Jay couldn't believe it. After everything. After everything that had happened between the two of them, Abi had decided to get up and leave, leave Walford entirely to possibly start a new life in New Zealand- a life without him.
He couldn't come to terms of how she could do this, how she could do this to them. After everything that had happened the night before between them and she was just going to walk away, like nothing had happened. They hadn't really spoken since then. The only time they spoke was earlier on that day when they were walking back to the Mitchells and when Abi was just about to leave the house after her relationship with Ben had ended. He even asked her if they wanted to meet sometime, even though Abi teased him by saying 'maybe', it gave him hope. Now he just got the impression that Abi was giving him false hope, or perhaps Abi got cold feet.
He couldn't let Abi slip between his fingers, not again. He had to do something. Maybe Abi just wanted to run away from everything as she has been through hell lately, but the last thing that Jay wanted was for Abi to run away from him. Maybe Abi was scared. He couldn't let her go, he's done it before and he wouldn't let himself do it again. He was still in love with her and he wasn't just going to sit there and do nothing about it. He was going to win back his girl.
Jay leaped off of his bed and swung his bedroom door wide open, making a bird's eye to the bottom of the stairs. He grabbed his navy blue bomber coat and quickly shoved it on. He didn't bother announcing to the entire household of his departure, it's not like they notice him being around anyway.
"Ooohh I say!" Dot exclaimed in disbelief as she sat back on her armchair. "New Zealand's a long way away!"
"Come on Mrs B," Fatboy smiled genuinely. "This is a trip of a lifetime."
"Yeah," Abi agreed, smiling confidently. "Lauren and Peter said that I could stay with them."
"Don't you think that it would be a bit too much for them?" Dot contemplated, "You know with Louie, he's only 3 months old."
"Well, they said that I am welcome to stay with them," Abi frowned. "And that they're more than happy to have me." She let out a sigh as she looked down at her hands, "Plus after everything that's happened, I need to get away."
"Well, why don't you go and stay with Tanya and little Oscar?" Dot smiled, "They must be missing you!"
Abi chuckled bitterly, shaking her head, "No. No, mum doesn't even care about me, not really. I mean last February, she didn't even bother to come see me. Who does that? Do you know the last time I heard from her? Four weeks ago. I bet she's been on and off the phone to Lauren non-stop. I mean, come on, Lauren has always been centre of attention in our family!" Abi rolled her eyes.
"We'd never think that you're actually going to go and stay with her," Fatboy joked.
"Yeah, well it's not exactly Lauren's fault is it?" Abi shrugged her shoulders.
Dot smiled sympathetically, "Well that will be another one of Jim's grandchildren that will be gone. It's amazing how you've all suddenly grown up!"
Abi smiled reassuringly, "Grandma Dot, it's not like you won't see me again. I will be back. I just need time away from here…maybe a long time."
"Well I'll miss you dearly," Dot responded.
Just at that moment, a sharp ring enlightened the small household. Dot put down her small cup of tea on the coffee table, "I better get that, it's probably Cora because you forgot her key," Dot rolled her eyes as she slowly lifted herself off of her armchair and walked out of the living room.
Once Dot was out of sight, Fatboy turned to Abi and leaned in towards her, "Are you sure you want to go, Abs? I mean, I know you've had it rough but you don't have to go."
"No, I have to go," Abi stated persistently. "I need to get away from here for a while. For once I am putting me first," she smiled with pride whilst Fatboy rubbed her shoulder.
"Abi," Dot made her appearance in the living room doorway. "There's someone here to see you."
Abi and Fatboy spun their heads towards Dot's direction. Abi gulped as she stared at that familiar man with the African sunset hair colour. She could feel her own heart beat so fast that she thought for a moment that it was going to suddenly come flying out of her chest.
Jay was staring at her, his green eyes just lingering towards her direction. Abi could have sworn that Jay didn't even blink once, his eyes were just glued onto hers, just like hers was on him.
"Erm come on Mrs B," Fatboy began awkwardly as he slowly stood up. "I think we should leave these two to it. How about we go for a quick drink in the Vic, yeah?" He suggested.
"Yeah, but I'm not having a gin though," Dot stated adamantly, wriggling her index finger towards him, which made Fatboy and Abi smirk as they tried to maintain their laughter. At least that distracted Abi from what was about to happen, even if it was just for a very short while.
"Whatever you say Mrs B," Fatboy chuckled. "See you in a bit Abs." He then turned to Jay and patted him on the back, "Good to see ya Jay-Z!"
"You too mate," Jay agreed, genuinely.
Within a few small moments, Dot and Fatboy had left the house which just left Jay and Abi. Alone.
All that could be heard briefly was Christmas music that was coming from the late night market.
Abi watched Jay closely as he slowly moved round the sofa to face her. Jay was looking down at the ground as he shifted his feet. "Alright," he murmured.
"Hi," Abi gulped. She looked away slightly as she started to play with her hands. She knew why Jay was here and she didn't know how to handle it, she didn't know what to say to him. She had put herself in a position where she had no idea how she was going to wriggle out of it.
"So…you're leaving then?" Jay asked slowly and calmly.
"Yeah," Abi responded in a very quiet tone. She took a deep breath, "It won't be forever. I think it's for the best." She tried her very hardest to reason. That was the only thing she could come out with, it was the only thing that slipped inside her head.
"For the best?!" Jay exclaimed in disbelief, "Please Abi, enlighten me how you think it's for the best."
"Jay," Abi sighed as she rose to her feet. "Please try to understand. I know it's sudden."
"How can I possibly understand Abi? I mean, I really don't get you sometimes. With everything that happened last night between us and you decide to get up and leave."
"Last night was great," Abi commented. "It really was. I hadn't felt that way in a long time."
"Felt like what?" Jay frowned.
"Like…I was wanted," Abi gave a small awkward smile.
"Well let me tell you something, you are wanted," Jay stated, confidently.
"Am I though?" Abi chuckled bitterly as she folded her arms across her chest. "I mean, you left me for my best friend and Ben left me for another man! So yeah, I would definitely say that I am wanted."
"You really are, Abs," Jay said softly. "After last night, I thought we were going to start something again."
"What that we would get back together?" Abi questioned in disbelief.
"Well yeah," Jay shrugged.
Abi laughed nervously as she shook her head rapidly, "Oh no Jay, I can't. I can't go back there. Not again."
"Why not?" Jay exclaimed, "Don't you fancy me or something?!"
Abi put her hand at the side of her neck as she felt her cheeks start to heat up slightly, "No, it's not that- how could you even think that?"
"Because the Abi I knew would bend over backwards just to be with me."
Abi's brown pools expanded as she stared at Jay, horrified, "Yeah I know that I have been treated like a mug nearly all my life and running around for people but there's no need to rub it in! But I guess I now know that was what you thought when we were together," Abi added bitterly, pulling a tight lipped cocky smile.
"Abi, you knew that I never took advantage of you and I never would," Jay commented honestly. "Seriously right, you are the kindest and sweetest girl that I've ever had the pleasure to meet."
"Yeah well I'm not the Abi that you knew anymore," Abi spoke with a hint of sadness leaking out of her vocals. Her brown eyes turned away from Jay as she started to play with her hands.
"I bet she's still there somewhere," Jay suggested softly, with a smile creeping upon his lips.
It took all the strength Abi possibly had to prevent herself from smiling. He still had that magic touch where he always found a way to make her smile no matter what the situation was.
Abi looked up at Jay with a stern expression painted across her face. She was determined not to fall into Jay Brown's trap again. "Well, she's not. The Abi you knew died on the same day you ended things because you fell in love with my best friend," she growled. "I think you should go."
"Abi I wasn't in love with Lola," Jay rolled his eyes. He couldn't stress this enough. "I drifted off y'know, lost my way a bit, I did like Lola but I wasn't in love with her. She was nothing compared to you."
Abi chuckled bitterly, "How am I supposed to believe that? Yes, I was working really hard to get into uni which I thought I had your support on. I never expected you to lose your way."
"I didn't mean to hurt you," he added quietly.
"Yeah well you did," Abi gulped. "How do I know that you won't go wandering off whenever the next girl comes along? I can't put myself through that again Jay, I just can't!"
"That won't happen," Jay insisted. "I swear."
"How do you know that, Jay?" Abi enquired.
"Because after everything, somehow I've come back to you," Jay stated, confidently. "It's meant to be Abs."
"If it was meant to be then you wouldn't have gone for another girl," Abi scoffed. "You would have stayed with me and we could have been having a life in Bolton right now!"
"Yeah well not everything is a fairy tale Abs," Jay retorted.
"Yeah well I realised a long time ago that happy endings are only just for fairy tales," Abi snarled.
"Well maybe we'll get our happy ending," Jay commented. "I don't think I ever stopped loving you not really, when you were with Ben, I couldn't help but envy Ben a bit as I knew that deep down, I still had feelings for you. I guess I was just being stubborn and was kidding myself the whole time. Lola was nothing compared to what we had. I want us to try again."
"So I'm supposed to fall for that am I?" Abi questioned. "I'm supposed to fall for that speech and then eventually get my heart broken again."
"It won't happen," Jay said persistently. "Abi, I want to be with you. You're the one that I want. I don't want to be with anyone else."
"And how am I supposed to believe that?" Abi raised her eyebrow. "After everything's that happened over the past year or so, how am I supposed to believe that I'm the one you want to be with?"
"Well I guess that I'll just have to prove myself won't I," Jay said casually.
"Yeah I guess so," Abi replied with a bittersweet tone.
Jay took a wide step towards Abi and slowly leaned in towards her. When Abi realised what Jay was doing, Abi quickly jolted her body backwards.
"What are you doing?" Abi demanded in a shaky voice.
"Well what am I supposed to do?" Jay exclaimed, "Get down on one knee and propose marriage?!"
"As if you'd do that," Abi scoffed.
"I did once if you remember," Jay retaliated.
"Yeah, but that was just to stop me from going to Costa Rica," Abi argued.
"It was partly the reason I'll admit but it was mainly because I loved you and I still do," Jay gulped. "And you never know, maybe one day I will propose again because I want to and because I love you."
"Yeah well we haven't even got back together yet so don't think too far ahead," Abi folded her arms across her chest.
"What you're now saying that you do want us to try again?" Jay raised his eyebrow.
"No that's not what I'm saying," Abi snapped. "We were practically kids when we were together Jay. Like you said, it's time to grow up."
"I didn't mean it like that," Jay tried to explain. "I was in a mess back then. I thought we had to move on and find ourselves. You were going to university and then there was me, nothing was going to change for me, I was just going to be a mechanic in Bolton."
"And you also wanted to stay in Walford because of Lola," Abi retorted.
"Not really no," Jay spat. "I just didn't want to string you along if the feelings I had for Lola were real."
"It looks like the feelings you had for Lola were real though," snarled Abi. "I mean, you were going to go off to Newcastle with her, start a new life with her if you didn't get arrested. If she didn't dump you for Dexter then I bet you would be with her right now!"
"To be honest, I wasn't actually sure about moving to Newcastle in the end because I was happy here," Jay snapped. "I could still be happy without Lola."
"I must say that it surprises me as you spent nearly all your time with her, even when we were together."
"She was a friend, Abi," Jay growled.
"Yeah she's really some sort of friend if you developed romantic feelings for her!" Abi hissed, "She was my best friend, Jay. After everything that happened between us and you go for Lola, forgetting about her trying to break us up when she first came to Walford."
"Well it looked like you had forgotten as she was your best friend," Jay mocked.
"No I didn't Jay, as you know I am not the one that holds grudges for long so I moved on," Abi stated. "But it didn't make me forget what Lola did, which made it hard for me to trust her with you but I trusted you with her. Guess I was just stupid!"
"I just saw Lola as a little sister," Jay admitted. "I thought I had feelings for Lola but thinking back on it, I didn't. I had feelings for her like a sister."
"I bet you wouldn't be saying that if she didn't leave you for Dexter," Abi pointed out, bitterly. Abi clasped hold of her breath as she realised something. "Is that what I am? Some rebound? Someone who thinks will go back to you because Lola has decided that she doesn't want you?"
"That's not fair Abs," Jay gulped.
"Well it's what it looks like," Abi hissed.
"Abs, why can't you just trust me? Please believe me when I say that I love you. Yes we broke up over a year ago because I felt like we had to find ourselves but I found out that I belong with you," Jay confessed. "Please Abs, just give us another go. I want us to. It doesn't have to be rushed- we can just take it nice and slow."
"No Jay I can't," Abi told him sternly. "We're over, we're done with. We cannot be together."
"Why not?" Jay pleaded, "What we had was so special, we were good together. You were good for me, you tamed me."
"Yeah, well not anymore," Abi shrugged as she diverted her eyes away from Jay's. "I don't want to get back with you…it scares me."
"What have you got to be scared of you nutter?" Jay said reassuringly as he started to reach out for Abi. "I love you, Abi. I'm nothing like Ben. I've always taken care of you and treated you right. I would never be unfaithful or play away behind your back."
Before Jay could get hold of Abi's hands, Abi quickly pulled them away and looked up at him coldly. "Oh, so have you forgotten about Kitty?"
Jay gulped. He should really think about his way of words, "No, of course not," Jay murmured. "But you know the story."
"Yeah, I do," Abi chuckled bitterly. "See this is the problem I think we seem to be having. I had a pregnancy scare and I felt I couldn't have this baby if there was one growing inside me but you wanted the baby which left our relationship strained for the rest of the holiday. So, when you felt things weren't going your way or we weren't getting anywhere, you went and kissed Kitty! Just like with Lola, I was preparing to go to university and make a life for us and because I wasn't spending enough time with you and felt our relationship was strained, you went to Lola as she was always willing to play with you wasn't she!?" Abi pouted mockingly.
Jay rolled his eyes, "Now you're just being ridiculous."
"Well maybe you should go," Abi hissed.
"No," Jay said adamantly. "Please Abi, you remember how happy we were and how great we were together, having picnics in the park, chilling in the Arches eating fish and chips, watching movies round yours or mine, going up West occasionally. We can be that couple again," Jay added sounding convincing. "Just give us another go."
"No Jay," Abi said frustratedly. "I don't want us to waste years splitting up and getting back together again and never really being happy."
"We won't," Jay spoke in a persistent manner. "I was happy with you and I will be happy with you."
"Yeah you really were happy with me which was why you fell for Lola," Abi stated sarcastically with her eyes rolling. She watched as Jay let out an exasperated sigh as he looked down, pinching the top of his nose. "I think you should go, you're clearly not getting anywhere."
Jay immediately looked up, "Abi please believe me when I say that I love you," Jay begged. "I really do love you, babe. Please just give me another chance. You can't say that you don't love me back or that you don't feel anything for me. I know you Abs. If you didn't feel that way about me then what happened last night wouldn't have happened."
"Well you're wrong," Abi stated darkly. "I don't love you, not anymore."
Hiding her sadness, she watched closely as Jay's jaw dropped and he swallowed a mouthful of salvia. "Well I'll see myself out."
"Okay," Abi simply said.
She lingered behind him as he walked out of the living room and into the hallway. Once Jay reached the front door, he turned round to steal a glance at Abi. "I wish you weren't going to New Zealand," he admitted.
"Yeah well I'm sorry to disappoint you," Abi apologised, coldly.
"Well, I guess I'll see you around," Jay murmured.
"Guess so," Abi shrugged casually.
Jay turned his head away as he slowly opened the door and stepped outside. Abi rushed to the door and slammed the door shut as she tried to compose herself. She choked up as tears automatically streamed down her face. It took all the strength within her to turn Jay away. Her heart was physically aching for him. Of course she still loved Jay, she was deeply in love with him but she felt that she couldn't be with him. It annoyed her that Jay knew her too well. Of course she still loves him and Jay was right, she wouldn't have slept with him no matter state she was in if she didn't have feelings for him in that way.
For over a year, she had been kidding herself. She didn't really love Ben. When living at the Mitchells, seeing Jay actually brightened her day but she just didn't realise that. Not until now. She never really stopped loving Jay. She never really got over him either. Jay was right, a few years back, she would have jumped at the chance to be with him no matter what anyone thought or said. But not now. She couldn't be with him. She couldn't go through that, not again. She couldn't do that to herself. She couldn't keep living in the past. She had to look forward now, she had to move on…
A/N: I am so sorry that it took me over two weeks to update! Time just crept up on me. Anyway, I hope you have enjoyed this chapter and as always, I would absolutely love to know what you guys think. So please, review, favourite and follow!
Much love, Cally x