Disclaimer: I do not own Hey Arnold! or Romeo & Juliet, or anything that sounds like I could make some money off of it.

Summary: What If: Mr. Simmons had never done the play in Elementary school? What if he directed it when they were all in High School instead? This is an expanded take on Helga's schemes to kiss Arnold. AxH, slight AU.

Note: As much as I love the episode "The School Play" I have several beefs with it. The fact that they made such a big deal out of the final kiss is rather silly, considering there is more than one scripted kiss in the play. But yes, they were just kids so I let that one slide. But, during the episode, they don't even place the few scenes there are in order! Always drove me crazy.

So, after my most recent viewing of this episode, I was struck with inspiration. A wonderful 'What If' Scenario. This will detail the episode with the gang in High School now (with everything else in their childhood, i.e. FTi, finding Arnold's parents, etc still having happened) with a couple exceptions: Arnold and Helga had never become a couple and Arnold's parents remained in Hillwood.

I wanted to expand on Helga's quest to become Juliet, while also building something up between Arnold and her throughout the preparations for the play.

I hope you all enjoy this 'What If' story!

Previous Chapter's Soundtrack: Highway to Hell by AC/DC

Current Chapter's Soundtrack: Local God by Everclear

Chapter Three:

"For never was a story of more woe..."

The Next Day at Rehearsal.

"So anyway, I'm really sorry Mr. Simmons, but I'm going to have to back out of playing Juliet based on...religious grounds."

The teacher frowned, "Oh, well alright Rhonda. I'm sorry to hear that, but if you're sure...?"

Helga held up the dress from the wing, acting as though she were inspecting it, before waving over at Rhonda.

Rhonda looked from the dress to Mr. Simmons with a serious face, "I'm sure."

When she walked away, Mr. Simmons sighed and turned to where Sheena was painting part of the backdrop, "Sheena, can I see you for a moment?"

"Everyone, may I have your attention?" Mr. Simmons called out. When everyone had stopped what they were doing, he cleared his throat, "We now have a new Juliet, played by Sheena."

After a moment of awkward silence, the cast clapped their support of the new development. Simmons gave instructions for everyone, before calling Arnold over.

"Yes, Mr. Simmons?"

"I'd like for you and Sheena to run through the first meeting scene."

Arnold cringed a little, "Oh, uh just to run through the dialogue?"

"Let's run it through with the scripted kisses to see how things look, alright?"

Arnold inwardly sighed as he started to read from the script.

Helga watched from stage left with a scowl, and whispered to herself, "Are you kidding me, here?"

When the time to kiss had approached, the two leaned forward to touch lips for only a moment, before pulling back. Arnold, and most of the cast, shifted uncomfortably.

"Oh man, was that painfully awkward," Helga muttered, though happy that there was nothing between the two.

"Uh," Mr. Simmons began a bit stiffly, "That was...we'll just try and work on that." He cleared his throat before continuing, "Alright, now everyone: I'd like for you all to dive a little deeper into the meaning of this special play. I have a jar of analytical questions, and I'd like for you and your partner to discuss the one that you pick. Now then, Harold, your partner is..."

"Figures I'd get stuck with you, Arnoldo."

"Look," Arnold sat down on the edge of the stage and glanced up at her a little crossly, "Let's just get this assignment over with, alright?"

"Whatever," Helga muttered as she sat down beside him.

Arnold resisted the urge to roll his eyes and looked down at the scrap of paper, "Okay, 'Who do you feel is most responsible for the widespread and tragic repercussions of the play?'"

"Oh man," Helga mumbled under her breath.

Arnold ignored it, as he'd grown so accustomed to her mannerisms over the years, and pondered over the question for a few minutes.

Helga, bored from waiting, grumbled, "Hey, you taking a nap or what, Football Head?"

"I'm just thinking about my answer," Arnold replied, "I'm not really that great at this sort of thing. I guess...well, the easy answer would be to say Romeo. But, really I think it's a pretty valid argument," he turned towards her a bit, "I'd say it's Romeo, because if he hadn't been so eager to be with Juliet so quickly...all of this could have been avoided. I mean, the fact is, is that they are just teenagers. Sure, maybe their parents would have them get married that young in those days, but...that doesn't mean teens at that age are mature enough to make those decisions for themselves, you know? I mean, Juliet is only fourteen right? Of course she's going to go along with Romeo and do whatever he asks of her; he says he loves her. I think Romeo should have just been...I don't know, more patient and bided his time. Or just had them full on elope even. Then, maybe all those lives wouldn't be ruined. But then again, I get so frustrated reading these lines sometimes at how...irresponsible I think he's being, so I guess I'm pretty biased anyway."

"Hey, you know...that wasn't half bad for someone as dense as you," Helga said a bit teasingly.

Arnold laughed a little, "Gee, thanks Helga. So, who would you say is to blame?"

"Oh, I figured I could blame just about anyone, but I decided to settle on the friar."

"Really?" Arnold asked, intrigued, "Why's that?"

Helga scoffed, "Please. This guy had no business marrying two kids without the parents consent. I mean, this guy is supposed to be a holy man...and it even says in the Bible 'Honor thy Father and Mother', and he helps marry these teens behind the parents backs. Not too mention he overdid his plan in getting them back together. I mean, why not just help Juliet escape with Romeo, and yeah like you said, just have them elope? Yet, even then...he's helping Romeo even though the guy committed murder! Also, he should've thought about the possibility that Romeo could find out about Juliet's death before a letter would reach him. He shouldn't have given her that stupid vial in the first place. He went way off the grid, in my opinion and should've been a voice of reason to those horny teens instead of let them convince him, a grown ass man, to do what they want."

Arnold blinked, "Wow, Helga. I never would've thought about it all like that. You're...you're pretty insightful, you know that?"

Helga blushed a little, and turned her face away to hide it, "Yeah, well...it's not like it's news to anyone that I'm pretty amazing, Hair Boy."

Arnold cast her a half-lidded look and smirked, "Right, who could ever forget that?"

She turned and offered him the briefest of smiles before she cleared her throat, "Right, well...glad we got this over with. See ya around, Football Head."

She got up hastily and hurried off, with Arnold looking after her a little curiously, "Yeah..."

A moment later, Arnold saw Gerald approach him out of the corner of his eyes.

"Hey man," Gerald hopped up on the stage beside him.

"Hey, Gerald. How did your partner assignment go?"

The dark skinned teen snorted, "Harold's answer to, 'Do you think there was a more efficient way to informing Romeo of the Friar's plan?' was: He should've used the express donkey."

Arnold muffled his laugh, "Yeah, no that definitely would've done the trick."

"Mm-hmm," Gerald hummed with no amusement. He raised a brow towards his friend, "How painful was your assignment with Pataki?"

Arnold shifted a little awkwardly as he rubbed the back of his neck, "It wasn't really that bad. We had a pretty good conversation...she's actually really insightful."

"...Are we talking about the same person here?" Gerald asked skeptically.

Arnold cleared his throat, "Look, it's not that big of a deal. How's...how's the lighting and sound effects going?"

Letting the change of subject slide, Gerald shrugged, "Not as easy as I thought it was going to be, but all in all it's pretty fun." Gerald jokingly elbowed Arnold, "I definitely prefer it to risking my neck climbing up to that balcony they're constructing."

Arnold gave him a slanted look, "You know, it's not like I volunteered for this. And I'm not climbing up anything until Harold has tested it out," Arnold gestured toward the large teen, who was currently rigging Curly to a sandbag.

"Probably be more willing to if Rhonda was still playing Juliet," Gerald remarked.

The blond rolled his eyes, "If I was willing to scale walls for every pretty girl I met, I'd be dead by now."

"Touche," Gerald nodded, "though, I must say...watching you and Sheena today was painful man."

"Try being me," Arnold sighed, "I mean, it's not like I can force myself to feel a certain way. At least with Rhonda there was...something, you know? What good is Romeo and Juliet if the two leads have absolutely no chemistry?"

"Well, who knows? Maybe something will build up between you two. After all, what does a couple chaste kisses mean anyway, right?" Gerald spoke reassuringly.

Arnold raised an eyebrow, "So now you're the one looking on the brightside?"

Gerald smirked, "Well somebody has to...and it obviously ain't gonna be you!"