Chapter 6: Planning and Family Reunions

Tonks had gotten up bright and early, despite her hangover, and quickly dressed in a miniskirt and denim jacket, before beating a path to the headquarters. She had a spring in her step as she made her way to Grimmauld Place, thinking of all the time she would spend alone with Remus. Remus Lupin. She giggled to herself.

Well Sirius would be there also...he was a bit of an annoying git...

Still she could put up with Sirius and this whole Malfoy Manor ordeal for Remus..her sweet timid werewolf Remus.

She curled a strand of her bubblegum pink hair as she walked in. Maybe this Malfoy Manor breaking in thing wouldn't be so bad.

"Wotcher Moody," she smirked at Mad-Eye Moody as he trotted out of Grimmauld Place. The scarred battered face of her former mentor was as surly as ever as he passed her. He paused briefly to scowl at her outfit condescendingly.

"Mornin'" Mad-Eye grunted. "They're in the kitchen. You'd better hurry. I didn't teach you to be tardy."

Thanks arsehole, Tonks thought. Glad you're no longer my mentor this time.

Sirius and Remus might actually be an improvement.

"Well well, look what the cat dragged in," Sirius winked and leered at her as she stepped through the door.

Or maybe not.

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Two hours and a half an hour later...

She knew they had a lot of 'family time' to catch up on, for all the years they didn't know each other. But so far, she was not enjoying her extra time with Sirius. In fact, Tonks was starting to understand why her mother choose to be dishoned by the Black family.

She watched as Sirius tossed a bean bag back and forth across the wall, catching it with his hands before bouncing it back to the wall again. His keen grey eyes looking smug each time he caught the bean bag.

Bounce. Bounce. Bounce.

Meanwhile Remus was just droning on about formal safety procedures in reconnaissance missions, or some other mumbo jumbo. She couldn't really concentrate on anything he was saying while Sirius was bouncing that ball.

"Sirius can you stop that?"

Sirius just raised an elegant brow at her.

"It's annoying," she informed her cousin, as if that weren't already perfectly obvious.

"Oh right because you never do anything annoying Nymphadora-" Sirius began.

"Can you both just shut up and pay attention?" Remus finally snapped and threw down the piece of chalk he'd been writing with.

They were all in a tense mood because they'd spent hours trying to figure out how exactly they'd get in Malfoy Manor, but had still come to no conclusion...at least not any safe ones. Sirius had a bunch of dangerous and absurd ideas of how they could get in but neither Tonks or Remus were taking his ideas very...well...seriously.

"C'mon you two," Remus said, as if he were their professor and not the same age as Sirius, "We've got to put our heads together. We don't have all the time in the world here."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I've already told you plenty of valid plans, Mooney, if you cared to listen."

Remus clenched his jaw. "We are not going polyjuiced as house-elves."

Tonks chuckled to herself as Sirius pouted like a sulky teenager. She jabbed him in the arm. "Yeah that was a genius plan, Sirius, until we all get beaten to death by Lucius Malfoy. You know he likes to beat his house-elves don't you?"

"That wasn't the only idea I had!" Sirius told her snidely, as if his pride were injured.

"Yes and all the rest of your ideas are equally disgusting," she told him flatly. She wanted to kick him under the table.

"Tonks is right. Most of your ideas are disgusting." Remus blushed and the corner of his mouth twitched as if he were struggling not to encourage Sirius by smiling. He cleared his throat. "Some of your ideas seriously made me wonder how you could even come up with things. They were rather disturbing."

Sirius stopped bouncing his beanbag and looked up at them like they were strangers.

"I'm sorry but what Order are you two part of?" Sirius demanded loudly, "The Order of well-behaved blushing brides? Because last time I checked, we're the Order of the bloody Phoenix, not a bunch of sorority schoolgirls!"

"What was your other plan again?" Tonks asked, because she liked how much Remus blushed whenever Sirius brought it up.

Sirius flashed her a brilliant smile. "I said we could go disguised as high-class escorts, Tiffany, Amber and Diane."

Remus looked like his face had been deep fried in a frying pan.

Tonks stifled a burst of laughter. "Who is Diane again?"

Sirius smirked. "Remus of course."

Diane, or rather Remus, blushed to the tips of his roots. "Enough of your nonsense, we are not going as escorts! Lucius is Nymphadora's uncle in case you don't remember!"

"And you don't think Lucius orders escorts?" Sirius laughed and slapped his knee, "It's the perfect plan: Lucius orders escorts, we come along fit as fiddles, bobs your uncle! We're in!"

"Hmm that might actually work," Tonks mused, her finger wrapping around her pink hair. She could barely control her laughter. As much as Sirius's ideas grossed her out, the look on Remus's face was priceless. "Who would be Tiffany again?"

Sirius sighed agreeably. "I would of course. The confident one. Diane would be the prissy primadonna that doesn't want to give any hea-"

Sirius yelped as Remus wrapped an arm around him in a headlock.

"I swear Sirius, I will kick you out of this room if you continue. I might even ask Dumbledore to take you off the Order if you persist and can't take this mission seriously!"

Sirius was getting red in the face as circulation slowed to his face.

"Remus! Calm down, you're hurting him."

He let him go and Sirius stumbled forward in his chair and grasped at his neck. "Wanker! Tried to strangle me!"

Remus fixed his cuffs. "I kept you in a headlock and you know you deserved it." He turned to her. "I'm sorry Nymphadora. Really I should go to Dumbledore and ask that you be reassigned to someone else, Sirius is clearly not going to be much use and frankly I'm already a bit busy..."

Tonks crossed her arms. So now he wanted to wheedle his way out of this altogether and not spend any time with her? Well it was time for her to put her foot down.

"Wait just a moment Remus," she said authoritatively, "Dumbledore didn't actually say how we do this mission, only that we do." She shot Sirius a pointed look. "So while I may not agree with Sirius, he does have a point. Playing escorts would be a good way to infiltrate Malfoy Manor and gain his trust."

Remus's mouth fell open. "Are you saying that-"

"No I'm not saying we actually prostitute ourselves. Escorts don't actually do that, er, I think." She looked to Sirius for help, "Do they...?"

"Of course you would assume that I am the expert on these things!" Sirius said defensively.

"You're the one who suggested it!" Remus snapped at him, clearly not liking that Sirius was responsible for steering the conversation to where it was right now. The werewolf looked increasingly hot and bothered under the collar.

Tonks bit her lip. Admittedly she liked seeing Remus lose his temper. The werewolf's anger was...phrrroar! Naughty thoughts back to attention. Tonks tried to look serious like the well trained auror and Ministry employee she was.

"Remus think of it this way. I could pretend to be a high-class pureblood but it would take months for me to get the grace, tact and all that mumbo jumbo. On the other hand, I could pretend to be a highclass escort and it would be a lot easier."

Sirius grinned. "You see she wants to do it!" Sirius clapped his hand against the table as if this were all good news to him.

Remus appeared horribly distraught.

"You mean you actually want to pretend to be that Nymphadora?"

Oh god why did he have to look so adorably heartbroken when he said that?

Tonks bit her lip and stared guiltily between Remus and Sirius, who were at opposite ends of the scale of happy and unhappy. Sirius looked thrilled while Remus looked like someone just told him him Santa Claus wasn't real.

"I wouldn't actually do anything..."she said slowly.

Sirius fist pumped the air. "Yes! I'm going to be Tiffany!"

Remus's ears turned red. "Why are you even so excited that you get to be a woman Sirius?!"

"I don't know, Diane, but I think half the fun would be seeing you in heels!"

Tonks finally could take it no more. She had been trying to hold it back. She was embarassed, excited, angry, happy, and thrilled.

...but most of all, if she was honest, she was also looking forward to seeing 'Diane' in heels.

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Next chapter will be Hermione with her secret Slytherin lover...well i think you can guess who he is **wink wink**

Please review if you liked it or any criticism!

Oh and someone asked where I will be posting the uncensored version of this story, but I haven't decided yet. Only the full story will be here for now but if there's a really naughty scene I will just post a link to the uncensored version in case anyone wants to read that

Thanks :-)