Chapter 10: Day by Day, Step by Step

"Dissociation is the common response of children to repetitive, overwhelming trauma and holds the untenable knowledge out of awareness. The losses and the emotions engendered by the assaults on soul and body cannot, however, be held indefinitely. In the absence of effective restorative experiences, the reactions to trauma will find expression. As the child gets older, he will turn the rage in upon himself or act it out on others, else it all will turn into madness."

― Judith Spencer, Satans High Priest

It's with a groan that I slowly open my eyes and idly wonder where I am. If this is supposed to be the afterlife I want to have a discussion with the interior designer, because he, she or it quite frankly sucks at their job. I mean come on.

Grey metal walls, blue tinged light, weird windows all over the place? Jeez it's just like being back at the NLA MIM Maintenance Center.

…Oh.

I glance over at where the serial number would be if this was a pod and…yup. Pod seven-A.

Either limbo has a funky sense of humor, or I'm not dead like I thought I was. Settling back into the tank's embrace I try to think back on what exactly happened before I woke up here. We had the fight against the Ganglion, then I went after Nardacyon, after that…

My eyes widen as it all comes rushing back in a blur, what the Hell happened afterwards-no strike that, who's still alive? I remember Wolf being hit, did anyone else…

"Relax, things are under control now."

My eyes snap to a white clad figure who just walked in front of my pod, and with a start I realize it's Eleanora.

"Ok not to sound overly rude here, but wouldn't one of NLA's most crucial administrators have something better to do than wait around for me to wake up?"

"Things are calm for the moment, so I have the time for this visit. Now I imagine you have quite a few questions, so things will be a bit easier if I just give you a quick rundown of events since you went under. Agreed?"

"I'm good with that."

She takes a deep breath then starts speaking in a monotone.

"Wolf and Walter didn't make it. Your team and other acquaintances are all alive and well. The battle ended in our favor, with over ninety percent of the Ganglion destroyed, and the rest were heavily damaged. That said, out of the one hundred forty two Skells and pilots we fielded, sixty-six BLADEs are dead, with seventy-three machines destroyed and twenty-four heavily damaged, requiring weeks if not months of repair."

I feel her words like hammer blows as the enormity of the losses we took actually hits home. Wolf, NLA's best instructor, as well as Walter, the old rock that kept a lot of the Younger BLADEs focused and looked after, are now gone for the foreseeable future. And the losses…

To decimate a force is to kill one out of ten soldiers…we were decimated five times over. Sure, the Ganglion were practically wiped out to the last man, but these kinds of losses are practically crippling.

I give a slow shake of my head and respond, "I'm almost sorry I asked. What's our current game plan?"

She's quiet for a moment before replying, "As of now there really isn't one. You've only been out for a day and three hours. Nagi, Vandham and Chausson are still working on some kind of overall plan we can follow…but as you can imagine this is a rather difficult situation, all things considered."

"That seems to be understating the magnitude of this situation, but I'll agree on that…so why exactly are you here though? As much as I enjoy company I'm not buying that bit about you not having anything better to do. Checking up on the unstable Super Soldier you wanted to keep in the dark?"

I see her suddenly stiffen and feel a brief pang of regret at my less than diplomatic words. I guess I'm still bitter about how they kept my past a secret for so long, no matter how over it I like to pretend I am. And my mood certainly isn't helped much by my recently shattered confidence in my supposed role as the cities unbeatable go to kill-bot.

I'm essentially just throwing a temper tantrum at this point.

"There was a reason I did so."

"Care to enlighten me?"

"Not particularly."

I'm about to snap back at her when I get ahold of myself and just give a defeated sigh instead.

"I guess we're back to my original question then. What's the point of you being here, when there's almost certainly a billion other more important things you could be doing?"

"Because I wanted to say I'm sorry."

"Err…come again?"

"I owe you an apology Cross."

"Whoah, back up here. You owe me an apology? What for?"

She arches an eyebrow and doesn't quite manage to keep the amusement out of her voice.

"Just a second ago you were accusing me of keeping important secrets from you, and now you ask what I have to apologize for?"

"Ok fair point, but it's just like I told the other three. I get it. You made the best decisions you could to keep this city alive, and so far it's worked. Besides, at the end of the day you guys did decide to come clean with me, so no hard feelings."

"And that's why I'm here to apologize. I didn't want to tell you, I was overruled by the other three. To my surprise however, you adapted very well and didn't seem to exhibit any of the instability or anger I was worried would manifest. And that's why I I'm here. To tell you I'm sorry for not believing in you."

"Huh…well, apology accepted I guess? That was kind of a heavy conversation there."

She sighs and says, "It could get worse. I want you to make a choice Cross. While what you know is absolutely true, that's not the whole story regarding your past. I'm privy to a few details that even the other three don't know. I can tell you them…but it might change how you feel about the whole story. Or it might not bother you at all. I thought I knew how you'd react before, and was proven completely wrong."

I glare back at her and archly reply, "So let me get this straight, you tell me that there's some special twist to my background that may or may not flip my whole world upside down, and then give me a choice to either hear it or just go on my merry way and forget I ever heard such a thing? What the Hell kind of choice is that supposed to be?"

She shrugs and neutrally replies, "It's still a choice. You have the option to forget about what I just said, and don't try to tell me that not knowing would always haunt you. With the benefit of hindsight, if we had never told you about your past, would that have changed your goals, given you a change of heart? Made you not want to continue keeping NLA safe?"

I stop to think about that.

Now that she mentions it, one of the first things I had realized after hearing about my past was just how little my actions and personality were altered. In fact, I seem to recall thinking that practically nothing had changed at all. So yah, Eleanora has a point when she's saying that if I decide to walk away from this it might be for the better.

Except learning about my previous history was what convinced me that actually starting a relationship with Celica was a good thing, and that there was no reason for me to keep being so indecisive. It was a totally unexpected side effect, but without having to worry about any amnesia attacks, I could go about my life without having that particular illness to worry about.

So no way in Hell am I walking away from this.

"I appreciate your warning Eleanora, but hit me with it anyway."

"Very well. I guess it'd be easiest to start off by asking this: Do you really, in complete honesty, think you are a prime example of what a perfect soldier is?"

Her words sound harsh and confrontational, but the tone in her voice is merely inquisitive.

Frowning I reply, "Mostly, but there's a few things I find strange about my skill set quite honestly. Like why am I mediocre at long range shooting? Not to mention that some weapons I just seem to be more comfortable with. You'd think I feel right at home with just about anything."

"Indeed. There's no real way to break this to you nicely, so I'll just say it to you straight. You're not one of the prime soldiers that was the overall goal of the project. You're one of the washouts, never originally meant to board the Ark ships."

…Oh. Well, okay then. Huh.

"Um…If you don't mind me asking, how do you know that?"

"Because I was the one that recommended you be placed onboard the White Whale regardless of your presumed readiness. Each ark ship was to be given a small number of these soldiers, no more than five at most, but I insisted that the Whale take on any presumed, 'undesirables', as the distributors put it. Any help was better than no help in my eyes."

'Hold up, so then where are the other five if I was just extra baggage?"

"I don't know. None of your information or the other five's was entered into the Whale's database, so all we have to go on is speculation. Either they never made it onboard the Whale, or they did make it on but were killed in the crash, or perhaps they're still somewhere on Mira in life pods waiting to be found. Who can say?"

I wish my arms were working so that I could rub my eyes. Instead I have to settle for blinking really hard.

"…I'm really a reject then?"

"Yes. In addition to the lack of skill in some aspects of combat, did you never find it puzzling why you're memory, something that should be crucial to a soldier, was gone?"

I shake my head.

"It never affected my performance, so I never really gave it a second thought."

"Not your fighting skills, no. But your ability to communicate with others, your personality was in shambles. Why would the projects creators construct a weapon that was so obviously different from other Humans?"

That makes way too much sense. Again, when I stop to think about it, it was rather laughable that I ever considered myself a 'perfect' soldier. An amnesiac with barely an original thought in his head, not even aware that he was in an artificial body, marooned on a planet he didn't even remember traveling to…

Shit. What a joke.

Seeming to sense my mood Eleanora gently adds, "For what it's worth Cross, just because you weren't considered to be the ideal warrior doesn't make you any less of one. I can honestly say that you've done just as much for this city as any of these hypothetical super-soldiers could have done. You can take pride in that."

I give a noncommittal grunt. I don't really feel like continuing that topic of conversation anymore. A few more awkward moments of silence pass before a thought pops into my head and I chuckle a bit, happy for the distraction.

"Is something amusing Cross?"

"Sorta. It just occurred to me, since you went out of your way to make sure I made it off Earth and then spent quite a bit of time personally looking after me when I joined BLADE, wouldn't that make you seem like my Guardian? Maybe I should start calling you Mom."

I'm treated to the almost unseen sight of Eleanora with an incredulous look on her face.

"No Cross, you won't start calling me that. I am nowhere near that old and I have a professional image to keep."

"You sure? I mean, I'm only a year old, and you're practically mother to most of BLADE, so-"

"Cross, drop it."

I take her advice and stop laughing, as well as adopt a slightly more relaxed attitude.

"Jokes aside, thanks Eleanora. For giving me a chance, as well as all the help you offered over the past year and change."

Heaving a sigh and shaking her head she bemusedly replies, "It never ceases to amaze me just how selfless you act towards me, Chausson, Nagi and Vandham. You have every right to be furious and suspicious of us, yet instead you go ahead and thank us instead."

I give a slightly embarrassed shrug.

"I guess it's not my style to hold a grudge? And I'll say it again, you four have the shittiest job imaginable yet you go at it with everything you've got, and all of NLA is still alive and kicking thanks to you. Seriously Eleanora, you've got nothing to apologize for. Except for that one time you gave Sharon the reward before we were all there to split it up. That was a net loss for the rest of us."

She shakes her head, smiling all the while before saying, "Well I've done what I came here for. Time to get back to work. You're excused from all BLADE work for the next three days Cross. Orders from above, get some rest."

"Is that really ok? I mean we took a real beating out there, shouldn't we be shorthanded?"

"Things are under control for now. Orders are orders Cross, relax."

I sigh and lean back in the tank.

"…So what's Yelv's story? He has memory issues just like me, another washout?"

I can hear the amusement in her voice as she replies, "Does Mr. Yelv really seem like the perfect warrior to you?"

"Well when you put it like that, no not really."

"Exactly."

Her voice loses some of it's levity and becomes flat and final.

"He isn't like you Cross, and that's all I'm willing and able to say about the matter. End of story."

Which honestly leaves me more curious than before, but I have enough on my mind as it is already.

"Understood, see you later Eleanora."

"Until later Cross."

Then she's gone, heels clicking across the floor and echoing throughout the building, which leaves me alone with my rapidly darkening thoughts.

I walk out of the MIM Repair Center and don't even bother trying to crack a joke at the technicians, my mind is focused on something else.

It's actually kind of funny that Eleanora said that I might not end up being all that shocked after learning about the real truth of my past, since I had handled the previous revelation just fine. One day ago I wouldn't have blinked after hearing that particular bit of info, and probably moved on in about five minutes.

Now though? After having my self-confidence merrily stomped into the ground and then scattered to the four winds?

It hurts, and I can't help but feel directionless, without a purpose or meaningful goal to tackle. The atmosphere around the city certainly isn't helping matters.

News of the battle's outcome must have already circulated, because the tense and hectic energy that had permeated the Districts is gone now…only to be replaced by a sort of melancholy efficiency as people go around doing their jobs.

Which makes way too much sense really. Considering how many BLADEs we lost in what people are already calling, 'The Battle of Alpha', almost everyone in the city lost a friend, or at the least an acquaintance of some sort due to the massive casualties.

Unable to distract myself by watching the city, I decide to finally get ahold of Celica and the others to let them know I'm alright. Placing a call on my comm I wait for almost a minute before sighing in defeat as no one picks up. They must still be on a mission then.

…Well there goes that plan. Who knew running away from your problems would be so damn hard?

I decide to just go ahead and leave a message, maybe they'll call me back later.

"Hey guys, I rise yet again! Ok bad joke, in fact Celica is probably grinding her teeth as of this very moment, preparing to kick my face in. Jokes in poor taste aside, how are you guys holding up? I haven't heard much yet aside from general information about the battle, don't keep me on the edge of my seat here…I'm glad you four made it out of there in one piece, give me a call as soon as you can. Catch you later."

I end the call and scowl at my reflection in the reflective metal of the thing. Well now what? Looking to further sidetrack myself I start putting out calls to Elma, Frye, Doug, Bozé, even Yelv. Same story each time, just an unanswered call and a me leaving a message. Christ, am I the only one in NLA right now? What fucking gives? Am I supposed to be dead weight right now or something?

I stiffen as I realize just where exactly that little outburst originated from. Releasing a shaky sign and running my hand through my hair I force myself to relax. I'm not useless. It's only because of my recent loss to Nahum and Eleanora's little tidbit of information that I'm panicking, those feelings will go away in time. Nothing to worry about.

"…This is the sixth mission in a row that's gone wrong kid. What the Hells gotten into you lately? Taking on an Ictus by yourself? With no Skell? I don't know if you think you've got something to prove, but leaving the rest of your team high and dry? That's not like you Cross."

I glare back at Vandham and tersely reply, "I had the damn thing beaten and would have been back at my team's side in less than a minute. It was random chance that another one of those things was snooping around in another Ictus's territory, you know they don't play nice with each other."

"And you know that if one of their rivals looks weak, they'll move in for the kill. Not to mention the racket you were making would have drawn all sorts of attention for kilometers around. Forget that little detail?"

I scowl and stubbornly insist, "Everyone made it back alive, there's two less Ictus prowling around NLA and we got the White Whale wreckage we were after. What's with this interrogation?"

"First of all everyone made it back alive, sure. You neglected to mention that not everyone was in one piece. Half the squad had to spend time at the MIM repair center for crying out loud. And secondly, this isn't the first time we've had this conversation."

Sighing in resignation Vandham stoically says, "Look kid, take a week off from the combat related BLADE missions and try to get your head on straight. You're no good to anyone the way you're acting now."

I stare unwaveringly at the wall over his head and stonily reply, "Is that an order Commander?"

"It is. Dismissed."

I nod and push my chair back from the table with far more force than necessary and stalk away from the debriefing room, drawing a few nervous gazes from the various desk workers nearby.

Put me, NLA's best, out to pasture just because of some stupid roll of the dice? What bullshit is that?! If it wasn't for me this city would have been a hole in the ground years ago!

In a foul mood I head to the firing range and key up the hardest scenario the BLADE computers have in their stores, involving speed shooting, randomly appearing hostages and dynamic enemy entry. I'm one of the few people that can actually clear the simulation, and the only one to have done so with a score of eighty percent or higher.

I don't even end up completing it. A red enemy marker suddenly appears with a blue one covering the majority of it's hitbox, quickly advancing on where I've taken up position. Still focused on my previous target that was ducking in and out of cover I raise my left hand and fire at the newly appeared target, which disappears…after my shot went through the blue marker, marking the 'hostage' as dead.

The simulation shuts down and I'm left standing there with my weapons still raised, shocked at how badly I just did. A few other BLADEs around the range give me questioning looks, they've never seen me actually fail this test in such a manner.

Suddenly angry at myself and everyone I slam the guns down on the desk and stalk away without another word, everyone's eyes following me warily.

Walking through the city with no real destination in mind I end up near the newly constructed memorial wall, where a list of all the people that have been 'permanently' killed in defense of NLA have their names listed.

Fighting down the wave of sadness and bitterness that threatens to overwhelm me I stare at the list of three names that were added not too long ago.

Vi Leand, Julun Boravo, Celica-

-I wake up with a jerk, my eyes twitching and my breath going fast and short. Was that some sort of lucid dream or something? It felt so real.

Desperately trying to get my heart's beating under control I force myself to slow my breathing, and keep reminding myself that it was just a dream, not reality.

Actually that thing was more of a nightmare than it was a dream. I mean, I've been having these little interruptions for almost a month now, but that was the first time I've ever actually remembered all of the details of it.

I'm kinda wishing I'd stayed ignorant, which seems to be the theme of the week so far.

I grab my comm and start searching for any open psychological examination appointments. I can deal with the little stuff, but if nightmares like the one I just experienced start becoming a nightly thing…I'm not in any shape to deal with that.

To my intense relief there's an open slot at 1600 later this afternoon, I won't have to go through another night not knowing what the Hell my problem is. I groan as I take a look at the current time.

0400, still half the day to go.

Not willing to go the whole day just ruminating on my problems I start scrolling through my comm's list of contacts, hoping that someone is finally back in the city, or failing that at least no longer busy.

To my relief, there happens to be three of them.

Three hours later Sun'Barac, Ackwar, H.B. and myself are sitting in the largely empty BLADE cafeteria, each nursing some sort of early morning pick-me-up drink. Ackwar has some sort of orange soda looking thing, Sun'Barac has a glass of chilled water while H.B. is in the process of downing the strongest smelling coffee I've ever whiffed on this planet. I went with the more classic choice of orange juice, because I'm just old fashioned that way.

Setting down his steaming mug and heaving a tired sigh H.B. asks, "Well why did you call us out here Cross? I have four hours of down time before I have to head back to Alpha Base and I was planning on using it to get the first sleep I've had in thirty-one hours. This had better be good."

"Err, Cross is always involved in some important stuff, yah? So it should be good, right?"

I inwardly wince at their words, and the slowly shrinking rational part of my brain starts laughing at my choice of emotional support group.

A Human narcissist one step short of a spoiled middle-schooler, an Orphean politician who's entire career is based on trying to find a rational solution to totally irrational people, and a Ma-non, the species with the biggest self-esteem issues I've ever seen.

What a world.

"Cross? You in there? If it's simply a staring contest you wanted then I'm leaving."

Sighing I decide to just launch straight into it.

"Do any of you have nightmares? Like, really, really bad ones?"

H.B. looks at me like I've grown an extra head, Sun'Barac just looks confused while Ackwar seems concerned.

The giant Orphean asks in a curious tone, "What is a nightmare? From what I have heard from other Humans they seem similar to visions we are sometime granted by the Ovah, only far more vague and often alarming. Is this a correct definition?"

"Yah I'd say that hit the nail on the head. Sounds like you guys don't have to deal with anything like that though."

"Unfortunately so. My apologies."

"You don't need to apologize for that pal, it's fine."

Heaving a sigh H.B. tiredly says, "Cross, while I understand that disturbed sleep is less than a pleasant experience, this hardly seems like something that would disrupt you of all people. I find it hard to imagine you losing control of your own composure to a simple dream."

A sudden flash of irritation, anger and stress causes my arm to convulse around the sturdy mug and it crumples like paper, a harsh squealing noise announcing it's deformation.

Trying to get my temper under lock-and-key I hiss out, "Do I fucking look in control?"

Flicking a quick glance at the mug he stares at my face and heavily sighs.

"Not really now that I look closely. In fact you seem as if you're going through withdrawals almost."

Ackwar suddenly raises his hand in a timid manner and says, 'Er Cross? It's nice that you want to talk to us about that stuff and all, but shouldn't you, you know, go see an actual person who deals with that stuff? Right?"

"I am, but it's not for another nine hours and, well…"

"You do not wish to be alone with your thoughts correct?"

I look at Sun'Barac in surprise. I didn't expect him to be the one to figure it out so damn fast.

Amusement in his voice he as sees my expression he explains, "Judging by the look of stress on your face and the tenseness of your body I assumed you called us for companionship and reassurance."

Sometimes I forget just how observant the Orpheans can be, despite their blunt and straightforward nature.

"That's…actually right on the nose. Just sitting and waiting doesn't sound like the most attractive of options right now."

H.B. gives a small shake of his head and asks, "Just what did you see in your dream Cross? I've seen you face down things that would make most BLADEs run for the hills with barely a second thought. Is it really that bad?"

I can only offer a stiff reply of, "Yes. Let's just say it touched on some insecurities I'm not too proud of."

He looks like he wants to know more about said insecurity, but thankfully doesn't pursue the subject.

"Well seeing as how you've already taken steps to rectify your…problem…I suppose I can only ask why us three. No offense meant to you two, but you must admit this is a rather odd support group."

I shrug.

"Everyone else is off doing their own thing. And you're selling yourself short. You're all my friends just as much as everyone else is."

H.B. seems to be at a loss for words for a second before clearing his throat.

"Well I'm honored to hear that. So what exactly do you want to talk about? I have another hour before I really should get some rest. Even a man of my caliber must recharge at some point."

Sun'Barac and Ackwar also nod at his words.

"I have presidential duties to attend to as well. With the Ganglion's loss many of the citizenry are wondering what comes next."

"Er, and I have to help out with BLADE work in a bit as well, so, I'm gonna have to go in a little bit as well. Sorry Cross, but, well, it's my job you know?"

I can't help but snort at the two Xeno's responses.

"It's fine guys I get it. Hell, if anything thanks for coming to see me at all."

Despite my gratitude I can't help but feel a small spike of envy. Who would have thought I'd ever be jealous of someone because they have to go do their jobs?

Sighing I distractedly play with my smushed mug and ask, "How do you three deal with the stress of your positions? H.B., you had to come to grips with balancing your duty against your conscience, and I know that wasn't easy for you. Sun'Barac, you constantly have to deal with who knows how many species asking you for answers, not to mention when you first came to the city your species was under constant threat of extinction. Ackwar, when Yuyu was murdered you didn't blame Humans, even though you had every reason and then some to do so, and have helped more people than I can count ever since."

I shake my head and force out my next words.

"How…how do you keep going? My first identity crisis and I'm already having to go see the psyche doctor, which is goddamned pathetic. Just what do you do to cope?"

The three share a brief glance before Sun'Barac carefully begins with, "My situation is slightly different due to the presence of the Ovah…although after Run'Tonam's discoveries even that connection has started to become suspect. I digress. I have undertaken this responsibility both because the Ovah tells me it is the right thing to do and because helping those that live in this city is a gratifying feeling for me personally. Self-gratification is a strange concept for us Orpheans, exploring this new feeling and seeing the benefits of my work more than offsets the occasional emotion of fear and worry."

H.B. nods and says, "Well said. And you're quite correct in saying that it was not easy to accept my own limitations and flaws. We both know that I can be rather…prideful about my abilities and commitment to making the right choices, rather than the easy ones. I consider myself lucky that I had people who knew the real me such as yourself and Commander Vandham, people who could tell me what I needed to hear, rather than what I wanted. As cliche and uninspiring of an answer as it is, sometimes the best solution to seemingly insurmountable problems is to seek help from others."

Eagerly nodding Ackwar adds, "It's not as bad as you make it sound Cross, right? I already told you before that it was because of your help that I was able to avoid blaming Humans for Yuyu's death, I still feel that way you know? And I know Yuyu would be happy seeing me help all of our new friends in the city, she was always so supportive of me being a BLADE…err, so I guess I can move on because I'm doing this for someone I love-err…loved."

I'm struck for what feels like the dozenth time by just how damn strong Ackwar is. I know a lot of the species in NLA give the Ma-non crap about being neurotic and overly touchy-feely…but they can be made of pretty solid stuff when given the right motivation.

Resting my chin on my hand I lean forward and huff a sigh.

"When you guys explain it like that I feel like an idiot for being so worked up about this. Christ, what a joke."

H.B. shrugs and simply states, "Emotions are rarely logical Cross. I've had my face rubbed in that fact quite a few times now."

He says the last sentence with no small amount of ironic wit in his voice, which makes me snort in amusement.

After some more small talk about their work and what's going on in the city they depart to take care of their own business and I'm left in the corner of the cafeteria, balancing my chair on it's two back legs, lost in thought.

Funny how those three basically just described to me what I'd always known and always done…but was still comforting.

Help those close to you, and do your best for the ones you love. And when you falter, or are faced with a task too large…turn to said people for aid.

I was never all that great at following the latter instructions.

Groaning and rubbing my eyes with a single hand I realize that I'm gonna have to make serious adjustments to some preconceived notions that I've held for more than a year.

"Welcome to my laboratory Lieutenant Cross. My name's Jamie Curtison, hope we'll get along just fine while picking your brain."

I smile in spite of my rather Emo mood and take a look around the 'laboratory' that is actually just a nicely appointed office with a recliner chair set in a corner, surrounded by three other less fancy ones. Jamie Curtison isn't what one would expect from your standard psychiatrist. Seemingly in her mid-thirties, she's a woman of I'm assuming African descent with an upbeat and irreverent personality, seeming more like a gym trainer than a mental health specialist.

Well whatever. Nothing on this wacko planet can be taken at face value anyway.

"Good to meet you to Miss Curtison, do I need to take my shirt off for the examination?"

She runs an appraising eye over my body before smirking and replying, "Well I certainly won't stop you. Topless or not, feel free to take a seat over in the recliner there and I'll be with you in a minute, just gotta pull up some of your files from the BLADE servers and we'll get started."

I do as instructed and take a deep breath as I settle into the chair. As I sit there I notice a subdued yet familiar citrus scent…almost like an incense. It's not as strong as most incense burnings though, I remember when Bozé first lit one up for my benefit and I almost threw up a lung the smell was so strong.

This is more subdued…and so familiar. Dammit where do I know this aroma?

"It's Burseara Graveolens that your smelling Lieutenant, otherwise known as the 'Holy Stick'."

I cock an eyebrow and ask, "How did you know that's what I was wondering? And just Cross is fine."

"Well Cross most people who aren't trying to figure out where a smell is coming from don't have a furrowed brow and aren't frantically sniffing at the air."

"Oh. I guess I was pretty absorbed in my head there for a moment. Sorry bout that."

"No worries, want to get started?"

"Please."

Taking a seat next to mine she starts tabbing through several pages of text and graphs on her device before gaining an almost imperceptible scowl. Turning to me she says in a slightly strained voice, "Do you mind if I ask a few questions about the exact nature of your memory loss and what it entails? I think I have an idea of why you're suddenly suffering from these nightmares and bursts of stress, but it'd be best if I made sure."

I raise an eyebrow in surprise and ask, "Already? I thought it'd take a while before we figured out why I'm losing my mind."

She has a strained smile on her face and replies, "Well I've spent all of my time on Mira helping both BLADEs and civilians cope with the worst disaster to strike Humanity ever, and I was already a very good psychiatrist on Earth anyway. Besides, your condition is…painfully simple, provided I'm right. Your permission?"

"Ask away."

What follows is a very thorough Q&A session where Miss Curtison seemed determined to find out exactly how my memory loss worked, and how it affected me.

Questions about whether I can remember family or friends, whether I remember the sights or scents of Earth. Then follows inquisitions about my state of mind about Earth. Do I miss it? Do I wish I could go back and see it one day?

Well…sure, I would like to be able to magically un-explode Earth and see it for myself, but it's kinda hard to miss something you've never experienced.

After her little questionnaire is done Miss Curtison is quiet for a minute before speaking up with a slight hint of anger to her voice.

"Well I think I know what's wrong with you. Cross, I have quite a bit to tell you, and I'm rather aggravated as of now. As a psychiatrist I know first hand how repression can negatively affect someone, so I would prefer to just let it out now. Are you fine with that?"

I feel like the wolf is asking the rabbit if it can eat it. Even if the rabbit says no, chances are the Wolf is gonna chow down anyway.

"Uh, feel free."

"Oh good. So let's start off with your service record. As of today you have spent roughly four-hundred ninety-six waking days on Mira. That's eleven-thousand nine-hundred four hours. Of those many hours, you have spent six-thousand eleven hours outside of NLA on exploration or combat oriented missions. More than half of your time on this planet. And during these missions you were either engaged in hunting extremely deadly native creatures, or exploring uncharted wilderness no Human has ever encountered before."

She takes a deep breath. "Aditionally, if these records are to be believed, when you did finally grace the city with your presence, you were often engaged in several Mediator duties. While those hours are much harder to track, I would wager you spent another two-thousand eight-hundred seventy-six working hours helping keep the domestic peace. That leaves a little less than three thousand hours left for whatever you do in your spare time."

She fixes me with a deadly gaze and I feel myself sink a little deeper into the chair.

"That averages to roughly SIX HOURS A DAY for things that are not mission specific such as meals, sleep, relaxation, socializing and all the other things normal people do. And that's why Eleanora, Chausson, Vandham and Nagi are couple of moronic, sadistic, ignorant, retarded dumb fucking IDIOTS for doing what they did! What the fuck!? Are they trying to cause you to go insane!?"

At this point I've practically fused with the chair. I wonder of this is what kids feel like when their parents are in the middle of a full blown rant and they can't sneak out of the room.

Summoning the few quivering scraps of my courage I barely squeak out, "Is, is that your professional observation or your opinion?"

She growls out, "Both." before heaving a massive sigh.

"Ok I feel a little better. Now I just need to chew them out in person again and I'll be all better."

"…Again?"

"Oh heck yah. As NLA's leading doctor on mental health and stability, I get a lot of leeway in how I treat my 'superiors'. This'll be the second time I get to yell at Eleanora though…that I'm looking forward to, I rarely get a good opportunity to take that little girl to task."

The happy look on her face as she contemplates about screaming at NLA's four most powerful people causes me to mentally place her at the top of my, 'people who under no circumstances I should EVER mess with', list, booting Eleanora and Sharon to second and third place respectively.

And this demon is who gets to root around in most BLADE's heads? That would explain some of the more…colorful personalities in our organization.

Shaking my head in wonderment I ask, "So you were mentioning how my lifestyle is causing my nightmares?"

"It's not just nightmares it can start to cause. Actually let me start from the beginning before I list all the ways your brain could potentially turn to mush. Kapish?"

"Uh, yah. Kapish."

"Ok the way you explained it to me is that you have no recollection whatsoever of anything of your life before Mira. And when you were woken up all you 'remembered' was basic language, social and combat skills. You were essentially a newborn baby for all intents and purposes. So tell me, are you familiar with the concept of child soldiers?"

"Yah, a lot of my buddies were saying that that's basically what I was once they heard about my past."

"Then surely you realize why you're starting to fall apart."

"…Explain it to me anyway?"

Rolling her eyes she huffs and explains, "All people can suffer from shellshock, PTSD, combat fatigue, whatever. But children are much more susceptible to it than adults, especially if they come from war-torn backgrounds, which they almost always do. Reason being they have no lifetime of experiences to build up a moral code, no memories of family and friends to tone down their instinct to kill, no memories of relaxation or peace to provide a counterpart to their daily lives of constantly struggling to survive. You see where I'm going with this?"

"…You're kidding me. I've never had a single issue until about a day ago. Wouldn't I have lost it way before this?"

"Not necessarily. There's no set time frame for people to lose their bonkers, it varies by person. The main reason I think you held it together for so long was because of those meditative exercises you do. By promoting focus and an even temperament it helped categorize and partition your experiences into manageable clumps. It basically aided your ability to cope, but obviously you were only delaying the inevitable."

We're both silent for a minute before I break the quiet.

"So what's the solution? I don't suppose you have some sort of magic quick fix for me?"

"No such luck. As of this minute you are hereby suspended from combat oriented BLADE missions for the next two months. Two weeks from now you can participate in Mediator missions as long as they don't involve work outside the city, while in one month and two weeks you can start taking collection missions. Aside from that, you're essentially on forced vacation."

I'm stunned silent for a moment.

"…TWO MONTHS?! Are you crazy?! Right after we've lost so many during the last operation?! Doc, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but that's way too long for me to just be spinning my wheels."

"Ok, first things first. Number one, you won't be an asset to a combat team if you're an unstable emotional time bomb that could go off at any moment. Two, you won't be, 'spinning your wheels', you'll be using your time wisely to rest and recuperate so that when you do return to the front lines, you'll be better than ever. And three, if you really did appreciate what I'm trying to do for you, you wouldn't be trying to countermand my orders."

I struggle to find another argument to use and go with a desperation ploy.

"If you really want what's best for the city, you'll let me-"

"I do want what's best for the city Lieutenant, and if that means shoving a syringe of benzodiazepine up your ass so you'll finally relax, then you better believe that's what I'll do."

I'd like to pretend she's joking, but the look in her eyes says she'll do it, and do it joyfully.

Listening to my self-preservation instinct I sigh and say, "You win. Anything I need to sign before my premature retirement?"

She grins sadistically and says, "Just a few forms and I'll take care of the rest Cross. Hope you have fun the next two months!"

"I can't wait." I deadpan.

The next day was an interesting blend of work and boredom, since it was mostly consumed by routine maintenance checks on my weapons and armor, as well as informing the leadership of my forced vacation.

Actually, is it vacation if it's forced? It's almost like ordering someone to have fun, totally counterproductive. Whatever. At least tomorrow I have something to look forward to, my squad and a few others are coming back to the city, which means I'll actually have a few people to finally talk to.

Although…I'm not really looking forward to the conversation that'll come up once I have to explain why I'm benched for the next couple months. I never really told anyone about my nightmares before this, and now in addition to that I get to say, "Hey, guess what? I'm also apparently losing my mind! The doctor said so!".

This is gonna suck. Even worse is that small, bastard voice in the back of my head that keeps whispering about how they'll be disgusted or turned off by my instability. Of how Celica will look for someone who won't turn into a schizophrenic maniac.

What really bothers me is that I know that said voice is full of crap. I trust those four more than I care to openly admit, and they would never feel that way about me. But the worry is there regardless, and I can't get it to shut up and go away. Christ, I hope that's not another sign of me getting all loopy.

Regardless the day goes by and I have the dubious pleasure of experiencing yet another one of my uncomfortably intense nightmares. Thankfully It didn't hit until I had already gotten some rest, but reliving the same scenario left me in a somewhat high-strung mood. Most of that tension goes out the window though once I see a group of Skells start descending on the city. Spotting my team's machines swooping in for a landing I step out onto the platform and try not to just run out in a mad dash. The leader has to show some reservation after all.

Not that my composure lasts long. Once I see Celica's Skell power down and the cockpit open I'm sprinting across the deck. She see's me and takes a few steps of her own before practically throwing herself into my outstretched arms. She fiercely hugs me and I gently stroke her hair, the other arm pulling her close.

"I was worried you weren't going to make it…It was so close…"

I'm about to make a joke about how I wouldn't really have been dead but decide there's a time and a place for that kind of humor, and it isn't now.

"Well thanks to an amazing girlfriend of mine who's always looking after me, here I am."

She gives a brief snort that's halfway between a laugh and a sob before replying, "I guess that's what we're good at right? Looking after each other."

"Among other things."

I gently tilt her chin up and fiercely kiss her, feeling most of my worries and anxieties wash away just like that.

Aww crap…At this rate I'm going to end up with tears in my eyes as well.

There's the sudden sound of someone clearing their throat and we break apart to find Julun, Vi and Mia amusedly staring at us.

"Pretty sure I know the answer to this, but are we interrupting something?"

I give Mia a mock scowl and growl out, "Some bucket of ice water you are. Welcome back by the way, you're not staying long right?"

Neither of our mock scowls lasts long and we both break out laughing, with Mia rushing in to join in on the hugs. Vi and Julun smile and follow close behind before Mia manhandles them into the group as well, ending up with the five of us in some sort of improvised group hug.

I can't help the giant smile that comes over my face and say, "It's good to see you guys again."

A poor way of expressing just how happy I actually am, but they seem to get it.

"Aw, we missed you too Chief. Never mind that though, what have you been up to these past few days? We've been super busy and have been pretty much kept out of the loop."

I'm about to answer when I notice that most of them seem fairly exhausted, with bags under their eyes and slightly hunched postures. Well we're having none of that.

"Tell you what, you guys take a couple hours to rest and clean up, then we'll talk later this afternoon, sound good?"

They seem relived to hear my suggestion and Julun crinkles her face in disgust after she sniffs her arm.

"Good idea that. Skin smells like month old Scirpo carcass."

Vi grins and says, "Ever the dainty type, aren't you Julun?"

"Quiet Wrothian, or I'll hug you and not let go until smell never comes out of your fur."

"No need for threats."

I smirk at Julun's words and add, "Yah better be careful Vi, I was talking to Gu Ladha the other day and she said she likes a man who smells like roses."

He gives the Wrothian equivalent of a blush and we all share a laugh at his expense.

Damn it feels good to have my friends back.

A couple hours and a few less haggard looking teammates later we're seated in the BLADE cafeteria, discarded plates and glasses pushed off to the side. Sighing I start off with, "So what have you guys been up to these last few days? I haven't heard much in the way of news out here."

Julun shrugs and replies, "Mostly patrol and scouting duties. Little in way of actual combat. Lots of boring things. You're time is likely more interesting."

I wryly grin, she probably doesn't have any idea just how right she is.

"Well you could say that. Better settle in, this'll take awhile…"

After I finish I lean back and try to conceal how nervous I actually feel about their impending reactions.

Mia and Julun seem sympathetic while Vi looks disgusted, thankfully not at me. That Wrothian honor code probably has him super disturbed at my treatment.

Celica is the one that has me worried, with a brooding look on her face and a dark gleam in her eyes that promises someone is going to pay. While I'm touched that she feels so protective of me, trying to stab one of NLA's leaders isn't going to do either of us any favors. Besides, Miss Curtison sent me a video recording of her giving all four of them a severe dressing down, I'll show it to Celica later.

I'd asked her if she made that recording specifically for my benefit, but she'd merely shrugged and said she would have done it anyway so she could go back and watch it later to cheer herself up on a rainy day.

I find it somewhat disturbing that our city's top psychiatrist is something of a psychopath herself.

Quickly reaching over and holding Celica's hand I give her my most reassuring smile and to my relief she loses her aggravated attitude, going for resigned instead.

"Don't tell me, let me guess. Because everything is now going to work itself out, you aren't going to hold a grudge, and we should move on?"

I put an arm around her shoulders and give a quick squeeze.

"You know me so well."

"You're far too considerate for your own god. And yes, I know that I'm the last person that should be saying that, but I'm stating it anyway."

Mia nods with a thoughtful look on her face.

"You know I think this'll be good for you Chief. Maybe now that you're going crazy you'll finally learn that throwing yourself headfirst into danger is unhealthy."

"Great advice Mia, I never would have thought of that on my own."

"I aim to please Chief."

Vi stretches and then looks at me inquisitively.

"Two months before you can go back to combat missions. What are you going to do in the meantime Cross?"

"Well it's only two weeks before I can take Mediator stuff, so I'll at least have something to do then. I bet Hope and Ackwar wouldn't mind having a helping hand along for the ride. It's the two weeks before that where I have no idea what to do. How long before you guys have to head out again?"

"We have three days leave before we're heading back out to Alpha Base. It seems your superiors and Prince Jiarg aren't convinced the Ganglion are completely defeated."

"I'll believe our fight with them is done once they've surrendered. Well at least I get to bother you all for the next three days."

Julun deadpans and replies, "Can hardly wait, should be great fun for commanding officer to hound subordinates on their days off."

"I knew you missed me."

The next few days are a relief, since I have people to distract me from my own thoughts and things I can do to help them, such as helping repair equipment or get replacements parts, so on and so forth. The date I went on with Celica the night before they left the city was memorable in particular, as it got a little grabby by the end of it.

The hard part comes once they leave. No one I'm particularly familiar with is rotating back to NLA so I'm left with no real task to do aside from the usual reading Eleanora assigns me. And even that is less of a mandatory task and more of a habit at this point.

So I do the only thing I can do. I train.

While I got the rug pulled non-too ceremoniously out from under me when Nahum kicked my ass, I can either mope and let my skills stagnate, or I can make sure that I'm the absolute best this universe has ever seen.

Maybe that's reaching for the stars when I just recently pulled my head from the mud pit, but hey. That's what inspirational posters are for.

Regardless I embark on a training regimen that would make Rocky cry for mercy. Get up at 0500 and until 0700 work on meditative exercises and stretches, working through the stress and worries that a night of unpleasant dreams has given me. Grab a bite to eat, then at 0730 work on close quarters combat. I'm attempting to expand my repertoire of weapons beyond dual wielding swords, and am working on the kendo forms I've seen Nagi use, as well as the more intricate fencing styles that are suitable for Photon Sabers. While not really my cup of tea, I'm also learning to handle a spear as well as any of the other weapons, despite it's emphasis on more telegraphed and straightforward techniques rather than the quick and elegant moves I'm more accustomed to.

Once 1230 hits I head to the BLADE training fields and often act as a sort of guest instructor, both practicing and teaching anything and everything. From Karate to Ju-Jitsu, all the way to Evala wrestling (minus the circumcising) and Pygmachia. If I wasn't told all the names of these styles I wouldn't have even known I knew them.

Regardless this goes on till 1530, at which point I go to the firing range and work on my marksmanship. Hopefully once Bozé comes back he can coach me on the finer points of long distance shooting, until then it's mostly self-study, since I'm at least already competent. That lasts until 1730 at which point I break for dinner and shower. At 1830 I hit the books and study tactical theory as well as a variety of literature on being anything more highly ranked than a Lieutenant. Occasionally there's a book on psychology or physics thrown in just to keep things interesting. By 2100 I call it a day and spend until 0100 catching up on my Earth media and other things.

Rinse and repeat.

And you know what? It sorta starts to work. I'll still occasionally have a more intense variety of nightmare, and not a night goes by without me being woken up by some sort of dream. But it's starting to bother me less and less now, and with my relentless training schedule I'm starting to improve in areas where I was merely 'good' or 'passable' before. Give me another month and I'd like to challenge Nahum's ghost and see who the better fighter is now.

Once I'm cleared to take part in Mediator missions I start helping Hope and Ackwar with their tasks, and during these missions I'm treated to a rather unexpected surprise. Well, unexpected by me at least. Hope just rolled her eyes at my obliviousness.

Apparently all that talk of me being 'NLA's Hero' wasn't just exaggeration. People honestly feel that way, which scares the Hell out of me truth be told. Whenever I would step in to help settle a dispute or solve someone's grievance, I would almost always be treated with respect, if not outright awe. Apparently a significant portion of the city is following my latest exploits with almost religious fervor, and my recent battle with Nahum spread like wildfire. Piloting a newly developed and highly experimental Skell in one-on-one combat against the Ganglion's commander and then supposedly sacrificing myself so that other NLA forces could easily finish her off made for quite the emotional story.

While the constant attention and hero worship makes me super uncomfortable and wish that I was just another anonymous BLADE…I'd be lying if the gratitude of an entire city doesn't make feel a little good about myself. I was especially surprised that practically no one cared that I had lost the actual fight itself. If anything people seemed to admire me more for actually getting my ass handed to me, as if I went up against a superior opponent knowing I'd likely lose.

Well they're not wrong about me getting my wrecked by a superior opponent.

Not important, basically I can at least hold my head high when walking around the city. That makes a difference.

And just like that a month was gone in the blink of an eye. And here I was thinking it would take forever. Just goes to show what I know. Things were finally reaching some sort of semblance of normality after the Ganglion's routing, and more of the people I considered close friends were coming back to the city after the clean-up operation was finally calming down. Deciding to 'celebrate' by going on a collection mission with Team Cross (Still hate that name) we headed out for Sylvalum in search of a few Spirit Wands.

Sharon had put up the job and contacted me ahead of time so that I got first dibs, and I briefly contemplated asking what a Spirit Wand could be made into, but decided I didn't want to know.

The idea of making a Nopon holy relic into Viagra is just a bit too much for me to handle.

Regardless it went largely without a hitch, although finding one of the damn things took days. Thank god the payout is worth it.

Sharon had a bit of a surprise in store for me once we arrived back in NLA however.

I had just gone to turn in the Wand to Sharon while everybody else went to put their equipment away, so we ended up in our usual position of me standing in front of her desk making wisecracks while she did the mental equivalent of counting to ten.

"…all I'm saying is that I can only imagine the shocked looks on the Nopon's faces when they see someone grinding one of their holy plants into a bong and then smoking it. Or maybe that'll give rise to a whole new brand of Nopon worship. Then again, I don't think having a bunch of drugged out Nopon-"

"Cross, please shut up."

"Shutting up now."

I decide not to grin lest Sharon decide I've been a bit too much of a smartass the last few minutes and start working on some payback. She releases a heavy sigh and leans back in her chair, massaging her shoulder.

"Good work as always hon. On that note, I actually have a bit of an offer for you. One that you may like."

"Does it involve me getting snacked on by Indigens? I wouldn't put it past you since you did just seem rather peeved by me."

"Relax, it's nothing that lethal. How would you feel about owning your own personal house in the newly built residential section?"

I'm silent for a second.

And then quite a few more.

"Er, sorry, did I hear-"

"You did."

"Ok, so you'll excuse me for wondering about the how and why."

"For the how, a 'business associate' of mine gave me a very good deal on this office here on the condition I buy endorse some of his real estate farther down the road. I'm offering very good deals to friends of mine and they'll appreciate having one of these new places. Everyone's happy once all is said and done. As for why…well I've spent some time in the BLADE barracks. While nice, they're more places you stay at, not come home to. And I heard about your difficulties dealing with PTSD. Take it from me Cross, having a home to come back to makes a difference. Give it some thought."

And I do. About three seconds actually.

"Where is it? I'd like to take a look later today."

She smiles like the cat that just caught the canary.

Two hours later I'm perusing the new residential district for this mystery home. The neighborhood in this area still seems fairly empty, although that might just be the time I'm visiting, since it's like 1400 in the afternoon right now. Everyone's probably just out working right now.

Continuing to walk through the district I finally come across the address Sharon gave me. Taking a good look at my potential home I take stock of it's features.

Built in the Craftsman style it's around thirteen-hundred square feet with two floors, similar to the other homes in the area. They're true Miran homes, made with materials found in the wilds of Primordia, Noctilum and Oblivia. They come with a variety of different interior designs to better accommodate the several different physiologies of the species living in NLA. Unlocking the door with the key I was given I walk inside and raise an appreciative eyebrow.

While I'm not too familiar with what constitutes 'good taste' in this day and age, seeing as how I never had much use for it living in the barracks, there's a sort of subtle elegance to the design, with neutral colors and functional furniture. The first floor is largely devoted to a large common room with kitchen attached. There's also a small guest room with a half-bath attached.

Upstairs there's two separate bedrooms with full bathrooms attached with a balcony in the master bedroom overlooking the center of NLA, a great view that is well worth the two million the house runs for. I take a deep breath and stretch, feeling a strange relaxed feeling as I look around the city from my vantage point. I guess there's a lot of truth to what Sharon said about having a place that belongs to you.

"Never thought we'd actually be walking into your very own home Cross. I always just imagined you would be living in that walk-in closet for the rest of your life."

"Well I'm just always full of surprises Vi. And everyone get's tired of living in a 3x3 'room' at some point in their life."

I couldn't buy the house quickly enough once I'd finished looking through it. Which was actually kind of funny when I realized that if I'd never actually gone and looked at the place, I'd never have thought I was missing anything.

Live and learn. Regardless I had gone ahead and introduced my new home to my teammates, who were unanimously shocked that I had gone ahead and pulled such a surprise maneuver.

Well at least I didn't have much furniture or luggage to move, the benefit of not really setting down roots anywhere.

"Man Chief, you really made out like a bandit on this particular deal!" Mia exclaims as she throws herself down onto one of the chairs in the common room. Julun joins her and remarks, "Chairs are very comfortable. I think I will start living here now."

"You're welcome to, but I'll warn you now ladies, rent is very expensive."

Mia sighs dejectedly.

"Guess I'm back on the streets then. Ain't no way I can afford any price that you're thinking of."

"Well I will need a housekeeper…"

Celica swats me on the arm after Mia looks even more down than before and I decide I've done enough mental damage for now.

"I'm joking Mia, feel free to visit whenever. Just promise not to eat all my food."

Perking up a little she happily replies with, "I won't make a promise I can't keep!"

Vi snorts and turns to me with a knowing look on his face.

"So you finally decided to start considering this city your real home?"

I roll my eyes at his usual perceptiveness.

"Yes grandmaster-wiseman, I suppose I did."

Celica loops her arm through my own and happily announces, "Well since we're all here you might as well give us the grand tour."

Pulling my ear right next to her mouth she lowly whispers so that the others can't hear, "And you can also show me bedroom for later…"

My eyes snap to hers so fast I'm surprised my retinas don't detach themselves from their sockets. Meeting her own deep blue pair I see mostly shyness, surprise at her own boldness and a little playfulness all mixed together.

It makes for one Hell of an alluring mix.

Unfortunately for me, we don't get the opportunity to do anything quite so stimulating as we spent the rest of the day hanging out with the other three, and in the middle of our time together an emergency BLADE call went out for assistance. Naturally, I got left behind.

So not only was I left out of the fun again, I was also experiencing my first case of the blue balls.

Fun times all around.

Ah well. I don't begrudge Celica her unwavering dedication and work ethic. If we're being totally honest, I'm actually kind of turned on by that. Guess I'm just weird that way.

Five more days go by as usual when a rather exciting bombshell is dropped. NLA is going to be celebrating it's first annual U-Day, or Unification Day, in a couple days time. Basically a celebration of all the different species that live in the city and our victory over the Ganglion, as well as a memorial of sorts for all the dead Xeno's that gave their lives in assuring the city's safety, it was sanctioned by all the species's representatives and is supposed to last two days and nights before it ends.

Hope, Ackwar, Sun'Barac, Ni Zinga and myself were given the unofficial titles of 'key event and cross-species coordinators', which meant we were busy for the next three days of preparation 24/7. Things like ensuring enough food of different varieties was available, adequate seating for all the different species at the various events, making sure there was no time overlap in all the different events, keeping people from strangling each other…and that was just the 'easy' stuff. Don't get started on the more administrative details like making sure there was no allergic reactions to some foodstuffs or materials used in the celebration, as well as coordinating with Vandham and Nagi to make sure there was a rotating guard of BLADEs while the celebration was happening.

Well there was certainly enough to keep me distracted and busy, to vastly understate the scope of my activities. But once the actual event rolled around, it was worth it.

"I can't believe you helped organize all this Cross. It's…actually really emotional."

I decide to roll with the praise and simply smile at Lin.

"To be totally fair Hope and Ga Buidhe did most of this particular bit, although I did suggest the venue for it. Glad you like it though, we spent a lot of time making sure this was an emotional start to the celebration."

To commence the beginning of U-Day, we're holding the honoring of the many dead first thing in the morning. While no Humans are part of the ceremony, seeing as how they aren't technically dead, there are a number of Xenos being remembered today.

We were initially worried that the Xenos might object to our idea, but they were strangely on board with it. The Prone usually do the whole 'feed to a beast' thing, but were quite excited at the idea of an entire city of people recognizing the greatness of their fallen. They'll display their dead's names then feed the corpse to a Miran animal first chance they get.

The Wrothians have a slightly different custom. They display the fully armored bodies of their fallen in caskets of white linen, their wounds on full display as they move the bodies through the gathered crowd. While somewhat macabre seeming, I think it's actually quite fitting. If they died for our safety, the least we can do is see how they died, and the price of our freedom.

We had the ceremony take place on the area where the Forge usually is, after we moved much of the prefabricated equipment out of the way. It's the ideal location as people at the ground level and on the BLADE concourse can view the event.

And boy is there people aplenty. It feels like half the city is gathered around the field, with huge throngs of people lined up watching the proceedings with a suitably grave atmosphere. Even the Nopon and Ma-non present are fairly subdued, showing a restraint rarely witnessed from them.

Before the actual departing of the bodies takes place I see Chausson take his position behind a slightly raised podium. While we weren't sure how well the Xenos would take to having a Human speak at their funeral ceremonies, they readily agreed to having Chausson say a few words before they began. It makes sense in retrospect, since the Director-General is the one who is largely responsible for offering them asylum in NLA. They probably respect him a lot more than the rank and file BLADE members do.

"Citizens of NLA, we gather here today to honor those who gave the ultimate sacrifice in defense of our city, who gave their lives so that we might find a more prosperous future."

He gives a short pause to add weight to his next words.

"I say citizens of NLA, not Human, Prone, Ma-non, Orphean, Nopon or any other species. I say citizens, because we have proven yet again that united, we can survive. We can thrive. United, our city will continue to grow, and one day be a shining beacon among the stars, an example of how strong a civilization can be when they are many distinct parts comprising a greater whole."

He pauses again, and I hear the slight tremor in his voice as he resumes speaking.

"We will thrive…thrive, because of the sacrifice of a brave few who saw the potential we have, and believed it was worth dying for. They will be remembered."

He steps down and there's dead silence. I give an inward nod of approval as I see a few misty eyed people around me. Chausson can really make a good speech when he decides to keep it short and to the point. He might have been a bit rosy about how all of our species work together…but I think that optimism is warranted, as I look around and see many different body shapes and sizes, but one common feeling of grief, sadness and determination in the eyes of every being around me.

Shared experiences are powerful.

Once the actual funeral portion was over…well, the city went insane.

People were running up and down the streets like they were possessed, trying to see every single attraction and vendor the town had to offer. Practically all of the Industrial, Residential, Commercial and parts of the Administrative districts were devoted to revelry and celebrations of one sort or another.

The first six hours of the party are my time to play keeper of the peace, at which point I'm free to enjoy the rest of the attractions to my hearts content until tommorow, barring any sudden disasters.

I was initially worried that in between the booze, intoxicants, upbeat atmosphere and who knows what else arguments and fights would be cropping up all over the city. Thankfully while there was plenty of good natured ribbing, most confrontations didn't end going anywhere past that stage. I only had to break up two fights that were getting a bit out of hand. The first was in between a group of Orpheans and Sullivan.

Unsurprisingly, the Orpheans had gotten a little too impressed with the massive collection of Miran flora that Sullivan was displaying in a sort of science fair setting and had eaten a couple before Sullivan could stop them. Unfamiliar with the Orphean's tendency to eat plants and then reproduce them easily, she had proceeded to kick the crap out of them until I could drag her off and fill her in on the details.

It must suck to be a largely pacifistic race when an enraged woman is beating the daylights out of you.

The second event went a little less smoothly.

"Ha! You pretend to have warrior honor?! Then fight me man-to-man and we'll see how potent your 'honor' actually is!"

"What would Cavern Clan scum know of man-to-man fighting? Only beat Tree Clan when given Ganglion weapons, in conventional battle we would slaughter you all!"

"Err…there's a field where people can spar just over there you kn-"

"Enough talk Tree Bastard! Let us settle this now!"

"Make your peace with whatever whore Gods you worship, for you shall meet them soon!"

Sighing Ackwar looks at me.

"They're totally ignoring us aren't they?"

I give a sage nod.

"That they are."

"So that means we can use force right?"

"Well they are Prone…"

"Hmm…ok then! Do your thing Cross, ok?"

"You got it buddy."

Uzoma Vassago and Treant Goroth, each from the Tree and Cavern Clan respectively, had clearly had a little too much to drink since they were normally pretty level-headed and were gearing up for a massive brawl with several other Prone watching the battle with obvious interest. We were afraid something like this was gonna happen quite honestly.

For months the two Prone Clans have managed to avoid any serious spats between their two factions, but with the party and plenty of booze flowing, we figured this was going to be the breaking point. And sure enough, we now have a bit of a domestic riot on our hands if we don't settle this quickly.

But that's why I'm here.

Thankfully I had the foresight to wear my armor during my shift, otherwise what I'm about to do probably wouldn't work nearly as well.

Throwing finesse to the wind I walk right up to Treant and before he notices my presence I haul back my fist and punch him in the gut as hard as I can. My fist sinks all the way to the wrist and he gives a brief coughing noise that sounds halfway between a barf and a sneeze before collapsing. Taking advantage of Uzoma's confusion I perform a smooth skip in his direction and lash my foot out at his knee, quickly knocking it out from under him. With his head now level with mine I pull back and smash my helmet into his forehead making a dull 'bonk' noise and he briefly staggers.

Grabbing his arm and pulling him next to where Treant is just managing to breath again I get right in their faces.

"I'm go to say this once, and only once. You two want to fight each other? Work out some long simmering issues? Go for it. But we have an arena just for that purpose, and you're going take your little dispute over there away from where others are trying to have a good time, understand? I catch you fighting anywhere that isn't our little coliseum, and I'll settle your fight for you. And I won't be gentle like I just was. Understand?"

They both wordlessly nod and I stand straighter. Having a reputation as a seriously badass fighter can be handy sometimes.

"Good. Now either get moving or play nice with each other."

I turn away from them in clear dismissal and silently pray that they do what I say. Having a bunch of rebellious Prone after my ass is gonna require some Skell backup and a lot of tear gas before they calm down. Thankfully they take my warning to heart and head over to the sparring stadium where the Human, Wrothian and autosentry wardens can keep an eye on things. And it's better that they finally get to vent some of their long standing racial feud instead of letting it continue to fester.

I give an exhausted sigh and turn to Ackwar.

"So what next?"

"Well there's some Nopon who just tried to buy some of the Wrothians sword making techniques, but neglected to mention that they were paying in folk songs…also there's a few Humans that are apparently getting a little too drunk and breaking furniture. So which one should we handle?"

I give a defeated grimace. Two more hours of this…oy vey.

"YES! Finally done! I'm free!"

"Well goof for frickin' you Cross. Wanna rub it in our faces a little more?"

I smirk at Tracy and happily reply, "No need to worry I already took care of the hard stuff, it'll be easy street for you guys. Take care now!"

I dance out of the temporary armory after turning in my armor and weapons, eager to head back to my humble abode, take a shower, switch into my party outfit and then meet with my recently returned girlfriend.

SO glad that my shift is over now. Forty-five minutes later I'm all cleaned up and place a call to Celica. It rings for almost a minute before she manages to pick up and I can hear the sound of a busy city in the background as she's practically shouting into the voice pickup.

"Cross! Are you finally finished!?"

"Indeed I am, where are you at right now?"

"Just outside the lift to the A.D., Rock's event is just about to start, will you make it in time?"

I check my timepiece and grin. 1500, perfect timing.

"As long as I run, I'll see you there!"

"I've missed your rather badly, now hurry up."

Her voice then drops to a conspiratorial whisper, "Also, I met Doug and Elma and am currently standing next to them. They're both acting rather shy around each other and I think we should fix that."

I feel an evil smile spread and gleefully reply, "Celica, have I recently told you just how much I love you?"

I ended up cutting my arrival a little closer than I wanted to at 1525, but I made it regardless. After the crowds cleared out earlier after the funeral processions left the scene, several tiered observation platforms were set up around the area creating a sort of pseudo-gladiatorial pit. Most of the stands are already filled with people eager to watch the show and it takes me a minute to find my three people.

I'm clued in once I see Doug waving madly at me and I immediately disregard the stair setups to simply vault up the safety railing to where he, Elma and Celica are standing.

Setting aside Doug and Elma for now I grab Celica by the waist and pull her into a very forceful, very passionate kiss. I feel more than hear her brief hum of surprise and excitement before she wraps her own arms around me and pulls us even deeper into the kiss. This probably goes on for a few seconds before I hear some wolf whistles around us and Doug awkwardly clear his throat. Elma just laughs.

Pulling away for air we share a happy smile and I take a look at her, quickly feeling blood rush to both my cheeks and a certain…lower area once I see how beautiful she looks.

While she wore the Midi dress on our first date stunningly…it didn't necessarily feel like her. What she's wearing now however, seems as if it was meant for her to wear. A V-neck swing mini dress that's undone just enough to offer a tantalizing hint of her cleavage, covered in a floral print that accentuates the deep blue color of the dress…all rounded out by the Hibiscus I first gave to her adorning her hair.

Good GOD she's beautiful. She also seems to notice my lack of composure and smiles cheekily.

"Cat got your tongue Cross?"

Recovering I quickly shoot back, "You look like the reason half the cities gone mad."

She catches my meaning and slightly blushes before quietly taking my hand and simply smiles. I then remember that there's two other people that we're currently with right now. Oops. I turn around and see Doug with a bemused look on his face.

"You've never greeted me that enthusiastically before Cross. What gives?"

"Ah that's just because you're way taller than me Doug. How ridiculous would it look if I had to get on my tip-toes to recreate that scene?"

He snorts and I give Elma a happy salute.

"Doug's been a gentleman I presume?"

"Oh he most certainly has. Practically to a T."

I see an odd play of emotion on her face after she finishes her sentence that roughly translates to, 'almost too much of a gentleman'.

I hide my grin and immediately think of a plan to remedy that.

"Look, they're beginning!"

I put my thoughts on hold as Celica excitedly points to a break in the stands that doubles as entrance and exit. Rock and an Excavator Skell

frame walk in to the center podium, where a raised table of sorts is located. The crowd of people starts cheering and I shout as loud as I can, "YOU GOT THIS ROCK, YOU ROCK!"

Knowing how to properly use your lungs and diaphragm gives me a voice that can crack granite when I really put my mind to it. In fact everyone around me winces and I snicker at their reactions. Celica leans over and whispers in my ear, "Who would have thought one of the quieter BLADEs had the loudest voice?"

"Ah well it's all that hot air you see."

She snorts and goes back to watching the event. An announcer then walks in holding a microphone and starts to kick things off.

"Citizens of NLA, welcome to the first ever Miran Skelleton Games! I'm your host Anthony Ricardo and today we have three events lined up for you folks and boy are they something special! First let's give it up for our first contestants, Alexa in her custom model 'Bicep-O-Tron!"

There's a chorus of approving shouts as Alexa steps outside the cockpit and gives an ecstatic wave.

"And last but by no mean's least, let's hear some love for our resident construction guru himself, ROCK!"

The crowd of a few hundred people go nuts. I guess most people here really appreciate all the new roads and stuff he's been working on for awhile now. As for the big guy himself he bashfully waves at the crowd before ducking his head again, clearly shy of all the attention he's getting. Celica is smiling so widely I'm surprised she hasn't given herself a strained jawline.

"Alright enough of the introductions, let's get to what you're all waiting for! Contestants! Take your positions!"

Rock and Bicep-O-Tron turn to face each other…and clasp hands for an arm wrestle.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I had a large hand in planning this particular event. Most fun I had in ages. Or age. Whatever.

"Three…two…one…Begin!"

With a sudden hiss and whine of straining servos the right arm of Alexa's Skell starts staring against Rock's own rather impressive bicep. NLA's Skell design teams clearly put a lot of work into making that limb as strong as possible, as it's almost three times the size of a conventional Skell arm even without the armor. Heck, the fact that it's putting up a fight against Rock is testament to it's power.

The crowd is going wild at this point, with everyone screaming their heads off and wildly gesticulating at the struggle happening below. Unfortunately for Alexa, Rock is just a little too ripped for her machine and with a sudden screech he overpowers the Skell and slams it's arm into the pedestal below.

A roar of approval sounds out and Ricardo shouts out, "Victory goes to Rock, proving rather convincingly that yes, flesh is mightier than metal!"

I smile as Rock, ever the good sport, gives Alexa a giant sized handshake and they walk out together as the next act starts setting up shop.

Celica turns to me and gratefully says, "Thank you for convincing Rock to take part in these games. He looked so happy…"

I give a winning smile and gently kiss her hand.

"Hey he's a friend of mine to. Any opportunity I get to hype him up to the city is an opportunity I'll take."

She start's laughing and replies, "So modest and full of good intentions."

"I aim to please mi amor."

The sudden sound of heavy footsteps cut all conversation and two Formula's walk into the arena…dressed in Wrap Skirts and painted in striking shades of black and red.

Elma looks at me with a look of horror on her face.

"Cross…what monstrosity did you and your friends create."

I smirk in reply.

"That, Colonel, is what will henceforth be known as the 'Titanium Tango'. Basically Skell dancing routines."

Elma looks scandalized while Celica and I both start laughing at her expression. Apparently the idea of Humanities's crown military machine being used as a dance-bot is causing her no small amount of distress. Doug looks like he's also forcing down a laugh with limited success. Boy if she's freaked out by this she's going to hate what I planned for the finale. Skell break-dancing is something truly impressive since the transforming nature of Skells allows for some seriously badass moves. What's not to like about that?

Half an hour later with the Skelleton Games ending Elma looks like her dog just died while everyone else in the stadium is practically rolling with laughter. Watching a Lailah pull off a hand glide into a moon walk is a novelty most people never thought they would see in their lives, and I'm so glad I suggested it during the brainstorming operation.

Celica looks at me from the corner of her eye and shakes her head in obvious amusement.

"Leave it to you to come up with an inappropriate use for expensive military hardware."

"To be fair, the Ma-non helped. Apparently they got their hands on some old B-Boy Championship videos and thought it was the coolest thing ever right after Pizza. And here we are."

She gives an incredulous shake of her head before looking at Elma and Doug and gaining an almost imperceptible frown.

"Cross, do they seem…well, rather awkward with each other?"

"Sorta like us before we started dating?"

"Actually, yes. And yet again it looks like it's the boy's fault for not taking action."

"Hey we both fell for two of the most stunning women in NLA. You can forgive us for having slight self-confidence issues."

She gives me a deadpan look.

"You'd never know it by the way you speak."

"It's all an act to give me some confidence and peace of mind. Now you know my secret, please don't dump me."

She snorts and I give a quick glance behind me and feel a small frown appear on my lips similar to Celica's. She's right that the two of them seem…oddly formal with each other. There's no tension or anything like that, but neither of them seem comfortable being the one to initiate anything intimate. Well I think we're going to change that. I lean in close to Celica's ear and whisper, "When I give the signal jump into my arms and try to knock me over. I've got a plan that's just childish enough to work."

"You have my attention boy genius…so what's the signal?"

"This."

And with a mischievous grin I give her ass a quick squeeze, feeling the almost hypnotic feeling of hard muscle and soft flesh tense under my hand as her eyes widen and she let's out a yelp, jumping forward and quickly pushing me backward.

Right into Doug's back as he's facing Elma. Toppling forward with a grunt of surprise he knocks over Elma and they land on top of each other, both starting to furiously blush as they realize their rather…compromising position, with Doug positioned perfectly between Elma's splayed thighs. So scandalous.

I grin and quickly say aloud, "Well if you two are going to be so open in your affections with each other I think Celica and myself will just get out of your hair. Catch you later!"

I quickly guide Celica past them just as Doug starts to splutter a reply and we quickly leave the stadium. I smile at a mission accomplished…right before my left butt cheek is grabbed in a vice-grip that has nails. Wincing I turn towards Celica who is looking at me with an equal look of annoyance and amusement.

"You're very lucky that worked, or you'd be in the 'Dog House' as your people call it."

She gives a quick twist of her wrist that elicits a wince from me before I start grinning uncontrollably.

"It was a calculated risk. No doubt Mia would be saying something about how it's a good thing I'm into pain since you seem to get your jollies off that way."

She makes a noise somewhere between a scoff and a laugh, while I intertwine my fingers with hers and we head off towards our next destination.

Not all of the planned events are anything quite as…bizarre as the Skelleton Games though. There's several more relaxed events such as acrobatics shows, different art exhibits and lots of oratory demonstrations as well. In fact there's one show being put on by Nimu Turton that delves into some of the Prone mythology that I'm dying to see, which is where we're headed right now.

He was given a small venue in Deliverance Park to deliver his sort-of sermons that can seat around a hundred people or so, since the slightly raised hill allows for people to look down to where he's sitting without blocking each other's view. As I look around though, there's a lot more than one hundred people. In fact it's a lot closer to two hundred. Something like three quarters of the attendees are also a mix of Ma-non, Wrothians and Prone with the rest being Humans. Since space is at a premium, it provides me a decent excuse to pull Celica on my lap to make more room for all the people that want to watch.

I don't think either of us are fooled for a second as to what my real reason was.

Regardless, everyone eventually get's situated and Nimu clears his throat before beginning without preamble, "Welcome to all of you, it is somewhat surprising to me to see so many interested in Tree Clan beliefs, yet very gratifying. While there is much to cover in our history, a famous and important one is the tale of the Skinwalker."

Taking a deep breath he modulates his voice into almost hypnotic tones and begins.

"Before Ganglion enslaved Tree Clan, even before Cavern and Tree Clan made war on each other, we struggled mightily. Tormein, our home planet, played host to many dangerous and ferocious beasts. During the day we were safe, as we could see the creatures under the light of the sun, and many preferred to hunt under the cover of darkness. The day belonged to us…but the night was their time. We were constantly preyed upon, often begging for the light of a new day to deliver us from these beings hunts."

He gives the Prone equivalent of a smile.

"The one day the sun listened to our prayers. Descending from the sky, it took the body of a young, willing Prone and usurped the boy. In return for the Prone's sacrifice, the sun would help us fight against the night, slowly letting us take control of our world. Teaching us the way of combat and courage, we began to push back the beasts of Tormein's twilight. This continued for many years until one day the creatures fought back in a unified manner. Falling upon our homes with bloodthirsty abandon, we were slowly pushed to the brink of extinction. Retreating to one of our last bastions we thanked the sun for all it had done, and only expressed regret that it's efforts had gone to waste along with the sacrifice of the brave Prone who's body it had taken."

His voice had gone quiet, almost a whisper as his words came to a close. No one even breathed. But when he looked up there was a fire in his eyes, and his voice was stronger than ever.

"Yet the Sun did not chastise or abandon us. Instead, the Sun promised that we would survive, as long as we were prepared to never give in to the dusk and resist it's advances no matter the cost. We readily agreed, wanting nothing more than to finally allow our families and children a worthwhile future. The Sun listened to our words and suddenly it rent apart it's container, showering the world with it's golden form. With the aid of some of our greatest warriors the sun strode forth against the beasts, using weapons that would set fire to the creatures, yet slicing them as smooth as any blade."

He sighed dramatically, before continuing his tale.

"But there was a cost to the Sun's power. It's powerful golden form could not be held on Tormein's surface for very long without the aid of a vessel. By the time our struggle finally ended with the beasts confined to their lairs, dozens, if not hundreds of Prone had gladly given their bodies in service to our people. When our war was finally over, and the night belonged to the Prone, the Sun quietly returned to the sky with little fanfare, weary of killing so many of it's children and desiring nothing more than to rest. We remember the Sun and the Prone's sacrifice, and call them 'Skinwalkers', honoring the manner in which they gave their skin to the Sun. The word Skinwalker is given to those who are heroes and friends to all Prone, and are accorded the highest respect in our society."

Once he finishes there's a tremendous round of applause, with me leading the way. The guy certainly knows how to tell a story.

It's not until 0100 the next morning that the two of us finally admit we're tired. Well it's mostly just Celica, the whole artificial body thing means I could have kept going for another few hours. Not that continuing on my lonesome would have been nearly as fun.

"I had an amazing time tonight Cross. Although I guess I shouldn't have been surprised at some of the more…eccentric events you planned."

"I'll take that as an amazing compliment."

"It was mostly intended that way."

We both share a chuckle as we pass a small group of BLADE's drunkenly singing Under the Bridge. As they belt out a chorus of, "Under the bridge downtown, forgot about my love!" I feel a familiar pang of exclusion and loneliness that leaves me scowling at myself. It irks me to no end that I still feel ostracized about these things, despite the fact that I feel happier now than I ever did before. Heck, I'm even coming to terms with my past, however slowly.

I feel a soft hand gently hold my own and Celica looks at me with some measure of concern.

"Does it still bother you?"

I sigh and reply wryly, "I'm beginning to wonder if Qlurians actually have mind reading powers and you're just not telling me."

"Maybe we do." she says with a smile, although she loses some of her humor with her next words.

"Actually as soon as you heard that song your face fell and attitude dimmed somewhat."

I grimace at how easy I am to read and take a moment to put my feelings into words.

"It does still hurt and it probably always will to some extent…but before I would just ignore or disregard my reactions and focus on something else. Now I can face it and move on regardless."

I smile and gently kiss her temple.

"Blame it on some people I met."

She smiles her usual radiant smile and snuggles into my side as we continue our walk through the Residential District. Right as we reach the crossroads that lead to the Industrial District I move to walk her home when her body suddenly collides with mine and we ungracefully flounder on our feet for a moment, looking for all the world like a pair of drunks.

Recovering our balance I raise an eyebrow at her and ask, "Lost your way for a minute there?"

She raises an eyebrow of her own and archly replies, "Were we not returning to your home for the night?"

Which of course sends my brain to a screeching halt and I spend about two entire seconds trying to reboot my thought process.

"I, uh, I mean I'm not complaining but, er, why?"

Oh God WHY am I arguing against this?! Stupid brain making me say stupid things!

Thankfully she playfully replies, "You're not going to make a young, defenseless woman such as myself spend the night alone are you?"

I grin as I remember said 'defenseless' girl cutting apart Indigens with ease with naught but a Knife. Thankfully I don't say anything else completely retarded and say, "Of course not, how thoughtless of me. Mi casa es tu casa."

I let out a satisfied breath as I lean back in one of the balcony chairs and feel myself automatically relax as I look up at the sky, consumed as it is by one of the Miran auroras. I never really knew just how peaceful it could be after a day of partying to come back to a place you call home. Well hey. Live and learn.

"You never seem to grow tired of looking at the sky, do you?"

I don't bother looking back as Celica drapes her arms around my shoulders and rests her head atop of mine. The familiar scent of lavender and vanilla floods my head and I heave a satisfied sigh.

"It's hard to grow used to this view. I'm willing to bet I could stare at this for the rest of my life and never grow bored of it."

"One more thing we agree on then."

Now actually craning my neck to face hers as she looks down on me I can't help but throw in an honest compliment.

"It's a distant second to you though."

She quietly chuckles and places a kiss on my nose.

"Ever the flatterer aren't you?"

"I tell it like I see it."

She grins but loses some of her mirth and suddenly she shifts a little shyly.

"Cross, do you remember our first mission with Julun and Vi to Noctilum, when we were discussing music?"

"Yah, why?"

Instead of answering she briefly goes inside for a minute before walking out carrying a small duffel bag of some sort. Sitting next to me she pulls, to my complete astonishment, a Pan Flute of all things out of the bag. I feel my eyes widen and I breathe out, "Where'd you find that?"

She shrugs sneakily and slyly replies, "Oh you'd be surprised at what the Nopon can make when given specific details and sufficient monetary incitement."

I give a disbelieving shake of my head. That couldn't have been cheap. The Nopon are real sticklers when it comes to custom orders.

"I recall you asking to hear me perform once I found one…are you still interested?"

I blurt out, "Hell yes! I mean, I was supposed to find you one, so, uh…sorry I didn't find one for you earlier."

She shakes her head amusedly and simply says, "You can make it up to me later."

Bringing the instrument to her lips she takes a moment to compose herself-no pun intended-before beginning.

As soon as the first peaceful notes sound throughout the air I'm struck by an overwhelming sense of…familiarity. Where have I heard this before? It feels like a lifetime ago…

…A lifetime where Mom and Dad were showing us the parade in Agua Caliente, the crowd of foreigners and natives mixing and partaking in the revelry…and the flute…that damned flute, sounding so beautiful…and my sister, mi hermana, showing her little brother, her pequeña ardilla, around the town…

It's like the smallest of cracks in a dam began to form, as a small drip feed of memories leaks into my head, before the wall is sealed again. But now I know. I remember. I had a past beyond being some unknown strangers lab experiment, I had a family. I have no idea how I ended up in their clutches, and I might never find out…but it's enough. Enough to know that I once had something beyond being a soldier.

Something that I'll one day get to experience again.

I hear someone speaking to me in an increasingly worried tone of voice and with some reluctance I tear myself from my stupor and try to focus on what's being said. I'm treated to a strangely blurry image of Celica with what I'm assuming is a look of concern on her face.

"Cross, what's wrong? You suddenly just spaced out and started, well…crying."

I bring my hand up to my eyes and sure enough it comes away wet. The first tears I've ever shed on this planet. I'm such a mess of emotions and newly found memories that I'm not sure whether to break out into hysterical laughter or break down in a sobbing heap.

Unfortunately my slightly unstable mood makes itself known as I let loose a noise that's halfway between a bleat of amusement and strangled sob. Which of course then causes Celica to suddenly start stammering, "I-I'm sorry, was it something to do with the music?! I didn't know it meant so much to you I-"

I cut her off as I pull her into a fierce hug and let one last tear leak out before I whisper, "It meant everything to me. Thank you, just…thank you."

It's a few more minutes before I get ahold of myself and calm down. It's only once I take a shaky breath that I realize I'm squeezing Celica in what is almost certainly an uncomfortably strong grip. Hastily loosening my hold I murmur embarrassedly, "Sorry. I uh…kinda lost myself there."

She stretches her back and I hear the pop of several vertebrae and mentally kick myself, although she doesn't seem to particularly care as she asks, "What was that about? Are you sure you're all right? I've never seen you lose your composure to that extent."

I can only smile.

"I'm…better than before. Better than I've ever felt really. That song must have jogged a few memories."

I see a sudden look of excitement on her face and she quickly asks, "It did? What did you remember?"

So I tell her. Afterwards she seems to be in a state of shock as she processes this.

"If you actually have memories of life before your induction into that sick program…wouldn't that imply that we don't know everything about it? I was under the impression that you were, well, grown."

"So was I. And apparently so was everyone else. Then again Eleanora never said that she knew everything about the program, only what she was told. Heck, apparently she wasn't even told the name."

Celica hums quietly as she nestles her head into the crook of my neck as I absently stroke her hair. We're both quiet for awhile before she suddenly shakes her head and asks, "So are you going to tell anyone about this? They'd likely be interested in knowing."

I think about it for a second but then shrug.

"I dunno. This feels…private. Like something only I should know."

I feel a smirk manifest itself on my face.

"Well, only myself and you of course."

"You know how to make a girl feel special."

"I give credit where credit is due. And by the way, that music piece was incredible."

She gives me an odd look and just like that some invisible line is crossed and we both hungrily move in for a kiss.

And not just any kiss, a full on, tongue-on-tongue wrestling match to the death. Winner take all.

While exploring each other's tonsils is great fun and all, it's our hands that go on the true adventure. One of her arms savagely grabs the back of my head and mashes our faces together, while the other is currently exploring under my shirt, possessively tracing my chest and abdominals. Turnabout is fair play however, and my hands are doing some pilgriming of their own. One palm leapt to her small but fantastically firm breast, slowly massaging it through her dress and bra and even through the fabric I can feel a bullet hard nipple. My other extremity immediately seeks out her rear, remembering the delightful sensation I'd briefly felt earlier today.

It's just as good the second time around.

After maybe a few seconds of frantic making out and groping (or maybe it was a few minutes, it's not like I'm counting) our nostrils aren't providing enough air to fuel our…energetic…activities. Breaking apart with a grasp we gaze into each other's eyes and I see something primal and bestial appear in her beautifully azul orbs. I swear her pupils actually dilated a bit, and her breathing becomes less like panting and more like predatory wheezes. This slight change is accompanied by a very strong grip applied through her hands directly to my body, as well as an almost imperceptible licking of her lips.

I was already rock-hard before, but this little change graduates me from strongly erect, to drop-forged steel levels of excitement.

Practically purring I whisper, "Unless we both prefer to be known as exhibitionists, we should probably take this inside."

She get's right in my face and the raw feeling in her voice sends a shiver down my spine.

"Less talking, more walking."

Don't have to tell me twice. With what feels like exactly zero effort I go from sitting to standing with her legs wrapping around my waist. Quickly walking through the veranda door and kicking it shut behind me I casually throw her onto the bed and she kicks off her underwear. Not wasting anytime I immediately crouch and dive into her crotch, eliciting a surprised gasp of arousal and surprise.

Now while this is certainly my first time actually doing the whole sex thing, I may have, uh, researched this particular topic in some of my spare time. No partner of mine is gonna be stuck with a lousy boyfriend if I can help it. And let's be honest here. Hanging out with Frye, Yelv and Doug while they get plastered, you kinda just hear about certain things, whether you want to or not.

Regardless, if the throaty moans coming from Celica's throat are any indication, I'm doing something right. As a matter of fact her hips are twitching and bucking as she continues to be pleasured.

A smug grin plastering itself on my face I lock her lower region in my arms, my arms resting possessively over navel and hands gently caressing her vulva. Robbed of her ability to move her moans start to transform into throaty cries and gasps as I start to gently drag my tongue over her inner lips while my fingers gently massage and rub her clit.

Practically feeling her body quiver as she start to builds toward an orgasm I suddenly twist my tongue in a burst of speed and pull on the little bundle of nerves, eliciting a passionate cry from her as a small burst of liquid sprays onto my face. Slowly licking my lips as I release her I feel a predatory grin cross my face…which is immediately knocked away as she suddenly springs off of the bed and tackles me to the floor, a solicitous smile on her still red and panting face.

"My turn…"

Her voice is naught but a purr and hoo boy I don't think there's an elastic waistband out there that could fully contain me now.

Hastily chucking my undergarments aside she gently grabs my freed shaft and slowly, ever so slowly, sucks me into her mouth. I suppose it's not very manly of me that I let loose a few moans of my own but holy crap this feels amazing. I can see why Celica was so excited when I was going down on her.

Unfortunately being something of a cherry boy I feel an orgasm start to rise barely twenty seconds after the start of the blowjob. Feeling the burst of pressure in my loins I instinctively grab Celica's head and force her down on my cock, shoving my shaft as far down her throat as I can. Feeling the wave of pleasure spasm through my body I release my hold on her and she flicks her head up with a pop noise and licks her lips, much in the same manner as I did.

At this point Mr. Refractory Period would be making his unpleasant presence be known, necessitating a quick break in the lovemaking. Thankfully whoever designed these MIMs didn't see the point in adding such a ridiculous feature since MIMs can't conceive anyway. Thank you anonymous designer.

Thank you.

So instead of a few minutes, within a few seconds I'm flying at full mast once again. Seeing my arousal Celica gains that carnivorous expression again and quickly throws away her dress and bra, letting me drink in her amazing body as she straddles me. I know some guys prefer their girls to be lithe and tight, but not have too much in the way of muscle definition. And plenty of other dudes like a slightly more filled out woman.

Celica is none of that. She takes her duty as a BLADE very seriously, and has been training and working out constantly, even more so after joining my squad. As a result she's gained some very pronounced musculature, but it's not unseemly or distracting, at least not to me.

From the sculpted lines of her arms and abs, to the powerful yet still slim legs…I think the best description would be, 'unfairly erotic'. Letting my hands gently wander over her skin, slowly and sensually caressing it she shivers in delight before positioning herself over my shaft and gently guiding it right below her slit. Momentarily losing her animalistic attitude she almost shyly says, "Cross I'm…actually a virgin, so…"

I nod and reply, "Me too. Take your time and tell me what to do."

Giving a brief nod of thanks before her face and eyes slowly turn back to their primal state and she suddenly spears herself onto my length, eliciting a sharp gasp from her and a guttural noise from me at the sudden burst of bliss and heat that envelops my rod. After a second of simply marveling at the sheer sensitivity I feel right now I look at Celica and immediately feel a blast of self-loathing, especially as a few trails of warm crimson liquid drip down my length.

Here I am enjoying myself no problem while she's clearly in pain, way to be a considerate boyfriend jackass.

Slowly grasping her hands with my own I ask worriedly, "Are you all right?"

She slowly breathes out and then smiles, gently easing her body lower until her hips are resting on my groin.

"Much better now. Could I ask you to hold still for a minute? I'm…getting used to this."

"Whatever you need."

For the next minute she gently raises and lowers herself, occasionally twisting her hips around in a small circular motion, quietly moaning overtime she does so. For my part I manage to do as she asked and keep still, letting her do her thing. It's hard though, since every instinct I have is screaming to just tackle her to the ground and pound away, consequences be damned. Which would be a rather un-gentlemanly thing to do, so I tell my instincts to take a hike and just enjoy the experience.

Suddenly stopping her movements she glances at me and a hungry smile appears on her face. Slowly leaning forward she whispers provocatively into my ear, "You've been a good boy, now go wild."

I never would have pegged self-sacrificing, humble and personable Celica to be a bit of a wild thing in the bedroom…but hey, I'm sure as Hell not complaining.

Not needing any more motivation I start thrusting in time with her, our hands still connected as we both move in an intimate dance. There's something extremely primordial and intoxicating about sex. The simple awareness of your body being connected to your partner's in such an intimate way, the indescribable heat and thrill that these movements produce…and that's just the physical aspect of it.

Me and Celica, as I've put it before, are strangers in a strange land. Perhaps not in the sense most people would attribute to the word 'stranger', but it fits nonetheless. And while our loneliness may stem from different causes, the simple fact is that we can understand each other's isolation, we can empathize with it. While our lovemaking is certainly a fantastic physical comfort, far more importantly it's just one more way we can show the other that they're not as isolated as they think they are.

That they're no longer alone.

Which is why there's no dramatic exclamation of each other's names once we climax together, just a fierce kiss as we both shudder in the throes of our orgasm. Pulling away as we both heavily pant, I feel myself slowly fill up her insides as I grow back to full size, and am very pleased when she shoots me a challenging look and says, "Bet I can outlast you tonight."

Growling in my throat I suddenly sit up and knock her onto her back, using one of my arms to pin both of hers above her while the other starts gently teasing her nipple, while positioning my length right in front of her dripping lips. I lean in and gently whisper into her ear, "That sounds suspiciously like a bet."

Not giving her a chance to reply I suddenly bite down on the appendage and push into her walls, eliciting a cry of pleasure.

Thus ensured our first night of fervent ecstasy, although I'm quite happy to report that it won't be the last.

Some indeterminate length of time later, of which I only have vague memories, we both admitted to a draw. The only concrete memory I have is that after the ninth time we fell asleep in each other's arms.

I didn't have a single nightmare.

Waking up the next morning was a unique experience. Normally once I'm awake, I'm awake. Right now though? Both my body and my mind feel only slightly more sluggish than a snail covered in peanut butter, and there's something so unfathomably warm and comfortable draped over me right now…I think I'll just go back to sleep…not to mention there's a lavender and vanilla scent in the room that's making my already limited reasons to wake up walk off in…

…oh right. Last night.

Prying open my eyelids and taking a deep breath I see a most welcoming sight curled up on my chest. Celica's steady breathing suddenly shifts as she also begins to wake up and her eyes slowly crack open. Yawning she stretches her upper body like a cat and I'm treated to an eyeful of fantastic stomach and boobs.

Probably gonna need a cold shower after this.

"Good morning beautiful."

"And good morning to you handsome."

She smiles and moves to roll over but suddenly winces and her hand shoots towards her lower half. I immediately feel myself go red in the face and awkwardly say, "Sorry, I might have gone a bit overboard. I won't do anything that uh, intense in the future."

She snorts and merely replies, "Soreness means a muscle is merely going to grow back stronger."

She then leans forward and playfully whispers in my ear, "You'll help me train said muscle, right?"

Oh yah, definitely gonna need that cold shower.

Thankfully about half an hour later the two of us are properly dressed downstairs while I throw together a quick breakfast of omelets and Blatta juice (Which doesn't taste anywhere near as disgusting as it sounds) while Celica tabs through the days events.

"MMA cross species competition? Sounds like something you'll have to keep an eye on Cross."

I flip the eggs over with a spatula and sigh as I do so.

"Why I volunteered to patrol during that event I'll never know. Some days I wonder if Mia was right and I do have a bit of a masochistic bone in me."

I hear her snickering and amusedly say, "Well you did seem to enjoy some of my more…aggressive actions last night. Pervert."

I playfully scowl and growl back, "Well when you're being chewed on by some sharp-toothed predator that has you at it's mercy, you take what you can get."

"The look on your face suggested otherwise."

I sigh and realize I'm not going to win this particular argument. During one of the later 'rounds' she had suddenly bit my neck and shoulder before raking her fingernails across my back as she went into a blazing orgasm. The sudden pain had surprised me, but instead of being a turn off I had actually, well, got a little overly excited myself before orgasming.

Yah…pretty sure I'm into the harsh a little. And ain't that a fun thing to learn about yourself?

"Ok ok you win. Here's your breakfast miss Psycho-analyst."

"Much appreciated."

She sends me such a sweet smile that I feel my exasperation dry up and disappear. Uh oh. I hope she doesn't use that too often, or I won't be able to say no to anything.

"So what's your plan for today while I'm off babysitting the city?"

"Mia, Hope and I were going to visit some of the boutiques and confectionaries that are just opening up under Xeno ownership. For most of them it's their grand opening and they want to make quite the impression."

"Lucky. Wish I could do that. Ah well whatever. Enjoy your time with those two, Lord knows you of all people earned it."

Finishing up the food she cleans off the plate and gives me a drawn out kiss before winking and saying with a sultry tone of voice, "See you later big guy."

I think there's a lot of truth about it being the nice, quiet ones you have to watch out for.

"Holy Hell man, did you get mauled by a Caro or something?!"

"Morning Frye. And in a manner of speaking yes, I did get attacked by something very animalistic."

The two of us are in the temporary armory right now getting changed into our security gear, and I guess he caught a glimpse of my bare back as I was getting my armor prepped.

"What was there an animal circus or something you were a part of-"

His eyes widen as he sees the hickeys on my neck and shoulder and a massive grin spreads across his face.

"Oh I see. So Celica's a bit of a wild thing in bed, is that it?"

"She's certainly enthusiastic. I guess you were right in saying the quiet ones are the kinky ones."

"Damn right I'm right! I spent more than a decade having all sorts of wild relationships. Trust me when I say I know a thing or two."

I snort and reply, "Well if I ever need advice on one-night stands I'll come to you first Frye."

He scowls and goes back to his equipment, checking everything with his usual thoroughness. We continue with setting up our gear in companionable silence until he quietly asks, "I heard about your mandatory stand-down order from Doug and why it was given. How you holding up Kid?"

Frye is only serious once in a blue moon so I try to answer in an equally serious manner.

"At first I didn't handle it very well, I felt like I was being kicked aside because I had failed, that I wasn't good enough to keep being on the front lines. Stupid, I know. But now? I dunno…I feel like I gained some perspective on my life, that maybe there's something more I have to offer beyond just being a top BLADE. Which reminds me, I'll have to thank Miss Curtison one of these days."

Frye smiles as we finish putting on our gear and gently says, "I'm glad to hear that Kid, I had some buddies back on Earth who never really got over some of the stuff they had to do and ended up committing some pretty bad crimes, both to themselves and occasionally other people. When I heard about your past and all that…well I was extra worried, suffice to say. Guess I shouldn't have bothered though eh?"

I finally smile before slipping on my helmet and reply, "Well I haven't gone all Mr. Kurtz yet. Probably because I had such knowledgeable people like yourself to keep me on an even keel."

"Aw now your just brown nosing."

"We can play, 'guess what Frye had for breakfast'."

"Gross."

He grins before clasping my shoulder pauldron…then shoots a scowl up at me, since the armor gives me a little bit extra height.

"Has anyone ever told you just how damn intimidating that suit is?"

"It friggin better be, I spent a lot of money on this."

And in what seems like an eye blink U-Day passes by in a storm of revelry and excitement, while I only had to get physical once, oddly enough with two Ma-non.

Alcohol and arguments over Pizza toppings don't mix well with the little guys, to the surprise of absolutely no one.

Regardless the celebration itself was a resounding success, even if the cleanup took like four days. Not that the Zaruboggan were complaining much. They probably had more fun during the cleanup than they did during the party, what with all the trash lying everywhere.

After during the entire process I never once had interrupted sleep. Either my nightmares are gone or I've finally gotten used to them and just don't notice anymore. Not that I care either way. It's the results that matter.

After that it's a little more than two weeks before I can get back to active duty missions. While I'm happy that I'm not stuck on the sidelines anymore, it's also mixed in with some slight anxiety and melancholy, almost as if I'm sad that my 'vacation' is coming to a close.

I guess that means I'm becoming more like a mentally sound person. Well, mostly mentally sound.

Of course, it was then that the NLA leadership decided to drop a bombshell on me that vastlychanged all of Humanity's objectives on Mira, and gave rise to some very uncomfortable questions about the nature of the planet we now call home.

"Ah, good to see you again Cross. How have you been as of late?"

"Doing just fine Director-General. I never knew vacation would be treating me so well."

"Yes well, Miss Curtison made it rather clear to us that we should…consider such a course of action."

"Say no more, she terrifies me as well."

Glancing around the room I see that the big four are in attendance, but surprisingly H.B. and Elma are also present. Must be something reallybig and really secret they need done.

"So I take it this isn't just a social call?"

Nagi shakes his head and steadily replies, "Unfortunately not, in fact what we're about to tell you must never leave this room without our express permission to speak of it. Is that clear?"

"Yes sir."

"Very well then. You're familiar with the current state of the Lifehold correct?"

"Yah, the repairs were put on hold while we had to deal with the Ganglion, but they should be done in a couple weeks or a month at most right?…That's not what's really happening, is it?"

Nagi sighs and says, "Indeed not. Elma?"

"A few days after the Lifehold battle me and a few other Reclaimers finally opened up a path to the consciousness banks to check on their functionality."

She inhales a shaky breath and looks more serious and confused than I've ever seen her before.

"All of the banks and backups were utterly destroyed, the entire chamber was flooded and not a single piece of equipment was functional."

I'm struck dumb for a second before sputtering, "Whoah whoah whoah, hold up a second! You said they were destroyed? How the Hell are we even up and moving like nothing's wrong then?!"

"If we knew, we'd be working on a solution. As it is, we're utterly stumped as of now. We have no leads or even clues to follow up on. For all we know this may as well be magic."

I scowl something fierce as the sudden gravity of this situation hits home. If the banks are destroyed, that means all two million people in there (not that I'll shed too many tears over a bunch of strangers I probably wouldn't even have liked) are effectively dead. More importantly, all the BLADEs and civilians living in NLA that have died during our colonization of Mira aren't just waiting for us to come and pull them out of the Lifehold, they're gone and aren't coming back. Lao, Milly, Wolf, Walter…they're dead and I never gave them a proper sendoff.

Sitting back as the enormity of this almost overwhelms me I take a deep breath and run through one of my calming exercises. No point in losing my shit until I'm absolutely certain it's time to panic.

Getting my act together I glance at everyone else in the room and ask, "Well my first question is, why exactly are you telling me of all people? Wouldn't it make more sense to get someone actually knowledgeable about this subject on board?"

Vandham speaks up and growls out, "Who exactly would be knowledgeable about this that we can actually trust? And we're gonna have to break this to the whole city sooner rather than later, at which point we're probably gonna be facing a full blown panic. The more people we can rely on to keep their cool once this breaks just makes our job easier."

I shake my head, not completely satisfied with that line of reasoning.

"If it's just people you need to keep a secret for awhile and keep their heads straight once shit hits the fan, I can think of a dozen names off the top of my head. Professor B and Veven come to mind, heck they'd probably thank you for letting them study something like this. Then we have Sun'Barac, getting the president of the Xeno factions on our side will make all our lives easier. As for the military side we already have Elma, but why not Doug, Bozé and Corwin? They're both popular among other BLADEs and the civilians. And while I don't like forcing Hope to keep a secret, she and Ackwar are pretty well known Mediators, having them forewarned should help keep a lot of scared people from flying off the handle too badly. Heck, I should have been last on your list!"

No sooner do I finish when I notice several amused looks around the room. Narrowing my eyes I say, "I've just been played, haven't I?"

H.B. offers a rare grin and says, "Indeed you have. Think Cross. You gave us plenty of reasons why there were others that might be more helpful than yourself. But we picked you first anyway. Care to guess why?"

"I don't actually."

He sighs.

"Remember when you ran into me near the Outfitters Hangar, and we talked at length about how you came to be who you are today?"

"Vaguely."

"Well I remember quite well. I remember you attributing most of your personal qualities due to Miss Elma's tutelage and instruction. While I mean no offense to her personally, I disagreed and insisted that much of your leadership and people skills were due to your own hard work and personality. Which is why I personally recommended you to everyone else here, you provide a very valuable insight into who we can and cannot trust with this. If anyone can inspire loyalty amongst people, then it's you."

I'm struck dumb by H.B.'s totally uncharacteristic positivity, and have to spend a few seconds unscrambling my brain.

"Uh…wow, then. Thanks H.B., I don't really have anything else to add."

He has a smug look on his face and replies, "I figured you wouldn't."

Eleanora clears her throat suddenly with a slightly bemused look on her face.

"While very heart-warming, can we move on to the more practical aspects of this meeting?"

I raise an eyebrow.

"Practical?"

"Yes, while we have no idea what is actually occurring with the Lifehold and our consciousness, we have been trying to come up with theories that might spark off a course of action. We're interested in hearing any idea you might have before we tell you our own."

I look down and spend a few minutes in thought, considering the limited information I have and trying to think of a plausible explanation. Sighing I eventually speak up and tiredly say, "Ok, I see two potential answers here. One is very, very bad for us and the other is bizarre and opens up about fifty different cans full of worms, but at least has a silver lining to it. Which one do you want to hear first?"

"Let's hear the bad theory first." H.B. says with a wry grin.

"Ok my first guess is that even though the system holding our minds is destroyed yet we're still functioning, the soul, consciousness, personality or whatever you want to call it must have somehow been transferred to our individual MIMs. This sucks for three big reasons. First, that means that anytime a MIM is destroyed or damaged beyond repair, that person is effectively dead permanently. Second, since MIMs can't reproduce, we effectively have a finite supply of Humans that won't grow any larger. Third, since all of the consciousnesses we thought would be safe in the Lifehold are now gone for good, any new bodies we grow in the Lifehold will essentially be newborns in older bodies, and have to be cared for just like any normal baby. All that talent and knowledge is dust in the wind."

I sit back and Nagi grimly nods.

"Most of us also came to a similar conclusion, although I am curious as to what your second idea is."

"It's a crazy one, so bear with me on it. First off, has anyone ever wondered why all of us, Human and Xeno alike, can understand each other so perfectly? I mean it's convenient and all, but once I start to wonder why, I can't help but feel we're in over our heads. Then there's the whole deal with the Ma-non ship crashing on Mira in the first place. You've seen their tech, whatever caused them to lose control must have been a real piece of work. And I've talked to a few of them about the exact details of the crash, along with a few Humans when we crash landed as well. During each planetfall all the systems on the ship went berserk, and everyone felt a strange 'wave' sensation pass through their bodies. You guys were under attack by the Ghosts at the time, so no one really paid it much mind, but the Ma-non though it was strange."

I pause for a moment to catch my breath and then continue.

"We assumed that odd feeling was because of entering the phenomenon space right? Well…what if instead of that sensation being said space, it was some form of technology taking a scan of a living being, and recording it's consciousness?"

There's dead silence after I finish that line of thought for a few seconds. Then a couple more seconds after that. Vandham shakes his head and stammers, "Wait a minute kid, if that's true-"

"Then that means every single being that's died on Mira might very well still be 'alive'. This is the only other explanation I have, aside from magic unicorn farts, that sort of explains why we can understand each other. Somewhere on Mira, or maybe it's moons, there's some kind of shared consciousness system that provides real-time translation from one mind to another, while our physical bodies, artificial or not, carry out the conversation."

I rub my eyes as I feel the sudden onset of fatigue.

"But if i'm right, this is where the real paradigm shift starts rearing it's multi-faceted head. While it makes sense for our MIM's to be able to receive this consciousness, since that's what they were designed to do, how come our fully biological Xeno allies can do the same? That speaks to an extremely high level of tech, and we should check with B and see if he's ever run across something like that before. Then we arrive at the lovely question of why our minds are being recorded like this in the first place. Add in the phenomenon space and you have to wonder if Mira was meant as some sort of prison, or perhaps a sanctuary? A prison for what or a sanctuary from what?"

No one else looks all that happy at my musings. Well for that matter I'm not particularly enthused myself.

"The more immediate concern aside from all those big picture questions is this. Do the Ganglion know? If this theory is correct, then they might eventually find this theoretical consciousness repository and use it for their own ends. Which almost certainly won't bode well for us."

I give a wry grin and finish with, "IF I'm right."

We're all silent for a moment until Chausson sighs and says, "You weren't joking about opening quite the number of canned worms Cross."

"Tell me about it. I don't like my theory very much, even though I'm the one that came up with it."

Vandham frowns and growls out, "I dunno, while it certainly raises a butt-load of questions we're gonna have to solve eventually, at least it means there's a chance all of our people might still be alive out there. I say we keep an open mind about this little idea."

Everyone nods and I ask, "So what's everyone else's ideas?"

They all share a glance and H.B. shrugs.

"We'll just go with yours."

I squint my eyes and dryly say, "You were all just waiting for me to come up with something, weren't you?"

A room full of amused looks is my only answer and Vandham smirks.

"Welcome to our first meeting kid."

Hook line and sinker.

Yet another two weeks go by and it's time for my initiation back into the folds of active duty BLADEs. We'd gone ahead and let all of my suggested people in on the current status of the Lifehold, to a variety of reactions ranging from shocked to depressed. Thankfully we're all on the same page now, so hopefully in a few weeks time when we have to face the music the city won't fly to pieces.

Hopefully.

Never mind that though, I'm finally back with my team!

"Was actually quite nice to have you off of team for awhile. Very relaxing and no crazy missions."

"Aw I missed you too Julun…Bitch."

I gently mutter that last part under my breath, although the amused look she gives me says that she heard it anyway.

"So what's gonna be our big reunion mission Chief? Take down a Tyrant? Wipe out a Ganglion outpost?"

"Something far more dangerous. We're going to scout out some of the islands west of Noctilum and see what we find. New Indigens, useful resources, all those Prospector and Curator shenanigans."

"Ugh what a buzzkill Chief."

Vi sadly shakes his head.

"I see too much time off the battlefield has made you soft Cross. And I had such high expectations…"

"I can't believe I was looking forward to working with you ingrates!"

Celica is trying and failing to hold in her laughter as she see's my purposefully lukewarm reception, as well as my obviously over the top indignation. It's like a well rehearsed play.

I sigh in mock despair and say, "Alright jerkwads armor up, we've got a schedule to keep and I want my first mission back to be a resounding success. Make me proud."

Dropping the disrespect for a minute they all happily nod and run off towards their machines. Celica stays for an extra second and smiles at me, saying, "They must have really missed you. Normally they would have been nicer."

"It's a weird dynamic this dysfunctional little squad of ours has."

Giving me a quick kiss on the lips she brightly quips, "I wouldn't have it any other way. See you in the sky."

"I'll be right behind you."

As she heads off to her own Skell I eagerly hop into my Lailah's crash seat and buckle in, powering her up and sighing in contentment as her reactor powers up.

I've been gone far too long. While I'll admit that it was pretty damn important, if not downright necessary, for me to get away from the front lines for awhile…I still feel like this is where I can do the most good for now. Not the only good, just the most. Maybe one day that'll change…maybe it won't. Until then I'll stick to what I know best.

Smiling in probably the most relaxed contentment I've ever felt before a mission I hit the thrusters and take off, quickly falling into formation with the rest of my squad as we fly off in the direction of the slowly rising sun, leaving the city behind. It's still early in the morning after all.

"How about some music to set the mood team? I've had two months to create a killer playlist, so brace yourselves."

I key the music player on my console and hear the opening tunes of U2's Beautiful Day begin to play.

"Man Chief, another relic of the olden days?"

"Quiet neophyte, you've clearly shown yourself to be unappreciative of the arts. Let the chorus play…"

The edge of the horizon suddenly blazes into a golden-white hue as the music perfectly swells with, "It's a beautiful day! Sky falls, you feel like it's a beautiful day, don't let it get away!"

I grin and lean back in the seat. Looks to be a busy, if not beautiful, day.

Interim, End

POST-SCRIPT(and other stuff)

Hoo boy, I can't believe I finally went ahead and actually finished a story I had started writing. Are the stars and planets aligned or something? Actually this story isn't completely complete, there's still two small side bits I'll add at a later date, as well as an epilogue chapter of sorts (it's post game content after all). But the main thrust of Interim's story is done.

Hmm…if I'm gonna wax poetic about how this whole (not so) epic saga of how I came to write this story, I might have to explain a little background detail.

If you're not interested (and you have every right not to be, I ain't gonna judge) then just know that I think you're awesome for actually reading this clusterfuck of an amateur story (152, 870 words? Editors everywhere are crying themselves to sleep. Thank Christ this isn't a professional novel), and many thanks to you!

For the people who care or just have time on their hands, when I say this is the first story I've written to completion, that's no exaggeration. I write for fun, not money or public recognition (public recognition is nice though. Praise me!)

When I was in Elementary School I was a big reader, and by the time I was in Middle School I was reading some pretty heavy science fiction and fantasy books like Lord of the Rings or Starship Troopers. While many of the ideas presented in those books went way over my head (I had bigger things to worry about, such as puberty and the fact that girls were simultaneously becoming both beautiful and terrifying), I'd like to think that these seemingly impenetrable novels laid the foundation for my love of both writing and fiction.

By the time High School rolled around I was busy with both Choir, swimming, tests, trying to get laid, part-time work, tests and trying to get laid, so I largely stopped reading and haven't touched a book since.

Pfft, yah right. The arrival of the Kindle E-reader made it so that in between all my other activities I could plop down and read for a few minutes no problem. Also having access to a massive, cheap collection of books only fueled my growing interest in all things writing.

By my senior year of High School I decided I wanted to try and actually write a story of my own. Sitting down one day I just started to write with complete and utter abandon. And perhaps a week later I came to a realization. While I love the process of creating my stories, I often lack the motivation or drive to complete them.

My process of writing a story often begins with an idea. Something I find fascinating and want to expound upon. The next step is creating the 'rules' of the story. What can or cannot be done? What technology or powers exist? What is the social structure of this universe?

After that comes the broad story outline, basically the timeline and key events. These I rarely, if ever, change since it screws with the whole overall process.

Next comes the smaller story details within the main events. These are far more fluid and I often switch them around as necessary, edit them or sometimes just abandon them entirely. Once all that is completed I actually get to the writing.

And here is where I usually run out of steam. I have something like four or five other stories with anywhere from 30,000-50,000 words that I just stopped working on one day. Not necessarily because I got bored of them, but simply because I felt I had done what I wanted and it was time to move on.

Xenoblade X: Interim was new ground for me since I told myself even though it was for fun, I really should try to finish at least one story. Of course that's not how it worked, at least not initially. I wrote all the way up to ch. 4 and then got burnt out, and abandoned it for awhile. Then on a whim I decided to post the first chapter to this website just to see if anyone gave a crap. To my complete and utter surprise, it started picking up a few dozen views (about a few dozen more than I thought it would), and I even got notified that some readers wanted to follow the story as it was updated.

Color me surprised. It was this, a few random strangers on the internet interested in my work that convinced me to get off my lazy ass and finish this.

Hey, if so many people apparently want to read my drivel, I suppose I might as well oblige them. And so here we are.

Wait, how did this tirade even start? Lemme scroll back up here…right! Finishing this story!

…umm. So I did it. Go me. Yay.

Friggin awkward text jokes aside, seriously, everyone who forced themselves this far, thank you. You the bomb.

And obvious thanks to Monolithsoft for making a game that is just as much a celebration of how different cultures can come together as it is a grind for reward tickets. (Assuming any Monolith employee actually ended up here is wishful thinking at best, but hey. A guy can dream).

And it anyone reading this actually feels like attempting to write their own book, novel, short story or whatever…well I'm not going to offer you my advice, because I don't want your future career to crash and burn before it even gets off of the ground. So let me leave you with a quote from a very smart man, and a very talented writer who's given me more than a little inspiration.

"Don't write the book you want to write. Write the book you wish someone else would write."

-Matthew Stover

Extra post script: While I'm currently stepping away from my Xenoblade story to start a Campione! work that I've been frothing at the mouth to begin, I'll still be working on those three finishing chapters simultaneously. That said, I have a few ideas bouncing around my skull on how to wrap up Interim with a sequel. After all, that's the point of an Interim. Let me know if any of you are even passively interested in me doing so and I'll jot down some key points so I don't forget them in the future when I get around to it.

As always, you guys rock!