Residential Evil 4

Next was yet another Wii game, and this game was called Residential Evil 4.

"So-So, what do ya mean you didn't like Residential Evil 4?" Mac questioned when Bloo started playing the game.

"Well, it was just…too hard and difficult," Bloo replied while walking through the forest.

"Just shut up, and play the best game ever made," Mac growled.

"There's a crow," mac said while pointing out a crow on the ground a few yards away.

"Shit," Bloo hissed while grabbing out his hand gun, "are they zombies?"

"What? No. Dude, there are no zombies in this game," Mac replied.

"What? This is Resident Evil, Dude," Bloo protested.

"There are NO zombies in Residential Evil 4."

"So, then what are the bad guys called, then?"

"They're called…ok, so I don't know, but one of 'ems called Miguel, and I'll bet'cha there's another one called Sanchez."

"You think we're in Mexico?" Mac chuckled when Bloo went up to the front porch of an old house, "Dude, you're in Europe."

"What?! Nuh-unh! This is totally Mexico!" Bloo protested while looking like an idiot by just walking back and forth on the porch with his gun up and aimed.

"No! The game takes place in Europe; it even says it in the fuckin' intro!" Mac shouted, but then he started to become annoyed when Bloo just didn't go into the house, "JUST WALK INTA THE FUCKIN' HOUSE!"

"How-how come I can't, like, run, jump and shoot all at the same time?" Bloo asked with confusion once he was finally in the house.

"I…am going to punch your face," Mac grumbled in disappointment at his friend's ignorance.

"I'm just saying that games should be better than that," Bloo added.

"I'm gonna kill you," Mac sighed.

But then, Bloo's character walked around the corner to find a man in the dining room.

"Do you have wifi in here?" Bloo mocked with a grin, but then the man turned, and he looked really sick, "aw, shit! Elderly people!"

"Just talk ta him with your gun!" Mac commanded while Bloo struggled to aim, "say hello!"

Soon, Bloo shot and killed the man.

"Check that man!" Mac exclaimed with anticipation when an 'a' icon popped up on the screen for Bloo to check the dead man.

'He's now a zombie…' the screen read.

"NOT a zombie," Mac pointed out with victory.

"That's obviously a typo," Bloo grumbled.

"In your f—WHAT?! Typo for what?!" Mac raged, "Crombie? Jombie? Zimbie? Zambambo?!"

"Shut up!" Bloo whined.

"Oh sweet, treasure!" Bloo cheered when he found a room underneath the staircase, but when he checked inside the room, there were nothing but crates of human skulls filled with maggots.

"That's not treasure," Mac mocked.

"'Look like they've killed a lot of people,'" Bloo read the text on the screen aloud.

"I can read, Asshole!" Mac stated angrily.

"Go over ta that window," Mac began after Bloo went upstairs, "and press 'a'."

"That's probably just gonna kill me, so I'm not gonna do this," Bloo calmly protested.

"Just fuckin' press 'a', or I swear ta God, I will fuckin' kill you!" Mac exclaimed.

"Alright! Fine!" Bloo snapped back, and he pressed 'a' and jumped out the window, but he landed in a nice summer salt.

"Ka-blam!" Mac happily exclaimed.

But after Bloo landed, he started to get mobbed by a few zombie-like creatures, and he started shooting them.

"Invade America, will you?!" Bloo yelled like he was in war.

…

"You're in THEIR country!" Mac angrily shouted.

"So, where's all the evil? I haven't seen any of it yet," Bloo asked when he left the house and approached a remote shed out in the woods.

"Really? You don't call a guy trying to stab you with an axe while saying creepy Spanish shit evil?" Mac grumbled.

"Well, I just don't I think I've seen anything evil AT ALL in this place," Bloo added when he walked into the shed, but when he turned to leave, he found a woman's corpse hung up on the wall by an axe to her head.

"Oh, there it is!"

"Hey, hey, hey!" Mac cheered, "THAT'S what I like ta call expert farming."

"She probably didn't make the sandwiches they asked for," Bloo snickered.

"Hey, I got one," Bloo said happily when he went off further into the woods, and he started shooting at crows.

"Not bad," Mac added with a smirk, but then Bloo shot down another crow.

"Hey, I got another one!"

But then, when Bloo went up to the crow and collected any items it might have carried, he gained a hand grenade.

"Man, that crow just shat out a hand grenade!" Mac shouted with excitement.

"Yeah, that crow was armed, and I got him before he could get me."

"He was gonna throw that at you with his little crow pecker."

"Hey, it's that dog," Mac suddenly shouted when he pointed out a white dog who's back leg was stuck in a bear trap.

"What dog?" Bloo questioned.

"THAT dog," Mac replied, "you should help that dog."

So, Bloo made his character pry the metal jaws open and free the dog.

"Hey, it's that dog, and I just freed him," Bloo said victoriously.

"You totally saved that dog," Mac added.

"Hey, dude-hey, where ya goin'?! Come back!" Bloo said with a smile while walking up to the dog, but then it suddenly ran away.

"Whatever. You don't need him," Mac pointed out while crossing his arms.

"Snowy," Bloo whined.

"You get to be alone ALL the time," Mac pointed out with a grin.

"Yeah, just like you."

"Shut the fu-no, it's true…"

Soon, Bloo went even further into the woods, but when he least expected it, he seemed to have triggered a wire, and he was knocked back while losing some health do to an explosion.

"AH, WHAT THE FUCK?!"

"Yeah, nice job!" Mac sarcastically cheered.

"The hell was that?!" Bloo angrily shouted.

"That was some, uh, dynamite trip-wire."

"How the fuck do crows know how ta lay dynamite, anyway?"

"I'm almost dead, and I'm outta ammo," Bloo started complaining shortly after the explosion.

"No ammo? Dude, you got plenty of ammo; ya got like six ammo," Mac protested.

"Well, I'm almost dead!"

"Well, YOU were the one behind the controls, Doucheface."

Bloo only rolled his eyes and ignored Mac, and he went into another strange shed.

"Ok, who the hell's in he-WHAT THE FUCK?!" Bloo grumbled, but when he walked in, a guy jumped out of nowhere and killed him with a single swing of his axe.

"Sprint! Waggle!" Mac angrily demanded when Bloo's character was starting to get chased down by a giant boulder.

"I am!"

"You need ta waggle WAY harder than that!" Mac shouted, but Bloo didn't listen, no matter how hard he shook the Wii remote, and he died anyway, "you didn't waggle hard enough!"

"I waggled SUPER hard," Bloo protested.

"No, Man! You were waggling that shit like you own limp dick!" Mac raged.

"K, since you such a stupid baby, I'm gonna do it for you," Mac grumbled when he eventually volunteered to complete the part for Bloo.

"Yeah, I'm sure you will," Bloo added sarcastically.

Soon, the men up on the hill pushed the boulder down, and the chase scene started again.

"Look! THIS is how you waggle! That's it! This is all you do!" Mac said while shaking the Wii remote, and he was doing much better than Bloo, but then he started to get cocky and closed his eyes.

"Unh-huh! Yeah! Not even lookin'!"

But while Mac's eyes were closed, the 'a' and 'b' buttons appeared on screen, telling Mac to press them and dodge.

"You might wanna look now," Bloo stated with a smirk.

"Yeah, right-WHAT THE HELL?!" Mac said when he opened his eyes with disbelief, but he opened them only to find that he died.

"Yup, that's how I thought it was gonna go," Bloo sighed, "eeyup!"

…

"Go. Eat. A boat," Mac growled.

"Who the hell's that?" Bloo asked when he saw a strange man in a cloak outside a window of another shed.

"You don't know him?" Mac asked with surprise, "he's your pal."

"That child molester is my pal?"

"Yeah, he looks like a friggin' child molester, but that's his business."

"Is that all, Stranger?" the strange man asked after Bloo bought everything he needed from him.

"Yeah, I guess," Bloo sighed when he exited the man's 'store', "what am I even doing he-WHOA, SHIT!"

"What?! No!" Mac cried because when Bloo hit 'exit', he killed the man.

"Fuck!" Bloo snapped.

"Why would you do that?!" Mac asked with shock.

"I don't know! It just happened when I came out!"

"He's not gonna sell you any shit now! …Ya know, he was your only friend in this horrible place, and you killed him."

"It-it was an accident! …aw…"

"I hate caves," Bloo crumbled when he entered a dark cave.

"You don't like dark, moist places, Man?" Mac asked jokingly.

"I like your mom's dark and moist cave," Bloo replied with a grin.

"Hey, how 'bout I kill you? How 'bout that?"

"How about no?"

But after their conversation, they walked around a cave bend, and they saw the man that Bloo just murdered was somehow still alive.

"What?!" Mac exclaimed.

"I killed him!" Bloo added with shock.

"Ok, go to the end a' the pier," Mac suggested when Bloo was in a bait shed by a lake, "and there's a bunch a' fish out there that you can kill, and you can get items from them."

"You sure?" Bloo asked while slowly walking out onto the pier.

"Yeah, and I think there's one that drops, like, a rupee, or somethin'."

"Like the crows, right?"

"Yeah, but-."

"You can do it for fish too?"

"Yeah, you can totally do it for all the wildlife animals in this game."

So, Bloo agreed to walk out onto the end of the pier, and he aimed down at the water with his rifle, and he started to shoot.

"Where are they?" Bloo questioned after two shots.

"Just get, like, two or three more," Mac replied.

"Oh, shit!" Bloo gasped when he saw a bass suddenly brake out of the water.

"See? Shoot it. Shoot the fishy," Mac urged on, and Bloo continued to shoot.

But just when Bloo was about to shoot his last bullet, a giant, monster fish just suddenly leapt out of the water and ate Bloo's character in one bite, and the jumpscare nearly scared Bloo to death.

"FUCK!"

"You didn't shoot the fishy," Mac chuckled.

"Go out onto the pier," he said. "Shoot the fishy," he said.

Until the next chapter, I'm TRikiD, bye-bye!