Edwards pov

No, no, no, NO! What have I done? I just ruined everything!

"You can't say that Edward" she said in a cold voice. "You don't know me nor will you ever know me. So just forget about me. Forget I ever came into your life, don't become pained because of me, I'm not worth it at all. I hope you have a good…existence and when I see you at school I won't bother you at all. I'll be just another human to you." Does she know what she is asking me? Is she thinking any of this in her head? No she's not. If she was she would have known that what she was saying made no sense.

I would never see her as just another human. I will never forget her because she is worth it. And her leaving me will hurt me; it already is hurting me with just those words.

"You can believe that but I can't" I told her in a very quiet voice. i couldn't find it in me to raise my voice. She was going to leave, I ruined everything.

"Bye Edward" she whispered as she opened the door. Her face showed no emotion and her eyes were coal black.

"Don't leave me" I said and my voice shook in fear, she was going to leave me I lost even the friendship I had with her. "I need you" I whispered. As she turned around her eyes glazed over giving her that dead look I knew only too well. She didn't say anything else. She just got out of the car and gracefully made her way to the house. Leaving only her sweet scent to taunt me.

Please don't leave me not you too. I wanted to run to her and not let her go. But I couldn't do that, she needed her space, I had to respect her wishes. And though she was leaving for all the wrong reasons I had to admit that it was good she left, well good for her anyway. She was safer this way.

She turned to close the door, but her eyes strayed towards mines, her eyes were pleading and then they went cold. She closed the door and I knew that she meant what she said. She didn't want to be even my friend anymore, though I felt like she had been lying when she gave me her reasons for wanting this to end.

I don't know how I found it in me to be able to drive but suddenly I was already getting out of my car and heading towards my house.

As I walked through the doors I was embraced by soft gentle arms. I hugged my mother back and buried my her in her shoulder.

"she hates me" I whispered to her.

"no she doesn't, she's confused that's all" she said soothingly

"no she's scared and she hates me that why she left, and I ruined I did this it is all my fault" I hugged her back tightly. I sought for comfort but I couldn't be comforted. No one could make me feel better. Only Alex had that power.

"Edward what makes you think she hates you?" Alice said quietly.

"I shouldn't have done what I did, I knew she didn't feel the same way and I still did it."

I didn't realize that I was being guided to my room. It was like my whole body had gone numb. Soon enough I was sitting on my bed with my whole family around me. Their thoughts furious, worried, and sad.

"You did nothing wrong Edward" Rosalie hissed. "its her problem if she is stupid enough to let you go"

"How can you say I did nothing wrong?!" I bellowed at her. "I knew she didn't feel the same way and I still went t ahead and tried to kiss her. I should have known better!"

She glared at me; I could care less I've lived for two centuries getting friendlier with that glare.

"Dude she's just trying to make you feel better!" Emmett said sounding a little bit angry.

"Well calling her stupid won't make me feel better!"

Seeing as how he wasn't able to control my feelings, jasper walked out trying to rid himself of my emotions.

"Edward calm down" Carlisle said softly. I looked up at him and he put a hand on my shoulder.

"Son nothing is as easy as it looks. But things will work out in the end. If she truly is the one for you things will work out. Give her time; she may just be overwhelmed by what happened maybe something is happening to her that is making her react like this. She seems to be going through a hard time as well."

No I knew what I had to do. I had to leave her alone; it was probably the best for her. I had to keep her from having the same fate as Bella.

Was this what it felt like to Bella when I left her?

"Maybe it's for the best" I said quietly. "I don't want to ruin her life like I did with Bella."

"She seems to have the same thoughts" Alice said, she had no doubt seen my conversation with Alex. "Her reasons indicate that, though I can't imagine why she thinks she is putting you in danger, she seems harmless"

"I'm going hunting" I said getting up.

"You just went yesterday" Emmett said.

"I just need to get my mind cleared" I lied.

Your not going hunting Alice said.

Of course she was right. Alex was the only thing in my mind. Maybe I could be her friend but it doesn't mean I couldn't make sure she was safe from afar.

I sat on a tree branch watching her as she paced around her room. I watched as she threw things around the room in fury. I wanted to go in there and make it better but she wouldn't appreciate that.

Her scent lingered in my clothes and I breathed her in. appreciating the burn that was ripping in my throat. It was a small comfort to know I had finally mastered the pain. It was the only thing that could comfort me now, even if it was just a little bit.

I turned my attention back to her just as she grabbed her hair in frustration and let out an earsplitting scream, just as she screamed the French doors of the balcony cracked and then exploded into a million pieces.

I almost gave in and went towards her.

"I'm the worst excuse for…anything!" she shouted "a good for nothing bastard!"

She walked towards the balcony she looked up at the sky her face getting drenched with rain.

"I know I'm doing the right thing" she whispered. She sat on the edge and swung her legs over the balconies border. She wouldn't dare would she?

She just sat there still. I was tense, ready to catch her when she fell.

She was completely still, much like that time when she was in her car. She was as still as a statue, she even seemed lifeless.

There was so much conflict going on in her gaze. And all I could do was stay here and wonder what she was thinking. Because she gave nothing away, nothing to even let me imagine what she could be thinking.

She closed her eyes after a while and let out an involuntary shiver. She was dripping with water and she was paler than ever her skin translucent. It was hard to believe that just a few hours ago she had been looking…healthier, much healthier.

I faintly heard her soft sigh. And through the rain I heard her soft whisper.

"Not today Alex" she said softly to herself.

"Not ever Alex" I whispered just as softly. I couldn't let her throw her life away like that.

She swung her legs over to the balcony and hopped to the floor. The rain was calming down. I watched as she began to clean up the room. Picking up everything she had thrown around and putting it back into its place. She moved through the room quietly mumbling to herself, but it sounded to me like she was very silently singing.

She was done fairly quickly. She walked over to her bedside table and took her wand. She walked back to the balcony and then turned around and pointed her wand at the pieces of glass on the floor.

"Reparo" she murmured and the glass pieces all flew back together and into the door frame. With nothing to indicate that the doors had ever been shattered.

She walked back to the balcony's border and stood on top of it and then took hold of the thick tree branch. I jumped off the tree from where I had been watching her. To be ready in case she fell.

But she was able to manage by herself. Very soon she was sitting on another tree branch. She looked down at the ground and took a deep breath.

"I could have easily gone out the door." she scolded herself. And I could help the soft chuckle that escaped me. Luckily I was too far away for her to hear me.

Very slowly she made her way down the tree. Then I remembered she didn't seem to like trees.

Once her feet were on the ground she set off towards the woods. Right towards me, though she didn't know that.

Quickly I walked away from where I was and hid behind a big tree.

She walked around aimlessly, I could see. I followed silently behind her smelling her as I went enjoying how much it hurt. She seemed to feel someone else's presence. Many times she turned around and looked around expecting to find someone. Her grip on her wand never loosened.

We walked for hours nonstop. It surprised me that she wasn't at all tired. She was human after all, but she never showed any sign of wanting to stop. We were very deep in the woods now. I trusted that no one in my family was out hunting, they had already gone with me yesterday. Nevertheless I watched out checking to see if I heard any thoughts that weren't mine. But Alex and I seemed to be the only ones in here. I didn't even hear any animals.

It was around four in the afternoon when she finally stopped walking. I had been walking a far distance behind her when she disappeared through some bushes. I decided to climb the nearest tree, that way I wouldn't make any noise by walking through the bushes.

Once I was situated in a branch I saw where she had come. I was surprised I had never come across here. It seemed like a small meadow not quite like the meadow I liked to go to. It was more beautiful. There were only a couple of trees in it. Then there was a stream I could see the water was crystal clear, but with the very little light the came through the green forest it made the stream get a green and blue color. It was a beautiful sight. Like a small Eden garden. The sound of the water sent waves of calm through me.

She liked this place to I presume. She sat down on the edge of the stream. Pulling her knees up to her chest, and placing her chin on her knees. She slowly extended her hand and plunged it into the water. I couldn't see her face, which deeply bothered me. But she continued playing with the water unaware of my presence.

Of course this had to happen. She wasn't meant for me. I could never deserve such perfection as her. I didn't deserve anything. And she deserved everything, especially someone good enough for her, good enough to love her. But was anything good enough for her? No, no man could ever be good enough for such a goddess. But she deserved the best there was. But that wasn't me, it would never be me. But I would always be with her, in a sense. I would always watch out for her from the sidelines, and I will be happy for her.

It was dark already when she got up and headed home. It was much too dark for any human to be able to see.

"lumos" I heard her say and then her wand tip lit up. Giving her enough light to make her way back home.

I would have thought she would have gotten lost, but she was able to find her way back home without any trouble. In three hours she was already back home.

It was about nine now. Almost ten when she finally made it through her door step.

"frankie?" she croaked out.

I heard thundering footsteps.

"where the hell were you Alexandra!" I heard frank bellow. He had been dead worried. Her thoughts indicated that. Though it made me mad to hear him scream at her like that, I couldn't blame him. What she did was irresponsible and he had truly been frightened for her.

I saw her from frank's mind she seemed perfectly calm.

" I was out walking around in the forest" she said quietly and then shrugging.

Frank assessed her appearance.

Please tell me this isn't happening again. she seemed to be getting better.

He definitely noticed that something was once again wrong with her. She seemed so hollow, once more.

"alex do you have any idea how worried I was? I almost called over the whole order to look for you! I was out all around town looking for you!"

"I don't see why you would need to have the order come looking for me. Besides its not like it really matters of voldemort comes for me." She said bluntly.

Voldemort?

"May be you don't care but we do melodie"

"voldemort really is the last of my worries" she sneered. What was going on with her? Never had I seen her be so…rude.

"Alex what you did was irresponsible" he said ignoring what she had said. "You know it was-"

"Wrong?!" she said cutting him off. Using that mocking tone in an ice cold voice. "Yeah maybe it was so what?! I could care less right now. You know I can't always be doing the right thing. Come to think about I have never done the right things. Why do you care if I'm home late? Why do you care if something bad happens to me? It doesn't matter! If it doesn't matter to me why should it matter to you or anyone else? Just leave me alone!" she screamed the last sentence at him and then made to go up the stairs.

"alex wait" he said grabbing her by the arm.

"what?" she said pulling away from his grasp.

"whats going on? you seemed in a good mood in the morning" he said calmly.

"well good things never last…trust me I know. Don't worry about whats wrong with me. Theres always been something wrong with me and its no different right now"

"you know why I care about you alex? Because I love you as if you were family. I knew your parents alex and I promised as well as other people did, that we would always look after you one way or another"

"well don't. I'm not worth it, harry is, but I'm not"

"you know alex you think too little of yourself" he said shaking his head

"no Frankie. You guys just think too much of me. And you know despite all the mistakes I have done, in the end I'm not the one whose wrong about myself. You guys are the one wring about me" she walked away then.

When will her pain end? She really doesn't deserve this. That hate she has for herself…its going to kill her.

His mental voice showed despair. Much like how I felt as I heard him think that.

I went around the house to the backyard again. I saw alex in her room her face buried in a textbook and taking notes.

It was like that for almost the whole night. That worried me, I knew she had not slept much last night and she didn't sleep much tonight either.

I didn't go into her room while she slept. She wouldn't sleep long today, I could tell, and I couldn't risk being caught.

She truly did loathe herself. She was determined to be unhappy it seemed. And I was determined to make her happy. But that was hard if I couldn't really be near her. Besides I wasn't the one to make her happy. Yeah she had been content when she was with me, but she was never truly happy. All I could do was helplessly watch her.

And I couldn't leave her. No that was impossible for me now. I wasn't strong enough to leave her, ever. There's a point we pass from which we can't return and I had already passed that point. Because of that I could turn my back on her and find the will to leave.

aww poor edward

next chapter is in alexs pov

by the way i need help to come up with a good summary for this story so if you have any suggestions please tell me

:)

-airali