You're breaths are shallow, you're gasping for breath,

You haven't stopped for a moment's rest.

It's all coming together now,

And now you're five feet down.

The wind whipped through my hair, cooling the back of my neck and my face, which was flushed. I huffed, and raised my cigarette to my lips again, taking a drag and blowing smoke into the air. I watched the smoke dissipate into the breeze. The stars blurred in my vision, so I closed my eyes.

I leaned back against the wall next to the door, thumping my head lightly against the stone. I'd locked the door, just in case. I didn't think that Yukio would wake up, he was pretty tired, but who knows? The reason he'd been told to live in this abandoned dorm with me was because they needed someone to keep an eye on me. I knew that he usually slept lightly, in case I suddenly woke up with the intent to attack someone.

I scoffed at the thought, and stuck the cigarette between my lips so I could take off my sweatshirt. It was getting too hot for me. I shrugged it off and let it drop behind me. I could hear, somewhere in the building, that Kuro was calling for me, his cries slightly desperate.

The thought of leaving him alone made tears of guilt prick at my eyes. He shouldn't feel this way. The only reason he liked me was... attachment. Next best thing. Shiro, his best friend, died, and I was his... son. That was it. He didn't even know that I was the one who killed him in the first place! I killed him! Shiro was his best friend, and I...

I clenched my teeth and took the cigarette out of my mouth, noticing that it had burned out. I dropped it on the ground and stepped on it. My bare foot stinging a little where the embers burned me.

I took a deep breath and let my tail curl around into my lap. I touched the coarse, thick hairs that covered it's length. So sensitive. I sneered at the appendage and reached into my pocket.

I had refrained from doing this before, because I think I was desperately trying to cling to whatever humanity I had left, but what was the point? I'd be gone in a short time, so what was the point of holding on to this tiny amount of the human I used to be?

I pulled the razor blade out of my pocket and pinched the cold metal. I ran my thumb along the blade, drawing a thin line across my skin. Red beaded up, and I sighed. Whatever.

I touched the edge of the blade to my tail and swallowed. If I went through with this, I'd be accepting the fact that I was, indeed, a demon. Did I really want to-

Shut up, Okumura.

I sliced the blade along my tail without a second thought. Blinding pain shot through my body, and I dropped the razor to clap my hands over my mouth. I screamed, tears burning my eyes. Jesus Christ that hurt!

I gritted my teeth. You deserve it, you fucking devil-spawn!

I picked up the razor again and etched at the dark, unwanted addition to my body. It hurt like a mother fucker, and it took all I had not to scream bloody murder, but I kept going. Blood pulsed from the wounds, but it seemed to be slowing down. I guess this was the limit my demon side could take. Your human body, sure, go all out. Oh shit, you're cutting me? Fuck man, I'm gonna heal that shit!

Why the hell was there a difference? This was my body right?! This damn tail! These fucking teeth, the god damn pointy ears I had!? Right?! What fucking different!?

Just hurt!

I gasped in shock as I pressed a bit too hard on the razor, resulting in a particularly deep cut. The skin had parted, revealing the tissue beneath. I held my hands over my mouth and wailed. I couldn't help it. It was painful, really, really painful!

'RIN!'

The next second, the door shuddered as a large body slammed into it. I watched in fear, my eyes flickering from the slowly healing gash in my tail to the door.

'Rin, answer me! I heard you scream, what happened?!' The door was slammed into again, and my eyes widened. If Kuro kept up this racket, Yukio would-

"Kuro, stop, you'll wake up Yukio!" I hissed through the door, pushing the razor away and wincing as I moved my tail behind me. The less he saw, the better.

'I don't care, Rin! I can smell blood, a lot of it! Open the door!' He continued to push at the door, and I licked my lips.

I had to let him out, or else Yukio would wake up, and-

"Okay... Kuro, just hold on..." I murmured, defeated.

I struggled to my feet and walked over to the door, keeping one hand on the wall for balance. The pain and the saké throwing me off.

I unlocked the door and opened it, and immediately Kuro ran out, his full size, his green eyes glimmering with fear. 'Rin! Are you okay!? Where are you hurt?' He cried, sniffing me. His ears drooped when I didn't answer. 'You're... you're drinking again...' He sounded distraught, and I forced a laugh.

"Why would you care? Didn't you and Shiro used to drink all the time?" I said, awkwardly rubbing the back of my neck and hoping for once that my self inflicted wounds would heal.

Kuro seemed to frown at me, and he nuzzled my face. 'Yeah, but we always did it to celebrate, you're just...' He trailed off, taking in my appearance. 'Sad.' He finished.

I huffed. "I'm not sad, Kuro." I said. Right? I asked myself.

Kuro was sniffing the air, and I saw him start to creep around me. I nonchalantly moved my tail further away, not wanting him to have that image in his head.

It didn't work.

'Rin! Your tail!'

I sighed. "I'm fine, Kuro, it's nothing you need to worry about." I mumbled, swaying as the wind picked up a little.

Kuro lapped at my tail, and I hissed, flinching away from the stinging, but I could feel the cut speeding up in it's healing. 'Rin, this isn't 'nothing I need to worry about, you're-' He started to say, but I cut him off.

"I said, you don't need to worry!" I snapped. I whipped around. It hurt. It hurt to yell at him, but if that's what it took...

'Rin-'

"You won't need to worry in a little while! You don't need to worry about me, and I don't want you to worry about me, I don't want your damn help!" I shouted. Kuro shrunk back to his smaller size, his two tails curling under his belly and his chest touching the ground in a submissive posture. I was scaring him.

I didn't want to scare him, but if that's what it took to get him to hate me...

To hate me enough to not feel sad when I...

I pointed at the door. "Go. I don't care where, just go." I growled, pouring as much false spite into my voice as I could.

Kuro's eyes welled with tears, and he darted around me, through the slightly open door, and down the stairs.

I slammed the door behind him and staggered. I collapsed to my knees and held my face in my hands, shuddering with barely contained sobs. I felt my tail, now fully healed, curl around me, as if my demon side were attempting to comfort me. I pounded my fist down on the sensitive flesh, over and over, until the physical pain almost overtook the emotional pain I was feeling.

Almost.

I raised my face and looked up at the stars. It should have been overcast. Gray. But nothing seemed to go well with me, right?

Clear, bright white lights glimmering like shards of crystal caught in the headlights of a car.

It was too beautiful for me too be allowed to look at.

"Are you proud of me now, Shiro!" I cried out. "Are you proud of what I've become!? Huh!?" I punched the ground as hard as I could. "You said I grew up! You said to show you how much I've grown, but..." I hiccoughed. "I haven't grown at all, dad!" My voice cracked, and I sobbed.

I was silently hoping for some sort of miracle to happen.

I just needed to see his face.

Just for a moment.

But there was nothing.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"You've been missin' classes."

I stared at Shura, keeping my face blank. "How observant." I scoffed.

I had decided to come to Cram School for once, and Shura had her hands planted on the table in front of me, her violet eyes narrowed. I saw Shiemi shift uncomfortably in her seat, and I sighed. "Can we talk about this another time?" I asked.

Shura's brow furrowed, and she looked like she wanted to say something, but I cut her off. "Because it's the beginning of class, and the others are being held up. Don't deprive them of something just because I decided to show up." I mumbled quietly, so the boys across the room wouldn't hear me. If they heard that, they'd know something was up.

Shura chewed on her lip. "Fine." She spat. "I'm goin' on an exorcism tonight, so I'll meetcha at the dorm tomorrow night... you will be there, or else." She jabbed me in the forehead and spun on her heel, striding towards the teacher's desk.

I smiled sadly. Right. I'd be there.

Not.

"Rin?"

I looked over at Shiemi, who had whispered my name. I grinned at her.

"Talking in class are we? This is new." I said, forcing as much happiness into my voice as I could.

Shiemi watched me for a minute. "Are you okay?" She murmured, seeming a little worried.

I blinked, as if I were confused. Then, I smiled again. "Yeah. These past months I've been a little off, but it was just insomnia. I've got it under control finally, hehe." I rubbed the back of my neck.

I hated to lie to her.

To any of them.

But it seemed to work.

Shiemi smiled. "Oh, that's a relief."

Guilt stabbed at my chest, and I turned my eyes to the front of the class, where Shura was talking about some sort of demon that inhabited New England in America.*

Not that I'd need the information.

I was just here to say goodbye, in a way.

.

.

.

"You say you're better, but I don't see any difference in your learning capabilities!" Bon jokingly smacked me upside the head, causing a headache. I smiled.

"Shut up, Rooster!" I laughed.

Shima and Konekomaru caught up to us, and we started walking down the street. Shima patted my shoulder. "Jeez, now that you're getting to sleep more, eat some damn food, you're thinner that Koneko!"

"Hey!"

"Hah? It's not that bad!"

"Are you going to ignore the fact that you just insulted me?!"

I flicked Konekomaru lightly, and he flinched.

'But still, to this day, he doesn't fully trust his friend.'

Hurt made my fake smile falter, but only for a second. I snickered. "Don't worry, Koneko, you'll grow!" I said, darting forward, out of his reach.

I saw Shiemi and Kamiki walking a few yards behind us, and I waved, smiling widely. I felt the ground beneath me disappear, and I staggered. I looked over my shoulder to find myself in the street. Hm.

"Okumura, get your ass outta the street." Bon chuckled.

I cocked my head and continued walking. "Why? I'm going this way anyways." I said. I felt a car go by behind me, close enough to make my hair lift in the wind. Shima yelped and Bon grabbed my arm and pulled me back to the curb.

"Dude, use the damn crosswalk!"

I lifted my hands in surrender. "Alright, alright!" I walked backwards towards the crosswalk and hiked my book bag back up onto my shoulder as I waved. "See ya tomorrow!" I called, before I turned around and headed across the road, not bothering to look both ways.

What was the point of being safe, now? I wasn't gonna be here much longer.

How would they do, without me? Besides better? How long would they care?

I snuck a glance over my shoulder, to see Shiemi and Kamiki catch up to the guys, where they continued on their way.

I smiled halfheartedly. They'd be fine without me.

Good.

Here we are!

Next update's tomorrow.

*New England demon. Not really a demon, but a creature from the Wampanog mythology... and I swear to god I saw one once. Lol. Not kidding.

Anyways, here's this chapter, hope you like.

Love ya! :)