Chapter 5

Letters

The ride back to Charming gives Jax time to reflect upon everything that has happened today. He is amazed as to how wonderful his life is now that Tara and Abel are both back in his life safe and sound. Tara loves him. Tara still loves him after all the shit she has had to suffer because she loves him. Having Tara back in his arms declaring her love for him makes leaving Tara and Abel sad. But it would have been so much more painful if Tara didn't let him back into her heart.

All of his plans are falling into place. He had talked to Margaret Murphy before he left Charming to go to Merced. Margaret assured him that no one at the hospital knew where Tara had gone. He was also thrilled that Nan and Jeb Teller would be watching out for Tara.

Nan and Jeb were distant cousins to Jax's father. Gemma never knew about them. Jax remembers his father introducing Nan and Jeb to Jax a few months after Tommy had died. They had lunch together in Merced. Jeb had been in the reserves. He didn't have to go to Vietnam. Nan made it clear that they didn't like the outlaw life that JT had created. They were both really sad about Tommy. That was when Nan and Jeb made a secret pact that if Jax ever needed help outside of Charming they would be there for him. At the time, Jax didn't appreciate how important that would be for him. His dad made it clear that no one is allowed to know about Nan and Jeb. Jax did talk to them after his dad died. Jax was riding to clear his head of all the pain and grief he felt. Jax ended up riding to Merced. He called them with the phone number that was given to him three years prior. They were thrilled to hear from Jax and shocked that JT had died. Jax spent the rest of that day at their home. Jax felt like he had a hidden treasure with Nan and Jeb, left to him by his father. Now that Tara and Abel are both in Merced, Jax can rest easy knowing Jeb and Nan are watching over his family.

Tara will be so surprised in the morning to see Nan at her door step to take care of Abel. Nan will also give Tara the adoption papers to sign and Jeb will send them back to Lowen by special delivery. Tara will have a lot of questions but Jax knows Nan and Jeb will keep him out of it. Margaret made a deal with Jax to be his contact for everything he wanted for his family. Margaret suggested that while Jax is in prison all of his letters will be addressed to Margaret's home and she will get them to Tara. Jax is doing everything he can think of to keep Tara and Abel hidden and out of harms way. Gemma will be under house arrest for six months. For now that is one less thing for Jax to worry about.

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Jax has just walked into his home in Charming. Picking up his cell phone he notices 20 calls from Clay. Looks like he will have church at 9 this morning. Jax is not going to try to retrieve the other messages left on his phone. Jax takes a shower and changes his clothes for the day ahead of him. His duffle bag from Belfast is still on his bed. He knows the prospects will be cleaning his home and one of them will live here while he is in prison. But they don't need to be bothered unpacking his shit. Jax unpacks his bag and finds a packet of letters tied in a ribbon. Attached is a note:

Dear Jackson,

The truth about your father is in these letters.

You should know John like I did.

Maureen

What the hell! Why would she give him JT letters that were written for her? He doesn't have time to read them now. But Jax feels like these letters need to remain hidden until he has time to read them all. He decides to find the last written letter dated on the envelopes. He opens his father's final letter to Maureen. The last few sentences of this letter shake Jax's world apart:

MY DAYS ARE NUMBERED HERE MO. WHEN THESE LETTERS STOP YOU CAN BE SURE THAT MY DEATH COMES AT THE HANDS OF MY WIFE AND MY BEST FRIEND. I ONLY HOPE THAT MY JACKSON FINDS A DIFFERENT PATH. HE ALREADY REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF MYSELF.

Jax places the letter back into the envelope. He ties them all back together in the ribbon. He takes them and places them into a paper bag into his backpack. As he is leaving the house he sees Maureen's note on the floor and quickly grabs it to put in his bag with the other letters. He has no time to think or process what he just read. He needs to give these letters to Piney to keep them safe.

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Jax rides to TM and he is relieved to find Piney sitting at the bar. Jax quickly motions to Piney to follow him into his dorm room. Jax explains everything about the letters to Piney. Piney takes the letters and promises Jax they will be hidden until he is released from jail.

Clay promptly starts the meeting at 9 am. No one is asking Jax where he has been; they are all too focused on getting the job done for today.

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Jax's head is pounding and his heart is beating rapidly; the pressure of this day is almost too much to bare. They have finally finished the tasks successfully. Jimmy O and Stahl are dead and the SONS will be doing short time in the C.D.C. In fourteen months they will be released. All Jax can think about is that Clay and his own mother killed his father. He knows there is a lot more to this story but he has to have patience until he is released. The best distraction is to think about how much he loves Tara and their children. He realizes he never asked Tara about when the baby is due. He has been so busy with so much shit. He has to think of his family first from now on. Sitting in his jail cell, Jax begins to write to Tara. He writes three long pages asking about their unborn child; wondering how she feels; how Abel is doing; how much he loves her and misses his family. Jax addresses the letter to Margaret Murphy to be mailed in the morning.

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Tara is waking up from a long stressful night. She didn't want Jax to leave. It felt so good to finally declare their love openly and honestly including the good and the bad. They both know their love has been tested, shaken, and denied. Together they are stronger. Tara wonders how many more obstacles will threaten their love. For now she knows they are separated, but they are united in love. Tara starts to write her first daily letter to Jax in jail. Tara hears someone knocking at the door. As she opens the door, she is delighted to see Nan. Nan hands Tara a large brown envelope with Ally Lowen's return address listed on the left hand corner. Before Tara can ask a question Nan explains the envelope was delivered when she knocked on the door. Tara lets Nan into the house as Abel lets his cries be known that he needs his momma. Tara begins to explain that Abel is her adopted son. Nan lets Tara know explanations are not necessary. Nan suggests she would love to care for the baby so Tara can examine the contents of her delivered envelope. Tara is thrilled to have Nan there; it feels like Nan understands Tara instinctively. Tara does remember being told that Nan and Jeb are two of the best people and workers in town. Tara reads and signs the adoption papers and places them into the enclosed envelope to be mailed. Tara asks Nan if she would mind watching Abel for a few minutes while she goes to the post office. Nan readily agrees. Nan also suggests she would love to provide day care for Abel. Tara is so relieved and gives Nan a big thank you hug. Tara tells Nan that would be great and they will work out the details when she returns. When Tara leaves the house, Jeb is arriving in his truck. Tara greets Jeb warmly and explains she has to run a quick errand. Jeb sees the envelope and tells Tara he can mail it for her. Tara is hesitant, but Jeb assures her he has his own business at the post office that needs to be done. Tara is beginning to be a little puzzled by Nan and Jeb's willingness to help her out. She figures she may be over-reacting; pregnancy hormones are a challenge. But she will still be cautious as Jax has taught her to be.

One week later Tara receives the official documentation; Abel is now her adopted son...Abel Knowles-Teller. Tara also receives a huge manilla envelope from Margaret. Tara hopes this is something special. After putting Abel to sleep, Tara crawls into bed and opens the large envelope from Margaret. Seven letters from Jax fall onto her lap as she empties the envelope. Each one is a love letter:

Hey Babe,

I guess you know how I am able to write to you now. Margaret has been very supportive of my efforts to keep you hidden and safe. I am sure you are surprised with all of the help and attention you have gotten from Nan and Jeb. Trust them Tara. They will take good care of you , Abel, and baby #2. Which reminds me how is our baby? I want to see pictures of you big and fat. I have been so busy, I don't even know when my son is due to be born. I know it is a boy; I have a feeling. How is our little man? Lowen told me the adoption is final. You have always been Abel's mother. I know Abel would not have made it, if not for you. Tara, I miss you so much; I think of you all the time. I know I would not survive this hell hole without your love. When I told you I was a tortured soul...I thought I had lost your love forever. I know I can't live this life without your love. I tried it once over eleven years ago and I barely survived the shit stew I made with my life. I am going to give you a beautiful life, Tara. Always remember that you are a part of me. I hope the prison officials enjoy reading my love letters to you. They always read our letters...including the letters you send to me. I am sending you all of my love...please share it with Abel and my #2 baby to come. I promise to write to you daily.

I love you more every day,

Jax

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Three weeks later Jackson Nathaniel Teller is shivved to death waiting in line to make a phone call. His body is cremated, per his request when he entered the prison. His remains are sent to Gemma Morrow.

AN: This story is now a total A/U. TBC