fCUK ITS BEEN ANOTHER YEAR SINCE I UPDATED, OOPS, HAHA, im ready to die, im still up to my neck in this ship and i cant stop

i felt a lil bad for leaving this dead like this so here's a lil update from a prompt i filled out a while ago.

the flow towards the end feels a bit weird to me so i might edit it a bit later

Leonardo never believed that falling in love was a thing that happened suddenly, and he most certainly didn't believe in love at first sight.

But that aside, as a child, he also had no idea how love even worked in the first place- The closest he had ever come was the books upon books he had in his bookshelf of princes falling in love with princesses, commoners with nobility, relationship lines crisscrossing this way and that until he was honestly kind of sick of how needlessly complicated it all was. Butterflies in the stomach at something so uncertain and irrational? Feelings that were so superficial and fragile?

Nonsense. That's what it was. Even more so as he heard the gossip in the halls about Lady this-and-that eloping with Sir whatshisname, or another scandal with the other house, making court matters endlessly more tiring or causing problems of a similar calibre. Nonsense and difficult. What a bother.

But the apathy eventually became curiosity (what draws these people to this idiocy?), and later came realisation, but only after all was stripped from him that he ever had, save for memories he wished to bury and others sprung from the ashes of his heritage, a new world with new memories he would give his life to keep safe.

And it terrified him. His eyes were wide open, taking in all around him, and he wanted no more than to be blind again, because it's a frightening thing, really, to have people know you, really know you, hear you cry, pour your heart out to them and later realise that you can't bear the thought of losing them, can't bear the thought that one day, they are all destined to leave in one way or another.

For him, love was a slow thing, a gradual thing, one that he had been too blind to see earlier, one that he hadn't been able to see while he was surrounded by it.

So he had no idea how to handle the fact that he may have fallen in love when he was finally, finallyconfronted by the reality- A constant state of inner turmoil didn't quite cut it as an accurate description, and his lips remained sealed about the matter, fear of rejection and fear of losing more than he could ever gain holding him back from doing anything. He could lose a comrade-in-arms, a part of his family, his friend and the reason he's alive, all in the blink of an eye, be it to his words or to the circumstances they live in, and he didn't want to risk it, not now, not ever. And gods be damned, he would take his affections to his grave if need be, if it would only help him to not lose more than he already had, for it would hurt less to have nothing than to gain and lose again.

And gods, had he almost lost him. It was all almost over and he'd almost lost him, all without a single word, and he would've lived with a million regrets and forever unsaid confessions at the tip of his tongue. But he didn't, and for that, Leonardo was glad, and his resolve to keep his silence finally shattered under his relief in seeing Edward again, a little battered and bloodied, but alive, breathing, alive, alive, alive.

And he swore his body moved on his own, grabbing the trueblade by his shoulders and pulling him forwards into an abrupt kiss, earning a cut-off yelp of surprise in reply, and once it occurred to him what exactly he was doing, Edward was kissing him back. Leonardo's eyes flew open as he pulled away, red-faced and flustered, already beginning an apology as he covered his face with his hands.

"E-Edward! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to- That was indecent of me, I understand if you hate me now, I'm so sorry, can we pretend that didn't happen-"

Instead, the brunet interrupted with a nervous smile and a blush of his own, gesturing vaguely as he visibly scrambled for a suitable response.

"Hey, it's okay! I'm okay. We're okay- Are we okay? We're- We're okay, right? Is- Is this gonna be a thing? Because honestly, I don't mind. If this becomes a thing."

Leonardo's mouth opened, then closed in disbelief, before he understood- It was suddenly silly, in hindsight, that he'd been so afraid, though his fears weren't unfounded- And he managed a smile, a genuine smile, as his vision blurred with tears of all he's pent up over so long, leaning forwards again to bury his face in Edward's shoulder and he nodded, for fear his voice would crack if he would attempt to speak.

Love was a gradual thing, but he was glad that this came so abruptly.