alexs pov
I was the most wretched thing in this world. Not even when I did the right thing was I able to keep people from being hurt.
I rarely talked to Frankie anymore. I was so ashamed of what I had said. I had been beyond rude. I should be thankful he is even putting up with me.
On Sunday I refused to leave my room and kept up the rudeness with him. I think he got mad when I wouldn't go to dinner. I hadn't eaten anything since Saturday morning. Oddly enough that never bothered my stomach. I think it might be related to the whole half vampire situation. The point is he got Sirius and even Harry to come and try to get me out of my room the calm way.
The calm way didn't work so Sirius just went downstairs while harry and I talked. still he wasn't able to make me eat, or really open up to him.
Edward was all that was on my mind that weekend. And let me tell you that took away from my studying time. I could care less though; I couldn't bring myself to care since the pain was eating me inside. Luckily we never moved on to the difficult way. And I still didn't get out of my room.
Monday at school was the worst. I purposefully got late to school so I would not have to run into him or any of his family.
Now my only question was…how was it that before, Edward and I never seemed to cross each other's paths until lunch, and now I saw him during the changing of classes all the time?
Everytime I saw him in the hallway I just lost myself in the crowd. I knew he could still see me, but I don't think he would attempt to go towards me in the crowd. And I didn't even go into the cafeteria anymore. I would stay in my car listening to music. I truly was the perfect definition for a coward. I tried getting my biology teacher to move me from that seat but he didn't like me enough to do so. So I was stuck for a whole hour every day sitting next to him. He tried to talk to me on Monday but I just ignored him. He didn't try again, good for him bad for me. Life couldn't get any more miserable could it?
yeah it probably could...for me anyway.
Unfortunately I had made that grave mistake of getting too attached to him, now we were both suffering the consequences. I mean I didn't care about me; I deserved what I was getting and more. It was Edward who worried me.
The few times I did observe him (while he wasn't watching) I saw him paler than what was normal for him, and the dark shadows under his eyes seemed like bruises. They had a…well nasty purplish color. He wasn't feeding regularly, I knew that by just looking at his eyes. And he was always so still. Like he was made of stone, he might as well not be in the room at all. way to pretend to be normal edward.
Still i shouldnt remember that I did that to him.
That was all I noticed, heaven knows how much damage I had caused.
That Monday I apologized to Frankie....
"I just don't understand what is wrong now" he said once I had apologized.
"it's always been the same reason Frankie" I lied.
"it seemed like you were getting better" he said shaking his head.
"No it's not getting better. If anything it's getting worse" I admitted.
"I know what your answer will be but I have to ask" he said leaning forward on the table and putting his hand on mines which was resting on the table. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Actually you can do something. Please don't get paranoid like Saturday. I really do need space, and I just want to get away from everything sometimes."
"You're asking for too much. How can you expect me to not freak out? Yes were far away from voldemort but that doesn't mean you're out of danger. How about we do this, you can go wherever you want but you have to be home by eleven."
"Okay that sounds fair" I said.
"and you have to take this" he said and he pulled out a brand new iphone from his pocket.
"So you've been thinking about this huh?" I said with a humorless chuckle.
"yeah I figured it would be better if you had a fast way to communicate with me. Like it?"
"Yeah…thanks…for everything you've done for me. It really was wrong of me to speak to you like I did Saturday"
"It's alright let's just forget about that" he said with a smile. I leaned over and hugged him.
In that week the students at Hogwarts had also been introduced to the new divination teacher. To my surprise I found out that Firenze was the new teacher. He was the centaur that saved harry and I from voldemort in our first year at Hogwarts. Though teaching at Hogwarts came with a price. It seems like he had been banned from the forbidden forest by the other centaurs.
The week was beyond painful. Whenever I did have time, I spent it at the stream I had found on Saturday. There was such a charm about it. it was beautiful and I just loved it, it was a nice place to be at when I wanted to just let my thoughts run free. It calmed me and made me…numb.
And so February ended.
Edwards pov
She had me going crazy on Sunday. I watched her all day long and watched as she refused to go to breakfast. Frank let it pass and the whole day she was locked up in her room. However it wasn't so easy for him to let it go when it was time for dinner. He asked for her to come down and eat something. She hadn't eaten anything since yesterday in the morning. When she made it very clear that she wasn't going to eat, I saw as he left through the fireplace. I can only imagine what my expression must have been when I saw him being eaten by the emerald flames. Minutes later he was back, followed by that same man that he had been talking to when I had eavesdropped on them. Sirius. What connection this man had to Alex, I did not know. She had never gone into details about her life,which didn't surprise me at all, but it did bother me.
A few minutes later a boy appeared at the fire as well. He was a tall, skinny bespectacled boy. He seemed to be around 14 and 15. His head was covered by a mop of unruly jet black hair that stuck out the back.
I had seen this boy before. In a picture that Alex had shown me. This was Alex's twin brother, Harry. As I saw him I noticed a couple similarities between them. Like their eyes, it was the most noticeable trait between them. They were that same brilliant shade of green I had seen in pictures of her. The same almond shaped eyes, though Alex's were a bit bigger. Right now though the shade of green Alex had was nowhere near the shade they had once been. The old green they used to be was more amazing by far. I could see that as I looked into her brothers eyes. They had the same small, delicate, pointed nose. The same long and absurdly dark eyelashes. But something that really caught my attention was the behind his bangs a small lightning shaped scar was on the left side of his forehead, Identical to Alex's. That was strange. All in all he was a good looking boy I suppose. He looked much more grown than I had seen him in the pictures. As he talked to frank and Sirius I noticed that I couldn't hear anything coming from his mind either. The third person whose mind I could not read. I was getting the feeling that maybe it wasn't them, maybe it was just me. It was unlikely but this was so strange. His facial expressions were much easier to read than Alex's though. He wasn't as guarded as she was. The worry for his sister was clearly displayed on his face.
His bond with alex was clearly very strong. He and Sirius both attempted to make her eat something, and to get her to talk to them. She was very stubborn. And in the end sirus left the room to give her and harry some privacy.
"Mel…what's wrong?" he gently asked. She shook her head looking away. if only I had just left her alone she wouldn't be going through this.
"Melody…we've always been close…you're the only family I have left. You and Sirius. But you're my sister we have always been there for each other, we have always been close. We have always told each other everything. Why can't you tell me now? Since that incident in June…we grew very distant. You barely talk to me. I miss my sister Alex. I want my sister back. i need my sister." His voice trembled as he said the last sentence.
"oh harry" she whispered. He scooted closer to her and hugged her as she buried her head in his chest.
"I'm sorry. I should know that all of this hasn't only affected me but you too. I never think of anyone but me. I'm so fucking selfish."
"You really don't know yourself at all alex" he said shaking his head incredulously.
"I've done so many bad things harry. You have no idea how much I hate myself. All the pain it's just in me mocking me. I'm hurting so many people."
"Alex you have to understand that like it or not you can't always keep everyone happy. Yes it makes us sad to see what you're going through but we understand that everything that's happening is hard for you. You most certainly aren't selfish. We all love you alex and were here for you no matter what."
"I'm sorry for keeping you away. but I can't help it." she whispered.
I wasn't the only cause for her pain. But it still killed me to know that I was causing her further pain. It surprised me that the way she felt about herself was the exact same way I have always felt about myself. But what was her reason?
On Monday it finally seemed to sink in that she had meant what she had said on Saturday. And even though I knew that she didn't want to know anything about me anymore I couldn't keep from making my presence known to her. I would purposefully find myself in the same hallway as her when we changed classes. She noticed obviously, and whenever she saw me she tried to blend into the crowd. But what she didn't know was that no matter how much she hid amongst the humans, she would never get lost in my eyes. In my eyes she would always be the only person in that hallway. She could never get lost.
The week passed in the same fashion. And I was always there hidden in the forest but still stalking her. Where had my had all my dignity gone? This was against all my morals. Never would I have had such indecency two hundred years ago. Yes I was ashamed of myself, but my pain clouded my shame.
And so the rest of the month passed. My family was utterly worried about me. More to add to my anguish. Why was it that it was always me that cause my family sadness and pain?
I watched as alex once again became the same girl I had met. Her skin turned to that same unnatural pale color that almost seemed gray. Her bones were more noticeable than before. On the very last day of February she passed out. What angered me was that frank didn't even take her to the hospital. Though she was glad he hadn't. But he did force her to eat a large meal.
"alex if this happens one more time I will take you to Dumbledore so he can examine you and tell me if I should take you to st. mungos." He warned her. To which she mutely agreed.
Every weekend she would take her bag filled with her Hogwarts school books and she would go to that stream she had found. She enjoyed it, and then she would study for a while then seemed to give up on it.
She wouldn't get any better. I realized that when she fainted. They say time heals all wounds, but this didn't seem to be the case with her. Maybe it did but sometimes we just can't heal all on our own. I know I wasn't able to do it on my own; Alex helped me to heal from that wound. I wanted to help her too and I would. I had already set my mind. I would help her even if it was just as a friend. I just had to find the right time to step in.
Alex's pov
It was the middle of march and nothing seemed to get better.
"you should consider going on to teach them about patronuses" I told harry just as I followed him to the common room. I had come for my evaluation and was staying for the weekend. I had just helped him in the lesson for the D.A. they were doing real well.
"I reckon your right. Would you help me though?" he asked.
"Sure just make sure to make the next lesson on the weekend"
"Perfect" he said smiling at me. I gave back a weak one.
That night as I lay in my bed in the girl's dormitory I heard Hermione call me. I thought all of the girls were asleep.
"Yes Hermione?" I said
"Something else is hurting you. It's not just what happened in June anymore." It wasn't a question.
"What makes you think that?"
"You seemed to be doing just a bit better. And then all of that just crumbled. And you got even worse if possible. What's hurting you now?" I felt her sit at the foot of my bed and I sat up.
"Never you mind Hermione. It's the same reason but…I don't know. Their wrong. I don't think time really does heal wounds. It only seems to open more in me."
"Do you want to talk about it?" she said. She meant well but it irritated me that she asked that.
"No I don't" I said bluntly.
"If ever you feel like you want to talk remember that there's plenty of people around you ready to listen to you"
But there not the one's I want to talk to.
"Thank you Hermione" I whispered and I leaned over and hugged her and she did the same.
It was Wednesday and I sat in my car during lunch listening to some cd. The soft melody of the piano was soothing.
A sharp tapping on the window brought me back from wherever it is I had been. I turned my head towards the window and saw none other than alice Cullen standing there. She went around the car and got into the passengers seat. She turned towards me, and gave me a pleasant smile.
"Hello alex" she said, her tone matching her smile. But her eyes they were dead serious.
"Alice" I said and nodded in her direction.
"I took my chance to talk to you since Edward is away hunting." She began. I grimaced at the sound of his name. "He would have never allowed me to come near you. Something about leaving you alone…" she said obvious disapproval I her voice. And anyways what was he? Her father?
"Anyway" she continued "I'm worried about him. He's so depressed Alex. Your decision isn't doing him any good."
"What exactly do you want from me?" I said looking through the windshield.
"I want you to be friends with him again. This isn't doing any of you any good"
"It doesn't matter if it's not doing me any good Alice."
"But what about Edward? Are you thinking about him? You might think I'm overreacting but he needs you Alex? I mean it. He was already depressed before you came. And once you arrived he changed. And now he misses you he won't talk to any of us." Her tone was pleading and anguished. Great thanks to me the whole family was suffering.
"Alice if you knew about me you wouldn't be asking me to be your brother's friend again. Alice I don't want to put you guys in danger. Because if anything happens to Edward…I won't stand that Alice. Please can't you understand that?"
"No because I don't know how you could put us in danger. We are really strong Alex. Were hardly in danger of anything."
"but so are they" I whispered. Of course she didn't know who they were. "In ways you can't imagine. And that is what frightens me. It's not fair to you guys. I don't want to drag you into my problems"
"Alex together were strong we won't let any of our family be hurt. Rest assured that none of us will be hurt but please give something in return. Just be his friend Alex. Or are there any other reasons for why you don't want to be his friend?"
"Alice it's not fair to him. I can't…what happened up in his room…I don't want to lead him on. I can't give him what he's searching for…I just can't."
"He doesn't care alex. He just wants you to be he's friend. He wants to be close to you." She said in a quiet voice.
"But that's not right" I argued "it's not fair for him I can't do that to him"
"What you are doing is not right for either of you. Think about that." She said gently. Then there was a gust of air and the quiet sound of the door closing, and then I was all alone.
I couldn't do what she asked me. Nothing good would come out of it. As sorry as I was I couldn't do what she asked me…
Sure enough when I stepped into biology Edward wasn't there. And he was there the next day. Friday was sunny so he was definitely not there. I felt even more alone if possible without him sitting there.
On Saturday I left to the meadow at nine it was raining a lot. But by the time I arrived to the meadow it was only drizzling. Once the drizzling stopped I dried myself with my wand.
Like I had done everytime I came here I sat at the edge of the stream playing with the water.
My life would be so different if I hadn't spoken those words to cedric
"you know what why doesn't alex take the cup she deserves it more" argued cedric
"yeah makes sense" said harry as he held me. My leg was broken.
"That won't be happening" I said. "I didn't want any part on this and after all cedric deserves it, neither harry nor I wanted any of this" in truth I was afraid of taking it alone. I wanted this to end…but I had a bad feeling….
"Just take it!" I shouted at him. My leg was in serious pain. i watched as the three of us fought. Then a sound brought me out of the memory. Everything around me blurred and I was suddenly back at the stream.
I turned towards the sound. Edward was slowly walking in through the bushes.
"Hey" he said just loud enough for me to hear. I nodded in his direction.
"I had a feeling I'd find you here" he said sitting on a rock much too far from me.
"let me guess alice?" I said turning around to face the water. I was well aware of alice's strange ability to see into the future.
"not exactly" he said. His tone was almost fearful. What was he afraid of?
Edwards pov
The last thing I wanted to do was upset her. I was afraid of hurting her further. But I just had to apologize for what Alice had done. Alice had no right to go and talk to her about that. I was beyond furious with her. If jasper hadn't been there I might have actually lost it completely.
Alex's pov
"I know it's not right for me to stalk you but…I have" he admitted. Yes I should be creeped out. "Well I know you spend a lot of time here"
"Oh" was all I managed to say.
"I'm sorry" he said sighing.
"What could you possibly be sorry for?" well he could be dorry for stalking me to begin with.
"For what Alice did. She had no right to do that" now i see what alice meant when she said he wouldnt have allowed her to talk to me.
"She cares for you. If I had been in her place I would have done the same exact thing" I said trying to sound reasonable.
"It still wasn't right." he said anrily.
"Don't give her a hard time for it. She didn't mean any harm." he didnnt answer.
"You've been gone for a long time" I commented.
"I went hunting for two days. My brothers literally had to drag me out of the house. And it was sunny on Friday" he said much more calmly. he was being extremely careful with his words today.
"I'm sorry to hear that you refused to hunt" I said. And I had a feeling I was the cause of that.
"Why would you be sorry?"
I shrugged.
We were silent.
"I should go now" he said I heard the light sound of his footsteps.
"Look at this stream" I said.
"What about it?"
"Look at how freely it runs. I'm sure you have seen the ocean before." I said to him. I wanted one last attempt to show him how much trouble I was.
"It's beautiful." He offered.
"but awfully deadly" I whispered. "you see it but you never think of how many lives it had taken. Its deceiving. It means trouble. Danger…"
"it doesn't matter to me." He said. I saw from the corner of my eye as he settled on another rock.
"well that was a bad analogy but... what I'm trying to say is that I'm really not the best person for you to be around with"
"has it occurred to you that I am dangerous as well?" he said, sounding reasonable.
"Not really. But I know you could be dangerous. If you wanted to. The thing is… right now you're not dangerous. You don't want to be dangerous. So you're not." damn he's good at sidetracking.
"I could kill you at any moment." He contradicted. "I could slip right now and drink that blood that is driving me so crazy"
"will you?" I said turning to him.
"no" he answered much too quickly.
"then I trust you're not dangerous"
"you shouldn't do that" he said quietly and with disaprovement in his voice.
"do what?"
"trust me so much"
"well I can't help it."
"I trust you too then, so then can you blame me for wanting your friendship?" thats noot the path i wanted to go through again.
"ugh! Edward please don't start again! its not safe for you please understand that!" I said getting up and pacing around
"no I cant understand that." He stated calmly. "seriously alex the fact that you think your dangerous is funny" he said but he didn't sound amused at all.
I stopped on my tracks and glared at him. he stared back with that stupidly annoyingly calm face.
"but all right lets say you are right and those are your real reasons…I know that's not the only reason for suddenly ending everything. There is a bigger reason. And I do believe I deserve to be told why you are depriving me of your friendship."
"please stop that" I said quietly.
"stop what?" he said dropping the calm facade and replacing it with an expression of confusement.
"being so…polite" I said. Not only was his calmness making me angry but also his politeness. It wasn't making me angry with him. it was making me angry with me.
"I cant help it, its how I was raised alex" he said sounding amused.
"you know what you said what you came here to say now you can leave."
"why should I leave? I like it here" he said comfortably.
"ugh! What do you want from me Cullen!"
"an explanation potter" he said amused once again. giving me a speculative look.
"this isn't fair for you Edward! Cant you see what I'm trying to do? Edward what happened back in your room-"
"was an accident alex. I acted on impulse and I regret it" he said. Amusement gone from mhis eyes to be replaced with none other than regret.
"it doesn't matter Edward! I- we cant go in that direction. Because-"
"because you don't feel the same way" he said so quietly I wasn't sure if he actually said it. he looked down. "i know" he said more quietly.
"I don't know exactly what you feel Edward but…"
"I understand alex, but seriously I just want to be your friend, that's all I ask for from you" he said he still wouldn't look up.
"first of all it wouldn't be fair for you as I have said so many times. And second of all I don't want this to turn into-"
"what are you afraid of melody?" he said raising his head but closing his eyes. never had he called me by my second name. he closed his eyes like he was trying to have patience.
I didn't answer. What was I afraid of?
I was afraid of him, developing any type of feeling that wasn't friendly or brotherly. But why did that make me afraid. I knew I was afraid of something but I didn't know what.
Could I be afraid of liking him in any other way than a friend?
No
Definitely not
I could never return his feelings. That's what I was afraid of, hurting his feelings. Yep that makes perfect sense.
"it's just, I don't want to hurt you" I whispered.
"being without you hurts" he said quietly, opening his eyes.
"but being with me will be much more painful"
"I don't believe that" he said confidently.
"god edward!" I screamed at him. "how can you be so calm when I'm here almost burning with fury!" I bellowed. But he didn't even flinch
"are you mad at me?" he said sounding sad.
"no I'm mad at myself" I grumbled.
"and why is that?"
"I don't know Edward all right? I don't know" I said impatiently. I resumed my pacing. Walking back and forth quickly.
"alex I under-"
"don't! fucking. Say. That. You. Understand!" I couldn't help the wave of anger that washed over me. I heard a deafening crack and then one of the rocks exploded turning to nothing but dirt. I took deep breaths and tried to calm myself down. It didn't help at all.
"I'm tired of everyone saying that they don't understand! You don't understand anything about how I feel Edward Cullen! Because you don't know what I have gone through! You don't know pain like I know it! you don't wake up every morning yearning for the day death will come and just take you away to hell!"
He was quiet.
Edwards pov
I watched as she became enraged. I kept up the calm facade I had but inside I was slightly scared of this amazing creature, how far could her anger go?
I remained quiet. She was going to talk, I knew it. after all how much time can you keep something so hurtful locked inside of you? Not much, but many die thanks to it.
She was so wrong. I know pain perfectly well, i've lived with it for a good part of my life. Maybe I 'don't wake up' but every day, until some months ago, I wished to be burning in hell. I may know more than anyone else how she feels. It hurt to acknowledge this. She didn't desrve to go through that, what could have possibly happened to make her receive the bad end of the stick?
"you don't know anything!" she screamed once more. And I heard some other things exploding somewhere in the distance. Probably some trees. She stopped her pacing right in front of a tree and began to kick it and punch it as hard as she could, screaming in fury. Hurting herself I heard a sharp crack and her knuckles split. She staggered back and fell to the floor sobbing. I walked over to her quickly only to cringe away when I smelled the blood.
She cradled her bloody hand with the other one that was an angry type of red. Her cheeks were stained with tears.
This couldn't be happening. Control yourself Edward. You can ignore it, please ignore it. she needs you right now.
She trusts me. I can't betray her trust.
Never had I needed so much self control. Not when bella was bleeding to the point of death because of james. Not that first night on our honeymoon. No that was nothing compared to how much control I was trying to have now. I wasn't breathing and yet I could feel the blood.
I slowly walked towards her and sunk to the ground behind her. Very slowly, watching my every move, I took her body and pulled her to my lap and cradled her as she cried. Sobbing so hard it sounded like she was choking.
"the worst part is that I-I am th-the rea-s-s-son why h-e-he's dea-d" she cried into my chest. I felt her tears and her warm blood seeping through my shirt.
My heart dropped at the last word.
It all made sense.
But it also plunged me into a much deeper pain than the one I had been in when bella died.
He died. She was in love with him and he died. It hurt because this girl, she deserved nothing but happiness yet she got the same fate I did. She received the same amount of pain I got. I knew exactly how she was feeling, and it was agonizing to know that this delicate, extremely breakable girl was dealing with the most extreme pain known to…life.
"do you want to talk?" I said quietly. tasting the smell of the blood on my tounnge. stop thinking of it. ignore it.
"it was on june…" she whispered in between sobs.
Everything went blurry out of nowhere and a swirl of colors going around us. Then the colors mixed together to makes shapes. Everything rearranged itself and I was now standing with alex at my side. I looked at the scene before us and saw three people.
Cedric was holding alex on one side while harry supported her on the other side. Her leg was broken. All three of them were sweaty and dirty, covered in dirt and in alex's case, blood.
"alex please don't make me see this" I said turning to look at alex. As much as I didn't want to see this I figured she wouldn't be able to talk about it.
"I haven't seen this since the day it happened" she whispered tears rolling down her cheecks silently.
I looked ahead as well.
"how about all three of us take it" alex said, panting.
"all right, its fair enough" cedric said.
"no" I heard alex whisper next to me.
"yeah" harry said.
"on the count of three then" she said.
"one" began alex.
"two" said harry.
"No!" I heard Alex scream beside me.
"Three" said cedric and suddenly I felt myself being pulled and then I landed on grass.
I looked around. We were in a graveyard.
"The cup's a portkey" said cedric confused.
"Harry" Alex said her voice shaky. "we've been here before"
"What?" said cedric getting up to look at harry and alex. Alex's eyes widened in horror.
"cedric get back to the cup" she said urgently.
"what?"he said walking towards her to help her up.
She couldn't repeat herself. She screamed as if she were dying, her screams were mixed with harrys who had sunk to the floor and was pressing his hand to her forehead.
This was all happening very fast but I saw it in slow motion.
A short man walked towards them holding a bundle as if it were a baby.
"cedric leave!" alex said in between her agonized screams. It was too much I sunk to the floor. I couldn't bear to see her like that. Alex was standing next to me sobbing. This was driving me crazy. How is it possible that after so much torment I am still alive.
"kill the spare" said a horrible cold voice that sounded inhuman in every possible way.
"avada kedabra!" said the other man pointing his wand directly at cedric there was a flash of green light coming from his wand followed by two horrendous screams, both were alex's. I felt the alex next fall, crying a river of tears. I knelt down and hugged her as my whole body shook.
"please alex get us out of here." I pleaded.
"I cant" she cried.
The scene changed and we landed in a field. There we many people around us and everyone screamed and cheered. Alex let go of me and crawled over to where she was, still holding cedric and crying.
As she sat next to his body, through the tears I saw the adoration, the love she had for him. Painfully aware that she would never look at me like that. She extended her hand towards him and tried to touch his hand but she just went through it. Like a ghost.
"My fault" she whispered in his ear.
We were back again. she cried harder.
"that-s t-t-the worst p-pa-rt. He die be-be-because of me. I could fe-e-el it, that so-me so-mething bad was going to hap-p-pen. And I still asked h-i-im to c-ome with me!"
"you couldn't possibly know that he was going to die alex. It's not your fa-"
"DON'T TELL ME IT'S NOT MY FAULT!" she screeched trying to push me away from her. I just clung to her frame tighter.
"I'm tired of everyone saying that! You're no different than the others! This is why I didn't want to tell you because you don't know what I'm going through!" she shouted.
"I do know how you feel" I said sounding like I was pleading. She couldn't judge me like that. And I wanted to show her how wrong she was.
She shook her head in denial. I rubbed her back as I let her let it all out. She sobbed and cried with such emotion, it made me jealous that she could cry and I couldn't. her small body trembled as I held her. All the while she kept murmuring things to herself. Making her sound like she was crazy.
When she ran out of tears and the murmurs died down all that was left were quiet sobs and her trembling body. I took that as my opportunity.
"remember when I told you that only one other person's blood had affected me a lot?"
Still sobbing she slowly nodded .
"well she had moved here to forks in her junior year much like you. And oddly enough I met her in biology as well. Like you I couldn't read her mind. She captivated me in ways no other person ever had. Though I was aware of bad it was for me to be near her, especially her, I still did it. I regret doing it but at the same time I don't. pretty soon I had fallen in love with her, and, though its still unbelievable to me she returned the feelings." It was easier than I thought, talking about this with her. But I guess I had already accepted the fact that there was no point to live in the past. I had already let go. Leaving the past in the past and moving on. and talking about this seemed to mark some kind of closure to all of it.
"we faced many obstacles. Each of them reminding me of how wrong I was for her and how she deserved better. I left her trying to let her go. It was a big mistake. But I didn't want her to become like me. I didn't want her to become some soulless creature. But she wanted to be like me she wanted to be with me forever, so I had to leave. It almost destroyed that both of us. So I came back and grudgingly agreed to turning her into a vampire, only if she would marry me first. She had issues with marriage you see. I used that against her, so she could think about it, it would give me more time to talk her out of the whole vampire thing. But she agreed…" I felt a knot at my throat. Making everything else go away even the thirst. Know it was becoming hard to talk.
"but she said that before I turned her I had to…she wanted a real honeymoon you see…she wanted me to…make love to her" I said the last part in a whisper. I knew alex was listening though she showed no signs of it.
"I was so afraid of that. I was positive that It would be impossible and I would kill her. But like you she trusted me far too much. She said it was the one human experience she wanted to have. Against my better judgement I agreed." I rested my head on alexs thin shoulder.
"I didn't think it was possible" I whispered. "but there were certainly legends about it. she became…pregnant" a single sob ripped through me and my body began shaking much like alex's.
"well can you imagine how bad that was?"
"yes" she said softly, her voice still holding traces of the crying.
"that thing would be like me. A monster, and it would kill her. I immediately took her back to Carlisle to try to get it out of her. But when we tried to she didn't let us. She wanted to have that monster. She thought it was a baby. But she was wrong. That thing grew bigger and bigger everyday. Breaking my poor wife further. When the time came it was killing her. It was now or never. But being the fool I am I wanted the morphine to spread so she would not feel any of the pain. when I bit her it was much too late. In the end they both died."
We were both quiet.
"when did that happen?" she said quietly, in between a sob.
"around a hundred years or so" I said sadly. A hundred years without my bella. Maybe all the pain was worthwhile after all. It brought me to this magnificent broken goddess, that now rested in my lap.
Alex's pov
I had judged him too harshly. I knew that, and I regretted it. we were more alike than I thought. And I didn't like knowing that he had gone through the same thing. He had lived with this much longer.
"you've been alone for a long time" I said burying my face in his neck where it was much more comfortable.
"as have you" he murmured quietly.
"I think I've been lost for a long time" I said I had forgotten that I was not the only one with problems in this world. I had thought only of my sorry self. I had been very lost.
No longer did I feel like this was wrong. It's as if by talking about everything I had somehow eased the pain.
"and I wish to help you find your way back home alex. But I need your permission first."
"I'm sorry" I said. He could never know how truly sorry I was.
"for what?"
"for coming here and complicating your life."
"don't be. I would not have it any other way. Up until I met you I was drowning in my own anguish. But you came and you helped me. I overcame my pain. I still live with that knowledge that it is my fault that she died but, I've learned to live with it. I realize that what happens now is what matters."
"you just need to let go, living in the past wont bring him back. Learn to accept that it wasn't your fault alex. He wouldn't want you to be like this you know? He wants you to be happy."
He was right. This isn't what cedric would want for me. He would want me to be happy. No matter what I chose if it made me happy he would accept it, I knew him that much.
But what would make me happy?
I felt pressure at the top of my head. Edward buried his face in my hair.
And then it hit me. He was exactly what I needed. He was the reason why I had become more depressed these past few weeks. He was the reason why it hurt too much to be away from him.
I don't know if Edward was heaven sent but he really was my salvation. We both need each other.
I need to love and be loved in return. Is that really a crime? Is it wrong of me to want him?
I do not think so.
I will always love cedric no matter what. And I wasn't taking any of that love away from him. I was making more room for Edward, a whole new heart to give him. i only pray that he will want it.
But he was right. I couldn't live in the past anymore.
"what do you want alex?" he whispered against my hair.
I couldn't find any words to tell him what I wanted. But I acted on some instinct that now seemed foreign to me. I turned my head and lightly breathed in his sweet scent. Letting it fill me. I kissed the side of his neck softly. He went rigid and the pressure from my head lifted. I felt his soft gentle hands pull me back. I looked up at him. and he looked into my eyes searching for something.
"I want someone to live for" I whispered, not just someone. i wanted to live for him.
Hesitantly I leaned in closer to him. this was right, I knew it.
he didn't move, I couldn't read minds but I knew that he was afraid to misunderstand my approaches. He didn't want a repeat of last time.
As softly as I could I brushed my lips against his. His eyes slowly closed and he leaned in closer.
It was like my first kiss all over again. But it had a story of its own. Edward wrapped his arms tighter around my torso and I clutched his now ruined shirt. Not bothering about the pain I felt in my split knuckles.
Edward's pov
I leaned in closer now, kissing her back gently as well. Though I had loved Bella's kisses, Alex's felt like…the first taste of wine after a long journey through the desert. And I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world. She kissed me just as gently, a bit hesitantly.
Nothing mattered at the moment. Just her and me, we were the only ones in this world. Our world. Maybe this was my second chance after all and I would not commit the same mistakes again. i wanted her to love me. but i would just have to be patient. and if i could wait for a hundred years for her then surely i could wait a bit more. but right now i was in perfect oblivion.
Too soon I had to end it. The fire wouldn't stay away forever. And her right hand was still bleeding.
I pulled her away but just as her lips left mine I felt a smile in her lips.
"I'm home" she whispered into my ear.
She had no idea that as she whispered this I had become alive once again.
okay this took me such a long time because i kept erasing chunks of it and replacing them with something better.
i tried my best to make it as emotional as possible. maybe i wasnt succesful but this is my first fanfic after all, have mercy.
still nothing is too easy in a world like this. and i have a few surprises!
review guys
-airali
p.s i need help writing a new summary if you guys have any suggestions could you please tell me?
i already got one that i really like but i want to see more. so please hhelp me out a bit