March 2007
Pam nervously sat in her doctor's office waiting for Dr. Anderson to return. Two days ago she had her yearly physical done and just yesterday evening there was a voice mail asking for her to come in. There seemed to be something they found in her blood tests. Feeling slightly uneasy, she had called Michael asking for the morning off since she had to run to the doctor's.
"Didn't you just go a few days ago?"
"Yeah, I guess they lost my file, I need to run by and sign some things. I'll be in as soon as I can."
As always Michael was very understanding and once Pam hung up her phone her mind began speeding a million miles per hour. What could be so important that her doctor couldn't tell her over the phone?
The last month had been sorta stressful.
Jim was with Karen and watching them day and day out together was starting to get to her. She was glad Jim was finally happy, yet couldn't stand the fact she had honestly missed her chance. Every day seemed like the same old routine, over and over again she would wake up, get ready for work, go to work, answer phone and deal with Michael all day, watch Jim and Karen from a distance, and avoid Ryan.
They really hadn't talked since that night of Phyllis' wedding. That following Monday Pam expected the two of them to talk, but instead Ryan came in a little after eight and went straight to his desk. Not once did he look up at her. Feeling her stomach in knots, twice she wanted to instant message him asking if he wanted to talk, but each time she got the nerve to do so something came up.
Their lunch breaks were at different times, and she didn't run into him once. By the end of the day she saw it was clear he was upset, but didn't want to show it. Gathering her things up for the day, she overheard Kelly and him arguing in the hallway. Sighing, she slid on her coat and went out to find Ryan gone. Going out to the parking-lot she caught Kelly getting into her car crying.
The next couple of days she noticed he would sit away from her during the meetings, avoid eye contact, and get up to make his own copies whenever he needed to. Hating to see him like this one Friday evening she bumped into him in the break room.
"Hey."
Ryan was busy stirring his coffee when he looked up. Right away Pam was taken back by how blue his eyes looked and how freshly dressed he looked in his blue shirt and tie.
Ryan smirked looking back down.
"Hey."
Looking back and forth Pam saw this might be their only time alone.
"Hey Ryan, I know this isn't the best time to bring it up, but I just wanted to say sorry about what happened a few weeks ago. Things have felt awkward since and I just wanted to make sure everything was okay."
Ryan looked at her before faking a small smile.
"Things are fine Pam, listen I need to get back..."
Before she could say another word he pushed past her and went back out to his desk. Watching him, Pam sighed. She honestly didn't know why she was pushing him away.
Now nearly a month later she was alone at her doctor's office, chewing away at her nails and praying to God it wasn't anything serious. Finally Dr. Anderson came in and Pam's heart began racing. As always Dr. Anderson greeted her with a friendly smile and a pat on the shoulder before sitting at his desk.
"Do I have cancer?"
Pam blurted out, right away knowing how scared and childish she sounded. Dr. Anderson chuckled before shaking his head.
"Nervous wreck are we Pam?"
Pam sighed trying to find humor in this.
"Sorry, it's just when you said you found something in the blood tests I..."
"You're pregnant Pam."
Pam blinked.
"I'm...what?"
"Pregnant, after we ran your blood tests you tested positive to the pregnancy tests."
Pam suddenly felt something like a million pin pricks of blood rushing down her body. Her head pounded and for a brief second she felt dizzy as if she was dreaming.
"Pam are you all right?"
Pam took a second.
"I'm...what?"
Dr. Anderson smiled.
"Pregnant, now I would love to have you in for a ultrasound as soon as possible. Do you think you could do it today?"
Pam had to take a second to breath. The reality of it all hadn't really set in. Sitting there she couldn't believe it. She couldn't be pregnant, she was too young. Women who get pregnant were married and in love...not her. Sitting there right away it hit her.
Ryan got her pregnant the night of the wedding.
Her eyes widening, she looked up at Dr. Anderson.
Later...
"All right, just lay down real still and relax."
Pam laid on the table in a hospital gown wanting her mother more than anything at that exact moment. Trying to do as the doctor said, she took deep breaths as he gently slid something in-between her two legs. Right away Pam stiffened before she stared up at the ceiling.
"All right, just relax and let's see..."
A moment later that uncomfortable feeling dulled and the tiny screen that was wheeled over beside her lit up. Dr. Anderson squinted and waited before he smiled.
"Here we are..."
Pam hiked herself up and stared at the screen, for a second all she saw was a blurry image of nothing. Puzzled she stared at it.
"Where?"
Dr. Anderson pointed to the little fluttering blur on the screen.
"Right there, looks to be about five or so weeks...there's the heart, that little thing fluttering. Seems to be healthy and growing at perfect size..."
Pam right away burst into tears, Dr. Anderson saw this and frowned.
"I take it this wasn't planned?"
Pam began shaking her head as tears rolled down her face. What was she going to do? She worked at Dunder Mifflin in Scranton. Her job was dull and boring, she was single, and lived in a tiny apartment. Now one little fling, one little mindless fling she had with what used to be the office temp resulted in this? She honestly didn't think she could take it. Right away Dr. Anderson began rubbing her shoulder.
2024
"Teagan! Dinner!"
Pam called out from the back deck. Down in the driveway, Teagan was on his roller blades playing with his hockey stick and practicing slap shots. Right away Teagan looked up, a skater cap on his head. He wore a black hoddie and jeans, a typical teenager look for that time. Teagan had honestly become a very handsome looking man.
At seventeen he stood at nearly 5'10, which was a little taller than both of his parents. He was lanky, but had what Pam liked to think as a classically handsome adorable face. His eyes were squinty, but a very beautiful shade of dark blue eyes, that nearly looked brown. His hair was a dark shade of brown, like his father's, and a great smile.
Seven months or so ago a letter had come in to Tergan from the talent agency Pam had put him into when he was three years old from New York. After settling, and Pam became a full time mom, she had looked into maybe playing around with the idea of seeing if anyone else agreed with the fact that she thought Tegan was the cutest baby around. She had decided to enter Tegan into this small family run talent agency that a friend of hers told her about. It was just a place you had your child's head shot taken and very once in a while for magazine ads or commercials they would call up certain parents or children on the call back sheet and see if they wanted to try out.
At first BJ hated this idea, thinking it was too weird, but Pam went ahead anyways and for a brief time when Tegan was four, he was featured in some child's clothing ads in the city. Tegan seemed to enjoy it and was good as gold for the photographers, Pam kept the ads and always thought the photos turned out great and it was around three thousand that Ryan and her put away for Tega's college fund. The next year Pam decided to keep Tegan off the call back sheet since she wanted him to start preschool. Through the years a few offers came in the mail but Pam nor Tegan paid them any more attention. Just last spring a letter came from the agency asking if Teagan was available to shoot a few clothing ads for a high fashion magazine that was very big in the city.
Pam couldn't believe this offer or the fact they were offering nearly four grand for the one day of work at the studio in the city. At first Tegan wasn't all about it. He was a typical teenage boy, in high school, ready to drive and he had just started seeing this new girlfriend he seemed pretty serious with. Most of the time he was either at school. Playing hockey, or hanging out with his friends.
He thought it was lame before Pam brought up the fact he could keep all this money himself and he would have more for his college fund which was had build up pretty fast.
Ryan also said something, helping Pam when he brought up the fact of putting a little money down so he would start thinking about maybe getting a car for Tegan's next birthday.
Tegan said yes.
Pam went with him that weekend and it was a blast.
A high fashion photographer took a few ad shots of Tegan and another young model wearing a few different set of clothes for the summer line and they were finished.
They send Pam copies of the photos and a month later the latest issue of the magazine came out. Tegan had to admit most of his friends, counting his girlfriend thought it was cool and liked the idea of maybe coming closer to getting a car finally.
Pam gushed over this photos.
She send copies of the magazine to nearly every family member, and even send one to Michael who was now happy settled down with his wife Holly and a family of his own. Another offer had come in for Tegan to do another photo shoot, but he refused. He said if another letter came in that summer he would think about it, but between school and hockey he didn't have any other time. Making a few wise cracks about turning into a dumb male model, Tegan as always didn't take it seriously.
Pam like any other proud mother, thought her only child was the most beautiful person around. From the moment Tegan was born she often fussed saying that her baby was the cutest of them all. Before, she had always been a woman who kept her thoughts to herself and seemed timid and shy, instead now she didn't hide the fact she was in love with her son.
After it honestly hit her how madly in love she was with Ryan, the reality set in how much she loved her baby. From the moment he was born and placed in her arms, she had this natural instinct to love him more than anything. He was a part of her and Ryan, and she believed Ryan had given her the most handsome flawless thing in the world.
A few people had shared their amount of rolling their eyes whenever Pam busted out her photo albums of Tegan growing up, gushing over how cute he was and what a handsome young man he had grown into. While Ryan's love had always been protective, mostly since the pregnancy, Pam's was that she loved her only son and despite being a typical mother running into annoying little problems, she saw what a good kid he really was and that both Ryan and her were blessed to have such a wonderful and beautiful looking son.
She of course kept this most of the time to herself. Instead her relationship with her son was sweet and very easy going. In fact both Ryan and Pam knew they had been blessed with such a good happy go lucky kid that never caused any problems. For Tegan life never seemed to be bad. He always kept his head up high and had such a casual relationship with his parents, Pam knew the second he went off to college both Ryan and herself wouldn't know what to do.
"Coming Ma!"
He called, smiling, Pam wiped her hands on the dishcloth she held as she watched his skate over to the pile of pucks the net at the end of the driveway had collected and began to pick them up. It was a chilly fall evening and it was getting dark out. The lights outside the house glowed dimly as she watched her beautiful teenage son down below. Just then headlights shinned in the driveway and Ryan's car began pulling up. Tegan skated into the garage for a second as Pam watched Ryan's car park and the lights die. The driver's door opening, Ryan stepped out wearing a dark brown suit and holding his leather briefcase. Ryan, even at this age looked very handsome, just around his temples little signs of gray were showing. Seeing her he smiled before starting up the stairs.
"Hey babe."
"Hey, good day?"
Ryan shrugged before leaning over and kissing her cheek.
"Traffic was a bitch but what else is new."
Pam smiled.
"Dinner is ready, come on."
Both went inside the side door that connected to the deck. Inside it was much warmer and the lovely scent of spice and apples filled the air. Ryan began taking his coat off, hanging it on the hook which also had a blackboard with messages of things Pam needed to do that week.
Pam walked over to the table and began setting it.
Turning towards the counter, Pam began getting the silverware out when she heard Ryan say...
"This is new."
Pam turned and saw Ryan near the sun porch which was now closed off for the upcoming winter. Most of Tegan's hocky equipment stayed in there along with rain boots and extra winter jackets. Pam usually spent time painting or sketching in there whenever she had some free time. Just a few days ago she started a new painting that she had become petty proud of.
Smiling Pam brushed back some of her bangs.
"Yeah, just finished it."
"It's awesome."
Pam blushed.
"Thanks."
"No really it is, are you going to try and put it in your show this year?"
Pam began laying down the silverware.
"Maybe, depending on if I have enough stuff to put in the show."
Once a year since Tegan was little Pam entered a small art show in the city. It was for local artist where they would display their latest work. Most of Pam's friends went there and usually Pam would sell a few pieces.
Ryan walked back into the room, his hands stuffed into his pockets.
"I'm sure you will, that's amazing though."
Pam smiled, somehow no matter what her husband always seemed to make her feel better.
"Aw, thanks hun."
Ryan smirked before pecking her on the cheek.
At that exact moment Tegan came in, slamming the screen door.
"Hey kiddo."
Ryan said walking past him and ruffling his hair. Tegan smiled before going to the fridge and grabbing the OJ. Beginning to drink it from the carton, Pam playfully whacked his arm.
"Use a glass."
Rolling his eyes, Tegan put the carton back before Ryan took a seat at the table.
"How was practice?"
Tegan shrugged and began telling his father about his day. Pam meanwhile leaned against the counter for a second. This was a typical weekend night for the Howard's. Ryan would get out of work, they would all have dinner, then Ryan would go upstairs and work for a little bit while Tegan did his homework. Usually depending Tegan would either go over his girlfriend's house to 'study' or at least that's what he would call it, and Ryan and her would curl up on the couch together.
They lived in upstate New York in a nice neighborhood and lived simple normal life's. They were middle aged now and their seventeen year old son was their whole world. Pam still did her art, and Ryan had finally put his problems behind him and was happy at his job.
They lived in a nice normal house and all seemed very happy.
Tegan was in the middle of telling Ryan a story of how some kid on his team started a fight with one of his buddies. Ryan listened, laughing. Watching them, Pam couldn't believe how much the two of them were alike and how close they were. In fact they seemed more like best friends rather than father and son.
Leaning against the counter she thought of the email she got the other day. It was from somebody she hadn't heard from in a very long time.
Turning her attention to dinner, she began getting the plates out while her mind raced. Tuning everything else out. At that exact moment, she heard Tegan say something.
"Hum?"
Pam turned.
"Can I go over Cindy's house after dinner?"
It was a Thursday night and usually Tegan always went to his girlfriend's for a couple of hours.
"Yeah sure, as long as you got your homework done."
"Yeah no sweat, just some stupid science project due."
"Go wash up, we're eating in a second."
She watched Tegan smile and leave the room before Ryan smirked and lowered his voice.
"You think he has any idea about the car?"
Pam snapped out of her thoughts and smiled back.
"I don't think so."
The truth was, just last week both Ryan and Pam went to the dealership and bought Tegan a jeep. They decided not to wait until his birthday and surprise him. At the moment it was still waiting to be picked up. Tomorrow afternoon after school, Pam and Ryan were going to pick up Tegan from school, claiming Pam's mother was sick and they wanted to make a quick visit. The plan was they would stop by the house where the jeep would be waiting in the driveway.
Ryan seemed just as excited as a little kid.
Pam loved to see him act this way. Through all of Tegan's childhood Ryan always seemed to be an extra kick out of holidays and birthdays. There seemed to be no greater joy for him than surprising their son. A lifetime of memories came flooding back of how far out both of them would go to make Tegan's childhood special. Part of this depressed Pam, she knew her baby was growing up and once he had a car she wouldn't be seeing as much of him as she did now.
Thinking back to the summer before when Ryan was teaching him how to drive she smiled.
She hoped he would love it.
Ryan cracked a grin before Tegan came back down.
"Need help ma?"
Smiling, both Ryan and Pam exchanged a look before Pam's thoughts quickly returned back to that email. She honestly didn't know if she should tell Ryan or not.
March 2007
Pam shook her head.
"No, we shouldn't be doing this..."
Ryan unzipped his fly and began undoing his belt quickly, his hands shaking and fumbling. Both were on the second floor of the office building in one of the empty and closed off unused offices. The lights had been turned off and piles of boxes surrounded them. A few years ago this was a small print making company that quickly went out of business.
The thrill of sneaking around so close to everyone somehow made it more fun.
Pam was sitting on the edge of one of the boxes, her head spinning and her stomach in knots. Ryan meanwhile, looking very handsome in a light gray shirt, reached up and started to hike up her skirt.
It had been four days since Pam had gone to the doctor's. Today she had planned on telling Ryan the news that had caused her to have a total of ten nervous breakdowns and zero sleep. She had been a complete wreck ever since she found out and honestly didn't know what to do.
She had tried calling him what seemed like a million times before finally sending him a text this morning asking to meet him someplace alone. She had hoped he wouldn't be angry and might help her since at this exact moment she really didn't know what to do.
Both had snuck off, Pam used her lunch break while Ryan pretended to was getting something was Michael. When they first faced each other both could barley look each other in the eye. Pam felt like crying.
She was pregnant.
Pregnant by Ryan, the temp turned sales man she barley knew. Not really knowing how to say it, she nervously twisted her hands and began to say something when Ryan kissed her.
Taken aback by it, she pushed him away completely stunned. Ryan seemed embarrassed and looked away.
"I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry..."
Wanting comfort more than anything, Pam grabbed him and started kissing him like a mad man.
Ryan's full lips kissed her up and down on her neck before she saw him adjust himself and stand near her. Taking one of her legs, he spread it out of his way and held it up against his side before reaching down and trying to position himself. Taking a deep breath, Pam held onto him before he quickly entered her.
Pam gasped.
Ryan muffled against her shoulder for a second, completely sinking himself into her. Pam stiffen before Ryan squeezed the leg he held.
Pam sat there, letting Ryan have sex with her, both in the dark cold empty office room completely alone. The feeling of him in her again seems comforting, something she ached for and missed every since that night.
Pam tilted her head back, allowing him to wrap his arms around her and move closer. Her legs hung on each sides of him as he buried his head against the side of her and roughly thrusted into her over and over again.
Cupping his face, Pam locked eyes with him and suddenly she felt safe.
Looking at him made perfect sense.
"I'm pregnant."
She said without thinking.
Right away Ryan's eyes widened before she felt him come inside her, it was messy and unexpected. Roughly pulling out of her, Ryan stood there in completely shock.
"You're what?"
Pam sat there for a second, her legs still spread and feeling like a complete whore. This wasn't exactly how she wanted to tell him.
Pam took a second before sliding off the box and pushing her skirt down and pulling up her tights. Nervously she couldn't even look at him.
"This was a mistake I shouldn't have..."
Ryan quickly zipped up his slacks and didn't bother with his belt, grabbing her by the shoulders he stared at her.
"Pam, what did you just say?"
Pam lifted her eyes, ashamed.
"I'm..."
Pam then covered her face with her hands and began to sob. This was a complete nightmare, feeling her knees buckle she fell to the floor, not able to look at him. Right away Ryan knelt down beside her, gently taking her hands away from her face.
Pam sniffled, tears rolling down her face before looking up at him.
"Pam."
Pam stared at him and a small grin came across his face, right away he took one of her hands and kissed her knuckles before squeezing them tight with his own. For some odd reason this horrible twisting overwhelming fear seemed to drift away the moment she saw him smile at her.
And so they kissed.