Thanks to alexandraarias9054, guest and maraudersextra for reviewing! This story is silly but i'm glad someone likes it :-) (and its only going to get sillier)

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Chapter 7: Potions and Lotions

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Hermione walked down the darkly lit hallway of the dungeons when she suddenly squeaked and felt hands pull her into a closet.

She barely had time to catch her breathe, before she felt cool familiar lips latch onto hers.

She groaned a little as he ground her into the wall. His taut body pressed up against hers.

"What took you so long?"

"I didn't want to be caught," he said in between nuzzling her neck and kissing along her jawline.

She tangled her hands in his silky hair and pulled him even closer to him.

"Just don't make me late for class." she teased but then as she felt what he was doing to her, she thought it would be worth dieing for to have a taste of this.

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"Hermione where on earth were you?" Harry and Ron scowled at her as she met up with them before potions class. "You're almost late."

"Sorry I had to study." She brushed back her matted and slightly sweaty hair, "In the library."

Her eyes gazed off to the Slytherin side of the classroom.

Ron gave her an unpleasant look. "You're always in the library, Hermione, you might as well not come out of there altogether. Honestly."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Maybe if you spent a bit more time in the library Ron, you wouldn't need my help so much come exam times," she said flatly.

"Whatever," Ron grunted, "Exams are months away."

"Yes, that's what you say every year," Hermione said and took out her quill and potions lab book. "and then you're panicked in the last weeks and stay up all night."

Harry laughed "It's true" and Ron elbowed him. They all fell silent as Snape came into the classroom and sneered at them before scrawling some instructions on the board. A recipe for magical skin lotion.

Later as they brewed their potions, Harry nudged her. "Hey why is Draco giving you weird looks?"

Hermione dared to glance up at Draco Malfoy, who was indeed staring at her intently, his blonde hair over his eyes as he mixed his cauldron. She glanced hesitantly back at Harry.

"He's not giving me weird looks...he's just a git, Harry. Nothing's changed."

"I don't know," Harry said and scratched at his messy black hair, "He's looking at you like he wants to eat you."

Hermione stifled a laugh. "Don't be silly Harry. You must be imagining things." She bent over the counter and started finely chopping up some willow bark, to hide her blush, "Now c'mon we better get this potion brewed!"

...

When Tonks joined the Order of the Phoenix, she expected to be put in many different situations. Some of them dangerous and compromising...but somehow she never expected to be shoe-shopping with Remus and Sirius. In a muggle boutique.

"Oh I like these!" Sirius said and held up a shiny silver pair of high heels.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Nothing flashy Sirius, let's keep it tasteful."

"I'm the picture of class and taste, Mooney! Just look at the dress I picked out!" Sirius held out a short sequined gold minidress with a slit up the thigh and a plunging decollatage.

"You're a total slut Padfoot."

Tonks chuckled to herself. "Oi Diane I haven't seen you pick out anything yet?"

Remus, aka. now-everybody-called-him-Diane-to-piss-him-off, rolled his eyes again as if he were a long suffering adult stuck babysitting two children. He crossed his arms. "That's because I haven't seen anything I like."

"He's just being picky!" Sirius said and greedily flipped through the racks of clothing to find even more dresses for himself. Tonks vaguely wondered where the man learned to shop. Because even she was ready to drop.

Tonks sat down next to Remus, by the change rooms. He smiled tiredly at her and then looked away from her.

She cleared her throat and tried to get his attention. When she caught his eye she said, "So what's your favourite colour?"

"Pardon?" Remus raised an incredulous brow.

"I mean," she stammered, "I could help you pick out a dress if you tell me what you like..."

She stared hopefully at him.

"Oh," he scratched at his hair and gave her an awkward smile, "in that case.." he chuckled ".. green."

She smiled. "I figured you might be a green sort of person," she blabbered and then realized she sounded like an idiot. "I mean, you know, nature-y and down to earth?" Okay I should just shut up now.

But Remus smiled at her. "Actually, yes, I've always considered myself close to nature..." he chuckled "Guess it helps that I turn into an animal once a month, to get in touch with my more animalistic side."

"Oh does it?" she asked with interest and crossed her legs. And did that animalistic side extend to his bedroom activities? she wondered and blushed to herself.

Remus frowned at her. "It was a joke Nymphadora."

"Oh of course it is!" She smiled widely in embarrassment.

He stared at Sirius who was busily racking up more sales of shoes and dresses, getting a good dent into the Black family fortune.

He shifted his gaze back to her and she saw up close that he really had beautiful amber eyes "You know, you're awfully young to be an auror and in the Order?"

"Am I?" Tonks was really too lost in his beautiful eyes to really notice what she was saying. "Twenty's not that young."

Remus shook his head. "It's quite young. You know I'm sorry your first mission is in such shambles, I fear we may become a laughing stock if anyone else catches drift of our plan." He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "You know it's not too late to change it and back out of this, I can just tell Dumbledore-"

She hated whenever he tried to back out of things, it was always his habit. "No Remus, I'm not backing out of my first proper mission, how would that look? Like I couldn't handle it?"

She waved a hand in the air. "Besides the plan actually is perfect, despite," she winced. "the elements of ridiculous about it." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Sirius had Mundungus spy a little on Lucius and it turns out he's always going to the fifth avenue venue on weekends and whenever his wife's not around." She chuckled grimly at the thought of what her uncle got up to when no one was looking. "It would be very easy for us to slip in there and be the one's he chooses to take home."

Remus laughed uneasily, a bit of colour rising in his face. "Yes, and what happens once he 'takes us home' as you say?" His eyes stared at her as if she were a little bunny he was afraid would be eaten.

Tonks could have died at how adorable his eyes were when he was worrying about her.

"Nothing's going to happen as long as I have Diane there. To protect me." She tried to make him smile.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Right." But he did look comforted that he could protect her somewhat.

He grimaced as he Sirius came over with a shopping trolley full of purchases.

"C'mon bitches," Sirius grinned, "It's time to go home and try these babies on!"

Remus looked like he was being dragged off to the vet and Tonks said, "C'mon Rem' it won't be so bad. You can tell me how I look in my outfits!"

At that he smiled. And they left the store with several bags worth of luxury dresses, heels and-to Remus' shock and horror-some lingerie.

The shopping clerk gave them a weird look as they left the store. "That is the most enthusiastic man I've ever seen shopping."

As Sirius started enthusiastically pulling out the lingerie and short dresses he bought, Remus got increasingly red in the face

"Sirius," he growled. "No one's actually going to see what's underneath your dress, unless you decide to slut yourself out!"

Sirius scowled. "You can never be too prepared, Rem! What if Lucius is a total pervert and decides to look up your skirt? Do you want to be in old briefs or granny panties?! A mistake like that could cost you your life!" Sirius screamed as Remus chased him through Grimmauld Place.

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NEXT CHAPTER: 'Man I feel like a woman!' (like the Shania twain song!) and maybe a scene from Malfoy manor?

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