitement.
"Hello jasper" I said shaking his hand
"Hi alex how are you"
"Meh okay I guess" I said shrugging.
"Alright then I will now take her away…give her a tour of the house" Edward said.
"Fine just don't steal her for the whole day. We want to get to know her too" esme said.
"Alright mom" Edward said. He took my hand and showed me all around the house.
"And this is my room" he said as he opened the door.
It was really nice and very big.
"Its nice" I said and then I saw the glass wall. I'm guessing the whole side of the house had glass. The view was beautiful
"Thanks…it has a nice view" he offered.
"Yes it really does" I murmured not taking my eyes away from the breathtaking view. Edward came to my side and stared at the forest as well. After a while I turned away to inspect his room.
"I'm guessing you really like music" I said as I looked through the many cd's he had everything.
"Yeah I do. It's very relaxing"
"Yeah it is"
I sat at the edge of his bed and looked around.
"I really do like the house" I said to him as he sat at next to me. "It gives this feeling of protection…."
"Thanks it's been here for so long…when we came back we made a few changes fixed a few things but it has stayed pretty much the same for a hundred years"
"Wow" I said. Then I looked at him. He had a peculiar look that I just can't describe.
"So are you going to tell me" I said looking for something to talk about. His gaze suddenly became questioning.
"Tell you what?"
"How my smell affects you" I said.
He took a deep breath. This wasn't something he would like to talk about, that much I could see.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to" I said looking away. I felt his warm hand on my cheek as he turned my head to face him. He seemed to be deciding something.
"We hunt on animals, but the temptation of human blood is always greater, harder to resist. My family and I…we manage the thirst; we have grown used to it. Animal's blood doesn't really quench the thirst…but it keeps us strong. But your smell-to me- it's maddening. It's hard to ignore, other humans blood is nothing to me compared to yours. That's first day I saw you, if I didn't live the way I do, if I hadn't preyed on animals for the past two hundred years, I would have killed you right there in that instant. Even then I could have slipped. It was one of the reasons for why I left the classroom that day. Your smell makes my throat burn like no other scent has ever done. Even after all the time I have spent with you I am still getting used to it. If I let my guard down for one second I could easily kill you" he was talking so fast, like he must wanted to get this conversation over with.
"Do I smell like this only to you?"
"Yes, luckily, any other vampire would have killed you if you smelled the same way to them."
"But why do I smell this way to you?"
"No one exactly knows but it could happen to any vampire. They call it La tua cantate. Because your blood sings to me" he said smiling.
"Can it happen more than once?"
He was quiet for a few seconds before answering "yes" he said.
"Has it happened to you before?"
"Yes only one other time, but the smell wasn't as strong as yours"
It was mere curiosity what made me ask "and what happened?" and I regretted it. As soon as I asked that his face turned dark.
"She died" he said bluntly.
"Oh" I said and didn't ask anything else. I was quiet.
Did it hurt him to know he had killed her?
"Alex look at me" he said slowly I turned to look at him his eyes were fearful.
"I won't ever hurt you" he whispered. I leaned towards him and hugged him.
I looked up at him "I know" I whispered. As he looked at me his gaze went soft and he began to lean In. I was frozen. What was he doing? His lips were inches almost grazing mines when I realized that I couldn't let this happen. All of this had to stop. I leaned back just a bit, but it was all it took for him to stop. I turned my face away from him.
"I'm sorry" I whispered in a shaky voice. "But I can't let this happen…it's not right. Edward…I don't feel the same way" I didn't dare look at his face; I wouldn't be able to take what I would see. Why did I let it come to this?
"It's alright alex. I understand" he said.
Liar, how could he understand if he didn't know my reasons?
"I have to go" I said getting up and hastily making my way to the door.
"Alex" he said suddenly in front of me "I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you or hurt you, believe me I-"
"I know Edward…I just didn't expect that. Can you take me home?" I said looking down at the floor.
"Of course" he said. His voice made me hurt, he sounded hurt and sad. That was the last thing I wanted to do. But I knew that the damage was already done. We walked in silence down the stairs where the whole family was. they heard, I knew.
"Bye alex" they all said but the tone was sad.
"Bye" I said not looking at any of them. I felt shame for what I had just done. I truly didn't deserve to live. This just showed me more how much of a monster I really am.
The ride to my house was very quiet. Sorrow hanging in the air, suffocating me.
He parked the car and turned off the engine.
"Thanks" I whispered and made to get out of the car.
"Alex" he said grabbing my hand to stop me. And then I was reminded of when I had done the same thing, wanting to make sure that he would still be my friend. It was that same desperate tone I had used and it stabbed me deep in the heart, just wounding me more than I was. It was a wound that would never heal, would never scar.
"I'm sorry I really am" he desperately said. I would have thought he was on the verge of tears but I knew he couldn't cry.
"Edward this has to stop. I can't be your friend anymore" I whispered. I couldn't hurt him anymore.
"Alex please don't say that" please don't make this harder for me.
"It's not fair for you Edward" I said
"Alex what you're doing isn't fair"
"Edward I just want to…save you from what I am from my world from my problems…from me" I said looking straight ahead at the road.
"Has it occurred to you that I don't want to be saved? I just want your friendship Alex"
"You wouldn't want my friendship if you really knew me Edward. You don't know what I have done. But if you knew you wouldn't want my friendship"
"That's not true…but I do want to know you. Why won't you let me?"
"Because I'm afraid" I whispered
"what are you afraid of?" he breathed as he took my face in his hands and forced me to look at him"
"I'm afraid of you rejecting me, I'm afraid of hurting you, I'm afraid of putting you in danger, I'm afraid of having to tell my story…"
"I don't want you to be afraid Alex. I-"
"Edward please help me out don't make this harder for me. Let me do something good for you. Let me rid you of me. I'm no good for you Edward, I can't be repaired I can't ever be happy or be what you want me to be. There's so much I can't do for you and you don't deserve that"
"What could you have possibly done alex to think like this" he said furiously. "Alex you don't know what it is to have committed a sin. You don't know what it is to have truly done something horrible. You're just starting to live Alex you haven't seen anything of life. I've seen two hundred years of it. I have seen much more"
"You can't say that Edward. You don't know me nor will you ever know me. So just forget about me. Forget I ever came into your life; don't become pained because of me I'm not worth it at all. I hope you have a good…existence and when I see you at school I won't bother you at all. I'll be just another human to you."
"You can believe that if you want but I can't"
"Bye Edward" I said opening the door.
"Don't leave me" he said in a shaky voice. "I need you"
I got out of the car and ran over to the porch where I was sheltered from the rain. I opened the door of the house. As I turned I saw Edwards and I will never forget that face. He looked like a burning man the suffering was clear in his eyes. I knew that no human could go through what he was going, because they would die. Seeing at his face I knew that I was far from going to heaven when I died. But I knew that I deserved to go to hell. I truly deserved the pain I was getting. Suddenly death seemed much closer than I had anticipated it.
all right i'm already writing the next chapter!
-airali